That Killing Feeling: March 2013

Friday, March 29, 2013

Thursday, March 28, 2013

Happy Thursday, crime slicksters. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where the girls are hot, the drinks are cold, and the hardboiled-pulp-noir action is non-stop, right here, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 2 of DAZED, BEAUTIFUL & BRUISED, we meet homicide detective Carrie Love, undercover in Venice Beach, who gets into a tussle with a homeless vagrant. Meanwhile, D-list director Bruce Ball is trying to shoot a beer commercial with a porn star, and needless to say, it's not going very well ...

EXT. VENICE BEACH ALLEY - DAWN
Title Card reads ONE YEAR LATER.
An acid-jazzy crime theme bubbles under --

The barest light of dawn.
A streetlight SNAPS off.

In a filthy alley behind 'Hollywood Pizza,'
a Boardwalk dive.

A WOMAN sleeps --
a living pile of rags.

FEMALE VOICE (V.O.)
The worst part
about sleeping outside
is that you never
feel rested when you wake up.
You just lie there
because there’s nowhere to go.
And besides, it’s fucking cold out.

We recognize her voice
from the opening voiceover.

CAMERA PUSHES IN on her.
Underneath, despite the filth,
we see she’s young. Pretty.

FEMALE VOICE (V.O.)
So you just lie there
and remember what it was like
before this happened.
You think about things
like a hot shower.
A hot breakfast.
Reading the paper
with a cup of coffee
and a pack of smokes.

A HOMELESS MAN approaches on tip-toes,
touches her blanket --

And she LEAPS UP,
FLASHES her badge,
POINTS her gun at him.

WOMAN
Hold it right there, motherfucker!
You just messed with the wrong chick.
Assume the position!

HOMELESS MAN
Shit, lady -- I mean, officer,
I wasn’t doing nothing, I was just --

He looks down at the big wet stain
spreading on his crotch.

WOMAN
Jesus fucking Christ,
look at yourself.
Get outta here.
Don’t let me see you
around here again.

The man hobbles away in a panic.
The chick sits back down.

WOMAN
(into the camera)
You didn’t think I was homeless, did you?
(pulls out a bottle)
The name’s Carrie, Carrie Love.
I carry a badge.
(toasts, takes a sip)
Just getting into character.

INT. PRODUCTION OFFICE - NIGHT
Dean Martin’s YOU’RE NOBODY
UNTIL SOMEBODY LOVES YOU over --

A small tri-level house
converted into a groovy work space.

BRUCE BALL, six-feet of attitude
in a tiny, squishy body, is testing talent.
The auteur squints into the camera lens.

BRUCE
It’s called getting into character.
(beat)
Okay. You are so fucking excited
about drinking the delicious
Genuine Cold Ice Draft Lager
that you’re about to come.
This is the best fucking beer
you’ve had in your short,
meaningless life.

A pretty young MODEL (18)
holds a can of beer, vaguely insulted.

Topless, covers her nipples
with her other arm.

BRUCE
And -- ACTION.

MODEL
(sexy)
When I get really thirsty,
I gotta have a cold one.

CAMERA POV
The bim drops her arm,
rubs the can on her breasts.

MODEL
But when I get really hot,
I reach for a --

BRUCE
No, stop!
This isn’t a porno.
Why are you rubbing
it on your boobs?
Have you ever seen that
in a beer commercial?

MODEL
But you said you
wanted me to come.

BRUCE
I said LIKE you were gonna come,
it was a metaphor, a --

SULTRY FEMALE VOICE(O.S.)
Bruce, I hate to interrupt,
but that weird German guy
just called.

BRUCE
(excited)
The shoot?
Was it about the shoot?

In walks DINA DAERR, production VP.
The kind of woman who
spends more on her haircut
than most people’s car payment.

Flashes a 100-watt smile.
Arches a perfect, razor-thin brow.

DINA
Yeah, he said the call time
has been moved up,
you’re supposed to be there --
(looks at watch)
Now.

BRUCE
Hot stuff, my first feature.

MODEL
You’re going to go work on a movie?

BRUCE
Yeah.
I’ll see if there’s
a part for you.
Let you know.

DINA
(to the model)
You might not want to
be in this kinda flick.

MODEL
Why not?
What’s it called?

Burt glares at Dina.
Eyes yell at her to shut up.

DINA
'A Cockwork Orange.'

Wednesday, March 27, 2013

A Town Without Pity

Hey there, crime kids. Happy Hump Day. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your most violent fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

Today we're gonna dig deep into the archives and present to you the first story in the Carrie Love trilogy, DAZED, BEAUTIFUL & BRUISED, in which Carrie is still a homicide detective (before she gets kicked off the force in the second story). It's an action-packed thrill ride in which she and her partner (and ex-husband) Bernie Keko are hot on the trail of Sparkle Plenty, an underaged beauty pageant winner ... who also happens to be a serial killer.

In Chapter 1, homicide detective Carrie Love introduces our story ... and then we meet incest survivor/beauty queen teen Sparkle Plenty, who has a dastardly plan to escape from her trailer trash parents ...

EXT. MULHOLLAND DRIVE - SCENIC VIEW - NIGHT
A swanky, deliriously kinky go-go groove --
My Life With the Thrill Kill Kult’s
THE INTERNATIONAL SIN SET.

The glittering panorama of the
San Fernando Valley twinkles below.

A big, silvery moon
shines o’er the tackiness.

CARRIE LOVE (V.O.)
New York, New York --
the city so nice,
they named it twice.
The city that never sleeps.
But in Los Angeles,
people are in bed by nine.
And they only named it once.
Enough said?

A beat-up old PICKUP TRUCK
filled with MEXICAN GARDENERS comes
TEARING BY in a CRUNCH of gravel.

CARRIE LOVE (V.O.)
Actually, the full name is
'El Pueblo de La Neustra Senora,
Reina de Los Angeles.
'The City of our Lady,
Queen of the Angels.'
No wonder they shortened it.
Ever take a close look at this
never-bustling metropolis?
Not exactly pure and chaste, huh.

A HUMVEE
comes into view.
The absurd vehicle slows, parks.

IN THE CAR
an ARROGANT HIPSTER (25)
and his GEN-Z GIRLFRIEND (21),
a whisper-thin young hottie
start making out.

CARRIE LOVE (V.O.)
Like the song says,
it’s a town without pity.
But that doesn’t stop the
millions of boys and girls
that come here with stars in their eyes.
Almost none of them make it, of course --
but that doesn’t stop them;
those eager, fresh-scrubbed teeming masses
from the hinterlands with
visions of celebrity
dancing in their empty heads.

The couple starts getting hot and heavy.
Hands go to private places.

HOTTIE GIRLFRIEND
No, I told you -- NO!

ARROGANT HIPSTER
C’mon, Tifney --
I promise I’ll respect you and shit.

HOTTIE GIRLFRIEND
You expect me to jerk your stick
like some kinda sleazy cooze?

ARROGANT HIPSTER
Hey. I don’t get a happy ending --
you don’t get a happy ending.

Pause.

CARRIE LOVE (V.O.)
But our story starts far away
from this airbrushed mecca
of cigar-smoking goateed posers
and collagen-impaired faux-fatales --
in a tiny little berg
on the wrong side of the tracks.
(beat)
Except there’s no tracks,
and the one-mile stretch of trailer homes
makes a good case for selective breeding.

A pistol CLICK-CLICKS.
The girl SCREAMS --
and gunshots POP-POP-POP.

CARRIE LOVE (V.O.)
Or maybe just a little ethnic cleansing.

INT. WHITE TRASH TRAILER - NIGHT
ROSCOE PLENTY, (40) a strange-looking nerd,
watches a shitty little black and white TV,
swills a bottle of cheap beer.

ROSCOE
(to someone off-screen)
C’mon honey,
you’re missing the big number.

ON TV
in glorious Technicolor,
SEVEN BRIDES FOR SEVEN BROTHERS.

A chorus line of grinning,
super-masculine Hollywood cowboys.

SEVEN BROTHERS (ON TV)
(singing)
Bless your beoootiful hide --

INT. FILTHY KITCHEN - CONTINUOUS
DOT PLENTY (33), Roscoe’s repulsive wife
eats dog food out of the can.

Sips her jelly-jar zinfandel.
Belly-T reveals folds of pale cottage-cheese.
‘Fat’ would be a compliment.

DOT
(sucking her fingers)
Fucking musicals.
(to him, loud)
I’m gonna go check on Sparkle,
make sure she’s all clean!

IN THE LIVING ROOM
the drunk is riveted to the movie,
drinks his longneck.

INT. TRAILER BATHROOM - CONTINUOUS
A steaming shower runs.

A FEMALE FORM behind the glass --
sings off-key some weird disco hit.

IN THE HALLWAY
the happy molester squeezes by,
reaches the door. Smiles.

IN THE BATHROOM
the door opens.
In creeps lover-mom.

DOT
(throaty)
Does little Sparkle-ette
need help cleaning those --
hard-to-reach places?

EXT. TRAILER - CONTINUOUS
Steam drifts out the bathroom window.
A knapsack FLIES OUT.

Out pops SPARKLE PLENTY (16),
teased-hair K-Mart adorable.

Picture-pretty face.
What you call a ‘spinner.’

She JUMPS, lands on the ground.
Then runs, giggling.

IN THE BATHROOM
Coquettish, Dot opens the shower door --

DOT
Mmmmmm -- do I smell Soft Soap?

To reveal it’s empty.

A TAPE RECORDER
sits on the toilet.
The source of the singing.

A WINDOW SHADE
flaps against the open window.

IN THE LIVING ROOM
Roscoe sings along,
having the time of his life. BURP.

IN THE BATHROOM

DOT
Roscoe, Sparkle escaped! Again!

EXT. HILLSIDE - CONTINUOUS
Sparkle looks down on her nest from hell.
Holds a remote trigger box in dainty hands.

SPARKLE
(punches a button)
Hasta la vista, incestual units --

THE TRAILER
EXPLODES in a massive fireball.

SPARKLE (O.S.)
Cause this chick’s going to Hollywood.

Tuesday, March 26, 2013

True Romance

Happy Tuesday, crime slicksters. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where the girls are hot, the drinks are cold, and the hardboiled-pulp-noir action is non-stop, right here, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 26 of EXIT, we reach the exciting conclusion of our story, in which fugitive gunman Danny Peel and his squeeze, Oscar-Winning screenwriter Casey Montana try to fend off the SWAT team that invades the club ...

INT. THE EXIT ROOM - EARLY MORNING
Suddenly we hear DRILLING from above.

CASEY
What the fuck's THAT?

DANNY
They’re coming in.

LUTHER
Fuck this shit.
I’m getting the fuck OUTTA here.

He shoots Danny in the belly.
BANG. BANG. BANG.

Sky SHOOTS Luther in the chest,
BANG. BANG. BANG.

Luther slumps against the bar,
SLIDES off his stool,
HITS the floor, THWUMP.

DANNY
(holding his stomach)
Motherfucker that hurts.

Casey rushes over.
Tries to stop the bleeding with her hands.

CASEY
Shit, shit, shit --
(gasps)
GODAMMIT.

The drilling gets LOUDER.
A circular piece of the ceiling FALLS,
hits the floor, BANG.

Grey GAS starts BILLOWING out from the hole.
Starts filling the room.

SKY
SHIT.
What do we do?

BETTIE
They can’t DO this.
We’re FAMOUS.

DANNY
Guess the joke’s on you.

MIA
I’ll go see if I can
break a window in the bathroom.

She RACES out of the room.
The smoke starts getting THICKER.

Everyone starts CHOKING.
Blood burbles out of Danny’s mouth.

DANNY
(to Casey)
They’re gonna be coming in any second.
Save yourself.

CASEY
No fucking way.
I’m not leaving you.

DANNY
You wanna fucking DIE?
You got your story. Go. NOW.

CASEY
But there’s NOWHERE TO GO.

DANNY
VIP room.
Separate ventilation.
For cigars --

CASEY
But, but --

DANNY
GO.

Casey looks into his eyes.
Bites her lower lip.

CASEY
I don’t wanna leave you.

DANNY
That makes two us.

CASEY
What we had was -- nice, wasn’t it?

DANNY
It was True Romance, baby.
But you gotta go now.
(off her look)
Do it for me.
Tell my story.

She gets up.
Wipes her nose with a bloody sleeve.

CASEY
I promise I’ll do you justice.

DANNY
(softly)
I know you will.
Now please, get the fuck outta here.

A tear trickles down her cheek.
She turns, RACES out of the room --
just as the door EXPLODES off it’s hinges.

Two dozen SWAT COMMANDOS
wearing full body armor and ventilators
STORM into the room FIRING AUTOMATIC WEAPONS.

Sky and Bettie try to RUN,
but get CUT DOWN in their tracks.

Danny’s body gets SHREDDED with bullets,
his body JERKING around like a puppet.

LEAD COMMANDO
CLEAR.

They STORM toward the back.

INT. VIP ROOM - EARLY MORNING
Even plusher than the rest of the joint.

We see Tough-Looking Female Cop,
tied and gagged.
Still out cold.

A pile of bodies in the corner.
Easy. Angel. Mickey. Vin. Harry. Pub. Ned.

And undereath them,
Casey, eyes closed.

The door gets KICKED IN.
A pair of COMMANDOS RACE in.

See the carnage.
Pull off their masks.
Walk over.

TALL COMMANDO
Holy shit.

BULKY COMMANDO
I think one of ‘em’s still alive.

A GIANT COMMANDO walks in.
Sees them. The bodies.

GIANT COMMANDO
We’re clear.
(sees the bodies)
Jesus fucking Christ.
And I thought the dead chick
in the bathroom was fucked.

Tall Commando bends down.
Feels Casey’s pulse.

She opens her eyes.
Looks at them.

TALL COMMANDO
Hold on miss,
we’ll get you outta here.

BULKY COMMANDO
(to Tall)
Smart girl.
Pretended she was dead.

TALL COMMANDO
(nods, to Casey)
Someday you’re gonna have
a great story to tell your grandchildren.

Casey stares at him a beat.
Her eyes flicker.

CASEY
Make a great movie, don’t you think?

Monday, March 25, 2013

Dog Day Afternoon

Hey there, crime kids. Happy Monday. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your most violent fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 25 of EXIT, we reach the next-to-last chapter of our story, in which fugitive gunman Danny Peel and the celebrities try to make a deal with hostage negotiator Marko Maisel ...

INT. THE EXIT ROOM - EARLY MORNING
Danny unlocks the door.

Moves away from it.
The door OPENS.

In walks MARKO MAISEL (50’s),
medium-height, buff, balding
and fierce-looking.

Wearing a skin-tight black jumpsuit.
Red-tinted shades.

He smiles brightly,
eyes burning with menace.

MARKO
Did somebody order a hostage negotiator?
(off his look)
You’re the crazed gunman, I take it?

DANNY
I wouldn’t use the word ‘crazed.’

MARKO
Marko Maisel, LAPD, at your service.
(nods)
Wish I could say I was pleased to meet you,
but given the circumstances,
this being work-related and all --
(examines him)
But still, you look like
a fairly decent fellow.
No frothing at the mouth --

DANNY
Haven’t frothed in years.

MARKO
And you have a sense of humor.
That’s good.
Might just save your life.
(beat)
Do you know how long
I’ve been a hostage negotiator?

DANNY
No, but I’ve got a funny feeling
you’re gonna tell me.

MARKO
Twenty-five years.

DANNY
That’s a lot of hostages.

MARKO
Do you know how many I’ve lost
in all those years?

DANNY
Let me guess. None?

MARKO
Smart lad. I like that. Smart.
(sighs)
If only you’d applied yourself
in a different field,
who knows what you could
have accomplished.

DANNY
Guess we’ll never know.

Marko looks at everyone at the bar.
Sees their guns.

MARKO
I was told there were celebrities in here,
but I didn’t believe it.
(looks around)
This is a nightclulb, I take it.
Open kind of late --
or should I say early?

DANNY
After-hours club.

MARKO
(sees Biff)
There’s one officer --
(looks at Luther)
And there’s another one.
(looks at Danny)
Where’s the third?

DANNY
In the VIP room getting a table dance.

MARKO
I must say, that’s quite impressive.
You’ve kept three hostages at bay
and overpowered three cops
all by yourself?

DANNY
When I came in, I had a partner.

MARKO
Where is he now?

DANNY
I’m afraid he’s no longer with us.

MARKO
But still, three cops.
I’m impressed.

DANNY
Let’s just say I’m resourceful.

CASEY
He had some help.

BETTIE
We’re not hostages.
He’s our friend.

SKY
He’s not a bad person
once you get to know him.

CASEY
He was upset.
The guy slept with his wife.
His partner was the one
that did all the shooting.

Marko stares at them.
Slowly nodding his head.
Thinking.

DANNY
So what happens now?

MARKO
Well, this is the point
where I ask you to give yourself up
and come with me quietly,
tell you I’ll try to get you
the best deal I can --
(beat)
But somehow I don’t think
you’re gonna go for that.

DANNY
That would be correct.

MARKO
Then I assume you have demands?
You’d like transporation out of here?
Safe passage so you can make your escape?
Maybe a pizza?

DANNY
No thanks.
I’ve seen Dog Day Afternoon.
We’ve got our own tranporation.
Just want you to back off
and let us split.

MARKO
I see.

MIA
They’re taking my car.

MARKO
You must be the bartender.
That’s very generous.
I assume you’re also generous
with your cocktails?

MIA
(half-smile)
Sometimes.

Pause.

MARKO
Tell you what I’ll do.
If you let me escort
the officers out of here,
I’ll go ask my boss.

DANNY
Sorry. The officers stay.

Marko stares at him.
Then at the others. Thinking.

MARKO
I’ll just be a few minutes.

He leaves.

CASEY
Jesus Christ.
That guy’s fucking weird.

SKY
You think they’re gonna let us go?

BETTIE
Of course they are.
They’re not gonna shoot celebrities.

DANNY
I wouldn’t be too sure of that.

Suddenly we hear DRILLING from above.

CASEY
What the fuck’s THAT?

DANNY
They’re coming IN --

Friday, March 22, 2013

Are You Fucking Kidding Me?

Thursday, March 21, 2013

Helter Skelter

Wednesday, March 20, 2013

A Little Help From My Friends

Hey there, crime kids. Happy Wednesday. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your most violent fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 22 of EXIT, a cop comes knocking on the door of the after hours club where fugitive Danny Peel is holding a group of celebrities hostage, but in a strange turn of events, the celebs grab guns and help Danny confront him ...

INT. THE EXIT ROOM - EARLY MORNING
Danny stands near the door
holding the duffle bag.

Casey, Bettie, Sky and Mia
are right behind him.

DANNY
I’ll go out first, make sure
we can get to Mia’s car. Okay?

CASEY
Be careful.

Biff’s radio CRACKLES.

TIRED MALE VOICE (O.C.)
(electronic)
Finished the other side of the street.
You almost done?
Wanna go get some coffee?

CASEY
Shit. That must be his partner.

TIRED MALE VOICE (O.C.)
Biff, you copy that?
(beat)
Biff?
(beat)
You takin’ a piss or something?

CASEY
He’s gonna start looking for him.

SKY
We still can make it to the car.

BETTIE
Are you crazy?
He’s right nearby.

Danny walks over to the cop.
Grabs his radio.

CASEY
Danny, NO.
What are you doing?
Are you crazy?

He presses a button.
Speaks into it.

DANNY
Okay. Here’s the deal.
I’m the guy you’re looking for,
and I’ve got your partner on ice.
I’ve got two million dollars, give or take.
Half of it is yours if you help me.

TIRED MALE VOICE (O.C.)
What the fuck have you done
with my partner?

DANNY
Relax.
He’s just taking a little nap.
And I’ve got five more hostages,
one of ‘em is another cop.
If you don’t help me,
they die, capiche?

TIRED MALE VOICE (O.C.)
You honestly think
I’m gonna help a cop killer?

DANNY
Think about it.
That’s your salary for twenty years.
Tax-free.

Pause.

TIRED MALE VOICE (O.C.)
Where are you?

DANNY
Small white building on the corner.
Used to be a bank.
Can’t miss it.

TIRED MALE VOICE (O.C.)
I’m on my way.

Danny shoves the radio in his pocket.

DANNY
Okay, everybody.
We got company.

CASEY
This is fucking crazy.

SKY
No, it’s not.
It’s five against one.

BETTIE
(to Sky)
Yeah, but only you and Danny have guns.

CASEY
(realizes)
The cop’s guns --

She races across the room.
Finds his guns on the floor.

Picks them up.
Walks over to Bettie.
Hands her one.

BETTIE
Fucking COOL.

DANNY
Ever shot a gun before?

BETTIE
Hell, yeah.
Grew up in Texas.

DANNY
(to Casey)
How about you?

CASEY
Only in my dreams.

DANNY
It’s easy.
Just take aim,
take a deep breath
and squeeze the trigger.
Use two hands.
Sucker’s got quite a kick.

CASEY
(nods)
Squeeze the trigger.

DANNY
Okay, then. It’s settled.
We’re all in this together.

The buzzer RINGS.

DANNY
Places, please.
Aim at the door.

MIA
Don’t I get a gun?

DANNY
Get behind the bar, Mia.

She frowns.
Starts walking toward the bar.

Danny goes to the door.
Leans into it.

DANNY
Come in nice and slow.

The door slowly opens.
In walks Sergeant LUTHER JAMES (20’s),
African-American, tall, good-looking,
holding his weapon in a two-handed grip.
Danny points his sawed-off at him.

LUTHER
Looks like a standoff, cop killer.

DANNY
Not quite.

Casey, Sky and Bettie come into view,
weapons aimed.

DANN
I get by with a
little help from my friends --

Tuesday, March 19, 2013

Chunks In Sauce

Happy Tuesday, crime slicksters. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where the girls are hot, the drinks are cold, and the hardboiled-pulp-noir action is non-stop, right here, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 21 of EXIT, faded rock star Bettie Black tries to keep a cop from coming into the club and discovering fugitive gunman Danny Peel and the hostage situation, with violent results ...

INT. THE EXIT ROOM - EARLY MORNING
The buzzer RINGS.

URGENT MALE VOICE (O.C.)
OPEN UP, POLICE.

CASEY
Shit.

BANG-BANG-BANGING on the door.

ANGRY COP (O.C.)
OPEN UP THE DOOR RIGHT NOW.

DANNY
We need a diversion.

CASEY
(to Mia)
Go put some music on.
Make it seem like a
private party or something.

Mia dashes over to the sound system.
Turns it on.

Thievery Corporation bubbles
its world beat on hidden speakers.

BETTIE
Let me try.

DANNY
Yeah, go ahead. Do it.

Bettie nods.
RACES over to the door.
Opens it a crack.

Danny grabs his shotgun.
Follows her.
Stands off to the side.

BETTIE
Sorry, officer. Private party.
Was the music too loud?
Joint’s supposed to be soundproof --

ANGRY COP (O.C.)
I need to come in
and search the place, Miss.
There’s a dangerous felon on the loose.
(beat)
You’re Bettie Black --

BETTIE
That’s me.

ANGRY COP (O.C.)
I’m afraid I’m still
gonna have to come in.

BETTIE
Do you have to?
Me and my friends were
gonna be leaving soon.
Can you come back a little later?

ANGRY COP (O.C.)
I’m sorry, Ms. Black.

BETTIE
Bettie, please.
Do I looke like a ‘Ms?’

ANGRY COP (O.C.)
I believe you -- Bettie,
but I gotta come in.
It’s my job.
We gotta check every building.
Sorry to inconvenience you.

BETTIE
Who you looking for?

ANGRY COP (O.C.)
Are you kidding?
It’s all over the news.

BETTIE
I don’t watch the news.
You said you’re looking for
a dangerous felon?

ANGRY COP (O.C.)
Yeah. Some asshole
killed a cop up in the hills.
We got a city-wide manhunt going on.

BETTIE
Holy shit.

ANGRY COP (O.C.)
I’ll just be a minute.

BETTIE
Well, see -- the thing is,
we’ve been doing some partying.
Smoking some weed,
doing a little blow.
Promise you won’t bust us?

ANGRY COP (O.C.)
Don’t worry about it.
Got bigger fish to fry.
Now if you’ll excuse me --

The door starts to push open.
ANGRY COP (30’s) starts coming in.

Meet sergeant BIFF GRIFFIN,
a big beefy fellow.

Danny SHOVES his sawed-off
against the side of his head.

DANNY
Make one move
and you’re chunks in sauce.

Biff freezes.

DANNY
I want you to take three steps, VERY SLOWLY.

He does.
Danny continues to aim the gun at his head.
Bettie quickly closes the door.

DANNY
Now VERY SLOWLY unholster your weapon,
drop it on the floor
and kick it across the room.

Biff carefully unsnaps the holster.
Gingerly pulls it out.

DROPS it. KICKS it.
The gun SKITTERS across the floor.

BIFF
You’ll never get away with this.
You realize how many cops are out there?

DANNY
Shut up.
Now the gun on your ankle.

He sighs. Bends down.
Pulls up a pants leg.

Pulls out a small snub-nose revolver.
Drops it and kicks it away.

DANNY
Now your pepper spray.

Biff unhooks a cannister
off his belt. TOSSES it.

DANNY
Go sit over there.

He marches defiantly over to the banquet.
Sits. Glowering.

BIFF
My partner’s gonna come looking for me.

DANNY
Shut the fuck up.

SKY
You want us to tie him up?

BIFF
(looks at him)
Hey. You’re that actor.

DANNY
I said SHUT THE FUCK UP.
(to Mia)
You got some rope
or something in the office?

MIA
I think we have some twine.

DANNY
Go get it.

Mia dashes off.

CASEY
We should keep him in here.
The other cop in the VIP room
and he could help each other escape.

DANNY
Yeah. Good idea.

BETTIE
(points)
Over there against the wall.

SKY
(points)
Over there in that dark corner’s better.

BIFF
(to Danny)
Wait a minute.
They’re not acting like hostages.
What the fuck’s going on?

Danny marches over.
CRACKS him on the head with the sawed-off.
Biff slumps over, out cold.

DANNY
What part of ‘shut the fuck up’
didn’t you get?

Monday, March 18, 2013

The Gravy Train

Hey there, crime kids. Happy Monday. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your most violent fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 20 of EXIT, Oscar-winning screenwriter Casey Montana prods fugitive Danny Peel to tell her about what went down that night at the home invasion-gone wrong, but just as Danny confesses his sins, the cops arrive and start pounding on the door ...

INT. THE EXIT ROOM - EARLY MORNING
Mia makes coffee, eyes red-rimmed.
Bettie and Casey sit at the bar, in a daze.

Bettie pours a shot.
Downs it.

Pours another. Slams it.
Pours another.

CASEY
Still trying to leave Vegas?

BETTIE
Hell, no.
That fucking shit was PUNK ROCK.
I’m sorry Easy and Angel died and shit,
but that lit the fucking spark.
I haven’t felt this alive in YEARS.
Got all kinds of music in my head.

Danny and Sky walk in.
Take seats.

DANNY
The VIP room is starting
to look like a morgue.

SKY
‘Starting to?’

DANNY
(looks at Mia)
I could go for a cup of coffee.

SKY
Make mine Irish.

DANNY
You did good, kid.

SKY
I just got into character --
and did it.

DANNY
(to Casey)
How you holding up? You okay?

CASEY
Top of the world, Ma.

DANNY
No, seriously. You looked spooked.

CASEY
I am.
(faint smile)
But it’s a good kinda spooked.

BETTIE
I don’t know about you,
but all this shit gave me
the kick in the ass I fucking needed.

SKY
I know, right?
Now I don’t give a shit what anybody thinks.
I fucked up, so I’ll pay the price.
I’ll get clean, go to rehab.
Big fucking deal.
HIV is no longer a death sentence, right?
I’ll be fine.
Hollywood loves a big comeback.
(beat)
I can’t believe I was
acting like such a pussy.

DANNY
So the big, bad wolf ends up
helping everybody get their shit together.
(beat)
Sure could use some of that myself about now.

Casey takes Danny’s hand in hers.
Looks in his eyes.

CASEY
So what happened?
Why did you do it?

DANNY
We should get going.

CASEY
In a sec.
I think we all wannna know.
(looks at the group, off their nods)
What happened?

Pause.

DANNY
Rael and I used to be partners.
Started out squeaky clean.
Loved the job.
Both of our fathers were cops,
real heroes, you know?
(beat)
We walked the straight and narrow for a long time.
But cops don’t make very much money --
and every day you’re out there
busting these assholes who’ve got a shitload of cash.
You’re driving a Ford and they’ve got a Porsche.
You wear a Timex, they’ve got a Rolex.
You eat burgers, they have steak.
(beat)
So one day you swipe a little cash after a bust.
Who’s gonna notice, right?
Bust a guy who’s got a
couple-hundred grand, pocket ten.
Big fucking deal.
Who does it hurt?
(beat)
We started doing it more and more.
Thought of it as a bonus for doing a good job.
Take down some lowlife who had a million in coke
and a half-a-million in cash,
you deserve fifty-k for bringing him down.
(beat)
Problem is, you start getting
used to the finer things in life.
A cabin up in Big Bear.
New clothes for the wife.
Nice vacations.
You become addicted to spending it.
Almost like you want to get rid of it,
like you don’t really deserve it.

CASEY
I know what you mean.
I spent so much money after the movie hit,
my accountant almost had a heart attack.

DANNY
How did you stop?

CASEY
I didn’t.
Why do you think I need the next movie?

DANNY
(nods)
So, anyway -- I rip off a dealer
who turns out to be an informer,
get busted for being dirty
and get thrown off the force.
The wife’s not happy.
No more gravy train.

CASEY
Ohimogd. She slept with Rael.

DANNY
Are you fucking pyschic?
How did you know that?

CASEY
Read a lot of books,
watch a lot of movies.
I can predict a plot twist
at twenty paces.

DANNY
No shit.
(sips his coffee)
So -- I did what any broke,
jealous asshole would do.
Robbed the fucking creep
that fucked my wife.
(beat)
Only I didn’t think she’d
be in bed with him when I did it.

SKY
That’s some pretty intense shit.

BETTIE
No shit.

DANNY
I’m afraid I’m not the savior you think I am.
I’m just your garden variety criminal.

MIA
But you did it for love.
That means something.

DANNY
Love? I dunno.
Jealous rage is more like it.
After I got kicked off the force,
our marriage was never the same.
(beat)
I fucking lived for that job.

CASEY
Well, you got the money.

DANNY
And someone to tell my story.

CASEY
Gonna make a hell of a movie.

DANNY
Whattaya say we get the fuck outta here?

The buzzer RINGS.

URGENT MALE VOICE (O.C.)
OPEN UP, POLICE.

Friday, March 15, 2013

Can't We All Just Get Along?

Hey there, crime kids. Happy Friday. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your most violent fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 19 of EXIT, loan shark thugs Ned and Pub burst into the club with shotguns, demanding payment from Angel the bouncer ... and just as fugitive Danny Peel tries to fend them off with his gun, in a surprising move, the hostages come to the rescue ...

INT. THE EXIT ROOM - EARLY MORNING
Danny looks at Angel. Nods.

Angel unlocks, opens the door --
and two HUGE GUYS (20’s)
walk in carrying shotguns.

PUB, a crazy-looking Brit,
and NED, a scary-looking redneck.

PUB
(aims his gun at Angel)
Just the bloke we’re lookin’ for.

NED
(looks around)
Fancy joint ya got here.

Danny LEAPS around,
JAMS his sawed-off
against Ned’s cheek.

DANNY
Don’t move.
Drop it.

PUB
(to Danny)
Drop yours, or I blow
da spic’s head off.

DANNY
Drop yours, or I spray the wall
with Jed Clampett’s brains.

NED
(to Pub)
Wait, wait.
If you shoot him,
we don’t get no money.
(to Danny)
Who the fuck are you?

DANNY
None of your fucking business.
Who the fuck are YOU?

PUB
He owes our boss money --

NED
And we’re here to collect.

DANNY
How much?

PUB
Two thousand.

ANGEL
TWO thousand?
The weekly vig’s supposed to be one.

NED
It doubles if you’re late.

DANNY
I’ll give it to you
if you put your gun down.

PUB
You’ll give it to me? Right.
You just happen to carry around
that much cash.

DANNY
I’ve got it, okay?
(off his look)
I’m in a similar line of work.

NED
How do I know you’re
not gonna blow my head off?

DANNY
You’re just gonna have to trust me.

PUB
He’s bluffing.

EASY (O.C.)
Gentlemen.
Can’t we all just get along?

Reveal Easy.
Standing nearby,
jacket over his shoulders.

NED
Holy shit.
It’s Easy Washington.

PUB
Who gives a shit.
I fookin’ hate baseball.

EASY
(smiles)
And I hate soccer.
We’re even.

NED
I just heard on the radio
that you’re a bone-smuggler.

EASY
Well, bisexual is more accurate.

NED
(aims his gun at Easy)
A fag’s a fag,
no matter if he eats pussy.
It’s like being half-black,
yer still black.

SKY (O.C.)
Is that any way to speak
to a sports legend?

Reveal Sky.
Standing a few feet to the side.
Holding Vin’s gun, aimed at Pub.

PUB
Who the fuck are --
wait a minute.
(to Ned)
That’s Sky Masters.

NED
Who?

PUB
Sky Masters.
He was in ‘Baby Heister.’
You know. The wheelman.

NED
Oh, yeah.

SKY
Nice to meet you, fellas.
Now why don’t we all put our guns down
so my friend can give you your money.
Whattaya say?

NED
Bullshit.
You’re tryin’ to trick us.

CASEY (O.C.)
Trick or treat!

BETTIE (O.C.)
Trick or treat!

Reveal Casey and Bettie.
Holding bottles of booze.
They both take a swig. Smile.

BETTIE
C’mon, boys --

CASEY
Let’s get the party STARTED.

NED
Holy SHIT.
That’s Bettie Black.
PUB
(to Casey)
Who are you?
You famous, too?

CASEY
(coy)
Maybe --

Bettie and Casey raise
their bottles with one hand,
PULL UP their tops with the other.

Pub and Ned stare at their breasts --
as the girls SMASH
the bottles on their heads.

They both HIT the floor.
THWUMP.

Their shotguns go OFF.
BANG. BANG.

Angel gets HIT in the belly.
FLIES across the room.

MIA
ANGEL, NO.

Easy gets HIT in the crotch,
falls to the floor, THWUMP.
Bettie and Casey SCREAM.

Harry starts having a HEART ATTACK.
CLUTCHES his chest.

Weaves. Falls over.
HITS the floor.

Danny aims his sawed-off.
BLOWS OFF Pub’s head. BANG.
Then Ned’s. BANG.

Danny looks at their bodies.
Then the girls.

DANNY
I need a drink --

Thursday, March 14, 2013

Mad Money

Wednesday, March 13, 2013

Thank Heaven For Small Miracles

Tuesday, March 12, 2013

Dirty Harry

Happy Tuesday, crime slicksters. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where the girls are hot, the drinks are cold, and the hardboiled-pulp-noir action is non-stop, right here, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 16 of EXIT, gunman Danny Peel and dirty cop Vin Vargas have sandwiches with the hostages, but when screenwriter Casey Montana asks Danny what went down at the home invasion earlier that night, thinking it might be a good story for her next screenplay, Danny blames Vin for the carnage, and then things take a violent turn ...

INT. THE EXIT ROOM - EARLY MORNING
A big spread of food is on the table.
Everybody sits on the banquet eating sandwiches.

Vin’s there, too.
Looks like hell in greasy, filthy clothing.

CASEY
Ohmigod, this is so fucking good.

VIN
Boar’s Head.
I don’t eat that cheap shit.

HARRY
Righteous sandwich.
You know your way around munchies.

VIN
Great fucking weed.
Took the edge right off.

DANNY
(to Vin)
You really paid a homeless guy
to switch clothes with you?

VIN
Yeah. Gave him a hundred bucks.
There were so many cops around,
I had to disguise myself --
(takes a bite)
That’s what took me so long to get back.

DANNY
I gotta say I’m impressed.

VIN
What about the cop?
How long before they start looking for her?

DANNY
(holds up a walkie talkie)
We’ve got some time.
Now that we got her radio
we can listen to what’s going on.

VIN
I can tell you what’s going on.
Full media blitz, cops everywhere, choppers.

DANNY
We gotta come up with a new plan.
They’re gonna find the stolen car.

VIN
Yeah. We’re gonna need new wheels.

MIA
You can take my car.

DANNY
What kind of car do you have?

MIA
A Honda SUV.
Has tinted windows.

DANNY
I dunno.
There’s gonna be roadblocks.
I gotta think about it.

MIA
(to Danny)
While you think about it,
can I use your phone
to call the hospital?

DANNY
That offer was good
if you kept the cop away.

MIA
I tried, but she saw the blood.
It wasn’t my fault.

VIN
You were gonna let her use your PHONE?

DANNY
(to Mia)
Okay. Make it quick.
I’ll be listening.

MIA
Ohmigod, THANK YOU.

VIN
What the fuck?

Danny pulls out his cell phone.
Hands it to her.

Mia takes it, dials a number.
Relieved.

DANNY
Chill out.
Her mother had a stroke.
It’s not her fault you fucked up tonight.

VIN
WHAT?

DANNY
Shut up, Vin. I wanna listen.

MIA
(into the phone)
The UCLA Medical Center in Santa Monica.
(listens)
Thanks.
(listens)
Yes, hi. I’m calling to get some
information on a patient of yours?
(listens)
Lucy Tanaka.
(listens)
Sure, I’ll hold.
(to Danny)
I’m holding --

DANNY
It’s okay.

MIA
(nods)
Yes? She IS? Thank god. Thank you.
(listens)
She’s going home tomorrow?
(listens)
Is my sister there?
Can I talk to her?

DANNY
Time’s up.

MIA
But I want to ask her --

DANNY
(GRABS the phone)
You found out your mother’s okay.
Can’t risk you talking to your sister.
She’ll be able to tell something’s up
by the tone of your voice.

VIN
I can’t believe you let her fucking do that.
Hostages aren’t allowed to make phone calls.

DANNY
You really are a pain in the ass,
you know that?

VIN
HEY. I risked my BADGE for you.
And what’s this bullshit about
‘I fucked up the job?’

DANNY
You DID fuck up the job.

CASEY
Wait a minute. Vin’s a COP?
DANNY
(nods)
A cop with a gambling problem.

VIN
Why the fuck did you have to tell her THAT?

DANNY
Cause it’s true?

VIN
I didn’t fuck up the job.
He was going for his piece.

DANNY
No he wasn’t.
He was reaching for his glasses.
He was blind without them.
(to Casey)
They were fucking when we walked in --
(to Vin)
And Dirty Harry here just HAD to go in,
guns blazing.

CASEY
Oh my god.
This WOULD make a great movie.

VIN
A MOVIE?
You can’t make a movie outta this
without our permission.

DANNY
I’m giving her mine.

VIN
WHAT?

DANNY
Gonna do something about it?

VIN
(stands)
Maybe.

DANNY
I wouldn’t do that if I were you.
Be the last mistake you ever made.
(chuckles)
One in a LONG line --
(imitates him)
Hello, honey?
I lost our mortgage payment at the track.

Vin reaches for his gun,
but Danny’s faster --
and SHOOTS him with the sawed-off, BOOM.

He FLIES backwards,
HITS the floor, THUD.
Blood starts PUMPING out of his belly.

Casey stares, wide-eyed.
Heart beating a mile a minute.

Monday, March 11, 2013

Party Out Of Bounds

Hey there, crime kids. Happy Monday. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your most violent fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 15 of EXIT, just as fugitive gunman Danny Peel and the celebrity hostages get high and listen to some music to try and chill out, a cop suddenly rings the buzzer, demanding to come in and search the place ... and everyone has to think fast ...

INT. THE EXIT ROOM - EARLY MORNING
The lush world beat of Thievery Corporation
gently pulses through hidden speakers over --

Everybody sitting on the banquette getting high.
Danny’s at one end with his shotgun on his lap.

Bettie stands in the middle of the room
doing an interpretive dance.

DANNY
(laughs)
I thought I said ‘no dancing.’

BETTIE
I’m not dancing.

DANNY
No shit.
(looks at Mia)
So what’s your story?
You an actress-slash-model?

MIA
I guess so.

DANNY
You guess so?
Then why do you look so sad?
You’re pursuing your dream.
(off her look)
There’s no need to be afraid of me.
I’m not gonna hurt you.

MIA
Right before you -- came,
I got a call from my sister.
My mother had a stroke and
she was being rushed to the hospital.
(starts crying)
And I don’t know if she’s okay.

DANNY
Oh, wow. Shit. I’m sorry.

MIA
(to Danny)
Can I use your cell phone
to call the hospital?

The buzzer RINGS.

FEMALE COP (O.C.)
Open up, it’s the police.

DANNY
(to Mia)
Go answer it.
Shut off the lights
and pretend you’re closing up.
If you can get rid of her,
I’ll let you call your mom, okay?
(to the rest)
Everybody else get behind the bar.

They quickly tip-toe toward the back.
Danny takes position next to the door.

Mia goes to a panel on the wall,
shuts off the lights.
Opens the door.

A tough-looking
FEMALE UNIFORMED OFFICER (30’s) appears.

MIA
Hello, officer.
I was just closing up.
Can I help you?

TOUGH-LOOKING FEMALE COP
You’re just closing now?
What kinda place is this?

MIA
After-hours club.
(smiles)
Very exclusive.

TOUGH-LOOKING FEMALE COP
I smell marijuana.

MIA
Yeah, I know.
It’s against the rules.
But who’s gonna argue
with Easy Washington?

TOUGH-LOOKING FEMALE COP
Easy Washingon was here?
Tonight? Shit.

MIA
Yeah. We had quite the crowd tonight --
Bettie Black, Sky Masters, Casey Montana --

TOUGH-LOOKING FEMALE COP
Who’s Casey Montana?

MIA
She wrote Wilshire Bouleward?

TOUGH-LOOKING FEMALE COP
Oh, wow. I loved that movie.
(peers in)
So they’re all gone?

MIA
Yep. Were you looking for somebody?

TOUGH-LOOKING FEMALE COP
Yeah.
Had a home invasion
up in the hills.
Cop got killed.

MIA
Oh, no. That’s terrible.

TOUGH-LOOKING FEMALE COP
Tell me about it.
Got everybody they can on it.
Got me outta bed.

MIA
Wow. That sucks.
(off his look)
Do you mind if I get going?
I’ve got a sick mother
at home that needs me.

TOUGH-LOOKING FEMALE COP
(keeps peering inside)
Yeah, sure.
(sees something)
Wait a minute.
Is that blood?

She pulls out her flashlight.
Shines it into the room.

Sees the pool of blood
where Easy’s arm got blown off.

MIA
Oh, they got into a little scuffle.
Cleaning crew will take care of it later.

TOUGH-LOOKING FEMALE COP
That’s a hell of a lotta blood, miss.
I’m gonna have to go in and take a look.

MIA
You sure?
It was just a little fight --

TOUGH-LOOKING FEMALE COP
Step aside please, Miss.

Mia shrugs. Moves.
Tough-Looking walks in.

TOUGH-LOOKING FEMALE COP (CONT’D)
Could you turn the lights on please?

She goes to the panel.
FLICKS them on.

Tough-Looking walks in.
Looks at the blood.

Then at the banquet area and table
where everybody was partying.
Sees the booze, the pot.

TOUGH-LOOKING FEMALE COP (CONT’D)
Jesus fucking Christ.
That was some party.
(turns to her)
You just left all that stuff lying around?
Why didn’t you clean it up?

A shotgun appears next to her head.

DANNY (O.C.)
Because the party’s just getting started.

Reveal Danny. Holding it.

Friday, March 8, 2013

The Universal Language Of Stoned

Hey there, crime kids. Happy Friday. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your most violent fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 14 of EXIT, while waiting for dirty cop Vin Vargas to return with the food, the hostage situation takes a left turn when dead drug dealer Mickey Mertz's business partner Harry Dill arrives on the scene after being raided by the DEA ...

INT. THE EXIT ROOM - EARLY MORNING
The buzzer RINGS. Everyone looks.

DANNY
Too soon to be Vin --
(to Mia)
Go see who it is.
Tell ‘em we’re closed.
If it’s a cop, stall him.
If it’s the loan shark guys,
tell ‘em Angel’s gone.

Mia nods. Gets up.
Walks over to the door.
Danny follows her.

MIA
Sorry. We’re closed.

EXCITED MALE VOICE (O.C.)
I’m looking for Mickey.
I know he’s here.

Angel breathes a sigh of relief.

MIA
I said WE’RE CLOSED.

EXCITED MALE VOICE (O.C.)
C’mon, man. I know he’s here.
Let me in. It’s an emergency.

MIA
He’s not here. He left.

EXCITED MALE VOICE (O.C.)
Oh, yeah?
Then why’s his car still here?
If you don’t let me in,
I’m gonna call the cops.

DANNY
(to Mia)
Step aside.

She does.
Danny unlocks the door.

YANKS it open.
Aims his sawed-off at Excited Male Voice.

DANNY
Shut the fuck up and get your ass in here.

In walks HARRY DILL (60’s),
dishevelled, with shaggy hair and a beard.

Natty in flip flops, board shorts
and a ratty tie-dyed t-shirt
that makes The Dude look sophisticated.

DANNY
Go over there and sit with the others.

HARRY
(stares at the gun)
I can dig it. Tight security.
Chill. I’m cool. I’m cool.
(looks at the others)
Where’s Mickey?
(sees Angel’s stump)
Whoah. Dude’s missing an arm.
Now this is a fucking party.

DANNY
Go sit down and shut the fuck up.

HARRY
So where’s Mickey? In the head?

DANNY
Mickey’s dead. SIT.

HARRY
He’s DEAD? Wh-what h-happened?

Danny PUNCHES him in the stomach.
Harry doubles over.

HARRY (CONT’D)
Dude. That fucking HURT.
Why’d you have to do that?

DANNY
Cause I told you to SIT DOWN
and SHUT THE FUCK UP.

Harry nods. Takes a seat.

HARRY
Alright, okay. Jeez.

DANNY
Why do you want to see him?
What the fuck was so important?

HARRY
We got raided by the Feds.
All of our inventory was seized.
I barely escaped and
I was coming to warn him.
Didn’t answer his cell
so I knew something was up --
(looks at Danny’s gun)
But not something like this.
Did you rob a bank or something?

DANNY
Why does everybody think
we robbed a fucking BANK?
(beat)
How did you know he was coming here?

HARRY
He told me.
We’re business partners.
I procure the inventory
and he distributes it.
Some cat who works here
is a customer.
(beat)
Dude.
My heart’s beating a mile a minute.
Okay if I smoke out?

DANNY
‘Smoke out?’

HARRY
You know, weed.
You can have some, too.
Chill you right out.

DANNY
That’s actually not a bad idea.

HARRY
Right on.

He pulls a joint out of his pocket.
LIGHTS IT with a click of his Zippo.
Takes a big hit.

Hands it to Danny.
He takes a toke.
Holds it in. Nods. EXHALES.

DANNY
(hands it back)
That’s good shit.

HARRY
Oh, yeah.
White Widow sativa from Humbolt.
None of that hydroponic bullshit.
I mean, sure it gives you a great high,
but then it’s gone an hour later.
This shit’ll give you a body-shizzle
that’ll last all night.
(stares at Bettie)
Sugar Magnolia, blossoms blooming.
I’m in the presence of the Dark Goddess.

BETTIE
(smiles)
That’s me. Can I get a hit?

DANNY
It would be an honor.
Weed is the universal language of stoned.

He passes it to her.
She takes a ginormous hit.
Holds it in.

HARRY
(low, to himself)
Mickey’s dead.
Who am I gonna get to move my product?
(looks at Danny)
Can I -- ask what happened?

DANNY
My partner shot him because
he thought he was hitting on him.

HARRY
Pulp Fiction, ahoy.
(beat)
Your partner?
So you’re gay, too?

DANNY
NO. My --
(raises his gun)
Partner.

HARRY
Oh. Gotcha. Right on.
(looks at the group)
Which one is he -- or she?

DANNY
He’s not here.
He went out to get some food.

HARRY
A hostage situation with snacks.
Far out.
(realizes)
So -- you’re not gonna let me go.

DANNY
Now you’re catching on.

HARRY
Guess it’s safer here
than back at my place.
Joint’s crawling with DEA.

DANNY
Sounds like it’s your lucky night.

HARRY
Hey. If you’re given lemons --
(brightens)
Can we have some tunage?

DANNY
You mean -- music?

HARRY
Soothes the savage beast.
This IS a club, bro.

CASEY
(to Danny)
Great idea.
We get high, listen to some music,
then have something to eat
when Vin gets back.
You’ll be relaxed and refreshed
for when you make your escape.

Pause.

DANNY
Okay. But no dancing --

Thursday, March 7, 2013

The Gentleman Gunman

Happy Thursday, crime slicksters. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where the girls are hot, the drinks are cold, and the hardboiled-pulp-noir action is non-stop, right here, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 13 of EXIT, after dirty cop Vin Vargas leaves the club to go get food for the hostages, fugitive Danny Peel grills the celebrities about their personal problems ... and discovers that Oscar-winning screenwriter Casey Montana has just found her next story ...

INT. THE EXIT ROOM - EARLY MORNING
Easy sits in the corner of a banquet, in pain.
Chugs from a bottle of scotch.
We see a big, ugly scar on his arm socket.

Sky, Angel, Bettie, Casey,
Mia and Angel sit around him.

Danny and Vin sit at the bar,
facing them, guns aimed.

SKY
(whispers, to Casey)
Nothing like seeing a guy
getting his arm blown off
to sober you up.

Casey nods, in a daze.

DANNY
Not as much fun as
sitting at the bar, I know.
But your priviledges have been revoked.
(low, to Vin)
What did you do with his arm?

VIN
(whispers)
In the VIP room with the dead guy.

MIA
(to Danny)
Could I get some ice for his shoulder?

DANNY
No. Nobody moves.
Tried being nice and it didn’t work.

SKY
What if we have to go to the bathroom?

DANNY
Then you pee in your pants.

BETTIE
Shit.

DANNY
That, too.

VIN
I’m really hungry, Danny.

DANNY
Then do some more blow.

VIN
Nah. That shit fucked me up.
Stomach’s tied up in knots.
What if I go outside
and see what’s going on?
If the coast is clear
I could go get some food.

DANNY
Are you fucking crazy?
It’s too risky.

MIA
There’s a Pink Dot two blocks away.
He could go behind the stores in the alley.

VIN
Yeah?

DANNY
(looks at his watch)
It’s still dark out --

VIN
C’mon. Let me go take a look.
I’ll creep up the stairs
real careful like.
Nobody will see me.

Pause.

DANNY
Okay. But be careful.
(looks at the group)
I supposed you’re all hungry.

VIN
Are you kidding?
After the shit they pulled?
Let ‘em starve.

CASEY
I don’t see why the rest of us
should be punished for
Tango and Cash’s shenanigans.

Danny looks at her. Smiles.

DANNY
(to Vin)
What the fuck.
Get enough stuff to make
sandwiches for everybody.

SKY
I’m a vegan --

DANNY
You’re lucky you’re fucking ALIVE.
You’ll eat whatever grub you’re given.

VIN
You wanna feed them ALL?

DANNY
Why not. Good faith gesture.
Maybe the media will call me
‘The Gentleman Gunman’ or some shit.

VIN
You’re fucking crazy.

DANNY
Crazy like a fox.
If their bellies are full,
they might not get so desperate again.
(to the group)
Right?
(off their nods, to Vin)
Get a couple loaves of bread,
some cold cuts and chips and shit.

VIN
Okay.

He starts heading for the door.

DANNY
Be careful.

Vin nods.
Unlocks the door.

Slowly opens it.
Peers out.

Then leaves.
Shuts the door behind him.

CASEY
Thanks.

DANNY
Yeah, well -- I figure if things go south,
maybe they’ll go easier on me
if I treat you like human beings.

EASY
Right. Like blowing off my arm?

DANNY
You tried to grab my gun.
That was your fault, not mine.
I was giving you lines of coke, remember?

CASEY
You seem like too nice a guy to be --

DANNY
What.
A cold-blooded killer?
You surprise me.
As a writer you of all people
should know people are complicated.
(beat)
What I want to know
is why you’re all here.
You’ve got great careers, tons of dough,
and yet you’re hanging out
in an after-hours club
on a weeknight at five in the morning.
What’s up with that?

BETTIE
I was doing an Amy Winehouse
until you interrupted me.

DANNY
Makes sense.
Your last album tanked,
and I saw that video on YouTube.
Ouch.

BETTIE
Label’s gonna drop me.
My band won’t speak to me.
There’s nothing to live for.
Music is my life.

DANNY
Gonna make a hell of a ‘Behind The Music.’
(to Easy)
I think I got you figured out.
The press is going to out you, right?

EASY
He shoots, he scores.

DANNY
Wasn’t a detective for nothing.
(to Sky)
And you, Mr. HIV-positive.
Just found out?

SKY
Yeah.

DANNY
Then why come here?

SKY
Getting married tomorrow.

DANNY
So the wife doesn’t know.

SKY
What do you think?

DANNY
I think they should rename this place
‘The Hideout.’
(to Casey)
What’s your deal?
Looking for your next story?

CASEY
More like avoiding trying.

DANNY
But you found it, didn’t you.

CASEY
Maybe.

DANNY
If you live through this,
you’re gonna write about it.

CASEY
That’s what I’m thinking.

DANNY
Maybe Ethan Hawke here can play me.

CASEY
Nah. Too scrawny.
Thinking more of a George Clooney type.

DANNY
I’ll take that as a compliment.

CASEY
So why did you rob the dirty cop?
You know him?

DANNY
Know him?
He was my fucking partner.

CASEY
What did he do to you?

DANNY
If I tell you that,
you could testify against me
in a court of law.

CASEY
C’mon. I’m curious.
I wanna know.

DANNY
You know what they say about curiosity --

They stare at each other.
The buzzer RINGS.
Everyone looks --

Wednesday, March 6, 2013

A Flying Fuck

Tuesday, March 5, 2013

Fucking Hollywood

Happy Tuesday, crime slicksters. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where the girls are hot, the drinks are cold, and the hardboiled-pulp-noir action is non-stop, right here, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 11 of EXIT, the hostage situation takes a turn for the worse when pro baseball player Easy Washington and Indie movie hunk Sky Masters try and grab Danny and Vin's guns, with horrifically violent results ...

INT. THE EXIT ROOM - EARLY MORNING

UNDER THE BAR
Easy taps Sky’s leg.
Slips him a napkin.

SKY
Looks down.
Carefully opens it.

THE NAPKIN READS
‘I’ll grab Danny’s gun.
You get Vin’s.
When I say NOW.’

SKY
Crumples it up.
Looks around nervously.

AT THE BAR
Danny looks at Mia. Smiles.

DANNY
How do you feel?

MIA
It burns in my throat.
I don’t like it.

He stares at her a long beat.
Then breaks into a big smile.

DANNY
Well, now you can say you’ve tried it.
(big smile)
More for me.

Danny leans down and starts
SNARFING up the last line.

EASY
NOW.

In rapid-fire succession --

Easy LEAPS off his stool.
GRABS Danny’s sawed-off.

Tries to YANK it away.
Danny tries to YANK it back.

At the same moment,
Sky JUMPS off his stool.

GRABS Vin’s gun.
They WRESTLE for the weapon.

Mia SCREAMS.
Casey and Angel GASP.

Easy and Danny roll around on the floor,
struggling for control of the gun.

Danny JERKS it toward Easy’s face,
but Easy’s STRONG, and starts
JERKING it back toward Danny’s.

Vin YANKS the gun away from Sky,
PISTOL-WHIPS him on the head.

Blood FLIES from the wound,
SPLATTERS Vin’s face.

Sky tries to PUNCH him,
but Vin KNEES him in the groin, HARD.

He goes down,
writhing in pain.

Easy and Danny both grip the sawed-off,
KICKING and CLAWING at each other.

Vin aims his gun at Easy --
just as the shotgun FIRES --

BLOWING OFF HIS ARM at the shoulder. BANG.
A GEYSER OF BLOOD SPRAYS IN THE AIR.

IN THE BOOTH
Bettie wakes up.
Sees the mayhem.
Tries to focus.

BETTIE
What’s -- going on?

AT THE BAR
Casey stares in horror.

CASEY
Holy fucking SHIT.

ANGEL
(to Mia)
TOWELS. GET ME SOME TOWELS.

MIA
They’re in THE LAUNDRY.

ANGEL
PAPER TOWELS, NAPKINS --
ANYTHING. HURRY.

Mia reaches under the bar,
grabs a stack of paper towels,
hands them to Angel.

He RACES over to Easy.
SHOVES them on top of the gushing wound.

Danny gets up.
Thumbs a couple of shells
into the sawed-off.

KA-CHINKS them into the chamber.
Aims it at Easy.

DANNY
And I thought we were getting along so well.
(aims it at Sky)
And YOU. You’re PATHETIC. Weak.
This isn’t a fucking MOVIE.
(to Vin)
You okay?

VIN
Yeah.

EASY
Joke’s on you.
Movie star’s got HIV.

VIN
Who gives a shit.
So we got another faggot.
Fucking Hollywood --

DANNY
He means the blood on your face.

Vin reaches up.
Touches his face.
Looks at his hand.
Sees it.

VIN
What the FUCK?

He RUNS toward the men’s room.
Danny aims his gun at Sky.

DANNY
Okay, junkie.
Go sit with the others.

Sky slowly gets up.
Trudges over to the bar. Sits.

CASEY
(nods at Easy)
We’re gonna have to cauterize his wound.

DANNY
Or what? He’ll lose his arm?

He starts LAUGHING.

ANGEL
No, she’s serious.
He’ll lose too much blood.

DANNY
(looks at Easy)
Hope that wasn’t your jerking off hand --