Let Your Fingers Do The Felony

Happy Thursday, crime slicksters. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where the girls are hot, the drinks are cold, and the hardboiled-pulp-noir action is non-stop, right here, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 12 of HIT & RUN HOLIDAY, Israeli mercenary Bland Loosener arrives onshore via surfboard after escaping from the cops. Meanwhile, suspended homicide detective Carrie Love tells her ex, fellow homicide dick Bernie Keko about her girlfriend, fugitive screenwriter Friday Foster's exploits with the law, and vows to save her ...


INT. SANTA MONICA - OCEAN SHORE - DUSK
A postcard sunset.
Riot of orange and red smears the sky.

A lone SURFER lies on his board.
Waiting for a wave. Stoic.

A hulking FIGURE IN BLACK
rises out of the water behind him.

LUNGES. Big, thick arms GRAPPLE him.
FLIP the board --

UNDERWATER
the surfer STRUGGLES
with the apparition.

But he’s clamped to the board.
Facing down.

He JERKS. THRASHES.
Then, a bit weaker. And weaker.
Slows. Stops. Bubbles rise.

ON THE SURFACE
the figure rises.
Sits up on the board.
We see it’s Bland.

BLAND
Permission to go ashore, SIR.

He starts paddling.

INT. SANTA MONICA POLICE HEADQUARTERS - SQUAD ROOM - DUSK
The detective room is empty.
Except for Carrie Love.

Straddling a chair backwards.
Staring at a computer monitor.

In walks BERNIE KEKO (40).
Armenian. Burly. Salt and pepper.

Jock gone to seed, but still hunky.
Think a greasy Mickey Rourke type.
Bitter. Full of swagger. Bravado.

BERNIE
What the fuck are you doing here?
If Lipshitz catches you,
it’s your twat in a sling.

CARRIE
Can it, Keko.
I was just getting some
shit outta my desk.
You’re really loving this,
aren’t you.

BERNIE
Well, let’s see --
after you LEFT ME for a BROAD,
kicked me out of MY FUCKING HOUSE,
you can EXCUSE ME for not being
SYMPATHETIC when you get FUCKING SUSPENDED.

Carrie lights a smoke.
Eyes haunted.

CARRIE
(looking at the screen)
You know that female perp
caught on tape at the Venice beach cafe --
and then at the think-tank?

BERNIE
You’re confusing me
with somebody who gives a shit.
And there’s no smoking.

CARRIE
(points)
That’s her.
We had a fight this morning,
I walked out, and now -- this.
(points at the screen)
She just carjacked a Cadillac Escalade
on Wilshire and Third.
Take a look at this --

He squints at her monitor.

FRIDAY
points her Magnum into the CAMERA.

BERNIE
stares. Shakes his head.

BERNIE
Broad’s got balls.
But how did the victim get the pix?

CARRIE
On her cell phone.

BERNIE
Let your fingers do the felony.

CARRIE
I’m going to bring her in.

BERNIE
What? Did you join
the Neighborhood Patrol?

CARRIE
I can still make a citizen’s arrest --

BERNIE
Don’t you have a carpet to go munch?

CARRIE
You’ve worked homicide what,
ten years now?
Wouldn’t you like to just once,
nab a perp before they kill someone?

BERNIE
So you know she’s gonna kill somebody.

CARRIE
Yeah. I do.

BERNIE
And I suppose you know who.

PUSH IN ON Carrie.
Fighting back tears.

CARRIE
Yeah.
(beat)
Herself --