Not The Sharpest Knife In The Drawer

TGIF, crime slicksters. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where the girls are hot, the drinks are cold, and the hardboiled-pulp-noir action is non-stop, right here, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 10 of RIDGEWAY, Cate and Kayla have lunch with Kayla's sister Halene and her husband Londell, a local cop, who, after learning about Cate's screenwriting career and her 'Dixie Mafia' drama pilot, suggests she meet with local hoodlum Big Boy -- but the meal takes an unusual turn when they meet Les, Halene and Londel's transgender son.


EXT. KIRVIN HOUSE - DAY
A multi-colored Victorian house on a bluff.
Narrow in front, long in back,
with a basement level down the hill.

The by now ubiquitous red pick up truck
comes flying by, pulling a rickety trailer
filled with rusted appliances.

EXT. KIRVIN HOUSE - REAR DECK - CONTINUOUS
Spacious, with a killer view
of the leafy canyon below.

Kayla and Cate sit a big,
crude wood table with a
MAN (40) and a WOMAN (38)
eating a hearty lunch and drinking beers.

WOMAN
(to Cate)
Kayla kept telling me
how gorgeous it was here,
so I came to visit,
fell in love with the place,
and didn’t want to go back.

Meet HALENE KIRVIN, Kayla’s sister.
Dark-haired, pretty.

Jeans and T-shirt try but
fail to hide her lushness.

Intense eyes flicker brightly.
The very definition of ‘a handful.’

HALENE
And then I met Londell --

LONDELL
And the rest is history.
(looks at Halene)
Or should I say herstory.

Meet LONDELL KIRVIN.
Football captain good looks going to seed,
with a bit of a paunch and a receding hairline.

One of Echo’s finest, but not
the sharpest knife in the drawer.

CATE
Kayla tells me you’re a --
children’s art therapist?

HALENE
That’s right.

CATE
That must be very rewarding.

HALENE
Oh, it is. I’m truly blessed.
Working with children is a gift --
(brightly)
But enough about me. I mean, gosh --
it’s not every day one gets to meet
a real-life Hollywood scriptwriter.

CATE
Don’t be too impressed.
I’m not very successful.

KAYLA
Now don’t go all modest on us.
(to Halene)
She’s got a series in development
at one of the cable networks.

LONDELL
Really. What’s it about?

CATE
A female private eye.

KAYLA
Cate writes these really dark,
fucked-up crime stories.
Her next one’s gonna take place here.

HALENE
Here? In Echo?

LONDELL
A TV show?
(smiles)
Need someone to play a cop?

KAYLA
Gotta do some research first.
Just got here.

LONDELL
Well, hell.
You gotta have Big Boy in it.

CATE
Big Boy?

LONDELL
That’s his nickname.
Real name’s Zane Burkette.
Rumor has it he’s in the Dixie Mafia.

CATE
The Dixie Mafia?

LONDELL
Some people call ‘em the Redneck Mafia.
Used to be small-time -- sellin’ weed,
moonshine, running whores -- but lately
they’ve been flooding the town with heroin.

CATE
Heroin? Here?

LONDELL
Government cracked down on pills.
Now you got all these people addicted to opiates,
and now they need something else.

CATE
But this is such a small town.

LONDELL
That’s how they operate.
Set up shop in a backwater
where the cops are a joke --
except the joke’s on them,
cause we’re gonna kick their ass.
(nods)
Gotta new sheriff,
set up an organized crime task force,
put me in charge of it.

CATE
Would it be --
safe for me to talk to Big Boy?

LONDELL
Oh, yeah.
He’s got a legit front in real estate.
Also owns a motel on the highway.
And he runs the bluegrass festival.

CATE
Why haven’t you been able
to pin anything on him?

LONDELL
Know the slogan for Kessler’s whiskey?

CATE
No. What is it?

LONDELL
‘Smooth as silk.’

LES (15), their daughter appears in the doorway.
Tomboy deluxe in baggy jeans, baggier T-shirt
and no makeup, but what really seals the deal
is the buzz cut.

LES
Goin’ over to Lance’s.

HALENE
Okay. Have fun.

LONDELL
Leslie. Don’t be rude.
Say hello to Kayla’s friend Cate.

HALENE
Londell --

LONDELL
Sorry, Les.

CATE
Nice to meet you.

LES
Yes, Ma’am.

HALENE
Run along now. Scoot.

Les nods curtly. Dashes inside.

KAYLA
What the hell happened to her hair?

LONDELL
Found my clippers. Did it herself.

HALENE
(to Cate)
We’re a -- little concerned.

CATE
Well, she is seeing a boy --

LONDELL
Yeah, right.
Boy’s a fudge-packer in training.

HALENE
Londell --
(to Kayla)
We were wondering if you’d
take her out to dinner,
find out what’s what.
(off her look)
She won’t talk to us.

LONDELL
Afraid she’s gonna go full-Chaz Bono
on us and chop off her tits --