Cock-Blocked

Happy hump day, crime victims. You ready to get your hardboiled/pulp groove going ... because its time for another daily dose of noir, shot right between your legs. Better watch your step, because the bodies are piling up, the clocke is running out, and it's no time to be squeamish ...

Screened a nice little flick last night ... Johnny Depp in NICK OF TIME, directed by John Badham. A box office bomb, and JD's first attempt at a mainstream role. Tight little crime flick that takes place in real time ... seems that Chris Walken and his evil chick friend have kidnapped Johnny's daughter ... and they force him to assassinate someone. A real nail-biter. Quite the sleeper. Very suspensful. A shame this one died on the vine, cause it's just great.

Onto today's nail-biter from WILSHIRE BOULEVARD. Homicide Dicks Bernie Keko and Aya Meir are ... quite literally ... hot on private eye/murder suspect Carrie Love's trail ...


EXT. THE HORSE HEAD - NIGHT
Carrie walks out the front door. Lights a smoke.

CARRIE (V.O.)
I was cocked-blocked by a skirt.
First time for everything. It was just as well --
I mean, I was just going through the motions.
Sex with a stripper is like having desert for dinner.
Tastes great, less filling --
but you’re hungry again a couple hours later.
And besides, I have a damsel in distress to attend to.
(beat)
And right now, she’s about all I have left.

BERNIE (O.C.)
It’s right down here.
A real dive, one of her favorite places --

CARRIE
(hears him)
Shit.

She pulls down her hat.
Walks quickly in the opposite direction.
DUCKS into a TATTOO PARLOR.

BERNIE AND AYA
appear in front of the bar.

AYA
Disgusting. I can smell it from out here.

BERNIE
(fondly)
I know --

INT. TATTOO PARLOR - AT THAT MOMENT
Carrie walks up to the counter.

Behind it, a HUGE, TATTOOED BRUTE
looks her up and down. Wipes his mouth. Leers.

TATTOOED BRUTE
Hey, mamma -- how 'bout a little ink?

Carrie pulls out her GUN.
Waves it in his face.

CARRIE
I’m lookin’ for the back entrance, DOG.

TATTOOED BRUTE
You sure? I gotta fresh needle --

She marches past him toward a curtained-off doorway.

INT. THE HORSE HEAD - AT THAT MOMENT
Bernie and Aya approach the bar.
Case the joint. Take seats.

Scary bartender ambles over.
Clocks them immediately.

SCARY BARTENDER
What can I do for you, officers?

BERNIE
(pulls out a photograph)
Have you seen this woman?

SCARY BARTENDER
(looks at it)
Can’t say I have.

AYA
You sure?

SCARY BARTENDER
I’d sure as hell remember HER.

Bernie frowns.
Puts the picture down.
Checks his watch.

BERNIE
Hey. It’s six. I’m starving.

AYA
It’s that late already?

BERNIE
(to Scary)
You still have those -- horse burgers?

AYA
HORSE burgers?

SCARY BARTENDER
(wistful)
We usedta. Gotta new owner.
Now just have beef.

BERNIE
I’ll take a bacon cheeseburger, bloody-rare,
with the works.
(to Aya)
You -- hungry?

AYA
Starving.
(to Scary)
Can I get a veggie burger?

SCARY BARTENDER
Sorry. No veggie.

AYA
I’ll just have some fries, thanks.

Scary nods. Goes off to fix the grub.

CURVY (O.C.)
Hey. I saw this girl. She was just in here.

CURVY
stands next to Bernie.
Picks up the photo. Squints.

CURVY (CONT’D)
Her hair is different, got this dykey
Jodie Foster thing now, but that’s her.

BERNIE
Holy shit. How long ago was she here?

CURVY
She just left.

AYA
Which way did she go?

CURVY
Hell if I know --

They LEAP off their stools. RACE toward the door.

SCARY
appears from the back with the food.

SCARY BARTENDER
Hey! Where ya GOIN’?