Not The Sharpest Knife In The Drawer

TGIF, crime slicksters. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where the girls are hot, the drinks are cold, and the hardboiled-pulp-noir action is non-stop, right here, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 10 of RIDGEWAY, Cate and Kayla have lunch with Kayla's sister Halene and her husband Londell, a local cop, who, after learning about Cate's screenwriting career and her 'Dixie Mafia' drama pilot, suggests she meet with local hoodlum Big Boy -- but the meal takes an unusual turn when they meet Les, Halene and Londel's transgender son.


EXT. KIRVIN HOUSE - DAY
A multi-colored Victorian house on a bluff.
Narrow in front, long in back,
with a basement level down the hill.

The by now ubiquitous red pick up truck
comes flying by, pulling a rickety trailer
filled with rusted appliances.

EXT. KIRVIN HOUSE - REAR DECK - CONTINUOUS
Spacious, with a killer view
of the leafy canyon below.

Kayla and Cate sit a big,
crude wood table with a
MAN (40) and a WOMAN (38)
eating a hearty lunch and drinking beers.

WOMAN
(to Cate)
Kayla kept telling me
how gorgeous it was here,
so I came to visit,
fell in love with the place,
and didn’t want to go back.

Meet HALENE KIRVIN, Kayla’s sister.
Dark-haired, pretty.

Jeans and T-shirt try but
fail to hide her lushness.

Intense eyes flicker brightly.
The very definition of ‘a handful.’

HALENE
And then I met Londell --

LONDELL
And the rest is history.
(looks at Halene)
Or should I say herstory.

Meet LONDELL KIRVIN.
Football captain good looks going to seed,
with a bit of a paunch and a receding hairline.

One of Echo’s finest, but not
the sharpest knife in the drawer.

CATE
Kayla tells me you’re a --
children’s art therapist?

HALENE
That’s right.

CATE
That must be very rewarding.

HALENE
Oh, it is. I’m truly blessed.
Working with children is a gift --
(brightly)
But enough about me. I mean, gosh --
it’s not every day one gets to meet
a real-life Hollywood scriptwriter.

CATE
Don’t be too impressed.
I’m not very successful.

KAYLA
Now don’t go all modest on us.
(to Halene)
She’s got a series in development
at one of the cable networks.

LONDELL
Really. What’s it about?

CATE
A female private eye.

KAYLA
Cate writes these really dark,
fucked-up crime stories.
Her next one’s gonna take place here.

HALENE
Here? In Echo?

LONDELL
A TV show?
(smiles)
Need someone to play a cop?

KAYLA
Gotta do some research first.
Just got here.

LONDELL
Well, hell.
You gotta have Big Boy in it.

CATE
Big Boy?

LONDELL
That’s his nickname.
Real name’s Zane Burkette.
Rumor has it he’s in the Dixie Mafia.

CATE
The Dixie Mafia?

LONDELL
Some people call ‘em the Redneck Mafia.
Used to be small-time -- sellin’ weed,
moonshine, running whores -- but lately
they’ve been flooding the town with heroin.

CATE
Heroin? Here?

LONDELL
Government cracked down on pills.
Now you got all these people addicted to opiates,
and now they need something else.

CATE
But this is such a small town.

LONDELL
That’s how they operate.
Set up shop in a backwater
where the cops are a joke --
except the joke’s on them,
cause we’re gonna kick their ass.
(nods)
Gotta new sheriff,
set up an organized crime task force,
put me in charge of it.

CATE
Would it be --
safe for me to talk to Big Boy?

LONDELL
Oh, yeah.
He’s got a legit front in real estate.
Also owns a motel on the highway.
And he runs the bluegrass festival.

CATE
Why haven’t you been able
to pin anything on him?

LONDELL
Know the slogan for Kessler’s whiskey?

CATE
No. What is it?

LONDELL
‘Smooth as silk.’

LES (15), their daughter appears in the doorway.
Tomboy deluxe in baggy jeans, baggier T-shirt
and no makeup, but what really seals the deal
is the buzz cut.

LES
Goin’ over to Lance’s.

HALENE
Okay. Have fun.

LONDELL
Leslie. Don’t be rude.
Say hello to Kayla’s friend Cate.

HALENE
Londell --

LONDELL
Sorry, Les.

CATE
Nice to meet you.

LES
Yes, Ma’am.

HALENE
Run along now. Scoot.

Les nods curtly. Dashes inside.

KAYLA
What the hell happened to her hair?

LONDELL
Found my clippers. Did it herself.

HALENE
(to Cate)
We’re a -- little concerned.

CATE
Well, she is seeing a boy --

LONDELL
Yeah, right.
Boy’s a fudge-packer in training.

HALENE
Londell --
(to Kayla)
We were wondering if you’d
take her out to dinner,
find out what’s what.
(off her look)
She won’t talk to us.

LONDELL
Afraid she’s gonna go full-Chaz Bono
on us and chop off her tits --

Rocky Mountain High

Hey there, crime kids. Happy Friday. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your most violent fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 9 of RIDGEWAY, after Kayla shows Cate around the quaint Ozark village, they climb back up the mountain to get back home, where they discover the hot water has been shut off, but Cate comes to the rescue when she reveals an ounce of primo weed she brought from California ...


EXT. PINE STREET - A LITTLE LATER
Kayla and Cate walk back up the steep hill.
Cate, huffing and puffing. Red in the face.

CATE
Hold on a sec.
(stops)
Smoke too much --

KAYLA
Wanna sit down?

CATE
(catching her breath)
I’m okay.

INT. KAYLA’S APARTMENT - LIVING ROOM - DUSK
Cozy and dark with the shades drawn.
Indigo walls. Funky furniture.
Primitive, spiritual art.

Tons of candles.
Bohemian rhapsody in blue.

Cate finishes setting up her stereo.
Turns it on. We hear some pretty,
Smiths-like new wave song.
Kayla walks in the room, pissed off.

CATE
Got the stereo hooked up --
(sees her expression)
What’s wrong?

KAYLA
There’s no hot water.

CATE
What?

KAYLA
The creep upstairs moved out
and the gas company was
just here to it shut off --
but they shut off ours, too.

CATE
I was really looking forward
to taking a shower.

KAYLA
I know, I’m sorry.
I’ll call the gas company.

CATE
Hey. I’ve got something
that’ll cheer us up.

She walks over to her suitcase.
Pulls out a heavily sealed plastic bag
the size of a paperback.
Holds it up.

KAYLA
What’s that?

CATE
Ounce and a half of sticky bud.
OG Kush. Surfer Tom triple-sealed it.
(smiles)
Ready to fry the friendly skies?

INT. KAYLA’S APARTMENT - LIVING ROOM - LATER THAT NIGHT
Cate and Kayla cuddle on the couch
watching the flat screen, candles lit,
both really high, eyes druggy slits.

Cate downs a shot of bourbon,
takes a pull on her beer.

Kayla sips a glass of wine.
Can you say ‘rocky mountain high?’

ON THE SCREEN
We see glam brit-rockers Suede performing onstage.
Singer Brett Anderson, a Ferry/Bowie hybrid
of decadent beauty croons a fragile ode
to the devastation of heroin.

BRETT ANDERSON
(electronic)
Where’s all the money gone?
All up the hole in your arm --

CATE
Sways to the music, softly mouthing the lyrics.
Kayla loads the bong. Takes a big hit.

Cups the top with her palm. Passes it to Cate.
She does one. Both hold it in.

Then look at the cats on their laps. Smile.
Then BLOW the smoke in the felines’ faces.

One of them SNEEZES, blows snot
all over Cate’s bare thigh.

PUSH IN ON Cate’s face. Disgusted.

EXT. RIDGEWAY AVENUE - NIGHT
Pitch black.
A million crickets chirp in the distance.
Competing with the loud thrum of the cicadas.

A cracked, narrow country road
lined with smallish houses.

A lone street lamp glows at the end,
making the cul de sac kinda spooky.
We’re not in California anymore, Toto.

Cate walks Bobby down the street,
looking at the mostly dark windows.

She passes a bed and breakfast,
sees a sad-looking MAN (50’s)
in the window by himself
on a couch watching TV.

Passes the next house.
A butch/femme FEMALE COUPLE (40’s)
sit on their porch in the dark,
cigarette embers glowing.

Keeps walking. Sees a small spring
in a tiny front yard.

Hears a frog CROAK.
Stops. Listens. Another CROAK.

Continues on. Stops. Looks up.
Opens her mouth in surprise.

THE SKY
Is filled with a zillion stars.
In the absence of city lights,
every single one twinkles
in the inky black sky.

CATE
Stares. Eyes filled with wonder.

INT. KAYLA’S APARTMENT - BEDROOM - A LITTLE LATER
Funky. Lit by a single candle.
Cate lies on her back.

Kayla slowly gives her
head under the covers.
Cate moans softly.

Then stops. Kayla pops out.
Sees Cate has passed out.

Kisses her on the cheek.
Gazes at her a long beat.

KAYLA
I still can’t believe you’re here --

Four Cats, No Waiting

Happy Friday, crime slicksters. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where the girls are hot, the drinks are cold, and the hardboiled-pulp-noir action is non-stop, right here, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 8 of RIDGEWAY, Kayla gives Cate a walking tour of Eureka Springs, taking in the sights up and down the mountain in the quaint Victorian village, but the idyll turns nasty when Cate meets Kayla's bitchy coworker ...


INT. CATE’S APARTMENT - KITCHEN - DAY
A large, sunny room with tons of original cabinets.
Big double sink. Old-school stove. Giant fridge.

Big wooden table against the window
with Kayla’s computer in one corner.

The cats stare at Bobby
drinking from his bowl of water.

KAYLA
(points)
That’s Mona Lisa -- Henry --
Mingus -- and Ernie.

CATE
Four cats, no waiting.
(beat)
And they’re okay about Bobby?

KAYLA
I told them he was coming.

CATE
Bobby’s totally chill with cats.

KAYLA
I have to go to the store
to get my paycheck.
Wanna come with?
Show you around a bit
if you’re not too tired?

CATE
Yeah. That’d be great.
(sees something)
Oh, shit.

KAYLA
What’s wrong?

ANGLE ON:
A DOG TURD on the hardwood floor.

CATE
Bobby took a shit.
(grimaces)
Sorry --

EXT. PROSPECT STREET - DAY
Old and cracked, with an amazing
view looking down the mountain.

And the mountains across
the way in the distance.

Kayla, Cate and Bobby
stroll down the street,
taking in the sights,
Cate overwhelmed by all the beauty.

CATE
Steven Wright was asked in an
interview why he lived in upstate
New York instead of the city,
and he said ‘my body reacts well to nature.’
(smiles)
My body’s reacting well to nature.

A TROLLEY goes chugging by.

KAYLA
That’s the trolley.

Cate watches it go down the street.
Shakes her head.

A MODEL T FORD drives by.
The OLD MAN (60’s) behind the wheel waves.
Another comes by. The DRIVER (50’s) also waves.

KAYLA
It’s Model T weekend.
In the summer, every weekend has a theme.

CATE
Does everybody wave at you?

KAYLA
Yeah. And they also say ‘hi.’

CATE
Nice change from the ‘fuck you’ in LA.

They make a turn.
Start walking down a
very steep, narrow road.
Pass by a series of
tiny Victorian cottages.

CATE
When’s lesbian weekend?

KAYLA
Oh, that’s year-round.
(beat)
Actually, we have three
diversity weekends a year.

CATE
You mean gay pride?

KAYLA
Yeah. Echo’s very progressive --
but it’s still Arkansas.

They continue down the steep hill.

CATE
I’d pay good money to see
drag queens in heels
navigate these hills.

EXT. MAIN STREET - DAY
Kayla, Cate and Bobby walk down the narrow,
picturesque main drag lined with shops.

It’s like out of a movie, with a breathtaking
view of the mountains above the storefronts.

CATE
This is amazing.
A SCRUFFY TROUBADOUR (20’s) wearing hippie threads
and a stovepipe hat carrying a guitar walks by. Nods.

SCRUFFY TROUBADOUR
Hi.

KAYLA
(to Cate)
Told ya.

INT. DREAMLAND - DAY
Kayla and Cate stand
in the middle of the store.
Vivi sits at a work table sifting
through a tray of jewelry parts.

Clumsily trying to assemble
a cheap plastic necklace.

CATE
(looks at the paintings)
Love the colors.

KAYLA
Cate, this is Vivi.
I told you about her.

CATE
Oh, yeah. Hey. Nice to meet you.

KAYLA
Be right back.

She heads off to the back office.

VIVI
(weird grin)
I suck at this.
(beat)
But I guess Kayla told you that.

CATE
Yes, she did.
(beat)
Kidding. I’m kidding.

Kayla returns.

KAYLA
Ready to go?

CATE
Yeah.
(to Vivi)
Nice meeting you.

VIVI
You, too.

They head toward the door.
Vivi watches them go.

VIVI
Bitch.

Petticoat Junction 2.0

Hey there, crime kids. TGIF. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your most violent fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 7 of RIDGEWAY, Cate drives half-way across the country in her car with her dog and arrives at her new home on top of a mountain in Eureka Springs, Arkansas, completely exhausted.


INT. CATE’S CAR - MOVING - MID-AFTERNOON
Cate drives, sleepy from the heat.
Bobby leans out the window,
ears flapping in the breeze,
tongue hanging out.

She takes a drink from her water bottle.
Pops in a fresh stick of gum.
Lights another smoke.
Continues to listen to her book on tape.

FRIDAY FOSTER (V.O.)
(electronic)
Kelsey rabbit-punched him in the throat.
He doubled over in pain, gasping for air,
clutching his ruined windpipe.

EXT. AMERICA’S BEST VALUE MOTEL - EARLY EVENING
Beyond shitty. Cate’s car sits
in the almost empty parking lot.
CARS and TRUCKS FLY BY on the highway.

Welcome to Winslow, Arizona.
In the middle of nowhere.
What the fuck were The Eagles thinking?

INT. AMERICA’S BEST VALUE MOTEL - ROOM - CONTINUOUS
Wood panelling. Ripped, stained carpet.
But it’s cheap. And you can smoke. And have a dog.

There’s even a vintage Mr. Coffee.
Be it ever so humble,
there’s no place like dive.

Cate sits on the bed cross-legged working her laptop.
On the night table is a beer, a bottle, her mini-bong,
a pack of smokes and a tiny glass ashtray.

IN MONTAGE:
Cate on the highway, listening to books on tape.
Sipping water. Chewing gum. Chain smoking.

Bobby in his seat,
tongue hanging out in the heat.
Clock reads 9:00.

A sign reads ENTERING NEW MEXICO.
Miles and miles of nothing as far
as the eye can see. Flyover state, indeed.

Another America’s Best Value Motel.
Cate drags her bags into the room.
SUPER reads MORIARTY, POP. 1,910.

Morning. Cate trudges to the
complimentary breakfast in the lobby.

Tiny, crusty mini-donuts.
Weak orange juice.
Scary-looking bacon.

She loads a plate,
heads back to her room.

Back on the highway.
Pulls into a Navive American
gas station/gift shop/rest area.

Walks Bobby in the scrub brush outside.
A FERAL DOG in a pickup truck BARKS at them.

Driving again. Brain turning to mush.
A sign reads WELCOME TO TEXAS -- then another --
$2000 FINE FOR LITTERING. Cate LAUGHS.
WINGS a cassette out the window.

CATE
DON’T MESS WITH TEXAS.

Yet another America’s Best Value Motel.
Super reads AMARILLO, TEXAS.

Cate drags her bags out to her car.
Beyond exhausted.

Cate eats outside at a McDonald’s
at a picnic table with Bobby.

No one else around, since
it’s as hot as a furnace.

Sign reads YUKON, POP. 24,128.
And yes, folks, there it is -- wait for it --
another America’s Best Value Motel.

Welcome to Oklahoma, where the wind
comes sweeping down the stains.

INT. HOTEL ROOM - NIGHT
Much smaller than the room we saw before.
And shittier. No coffee machine.
Big, old TV on with the sound off.

Cate sits on the bed.
Fires up her laptop.
Does a shot of bourbon.

Chases it with a sip from her longneck.
Then a hit from her mini-bong.
She tries to connect to the internet.

CATE
What the fuck?

She reaches over.
Picks up the phone.
Dials the front desk.

CATE (CONT’D)
Yeah, hi. This is room two-thirty-four --
(listens)
The internet connection’s not --
(listens)
Too many people are --
(surly)
Thanks.

She SLAMS the phone down.
Closes the laptop.

Does another shot.
Grabs the remote.
Turns the sound up.

ANNOUNCER (V.O.)
(electronic)
Come on down to Norm Hurley Auto
on Garth Brooks Boulevard --
we got prices that can’t be beat.

PUSH IN ON Cate’s face.
Wishing she wasn’t there.

EXT. CATE’S CAR - MOVING - EARLY AFTERNOON
A two-lane highway lined with fast food joints.
It’s a wonderful day in the neighborhood. Not.

The power-punk of The Jam’s THICK AS THIEVES
snap, crackle and POPS on the car stereo.

Cate drives, looks beyond exhausted.
Riding on fumes.

The expanse of salt, sugar and fat ends,
and suddenly the road plunges into
gorgeous, green countryside.

A SIGN
Displays an arrow that twists
and turns like a Gordian knot.
Speed limit fifteen miles per hour. Yikes.

IN THE CAR
The road takes a sharp right
going down a steep hill.
Cate slows, turns the wheel carefully.

AERIAL POV
The car goes up, down and around the mountain --
followed by a line of cars close behind it.

EXT. MOUNTAIN ROAD - DAY
Cate pulls into a rickety gas station/general store.
An OLD MAN wearing overalls sits on the porch
in a ratty old chair fingering a smart phone.
Petticoat Junction 2.0.

The cars behind Cate HONK as they drive by.
She gets out.

Takes Bobby onto a patch of grass to pee.
Pulls out her cell.

CATE
Hey, it’s me. I’m almost there.
(listens)
I’m at this old gas station.
Had to let Bobby out, stretch my legs,
let all the cars behind me pass.

INTERCUT WITH:

INT. KAYLA’S APARTMENT - KITCHEN - DAY
Kayla sits at the kitchen table
surrounded by all four cats on
the floor, counters, the table.
Lights a smoke. Excited.

KAYLA
You’re early.

CATE
I’m the early bird, baby.

KAYLA
And I’m your worm-hole.

CATE
I can’t wait to see you.

KAYLA
That makes five of us.

EXT. KAYLA’S HOUSE - DAY
Kayla stands in the tiny front yard on her cell.

KAYLA
It’s an orange house with yellow
and red trim on the corner. Can’t miss it.

Cate’s car comes down the street.
Parks in the drive.

Gets out with Bobby.
Kayla RUSHES over. They hug.

KAYLA (CONT’D)
I can’t believe you’re here.

CATE
I can’t believe I made it.
(beat)
I can’t tell you how much I need a shower --