Tuesday, November 27, 2012

Bonnaroo Buzz


Happy Tuesday, crime slicksters. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where the girls are hot, the drinks are cold, and the hardboiled-pulp-noir action is non-stop, right here, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 9 of LEGS, Episode 3, diabetic kidnap victim Kitty Keko starts going into insulin chock, and informs her clueless white trash kidnappers Darryl, Wendy and Denny that she needs sugar, FAST ...


INT. DARRYL’S TRAILER HOME - DENNY’S BEDROOM - DAY
Wendy stands in the doorway,
holding a gun in her hands.

Darryl’s pants are
down around his ankles.
Denny’s in his underwear.

Kitty glares at them,
tied to the bed.

WENDY
Don’t fucking TOUCH her.
I said I’d go along
with a kidnapping,
but rape is crossing the line.

DARRYL
Okay, okay.
Don’t do anything stupid,
sugar plum.
Hand me the gun.

WENDY
Sure thing.
When you PULL YOUR
FUCKING PANTS UP.
(to Denny)
You too, you fucking retard.

DENNY
You’re not supposed
to say RETARD.
I’m a SLOW ADULT,
stupid-face.

Kitty’s eyes go glassy.
She winces as if in pain.

WENDY
What’s wrong?

KITTY
It’s time for my insulin shot.
I’m a diabetic.

DARRYL
What happens if
you don’t get it?

KITTY
Oh, I get tired, hungry, sweaty,
headache, blurry vision,
slurred speech --

DARRYL
Well, that’s not too bad.

KITTY
Then I’ll go into insulin shock
and start having convulsions,
go unconcious --
and maybe even go into a coma.
(beat)
Kinda fucks with your
little scheme, huh?
Next time, you might want
to do a little research
on your kidnapping victim.

DARRYL
Okay, okay, okay.
I’ll get you some insulin.

WENDY
How you gonna do THAT?
You can’t just buy it
over the counter.

DARRYL
Shut up.
I’ll find a way.

KITTY
Do you have any candy or cookies?
Anything that has sugar in it?
That’ll help for a little while.

DENNY
ICE CREAM.

KITTY
Yeah. That’ll work.

DARRYL
Dude.
That’s the last of our Bonnaroo Buzz,
Ben & Jerry’s most awesome gnarlyness.
The perfect blend of
coffee, malt, caramel and toffee.
You know how HARD that is to find?

WENDY
So have Denny go to the store
and get some candy and shit.
Honest to god, if I weren’t here
to supervise you two,
the old bag would be dead by now.

KITTY
Excuse me. I’m only sixty.
(off their looks)
What. Didn’t you hear?
Sixty’s the new fifty --

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