The Crowning Touch

Hey there, crime kids. Happy Monday. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your most violent fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 38 of THE HEISTERS, Kelsey and the gang escape the stadium with the cash in their tricked-out ambulance ... just as the cops arrive ...


EXT. STADIUM - WEST GATE - STREET - NIGHT - FLASHBACK
The ambulance ROARS down the street.
Gets to the first intersection.

The siren STOPS. Drives past the
next corner, then pulls over and parks.

Ludo jumps out.
Opens the rear doors.

Chick gets out, and the two
of them adjust the ramp-boards.

Kelsey sits behind the wheel,
and slowly backs the Triumph
out of the ambulance.

Ludo and Chick get back in,
and Kasper drives off.

EXT. WAREHOUSE DISTRICT - MOMENTS LATER - FLASHBACK
The ambulance pulls up
to an abandoned warehouse. Stops.

Ronan, Ludo and Chick get out,
and head over to the Mercedes,
which we see is parked
behind the big panel truck.

Ronan opens the door.
Gets behind the wheel.

Ludo and Chick pile in,
and they drive off.

KELSEY (V.O.)
We were home free.
Ronan would drive Chick and Ludo
to the motel they were
going to hole up at,
and then ditch the car near
where he was going to stay.

Jefty opens the back of the truck.
Kelsey comes over and helps him
adjust the board-ramps, then
drives the Triumph into the truck.

Jefty closes the doors
and gets back in.

He starts the engine.
Pulls the truck out, does a U-turn
and heads back toward the stadium.

A phalanx of SQUAD CARS
come ROARING toward them,
sirens SCREAMING.

KELSEY (V.O.)
The crowning touch was driving
the truck back in the
direction of the stadium --
travelling in the opposite direction
the heisters would theoretically be going.

INSIDE THE TRUCK
Kelsey sits behind
the wheel of the Triumph.

Lights a cigarette. Leans back.
Thinking. Exhales a cloud of smoke.

Takes off her wig.
Rubs her scalp.

KELSEY (V.O.)
And now for the next week or so,
the dough was my in my care.

The job was successful.
No one got hurt, and we were
flush with a boatload of cash.
(beat)
But this was no time to relax.
Even though I was due a little R&R,
I had to keep my wits about me,
because some serious shit
was about to go down.

One Scary Bitch

Hey there, crime kids. Happy Hump Day. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your most violent fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 37 of THE HEISTERS, robbery gang member Chick Faber gets grilled by the cops about the stadium heist, offering him immunity if he spills the beans ...


INT. POLICE STATION - INTERROGATION ROOM - NIGHT
The standard tiny, grey, shitty
cinder block room that we’ve seen
in a zillion movies and TV shows.

Chick sits on a wooden chair
at a piece of crap table.

Detective Nunn sits on
the other side of the table.

Isaacs leans against the wall
working a toothpick in his mouth.

NUNN
(SLAPS the table)
BULLSHIT. We got you, old man.
You had IN YOUR POCKET a list
of all the chicks Jackie Tempel
was dating.

CHICK
I know my rights.
I want to call my lawyer.

NUNN
But we haven’t CHARGED
you with anything yet, gramps.
We’re just QUESTIONING you.

Chick stares sullenly.

ELWIN
It’ll go alot easier on you
if you’d just talk to us.
We’ve got you involved
in a robbery AND a murder --

CHICK
Murder? I’ve NEVER been
involved in killing someone --

NUNN
Well, you have this time, old fella.
We’ve put it all together.
Whoever killed Jackie Tempel
took the money that was stashed
at her joint after the robbery.
And it was ONE OF YOUR CREW --

ELWIN
You give them up,
and we’ll cut you a deal.
If not, you’re looking
at ALOT of time,
which at your age is the
same as a death sentence.
Do you really want
to die behind bars?
Spend the rest of your days
sucking on cocks instead of cigars?

CHICK
Of COURSE not --

NUNN
Oh, look.
He’s starting to crack.

CHICK
What kind of a -- deal?

ELWIN
You give them up, we’ll give
you immunity. Let you walk.

NUNN
Your rap sheet is longer
than the BP oil spill.
From where I stand, that’s
a pretty fucking good deal.

CHICK
Let’s just suppose I did that --
IF I was involved --
these people would hunt me
down to the end of the earth.

ELWIN
That’s what the witness
protection program is for, old man.
For shitheads like you that squeal
on your fucking LOW-LIFE CRONIES.

NUNN
You had THE LIST in your pocket.
That’s as good as a DEATH CERTIFICATE.

Pause.

CHICK
Okay. I’ll give you everything.
But first I want to talk
to my lawyer. Okay?

ELWIN
No can do, pops.

CHICK
You realize this means
my life is over, right?

NUNN
That’s what we’ve been trying to TELL you.

ELWIN
Who organized the heist?

Pause.

CHICK
Guy by the name of Ronan. Ronan Kenny.
Then he brought on this big shot planner.
Name’s Kelsey Hazard.
One of the best in the business.

NUNN
A BROAD? Really?

ELWIN
Wait a minute.
Wasn’t that the chick
that gave Mart Volok
the business at his house?
I heard she was one scary bitch.
Was packing heat.
Threatened to hurt his family.

CHICK
(nods, grimaces)
That would be Kelsey --

Dandy Warhol

Happy Tuesday, crime slicksters. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where the girls are hot, the drinks are cold, and the hardboiled-pulp-noir action is non-stop, right here, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 36 of THE HEISTERS, Kelsey arrives at Doll Montana's apartment, ready to confront the bitch that murdered her boy toy and stole the loot from the stadium robbery. We then flashback to the heist, where the gang makes their escape the cash ...


EXT. VENICE BEACH - APARTMENT BUILDING - NIGHT
We see Doll Montana’s apartment building.
Light from a single street lamp
makes it glow in the thick fog that’s rolled in.

Kelsey’s car drives by.
Parks in the alley. She gets out.
Starts walking toward the building.
Grim. Determined.

EXT. STADIUM FINANCE OFFICE - PARKING LOT - NIGHT - FLASHBACK
The ambulance pulls up next the building and stops.

INT. STADIUM FINANCE OFFICE - NIGHT - FLASHBACK
Chick and Ronan finish tying up
the girl who counted the money.

Chick then leads her in the back
to join the others.

Kelsey ties a rope to the
handles of the duffle bags.

Drags them over to the window.
Then ties the other end
to the leg of a desk.

Ronan helps her carry them
over to the window.

EXT. STADIUM FINANCE OFFICE - PARKING LOT - FLASHBACK
The bags come out the window,
then down the side of the building
to where Kasper is waiting for them.

Kasper takes the cases and puts them
in the trunk of the Triumph Spider
nestled inside the ambulance.

Then, one by one, Kelsey, Ronan, then Chick,
and finally Ludo come down the rope
and walk up to the vehicle.

Ludo, still in his guard uniform,
gets in the passenger side next to Kasper.

Ronan and Kelsey squeeze behind
the back of the seat and the Triumph,
and Chick gets into the car.

Kasper starts up the ambulance,
HITS THE SIREN and starts driving it
toward the west gate.

KELSEY (V.O.)
Now that we were in the stadium,
we didn’t have to leave
the same way we came in.
We could exit through the
west gate near the backstage area,
which had been closed to
vehicles during the concert,
but was now open so the bands could leave.

The ambulance ROCKETS
toward the gate, then slows.

A long, black limousine
starts to go through. Then stops.

IN THE AMBULANCE
Kasper HITS the brakes.
POUNDS on the steering wheel.

KASPER
What the FUCK. MOVE it --

KELSEY
They can’t hear the siren because of the music --

RONAN
Goddammit.

LUDO
What are we gonna DO?

THE LIMO’S BACK DOOR
Opens. A tall, thin ROCK MUSICIAN (20’s),
dressed like an Edwardian dandy FLIES OUT.

Projectile VOMITS a spew of brown slime.
Weaves a little. Shakes his head.

A BANDMATE gets out. Walks over.
Checks to see if he’s okay.

IN THE AMBULANCE
Kelsey looks at Kasper.

KELSEY
Gimme the mike to the PA.

Kasper grabs it. Offers it to her.

KASPER
Here --

She leans over the seat.
SNATCHES IT from his hand.
CLICKS it on.

NEAR THE GATE
Bandmate tries to pull Edwardian
back in the limo, but the rocker
still looks shaky.

KELSEY (O.C.)
(LOUD)
Hey, DANDY WARHOL.
Get the FUCK back in the vehicle and MOVE IT.
We’ve got an EMERGENCY here. A man is DYING --

They WHIP their heads in her direction.
Freak out. SCRAMBLE back in. SLAM the door.
The limo TAKES OFF like a rocket.

IN THE AMBULANCE
Kasper puts the car into gear.
Starts following the limo.

KASPER
Good work, boss.

PUSH IN ON Kelsey’s face. Pissed off.

KELSEY
It’s only rock and roll, but I steal it.

The Big Bounce

Hey there, crime kids. Happy Monday. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your most violent fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 35 of THE HEISTERS, we flash back to the Kelsey and the gang's rock concert stadium robbery, which goes goes off without a hitch ... until it's time to make their getaway ...


EXT. STADIUM - EAST GATE - DUSK - FLASHBACK
The ambulance drives up to the gate.
A guard in the security booth sees it.
Opens the gate and waves it through.

INT. AMBULANCE - MOVING - DUSK - FLASHBACK
Kasper sits behind the wheel
in an EMS uniform.

Waves back as he drives
into the stadium.

INT. STADIUM - DUSK - FLASHBACK
A giant stage set up at one end.
A ROCK BAND plays at a DEAFENING
volume over the PA system.

The stands are filled to capacity.
But so is the field. Stadium seating.
The ambulance comes onto the field. Stops.

INT. AMBULANCE - DUSK - FLASHBACK
Kasper looks at the throng of people.
Starts to freak out.

KASPER
Shit, shit, shit --

He pulls out his cell phone.
Punches a number. Listens.

KASPER (CONT’D)
Pick up, pick up --

INTERCUT WITH:
INT. STADIUM FINANCE OFFICE - DUSK - FLASHBACK
Kelsey’s phone RINGS in her pocket.
She looks at Ronan.

KELSEY
SHIT.

RONAN
Fuck.

She whips it out. Answers it.

KELSEY
What’s wrong?

KASPER
There’s no fucking room, man.
There’s too many fucking kids
on the field. What am I gonna do?

KELSEY
Shit.

RONAN
What’s up?

KELSEY
(to Ronan)
The stadium’s filled with kids.
There’s no room for the
ambulance to get to us.

RONAN
Greedy bastards oversold it.

KELSEY
Wait. I’ve got an idea --
(into the phone)
Kasper.
Tell the kids someone’s OD’d,
and you need to get through.

KASPER
That won’t work. Half of them
are on their way to OD’ing themselves --

KELSEY
It’ll work if you tell them it’s BONO.

KASPER
Nah. He’s not that big anymore.
(beat)
But they’ move if I tell ‘em
Jay-Z had a fuckin’ HEART ATTACK.

KELSEY
Perfect. DO IT.
Call me back if you have any problems.

KASPER
You got it, baby. I mean -- chief.

He hangs up.
Grabs the radio mike.

CLICKS it on.
Raises it to his lips --

EXT. STADIUM GROUNDS - NIGHT - FLASHBACK
LOUD ROCK MUSIC. Throngs of TEENAGE KIDS
yell and scream and sing along.

Jumping up and down.
Dancing. Drinking. Partying.

The ambulance starts moving very slowly.
Kasper’s voice comes BOOMING
over the loudspeakers.

KASPER (O.C.)
(electronic)
ATTENTION, ATTENTION.
Jay-Z has had a HEART ATTACK.

Please move out of the way
and let the VEHICLE THROUGH.

The kids hear him.
Turn and look in horror.

Suddenly the crowd
parts like the Red Sea.
Kasper starts driving through.

Motel Hell

Happy Thursday, crime slicksters. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where the girls are hot, the drinks are cold, and the hardboiled-pulp-noir action is non-stop, right here, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 34 of THE HEISTERS, robbery/homicide detectives scope out the sleazy beachside motel where Kelsey shot and killed Kaspar ...


INT. VENICE MOTOR COURT HOTEL - FRONT DESK - NIGHT
Ren Rosen and Elwin Marr
speak to the NIGHT CLERK,
a small, thin slip of guy.
Typical fussy queen.

Meg Stark and Mart Volok
hang back and look around.

GAY NIGHT CLERK
Of course, detective.
I’ll help in any way I can --

ELWIN
We’re looking for a Hispanic guy.
He would have arrived here
in the last hour or so.

REN
He was probably very agitated.
Upset. Ring any bells?

GAY NIGHT CLERK
Oh, yes. There was this
horrible-looking Mexican guy.
But he didn’t come to the desk.

ELWIN
You don’t know which room
he went to, do you?

GAY NIGHT CLERK
No. But he took the elevator
up to the second floor.

REN
How many rooms on the floor?

GAY NIGHT CLERK
Ten, five on each side.

ELWIN
(to Ren)
Our luck it’s a small place.

REN
(nods, to the clerk)
Can we see the register,
see who’s in each room?

GAY NIGHT CLERK
Sure thing.

He gets the register.
Opens it. Looks up. Realizes.

GAY NIGHT CLERK
Is this person -- dangerous?

ELWIN
Very --

REN
And the people he’s visiting
are even more dangerous.

GAY NIGHT CLERK
There won’t be a --
shoot-out or anything, will there?

ELWIN
(smiles)
We usually try to avoid that.

GAY NIGHT CLERK
(sighs)
Thank god for THAT --

He looks in the book.
Scans the room numbers
with his finger.
Looks up. Smiles.

GAY NIGHT CLERK
You’re in luck, gentlemen.
It’s off-season.
Only two rooms are occupied
on the second floor.

REN
Who’s in the first room?

GAY NIGHT CLERK
(looks, reads)
Yuri and Olga Chechnikov.
Russian tourists, I guess.

ELWIN
And in the second room?

GAY NIGHT CLERK
(reads)
Uh -- John Smith.

REN
Bingo.

ELWIN
Room number?

GAY NIGHT CLERK
Twenty-three. At the end
of the hall on the left.
It’s a suite.
Has two entrances.

Elwin looks at Ren.
Narrows his eyes.

ELWIN
Great. Two escape routes, no waiting --

The Big Bounce

Happy Tuesday, crime slicksters. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where the girls are hot, the drinks are cold, and the hardboiled-pulp-noir action is non-stop, right here, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 33 of THE HEISTERS, wheelman Jefty prepares the escape vehicle for after the robbery, but things get tricky ... when he gets a flat tire ...


INT. STADIUM FINANCE OFFICE - DUSK - FLASHBACK
The office gal sits at the table
counting the last of the money
and putting it in the duffle bags.
Kelsey and Ronan stand nearby
in their guard uniforms, watching.

KELSEY (V.O.)
We were almost done.
We had all the money from the gate,
the sun was setting and the concert
was kicking into high gear.
(beat)
I’d normally be interested
in checking out the bands,
but since I was robbing the joint,
that wasn’t an option.

EXT. NEARBY STREET - DUSK - FLASHBACK
A side street near the stadium,
which we can see in the background.

The truck drives up to the curb.
Parks. Jefty gets out.

Walks around to the rear
and opens the back doors.

He climbs inside. Pulls out the
ramp-boards and puts them in place.
Then gets back in.

Moments later the Mercedes
backs out and down the ramp.

THUMP-THUMP-THUMPING on a flat tire.
Jefty gets out. Looks at the flat.

JEFTY
SHIT.

He opens the trunk. Searches it.
But there’s no spare tire.

JEFTY
Fuck --

Jefty looks around. Street’s deserted.
He walks down the sidewalk,
looking at the cars.

Comes across an old, beat-up VW van.
With a spare tire mounted on the back.

JEFTY
Thank you, JESUS.

He pulls a wrench out of his pocket.
Starts taking it off.

DEEP MALE VOICE (O.C.)
Want me to change the tire for ya?

Jefty WHIRLS AROUND.
Sees a FILTHY HOMELESS MAN (30’S)
pushing a shopping cart.
Giving his best toothless smile.

FILTHY HOMELESS MAN
(nods)
I just needs two dollars --

Jefty stares at him.
Freaking out. Pulls out his wallet.

CLOSE ON -
The wallet. In it,
a lonely twenty-dollar bill.

JEFTY
Grimaces. Yanks it out.
Shoves it in Homeless’ face.

JEFTY
Here’s twenty.
You never saw me. Got it?

FILTHY HOMELESS MAN
(SNATCHES it)
Thank you, JESUS.

He scuttles away.
Big, goofy grin.

Jefty watches him.
Shakes his head.
Gets back to work on the tire.

An Ace Up My Sleeve

Hey there, crime kids. Happy Monday. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your most violent fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 32 of THE HEISTERS, Kelsey and Ronan decide on what to do with Kaspar's dead body ... and their next move.


INT. SHITTY HOTEL ROOM - NIGHT
Kelsey and Ronan stand over
Kasper’s dead body.

She lights up a smoke.
Shakes her head.

KELSEY
This job just went from
bad to worse to FUCKED.

RONAN
So what do we do with the body?

KELSEY
I’m thinking --

She exhales a cloud of smoke.
Starts pacing around the room.

KELSEY
Little fucker. I have an ace
up my sleeve that I was gonna play,
and that refried beaner
had to gum up the works --

RONAN
What’s the ace?

KELSEY
There was one name that the police
had that wasn’t on the cell phone.

RONAN
Really?

KELSEY
Yeah. Figured Jackie deleted it
because of a bad breakup,
and that maybe she was
some kind of unstable bitch.
(smiles)
Just the kinda broad that would
pull this kinda stunt.
Know what I mean?

RONAN
Uh -- yeah.
(beat)
What’s her name?

KELSEY
Doll Montana.
Right out of Raymond Chandler, huh?

RONAN
No shit.

KELSEY
Figured I’d wait until late
at night and surprise her.
(gestures at the body)
But now, this --

RONAN
Tell you what.
Why don’t I stick him
under the bed for now,
you go talk to this Doll broad,
and then when you get back
we’ll dispose of Dirty Sanchez.

KELSEY
Good idea.
You should be here
when the others come back.

RONAN
Yeah.

KELSEY
Okay. I’ve got my cell
in case of an emergency.

She goes to the door.
Puts her hand on the knob.

KELSEY
Hang tight. I’ve got a
gut feeling about this.

RONAN
You know what they say.
Always trust your gut.

Kelsey nods. Opens the door.
Leaves. Ronan waits a beat.

Goes to the door. Takes off
the ‘do not disturb’ sign.

Opens it.
Peers down the hallway.
Puts it on the outside.

Goes out into the hallway.
Quietly shuts the door.
Then starts following her.

Leave The Driving To Us

Hey there, crime kids. Happy Friday. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your most violent fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 31 of THE HEISTERS, wheelmen Kaspar and Jefty prepare the tricked-out vehicles for the robbery, but get accosted by a suspicious cop who wants to know what they're for ...


INT. WAREHOUSE - DAY - FLASHBACK
An ambulance is parked near the entrance
with the back doors open.

Two boards rest against the back,
serving as a ramp.

Kasper walks over to a tiny vintage
Triumph Spyder right behind it.
Gets in. Starts it up.

Then slowly drives it into the ambulance.
He crawls out of the car, then sits up front.

ON THE OTHER END OF THE WAREHOUSE
A big panel truck sits.
It also has its back doors open.

And also has boards set up
like a ramp at the end.

Jefty sits in a late-model
Mercedes sedan parked behind it.

REVS the engine. Then slowly
drives the car inside the truck.

A PAIR OF UNIFORMED COPS
Appear in the entrance.
Walk over to the ambulance.

BEEFY COP
What’s goin’ on here?

ROOKIE COP
Look. He’s got the little car
inside the ambulance --

BEEFY
I see.
(to Garza)
Would you please step out
of the vehicle?

Garza sees them. Gets out.
Does a great job
of hiding how freaked out he is.
Flashes a big smile.

KASPER
Hello, officers.
(nods at the ambulance)
Pretty cool, huh?

BEEFY COP
Neat trick. What’s it for?

KASPER
A movie.

ROOKIE COP
Really? Cool --

BEEFY COP
What kind of movie?

KASPER
It’s an independent film.
About a bank heist --

BEEFY COP
You don’t say --

ROOKIE COP
Who’s in it? Anybody famous?

KASPER
Luis Guzman --

ROOKIE COP
Who?

BEEFY COP
You’d recognize him. Great actor.
Been in lots of films. Boogie Nights,
The Limey, Carlito’s Way --
(smiles)
I’m a bit of a film buff myself.

KASPER
Cool.

ROOKIE COP
What’s the name of the film?

KASPER
The Heisters.

BEEFY COP
Great title.
(smiles)
Well, we better get going.
Good luck with it.
Look forward to seeing it.

KASPER
Thanks, officer --

ROOKIE COP
Have a good day.

They walk away. Kasper watches them.
Heaves a HUGE sigh of relief.

Jefty comes up to him.
Eyes bugged out.

JEFTY
Holy fucking SHIT.
I would have pissed my fucking PANTS.

KASPER
I did.
(looks down)
Lucky for me they’re black --

Another Live One

Happy Thursday, crime slicksters. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where the girls are hot, the drinks are cold, and the hardboiled-pulp-noir action is non-stop, right here, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 30 of THE HEISTERS, the cops put the squeeze on safecracker Chick Aber, with embarrassing results ...


EXT. SANTA MONICA - BAY STREET - BUNGALOW - NIGHT
An old Craftsman bungalow divided
into three tiny apartments.

Right down the street from where
Jackie Tempel got skewered.

Chick comes walking down the sidewalk
holding his clipboard.

Reads the numbers on the houses.
Stops at the Craftsman.

CHICK
I love these old homes.
So much character.

He opens the gate.
Walks up the path to the front door.

ACROSS THE STREET
Sitting in an unmarked car are
Homicide Detective Isaacs and his
partner Nunn staking out the joint.

They both sip designer coffees.
Isaacs sees Chick across the street.

ISAACS
Looks like we got ourselves
another live one.

NUNN
Guy looks kinda old --

ISAACS
Keep in mind these are heisters.
Some of the pros keep working.
There’s no retirement age.

NUNN
Should we pop ‘em now,
or wait till he comes out?

ISAACS
It’s fucking late.
Let’s go reel ‘em in.

NUNN
Book ‘em, Danno.

They start to get out of the car.

AT THE DOOR
A young HOT BLONDE (20)
stands in the doorway.

Looks at Chick intently.
She’s in her bathrobe, wearing glasses.

HOT BLONDE
Can I help you?

CHICK
I’m sorry to bother you so late.
I’m with the Global Media Group,
taking a survey.
It’ll only take a couple of minutes.

HOT BLONDE
A survey? What about?

CHICK
(smiles)
Your entertainment viewing habits.
TV, the internet, video games --

HOT BLONDE
(looks over his shoulder)
Well, I’m kinda busy --
studying for finals.
You said it will only
take a couple minutes?

ISAACS (O.C.)
Thanks, Miss. We’ll take it from here.

Chick turns around, sees --

ISAACS AND NUNN
Standing behind them.
Holding up their badges.

ISAACS
Detective Don Isaacs, homicide.

NUNN
Would you please come with us?
We’d like to ask you some questions.

Chick looks at them, startled.
Like anyone would.

ISAACS
Strictly routine, of course.

CHICK
Why certainly, officers.
Would you mind telling me
what this is all about?

The door CLICKS closed behind him.

ISAACS
We’ll talk about it at the station
if you don’t mind.

CHICK
No, of course not.
I support law enforcement.

NUNN
(to Isaacs)
Hey. Check it out. The old-timer
just pissed his pants.

Chick looks down.
Sees the wet stain on his crotch.

ISAACS
Think he’s got something to hide?

NUNN
Nah.
Probably just forgot to wear his Depends.

They both BURST into nasty LAUGHTER.

Bless The Beasts And Children

Happy Tuesday, crime slicksters. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where the girls are hot, the drinks are cold, and the hardboiled-pulp-noir action is non-stop, right here, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 29 of THE HEISTERS, Kelsey goes to visit her severely mentally handicapped son Burke at the assisted living facility where he lives, which ends in disaster ... and we realize this is the reason she turned to a life crime, as the joint is VERY expensive ...


INT. ASSISTED CARE FACILITY - DAY ROOM - DAY - FLASHBACK
A large, airy room. Very fancy.
Lush carpeting. Plush furniture.
The best that money can buy.

Several SEVERELY RETARDED CHILDREN
sit on the floor and listen to a
PLEASANT-FACED NURSE read them a story.

But it’s hard to tell if
any of them are really listening.

Each locked away in
their own private world.

In a faraway corner,
in front of a big picture window,
Kelsey (30) sits with BURKE (10), her son.

He’s also severely retarded,
with that faraway look
in his eyes. Restless.

Together they’re assembling Legos.
Making a big building of some sort.
Kelsey’s doing most of the work, however.

KELSEY
Good job, Burke.
Now why don’t you show me
where that piece would fit.

Burke stares off into space.
Sticks the Lego brick he’s
holding into his mouth.
Starts sucking on it.

KELSEY
Take the Lego
out of your mouth, Burke.
That’s dangerous.
You might swallow it.

He looks at her blankly.
Pops it in his mouth.

KELSEY
BURKE, NO.

Burke starts CHOKING.
Face starts turning RED.

KELSEY
(looks around)
Somebody HELP, he’s CHOKING --

Out of nowhere, a pair of
BURLY ORDERLIES appear.
GRAB Burke.

Try to get the piece out of his throat.
He starts going into CONVULSIONS.
Writhing and rolling around on the floor.

KELSEY
HELP HIM, HELP HIM!

Big Orderly gives him The Heimlich,
CRACKS his chest from behind.

The Lego goes FLYING out of his mouth.
But he’s still WRITHING and SCREAMING.
They pick him up and take him away.

Kelsey watches them go.
In complete shock. Numb.

A KINDLY DOCTOR (60’s)
comes up to her.
Touches her shoulder.

KINDLY DOCTOR
Not to worry, Ms. Hazard.
He’ll be just fine.

KELSEY
Wh-where are they taking him?

KINDLY DOCTOR
To his room.
They’ll give him a sedative.
Not to worry.

KELSEY
Can I go see him?

KINDLY DOCTOR
It’s best if we leave
him alone so he can rest.
Why don’t you come back tomorrow?

PUSH IN ON Kelsey’s face.
Horrified. Heartbroken.

KELSEY
I have to go -- out of town --

The Other White Meat

Hey there, crime kids. Happy Monday. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your most violent fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 28 of THE HEISTERS, Kelsey and the gang start taking the cash from the stadium box office, but the shit hits the fan when one of the employees goes into an epileptic fit ...


INT. STADIUM FINANCE OFFICE - DAY - FLASHBACK
We hear ROCK MUSIC playing outside.
But muffled inside.

Two FEMALE EMPLOYEES (20’s)
sit at the money counting table
in the middle of the room.

Kelsey and Ronan are now dressed as guards
and stand by the front door with guns.

IN THE STORAGE ROOM
Chick sits just inside the doorway
with a machine gun trained on the guards
and other employees, now bound and gagged.

IN THE FINANCE OFFICE
Ludo sits under the front counter with
a machine gun aimed at the female employees
at the money counting table.

A buzzer RINGS. Kelsey goes to the door.
Opens it. A uniformed GUARD (20’s)
stands there, carrying a big bag of money.
He eyes Kelsey appreciatively.

Another GUARD is behind him,
his piece at the ready.

FLIRTING GUARD
(hands her the bag)
Well, hello there.
Haven’t seen you here before.

KELSEY
(takes it)
Let’s keep it that way, huh?

FLIRTING GUARD
Ouch.

GUARD WITH GUN
She got you good.

RONAN
Barking up the wrong tree, fellas.
She prefers ‘the other white meat’

FLIRTING GUARD
So that’s the way it is, huh?
Your loss, honey --

KELSEY
And my gain. See ya later, fellas.

They smile and walk away.

KELSEY
(to Ronan)
What’s with the dyke stuff?

RONAN
Blue collar male bonding.
It would have looked funny
if I didn’t crack a stupid joke.
(beat)
You know guys --

KELSEY
Too well.

Ronan brings the cash box over
to the girls at the counting table.

One girl starts stacking up the cash.
Under the table are the duffle bags,
which the other girl start filling.

The girl stacking up the cash starts
HAVING A SEIZURE. FALLS off her chair.

Starts THRASHING and JERKING
on the floor, having SPASMS.
Her eyes roll back into her head.

EPILEPTIC GIRL
GAAA --

RONAN
What the FUCK?

KELSEY
She’s having a SEIZURE.

RONAN
Is she gonna DIE?

KELSEY
I DON’T KNOW.

The other girl JUMPS UP,
looks at Epileptic in horror.

CASH ROOM GIRL
She’s epileptic. You need to put something
under her tongue, or she’ll SWALLOW IT.

KELSEY
Like what?

CASH ROOM GIRL
A pen, a spoon, something like that.
You want me to do it?

KELSEY
Yeah, DO IT.

Cash Room RACES over to the Mr. Coffee machine.
Grabs a plastic spoon off the counter. RACES back.

JAMS it in Epileptic’s mouth.
She CLAMPS her teeth on it. WRITHING.

Cash Room holds her tight.
Comforts her. Looks up at Kelsey.

CASH ROOM GIRL
It’s happened before --

Gradually, Epileptic starts calming down.

KELSEY
What started it?

CASH ROOM GIRL
(carefully)
Uh, stress --

KELSEY
But she’s okay?

CASH ROOM GIRL
Yeah. But she needs to lie down
for a while. Can I --

KELSEY
Yeah. Take her back with the others.
(to Ronan)
Would you help her?

RONAN
Okay.
(walks over to her, turns his head)
Close call, huh?

PUSH IN ON Kelsey’s face.
Relieved. Heart still pounding.

KELSEY
No fucking shit --

Dead On Arrival

Hey there, crime kids. Happy Friday. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your most violent fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling

In Chapter 27 of THE HEISTERS, wheelman Kasper returns to the motel room and confronts gang leader Kelsey, accusing her of setting him up with the cops. Kelsey's partner Ronan assures him she didn't, but he still gets in Kelsey's face ... with deadly results ...


INT. VENICE MOTOR COURT HOTEL - NIGHT
The lights are out.
TV’s on with the sound off.

Kelsey lays on the bed. Smoking.
She takes a swig of beer. Thinking.

KELSEY (V.O.)
Thank god the bimbo finally took a powder.
I could finally have some piece and quiet.
All that yack-yack-yacking was driving me crazy.

A loud POUNDING on the door.

KASPER (O.C.)
Open the door, BITCH.

Kelsey turns her head. Looks --

KELSEY
Kasper?

She reaches over. Grabs her piece.
Walks over to the door.

Puts her hand on the knob.
Looks through the peephole.

KELSEY
Keep it DOWN --

She slowly opens the door. DARTS to the side.
Kasper SLAMS it open. RACES into the room.

SLAMS it shut. Gun drawn. Wheels around. Sees her.
Aiming her piece at him with two hands.

KASPER
You set US UP.

KELSEY
You’re fucking crazy.

KASPER
No. YOU’RE fucking crazy for SETTING US UP.
Now you’re gonna DIE.

KELSEY
Put down the gun, Kasper. Nice and slow --

KASPER
Jefty walked right into a TRAP.
The cops were there and they SHOT him, man.

KELSEY
They DID? How do you know this?

KASPER
The joint I went to was ALSO covered with pigs,
so I called him, and some COP answered his phone,
said he was DEAD -- THAT’S how I know.

KELSEY
Shit.

KASPER
So where is the MONEY, huh?
You got it stashed some place?

KELSEY
Kasper. I didn’t set you up.
Now put the fucking gun down
so we can figure out what to do.

A key turns in the door. It opens.
In walks Ronan. He shuts the door.

Kelsey and Kasper turn their heads.
But keep their guns trained on each other.

RONAN
What the fuck is going ON?

KELSEY
Jefty’s dead. Shot by cops. Asshole here thinks
I pulled a double cross and set everyone up.

KASPER
Don’t listen to her. She DID it, man.

Kelsey takes advantage of the moment
and LUNGES at Kasper. GRABS his gun,
KNEES him in the groin.

PISTOL-WHIPS him in the head with her piece, CRACK.
Kasper HITS the ground, THWUMP.
Holding his crotch. Groaning.

RONAN
Wasn’t that a little excessive?

KELSEY
Fuck you. He accuses me of ripping everybody off
and points a gun at me?
(beat)
He’s lucky he’s still breathing.

RONAN
I -- see your point.

KELSEY
How did it go?

RONAN
No go. Turns out she moved. Roommate situation.
Went back home to mom and pop. Roomie said
the ‘big city’ didn’t agree with her.

Kasper slowly stands up. Glaring at Kelsey.

RONAN
(to Kasper)
How did yours go?

KASPER
Like I told HER, I get there, and
the place was swarming with fucking COPS.
I tell you, she set us up.

KELSEY
Shut the fuck up, asshole.
I don’t take any shit from a fucking DRIVER.
(to Ronan)
Miscalculation. I thought he was bluffing.
Didn’t think they’d stake out the
ex-girlfriends, but they did. They know
the murder is connected to the robbery.

RONAN
Yeah -- guess so.

KASPER
What? You’re gonna BELIEVE her?

RONAN
Yes, I’m gonna believe her.
I brought her IN on this job.
She’s the fucking BEST, and you don’t get
more jobs if you fucking RIP-OFF
the people you work with, GOT IT?

KASPER
But, but --

RONAN
ZIP IT, you fucking WETBACK.
You’re hired muscle, and nothing else.
You do what we fucking TELL YOU TO DO, got it?

KASPER
HEY. Wait a minute.
You can’t talk to me like that.

RONAN
We can and you’re gonna fucking TAKE IT.
You want your share of the money or WHAT?

KASPER
But I TOLD you, SHE’S got it --

Kelsey raises her gun.
FIRES. THWIP. THWIP. THWIP.
Three shots to the chest.

Kasper looks down in horror.
Another THWIP to the head.
Right between the eyes.

He falls over, THWUNK.

RONAN
Jesus, Kelsey. Did you have to do THAT?

KELSEY
He wouldn’t fucking SHUT UP.

Who's Sorry Now?

Happy Thursday, crime slicksters. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where the girls are hot, the drinks are cold, and the hardboiled-pulp-noir action is non-stop, right here, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 26 of THE HEISTERS, we flashback to the murder tableau at the opening of the story where Kelsey's boy toy Jackie Temple is murdered by his ex, druggy B-girl Doll Montana ...


EXT. SHITTY BUNGALOW - NIGHT - FLASHBACK
It’s late. Light spills out
from a single window in the back.

ACROSS THE STREET

An ancient Dodge Dart Swinger
is parked. A sickly puke green.

We see a woman’s face
in the window. Smoking.

IN THE CAR
We see her up close.

She’s kinda hot, in a tough,
biker-chick kind of way.

Severe black hair with bangs,
ala Bettie Page.

Meet DOLL MONTANA (20’s),
former juvenile delinquent,
now on the road to career criminal.

THE FRONT DOOR
Of the bungalow opens.
Out walks Kelsey.

She lights a smoke.
Starts off down the sidewalk.

IN THE CAR
Doll’s eyes shoot daggers at Kelsey.
Watching her.

She opens the door of the car.
Climbs out. Walks across the street.

Stiletto boots CLICK-CLICK-CLICK
on the pavement.

Doll gets to the door.
Opens it. Goes in.

INT. BEDROOM - NIGHT - FLASHBACK
Jackie Tempel lies on the
side of the bed in the dim light.

Back turned. Doll creeps in the room.
Softly goes to the other side
of the bed. Stares at him. Thinking.

She looks at the sword on the wall.
Reaches up and GRABS it.

DOLL
Wake up, ASSHOLE.
It’s JUDGMENT DAY.

Jackie wakes up.
BOLTS upright in the bed.

Looks at Doll. Sees the sword.
Starts to freak. Scared shitless.
JACKIE

D-d-doll. What are you doing here?
Put the sword down.
You could hurt somebody.

DOLL
No SHIT, shit-head.
I’m here to FUCK YOU UP.

JACKIE
Wait, wait, wait -- what the FUCK?
Just because we BROKE UP?

DOLL
We didn’t BREAK UP,
you fucking DUMPED ME.

JACKIE
Doll, I told you.
I’m clean now.
I still care about you --
but not that way.

DOLL
(waves the sword around)
So who’s the NEW snatch?
She looks old enough to be your MOTHER.

JACKIE
Doll, please.
Put the sword down.
She doesn’t mean anything to me.
(beat)
Not like you did.

DOLL
Did? Did? DID?

JACKIE
Doll, I’m sorry,
but I can’t see you.
My sponsor says I have to
stay away from people
that are using --
(beat)
PLEASE put the sword down.
You’re scaring me.

DOLL
SCARING you?
Well, how’s this for SCARY?

She stops waving it.
Points the sword at him --

JACKIE
Doll. No. PLEASE --

And she PLUNGES IT into his neck, THWICK.
Then KICKS IT. The sword CRUNCHES
into the headboard.

Pinning him like a doll.
Blood oozes out.
Starts staining the sheets.

DOLL
That’ll teach you to FUCK with me.

Doll goes to the closet.
Sees two big duffle bags.

Grabs them. Lays them down.
Zips one open.

Sees it’s STUFFED WITH CASH.
Her eyes BUG OUT.

DOLL
Holy fucking SHIT.

Doll ZIPS it shut.
Wild, crazed look in her eyes.

DOLL
I’m fucking RICH.

She GRABS both bags.
Starts heading out the door.

Stops. Looks at Jackie.
His face a rictus of permanent surprise.

DOLL
Who’s sorry NOW, asshole?

Cop Shop

Happy Tuesday, crime slicksters. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where the girls are hot, the drinks are cold, and the hardboiled-pulp-noir action is non-stop, right here, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 25 of THE HEISTERS, both the local fuzz and the feds track down Kelsey and the gang's location at the Venice Motor Court and head over there to try and capture them ...


INT. POLICE HEADQUARTERS - ELWIN’S OFFICE - NIGHT
Elwin sits behind his desk.
Mart leans against the wall,
sips a cup of coffee.

Standing in front of the desk
are two SERIOUS-LOOKING FBI AGENTS (30’s).

SERIOUS-LOOKING FBI AGENT
(into his cell phone)
Great, thank you.
We’ll keep you posted.

Meet REN ROSEN.
Stiff. Formal. No-nonsense.

Poster boy for the Feds.
Boyish good looks.
Hence the overcompensation.

REN
We have the location.

ELWIN
That was fast --

MART
Shit, yeah --

The other agent, MEG STARK,
a tall, curvy brunette
gives them a wry smile.

Adjusts her glasses.
Purses bright red lips.

MEG
Simple triangulation equation
from the satellite.
We can track a text message
from a moving vehicle
in thirty seconds.

ELWIN
Damn.

REN
Signal came from
The Venice Motor Court.
I assume that’s a
hotel at the beach?

MART
Damn straight it is.

MEG
How far away?

ELWIN
Ten minutes?

REN
Then let’s go --

MART
You mean you WANT
us to come with you?

Ren nods curtly.
Heads for the door.
They all follow.

ELWIN
(to Mart)
Well, THAT’S a first --

MEG
(to Mart and Elwin)
Ren believes that cooperation
between local and federal authorities
is the most efficient method
of solving crime.

MART
Amen, sister --

Dead Weight

Hey there, crime kids. Happy New Year. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your most violent fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 24 of THE HEISTERS, the robbery continues as Kelsey and her gang overpower the stadium box office guards ...


INT. FINANCE OFFICE - DAY - FLASHBACK
Kelsey and Chick stand
near the front window. Watching.

Ludo and Ronan are on either side
of the door holding Uzis.
KELSEY

Here comes two of ‘em.
A guy and a girl --

CHICK
Jeez.
Check out the cans on THAT heifer.
(beat)
Sorry --

Everyone is quiet. Listening.
We hear a key JIGGLING in the door.

It OPENS, and in walk a NERDY GUY (20’s)
and a FAT CHICK (30’s).

Ludo and Ronan POKE them with their Uzis.

LUDO
Make a sound and you’re shredded wheat,
got it?

RONAN
Into the storage room. MARCH.

Nerdy and Fat look at each other.
Freaked. They nod, look down,
and start walking.

Ronan follows them.
Ludo takes position at the door again.
Kelsey joins him.

CHICK
Here comes one of the guards.
(beat)
Careful. This guy is BIG.

Footsteps POUND-POUND-POUND
outside the door. It OPENS.

In walks a THREE-HUNDRED POUND MONSTER.
I mean, this guy is BIG.

The love child of
Refrigerator Perry and Oprah.

Ludo points his Uzi at Monster Guard.
Takes a step back.

LUDO
Don’t move. Stay right where you are.

MONSTER GUARD
Fuck YOU.

Quick as lightning, he reaches out
and SWATS the gun out of Ludo’s hand.

GRABS him around the throat
with his meaty paws.

MONSTER GUARD
Nobody gonna rob MY office --

Kelsey RACES over. PISTOL-WHIPS
him on the head with her gun.

But it does no good. He blinks.
Keeps squeezing Ludo’s throat,
who’s face is now turning bright red.

Kelsey pulls out a silencer.
Screws it on her gun --

Just as Chick walks up and CRACKS
a folding chair over his head, BANG.
Monster lets go of Ludo.

Takes a step back, weaves a little,
then falls over,
hits the floor with a THUD.

KELSEY
The bigger they are --

CHICK
The harder you have to
smash’ em over the head.

LUDO
(rubbing his neck)
I actually starting seeing stars,
like in the cartoons --

KELSEY
(to Chick)
C’mon, help me drag him
into the storage room.

They each take an ankle.
Give him a YANK.

But he won’t budge.
Ludo looks at them. Smiles.

LUDO
Let me do it.
I could bench press that fat fuck.

Kelsey and Chick step back.
Ludo GRABS his ankles.

Starts pulling him across
the floor to the back.

CHICK
Impressive.

KELSEY
That’s what I call dead weight.

The door CLICKS.
Kelsey leans down,
picks up Ludo’s Uzi.

Takes aim. It OPENS.
THREE GUARDS file in, holding Starbucks.

CHICK
(waves his gun)
Stop right there, fellas.

KELSEY
Reach for your piece,
and it’s lights out,
right in the mochachino.

SURLY GUARD
(GRABS his piece)
What the FUCK?

CHICK
You heard the lady.
Get your hand OFF THE GUN.

SURLY GUARD
(hand on his piece)
But there’s three of us,
and two of you.

CHICK
That may be, but this semi-automatic weapon
will turn you into Swiss cheese
faster than you can say ‘Mall Cop.’

SURLY GUARD
HEY. There’s no need to be NASTY.

RONAN (O.C.)
If you don’t get your asses
over here in two seconds --

Reveal RONAN. Ten feet away.
Pointing HIS Uzi at them.

RONAN
Nasty is just the BEGINNING.

WIMPY GUARD
C’mon, guys.
These people man BUSINESS.
It’s not worth DYING for --

Surly and Angry take their hands
off their guns. Sigh.
All three start walking toward the back.

CHICK
(looks at Kelsey)
I almost had a coronary --

KELSEY
No time for that.
Take a deep breath.
We still have four more
employees on the way.

CHICK
Don’t worry. Figure of speech.

KELSEY
Great work with the chair, by the way.

CHICK
Thanks. I was trained by the best.

KELSEY
Army? Marines?

CHICK
Nah. Parents had eight kids --
`