Cat Fight

Welcome back to the scene of the crime, hipsters. Gotta big, fresh, steaming slab of hardboiled pulp on the grill. So pull up a stool and place your order. Got deceit, murder and blood lust, fresh on tap. You want fries with that?

Screened a great flick last night -- Michael Mann's THIEF, starring Jimmy Caan and the ever-yummy Tuesday Weld. It was made in 1981, and still looks great. Awesome score by Tangerine Dream. It could have been just a typical heist flick, but not in the hands of Mann. Has a nice love story, too -- the scene with Jimmy and Wednesday in the diner is a classic. Brought a tear to this gal's hardboiled eyes. Great supporting cast with James Belushi (?) and Robert Prosky of Hill Street Blues fame. If you've never seen this great film, you're in for a treat. Check out the trailer on YouTube, then rent the sucker.

Onto today's joint from WILSHIRE BOULEVARD. Things get a little sleazy when Roland Yavo's transgendered daughter Nikki goes home -- and is confronted by her bitch of a mother. Things get pretty ugly ... and I'm talking about Nikki ...


EXT. LAGUNA BEACH - COAST - NIGHT
A row of LUX MANSIONS at the top of the cliffs overlooking the ocean.
The exclusive, expensive seats.

EXT./INT. - NIKKI’S JAGUAR - MOVING - AT THAT MOMENT
The swingin’, Farfisa-loungey sounds of
Nicola Conte’s BOSSA PER DUE rock the car stereo,
while --Nikki’s wheels ROAR down the coastal drive.

NIKKI
(on her cell)
Just put it on my tab.
(beat)
You think you’re the only dealer in Laguna?
(beat)
Think of all the business I’ve brought you --
(beat)
Trade? I wouldn’t stoop to --
(beat)
THAT much?
(beat)
The Boom-Boom Room. At midnight.

She hangs up with disgust. Looks at Madea.

NIKKI (CONT’D)
Oh, Madea --
the things a gal has to do for recreational drugs --

INT. YAVO ESTATE - KITCHEN - AT THAT MOMENT
Anne Margaret’s LET ME ENTERTAIN YOU over --
A huge, gleaming expanse of restaurant-quality culinary perfection.
All chrome, tile and glass.

GLORIA YAVO (40’s) is perched on a stool.
Gimlet-eyed. Once a beauty, now watered down.
Unlike her cocktail. Clothing, hair, makeup, perfect.
If only someone was home.

She CLACK-CLACKS on a laptop computer.
Puffs on a cigarette.

GLORIA
It’s mine, Goddammit.

ON THE SCREEN
we see an Ebay auction.
Letters read YOU’VE BEEN OUTBID.

GLORIA
furiously PUNCHES in a number.

GLORIA (CONT’D)
Five hundred DOLLARS.
You happy now?

NIKKI
walks in, carrying Madea
in her purse over her shoulder.

NIKKI
Hello, Mother.

GLORIA
(looks up)
Nicholas. WHY are you DRESSED like that?
You look RIDICULOUS.
And where’d you get that DOG.
It looks like a RAT.

NIKKI
This in my little baby, Madea.
How DARE YOU call her a rat.
she’s my precious.
(STOMPS her foot)
And I TOLD you, my name is NIKKI.
And I’m beautiful.

GLORIA
(eyes on the monitor)
Not in my house, you aren’t.

NIKKI
I’m going upstairs and get some of my things.
I’m moving out.

GLORIA
Bullshit. Your father just called.
You’ve been kicked out.
I’m not supposed to let you in.

Nikki goes to the counter,
rummages through Gloria’s purse.

NIKKI
Don’t worry, I’m not going to stay.

GLORIA
You better hurry. He’s on his way home --
and if he finds you here, dressed like that --

NIKKI
(finds cash, counts it)
What? He’ll HIT me?

GLORIA
(looks up)
What THE FUCK do you think you’re doing?
Put THAT BACK.

NIKKI
Shut the fuck up, you old hag.
Have another drink. On me.
(squints)
That’s quite a shiner.
I’d put a little more concealer on that.
Wouldn’t want the neighbors to find out.

GLORIA
Wait a minute, that’s MY dress.
Take it off, RIGHT NOW -- you, you -- FREAK.

Nikki goes to the doorway into the living room.

NIKKI
Like it would still fit you.

Gloria HURLS her glass at Nikki.
It hits the wall -- CRASH.

GLORIA
Fucking FAGGOT!

NIKKI
(smiles)
Now look what you did.
That was a perfectly good cocktail.

Gloria LEAPS off her stool.
RACES over to Nikki.
Starts BEATING her with her fists.
Nikki GRABS her wrists.

NIKKI (CONT'D)
Back off. Before I do something I regret.

GLORIA
I HAVE no son.
You are DEAD to me.

Nikki PUSHES her.
Gloria LURCHES back.
TRIPS on the rug.
HITS the floor with a CRACK.

GLORIA (CONT’D)
You can’t DO that!
I’m YOUR MOTHER.

Nikki goes to the staircase.
Stops. Turns.

NIKKI
Watch me.