No Muss, No Fuss

Hey there, crime kids. Happy Wednesday. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your most violent fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 33 of BABY HEISTER, teenage heister Kelsey Hazard takes over planning the new bank job from the guys, and comes up with a much better plan, much to their surprise. Meanwhile, the cops search the neighborhood around them, and when Kelsey sees them out the window, the gang must spring into action ...


INT. DOC’S LOFT - DINING AREA - DAY
Everyone sits around the giant table.
Atlas stands, points at a map
spread out in the middle.

ATLAS
This here’s the store next to the bank.
We got the windows blacked out,
and scaffolding in front of it
with one of those construction walls
in front of that.
(points)
We wheel the Dumpster out the front door,
then into the bank --

KELSEY
Excuse me.
Can ask you something?

ATLAS
Yeah, sure.

KELSEY
Your plan is to take the money
after it’s been delivered?

HELMUT
Yeah. What’s your point?

KELSEY
Well, the money’s being delivered
by armored car, right?

ATLAS
Yeah --

KELSEY
Then why not grab the dough
before it goes in the bank?
The can arrives in the back alley, right?

ATLAS
Yeah --

KELSEY
Wouldn’t that simpler?

HELMUT
I guess --

KELSEY
(stands, points on the map)
We have the Dumpster already
waiting in the alley here,
which saves time.
All we gotta do is
scramble their radio signal,
smoke ‘em out and fill it with cash.

SIMON
Fuckin’ brilliant.

JO
That’s our Kelsey.

DOC
Escape or hole up?

KELSEY
Escape. We jack the truck
that delivers the Dumpster
when it gets delivered.
Then after we load it up,
we drive it to a semi
we’ve got stashed nearby.
No muss, no fuss.
(off their looks)
Holing up next door
would be stupid.
Cops are gonna comb
EVERY inch of the area.
(beat)
Any questions?

Everybody stares.
Shakes their head ‘no.’
Doc smiles.

EXT. WAREHOUSE - DAY
Down the street a few doors down,
an unmarked police sedan parks at the curb.
We see a pair of DETECTIVES in the car.

INT. UNMARKED POLICE SEDAN - DAY
The detective on the passenger side,
big and bulky in a shitty suit(40’s) lights a smoke.

The other, tall and thin (30’s),
sits behind the wheel.
They look at each other. Nod.

EXT. DOWNTOWN CITY STREET - DAY
Bulky and Tall get out of the car.
Walk to the door.

EXT. RUNDOWN WAREHOUSE - DAY
A few blocks away sits a rundown, crumbling warehouse.
Another pair of DETECTIVES stand at the entrance.

One wields a crowbar.
CRACKS OPEN the door. They go in.

ON A WAREHOUSE ROOFTOP
Sits another DETECTIVE with binoculars.
He looks across the way into the windows
of the buildings across the street.

AT THE COMMAND CENTER
A TIRED, UNIFORMED COP (30’s)
sits at his desk on the phone.

UNIFORMED COP
I know the building’s not being used, Mr. Magid.
But we still need to search it --

INT. DOC’S LOFT - LIVING ROOM - DAY
The planning session has broken up.
Jo is serving coffee.

Kelsey stands at the window.
Sees something.

KELSEY
Oh, shit.

DOC
What’s wrong?

KELSEY
There’s cops out there
going building to building.

Everyone rushes to the windows.
Looks out.

DOC
Unmarked Crown Vic. Fuck.

ATLAS
So whadda we do?

HELMUT
We gotta get the fuck outta here.

DOC
Relax. I can shut off the power
so the elevator won’t work.

KELSEY
What about the stairs?

DOC
I had the door on each floor
welded shut.

SIMON
So they can’t come up.

DOC
Exactly. People do that all the time.
Keeps out vagrants.

HELMUT
So we’re trapped in here?

DOC
Relax. I also own the building next door.

KELSEY
That fleabag hotel?

DOC
Yeah. Pays the utilities.
And the top floor is closed for repairs.
A back-up safe house, so to speak.
(beat)
We don’t have much time.
Jo, Kelsey. Start covering the furniture.
(to the guys)
You three help me start moving shit next door.

Doc walks over to a cement wall
demarcated in six-foot-wide sections.

He presses one of the joints,
and a section SLIDES OPEN,
revealing a hotel room on the other side.

DOC
'Don’t worry.
We’ll leave the light on.'

Keep It In Your Pants

Happy Tuesday, crime slicksters. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where the girls are hot, the drinks are cold, and the hardboiled-pulp-noir action is non-stop, right here, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 32 of BABY HEISTER, teenage heister Kelsey Hazard and wheelman Simon Leeds leave the safe house to go buy supplies ... and scope out the apartment of the Yakuza gang leader who killed Kelsey's parents in the bank job. Meanwhile, psycho cop Flint Cole and the task force have set up their headquarters ... right down the street ...


INT. DOC’S LOFT - DAY
Kelsey and Simon stand near the elevator.
Kelsey and Simon are both incognito.
Wearing baseball caps and shades.

Jo hands her a piece of paper.
She looks at it.

KELSEY
That’s a lot of stuff.

JO
Well, we’ve now got six mouths to feed.

DOC
(hands her a roll of bills)
This should take care of it.

KELSEY
I’ve got a craving for sushi.
You mind if we stop
in Little Tokyo first?

JO
That’s a great idea.
Bring some for me?

KELSEY
Okay. We’ll be back.

Kelsey and Simon get on the elevator.
Close the gate.

Simon hits the switch.
They start going down.
Doc looks at Jo.

DOC
I just hope they can
keep it in their pants
until after the job.

EXT. LITTLE TOKYO - CITY STREET - DAY
A block filled with shops and restaurants.
Signs all in Japanese.

As are most of the pedestrians.
Simon and Kelsey walk down the sidewalk
looking at everything in wonder.

KELSEY
I’ve never been here.
It’s so cool.

SIMON
We don’t have this in London.

KELSEY
I can’t believe it was so easy
to find his address.

SIMON
The Internet is your friend.

KELSEY
Don’t have a computer.

SIMON
(pulls out his smart phone)
Reach out and GPS someone.

Simon reads the numbers on the doors.
He stops in front of a doorway
between a fruit stand
and an electronic store.

SIMON
This is it.

KELSEY
So what do we do now?

SIMON
Let’s go round back.
Check out the alley.

EXT. LITTLE TOKYO - BACK ALLEY - DAY
Surprisingly neat. No garbage.
Kelsey and Simon look at a fire escape
on the back of the building.

SIMON
That’ll work.

Kelsey pulls out her gun.
Heads over to the ladder.

KELSEY
C’mon. Let’s do it.

SIMON
Put that away. Too risky.
We’ll come back later tonight
when it’s dark.
(off her look)
Patience, my love.

KELSEY
You said my love.

SIMON
Sorry about that.

INT. ABANDONED GROCERY STORE - DAY
The task force headquarters.

A big, wide open space now filled with
a couple dozen COPS sitting at makeshift desks.

Darryl Rooker stands in front of a
giant map of Los Angeles.

Flint Cole is next to him,
sipping coffee.

DARRYL
I’m sure you all know detective Flint Cole --
who just brought in two of Doc Hazard’s gang
from the armored car job in Palm Springs.

Flint smirks. Nods.
A smattering of applause.

DARRYL
As you all know, the rest of the gang
are holed up somewhere around here
in an abandoned warehouse.
Detective Luna is working on
identifying the owners of each building --

A burly HISPANIC COP raises his hand.

DARRYL
And then his team is going to go
building to building and search for them.
(beat)
The rest of you are going to split up
into pairs and patrol the area
in twelve-hour shifts around the clock.

A smattering of murmuring
and groans all around.

DARRYL
Let me remind you that THIS GANG
was responsible for the recent riots
which cost the city MILLIONS
of dollars in damages.
(looks at Flint)
Do you have anything to add, Cole?

FLINT
(raises his cup)
Let’s be careful out there --

Like Swatting A Fly

Hey there, crime kids. Happy Monday. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your most violent fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 31 of BABY HEISTER, Doc, Kelsey and Jo meet with Atlas and Helmut, heisters from the bank job where Kelsey's parents got killed, who outline a plan to try and rob the same bank again. Doc agrees to doing the job, with one caveat -- Kelsey's in charge. Meanwhile, psycho cop Flint Cole interrogates the other heisters in custody ...


INT. POLICE VAN - REAR COMPARTMENT - MOVING - NIGHT
Reno and Dusty sit facing each other.
Sweating bullets.

RENO
I’m fucking dying. Need -- water.

DUSTY
He’s doing it on purpose.
You notice how slow we been goin’?

THE VAN
Pulls over to the side of the road
into the shoulder. Stops.

IN THE BACK
Dusty and Reno look at each other.

RENO
What the fuck’s he doing now?

INT. DOC’S LOFT - LIVING ROOM - NIGHT
Doc, Jo, Kelsey and Simon
sit on couches and chair.

Atlas Demo and Helmut Wolf
stand in the middle of the room.

DOC
What about Gino and Zvi?
Can’t they do it with you?

ATLAS
Zvi retired.
Got a gig at Macintosh.

HELMUT
Gino’s doing a race in Italy.
Can’t reach him.
And we need three people.
A driver, and two more to
handle the front and back doors.

ATLAS
We rented the joint next door
for three months,
so it’s still there
for us to hide out in.
Scaffolding is still up.
Why let it go to waste?

KELSEY
Sounds good.

SIMON
Yeah. Count me in.

ATLAS
And here’s the best part.
The bank is almost done being rebuilt.
In a couple days ALL the money
is being transferred back.
Gotta be several million.

DOC
How are the two of you
gonna carry that much cash?

HELMUT
We dress as construction workers.
Wheel in a Dumpster.
Then wheel it next door.

Doc narrows his eyes.
Exhales slowly. Thinking.

DOC
Okay --
(beat)
But only if Kelsey’s in charge.

KELSEY
Doc?

HELMUT
Wait a minute.

ATLAS
Yeah. What the fuck?

DOC
I trained her myself.
She’s got what it takes.
And this job means a lot to her.

HELMUT
Well, that’s great,
but what kind of experience
does she have?

DOC
We jacked a can using her plan --
and then later, when our driver
tried to hijack our limo
SHE saved the day.
Shot him in the head
like swatting a fly.

DOC
You wanna use this
as a base of operations,
she’s in charge. Got it?

They look at Kelsey.
Shrug. Nod slowly.

KELSEY
Don’t worry. I’ll be gentle.

INT. POLICE VAN - NIGHT
Reno leans back against the wall. Passed out.
Dusty looks like he’s on his last legs.

The back door suddenly OPENS.
It’s Flint, holding a bottle of water.

FLINT
Just thought I’d check
on the Glimmer Twins.
See how you’re holding up.
(looks at Reno)
Whoah. Looks like the big guy’s
down for the count.

DUSTY
Water.

FLINT
Ten points. Yes. It’s water --

He climbs in. Gets real close.
Holds the bottle up.

Twists off the cap.
Takes a sip. Sighs.

FLINT
'Crisp and refreshing.'

DUSTY
What do you want?

FLINT
You know what I fucking WANT.
SPILL IT. Where’s DOC?
Where’s the fucking MONEY?

DUSTY
You’ll -- give me immunity?

FLINT
Maybe.
(waves the bottle)
Depends on what you give me.

DUSTY
He’s got a safe house.
Some warehouse loft. Downtown LA.

FLINT
WHERE?

DUSTY
I told you. Downtown.
Don’t know where.

FLINT
We already KNOW that.
I need to know the LOCATION.

DUSTY
I don’t KNOW. Please.
Need -- water.

Flint shakes his head with disgust.
Opens the bottle.
Starts pouring it on the floor.

FLINT
Whoops --

Paulie Walnuts And The Sundance Shit

Hey there, crime kids. Happy Friday. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your most violent fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 30 of BABY HEISTER, the cops trace the bullet-ridden hearse back to Jo, and now know she killed the cop that pulled her over. Meanwhile, Flint Cole fucks with the heisters he's trying to question ... and back at the safe house, Kelsey and Simon get 'up close and personal' ...


INT. POLICE VAN - MOVING - DAY
Flint sits in the passenger seat talking on his cell.
Squints at the GIANT COP who’s driving (40’s).

FLINT
Rooker. What’s up?

INTERCUT WITH:

INT. DARRYL ROOKER’S OFFICE - DAY
Rooker sips a mug of coffee. Big smile.

DARRYL
Just got a lead. A big one.
Hitchhiker witnessed a patrolman
get shot in East LA after he
pulled over a hearse with expired tags.

FLINT
What does that have to with
the price of gash in Chinatown?

DARRYL
Sheriff’s office found it
abandoned at a gas station,
dusted it for prints --
and guess who was driving?

FLINT
I dunno. Vincent Price?

DARRYL
Jo Hazard.

FLINT
Fuck me.

DARRYL
It gets better.
She was heading toward downtown LA.

FLINT
Easy place to disappear.
All those old warehouses --

DARRYL
No shit.
We’re setting up a command base
at an abandoned grocery store,
corner of Hill and Third.

FLINT
I’ll head over there after I
finish interrogating
Paulie Walnuts and The Sundance Shit.

DARRYL
Any luck yet?

FLINT
Still waiting.

DARRYL
For what?

FLINT
Them to be well-done.

INT. POLICE VAN - REAR COMPARTMENT - DAY
Reno and Dusty sit on the bench.
Red-faced. Sweating. In agony.

Flint’s smiling appears in the window.
They look.

See him holding a bottle of water.
Take a long chug. Laugh.

INT. DOC’S LOFT - DAY
Doc, Jo and Kelsey sit on couches and chairs
in the living room area.

Simon stands in front of them.
Looks a bit dishevelled.
But still bright and cheerful.

SIMON
It was bad luck.
Pure and simple.

DOC
A cop’s daughter.

SIMON
Yeah. I mean, how was I to know?
Bloody Nissan Sentra piece of shit.
THAT kinda car NEVER has LoJack.

KELSEY
How soon they pick you up?

SIMON
Ten fucking minutes.

DOC
When’s your court date?

SIMON
Next month.

DOC
So why did you want to see me?

SIMON
Well, I know I didn’t earn my share,
but when I heard
Reno and Dusty got busted,
I didn’t dare go back
to the motel to get my stuff.
I just need a place to crash
until I figure out my next move.

DOC
You can stay here for awhile.
(looks at Kelsey)
I’m sure Kelsey won’t mind.

PUSH IN ON Kelsey’s face.
Her secret smile.

KELSEY
Hey. The more the merrier.

EXT. WAREHOUSE - ROOF - NIGHT
Kelsey sits on the ledge.
Looking out over the city.

Sipping a bottle of beer.
Smoking. Deep in thought.

CAMERA finds Simon.
Sitting a few feet away.

Takes a chug from a bottle of vodka.
Watching her.

KELSEY
Doc says it’s too dangerous.

SIMON
I could help you.

KELSEY
Really?

SIMON
Yeah. Bastard deserves to die.

Kelsey smiles.
He moves a bit closer.

SIMON
You should do that more often.

KELSEY
What.

SIMON
Smile. You always look so -- serious.

KELSEY
Haven’t had a reason.
(whispers)
Until now.

They stare at each other.
Lean in. Softly kiss.

SIMON
I’ve thought about that
for a long time.

DOC (O.C.)
There you are.

REVEAL Doc.
Standing near the entrance to the stairs.

Kelsey and Simon pull apart,
the spell broken.

KELSEY
Hey. What’s up?

DOC
Just got a page from Atlas.

KELSEY
Atlas?

DOC
From Griff and Chelle’s crew.

KELSEY
Oh -- wow.

DOC
C’mon downstairs.
He’s on his way over.

KELSEY
What does he want?

DOC
Remember that idea you had
about knocking off that bank again?

A Dish Best Not Served

Happy Thursday, crime slicksters. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where the girls are hot, the drinks are cold, and the hardboiled-pulp-noir action is non-stop, right here, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 29 of BABY HEISTER, Kelsey and Doc have dinner at the safe house, and then greet Jo, who returns in Jack's truck after killing him. They then hear on the radio that the Yakuza gang leader who killed Kelsey's parents during the botched robbery attempt has been arrested and is now out on bail, which gives Kelsey a dangerous idea ...


INT. DOC’S LOFT - NIGHT
Classic jazz plays on an old-school boombox.
Maybe Coltrane.

Kelsey and Doc sit at a long table
near the kitchen area eating dinner.

Candles have been lit.
If you squint your eyes,
it almost looks homey.

Doc spoons a forkful.
Chews.

DOC
Franks and beans.
Reminds me of being in the Army.

KELSEY
I’ll go to the store tomorrow
and get some real food.

The motor on the elevator
starts GRINDING.

KELSEY
Who’s that?

Doc gets up.
Goes to the kitchen counter.
Grabs his gun.

DOC
Should be Jo.
She and I are the only ones
that know about this joint.
If it’s not, we’re fucked.

He walks over to the
big wooden gate across
the elevator shaft.

Peers through the slats.
Gun ready.

Kelsey gets up.
Goes to the counter.

Gets HER gun. Joins him.
They listen as the elevator motor
SCREECHES and CLANKS.

DOC
Let’s each take a side.
Just in case.

She nods. Moves to the right.
Doc to the left.

The platform reaches the top. Stops.
The gate slowly rises --
revealing Jo.

Sitting in Jack’s truck.
She looks at them.

JO
Honey, I’m home --

INT. DOC’S LOFT - KITCHEN - NIGHT
More jazz on the radio.
Jo sits at the table
picking at her food. Exhausted.
Doc and Kelsey watch her, concerned.

DOC
How do you feel?

JO
That’s what scares me.
I don’t feel anything.

DOC
That’s because you’re
still hopped up on adrenaline.
It’ll hit you later.
(takes her hand)
You know I’m here for you.

Doc’s pager BUZZES.
He fishes it out.
Looks at it.

Grabs his cell.
Punches a number. Listens.

DOC
Crutch.
(listens)
We killed him.
Said you owed money
to some shark,
was there to collect.
(listens)
I thought your fee
was a bit high --
(listens)
Simon’s out on bail?
(listens)
Sure. Have him page me.
(listens)
Expect a courier to
deliver your package
in a few days.
(listens)
You, too. Bye.

He hangs up. Looks at Jo.
And Kelsey, trying not to smile.

DOC
I gather you all got that.

The music stops.
An ANNOUNCER’S VOICE
comes on the radio.

NEWS ANNOUNCER (O.C.)
Good evening, Los Angeles.
This is Shelly Liebowitz with the news.
(beat)
In our top story tonight,
the LAPD has arrested Yung Park Soh,
leader of Yakuza gang
The Blood Tigers
in connection with the
First National Bank of California
robbery earlier this year.

Everyone WHIPS their head
in the direction of the radio.

KELSEY
Holy SHIT.

NEWS ANNOUNCER (O.C.)
As you may remember,
the Blood Tigers interrupted a bank robbery
in progress during a riot that started
due to a series of explosions
set off by the bank robbers as a diversion.
In a strange twist, the Tigers killed
two of the robbers and made off
with over a million dollars.
The rest of the gang escaped
and are still at large.

Doc gets up. Turns it off.
Kelsey’s eyes BLAZE with anger.

KELSEY
You realize what this means.

DOC
It’s too dangerous.

KELSEY
But I want REVENGE.

DOC
That’s not a good idea, Kelsey.
(beat)
Revenge is a dish best not served --

Heisters On The Half-Shell

Hey there, crime kids. Happy Wednesday. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your most violent fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 28 of BABY HEISTER, retired criminal mastermind Doc Hazard and teenage heister Kelsey arrive at Doc's safe house in downtown LA's warehouse district and get settled in. Meanwhile, psycho cop Flint Cole tells division chief Darryl Rooker his plan to interrogate the heisters he's arrested, by 'interrogating them in transit' to the the lockup ... which 'might take awhile' ...


EXT. DOWNTOWN LOS ANGELES - WAREHOUSE DISTRICT - DUSK
An abandoned three-story warehouse
surrounded by other old buildings
on a deserted block in
the middle of no-man’s land.

INT. LOFT BUILDING - DUSK
Dark. Quiet. Partitions divide
the giant space into different areas.

Living room. Bedroom. Kitchen.
Dining room. Bathroom.
Furniture covered with tarps.

A large, old SERVICE ELEVATOR
rises to the top.

A WOODEN GATE slides back,
and a late-model TOYOTA SEDAN
drives into the room.

Pulls up against the wall.
Kelsey and Doc get out.

KELSEY
This place is fucking COOL.

DOC
Bought the building
twenty years ago, dirt cheap.
Figured someday the
shit would hit the fan
and I’d need someplace
safe to hole up.
I set up a shell corporation
in the Cayman Islands
as the official owner.

KELSEY
What’s on the floors below us?

DOC
Nothing. Completely empty.

KELSEY
What about the windows?
Won’t people be able to
look in and see us?

DOC
Watch this.

He walks over to an electrical panel.
Starts flipping switches.

METAL SHUTTERS start
coming down over the windows.

Then starts flipping
another set of switches,
and lights start coming on --
CLICK, CLICK, CLICK, CLICK.

KELSEY
Nice. Is there hot water?

DOC
Yep. Utilities are paid
by the corporation in the Caymans.
Any more questions?

KELSEY
Got anything to eat?
I’m fucking starving.

EXT. PALM SPRINGS POLICE HEADQUARTERS - DUSK
A small white building
in a sea of palm trees.

Flint Cole walks outside.
Pulls out his cell phone.
Punches a number.

FLINT
Rooker, it’s me.

INTERCUT WITH:

INT. DARRYL ROOKER’S OFFICE - DUSK
Darryl sits behind his desk
looking at a file folder.

Sipping coffee.
Holds the receiver against his ear.

DARRYL
Please tell me
you’ve got good news.

FLINT
How about two heisters
on the half-shell
served on a silver platter?

DARRYL
What the fuck? Where?

FLINT
At the airport.
Dumbshits were having
burgers in the restaurant.
Had half a mil in a duffle bag.

DARRYL
Good job.
Where are they now?

FLINT
We’re at the
Palm Springs lockup.

DARRYL
Did they talk?

FLINT
Of course not.
But don’t worry.
I have my ways.

DARRYL
But Palm Springs
won’t let you get away with --

FLINT
These desert pansy-asses?
Course not.
That’s why I’m gonna
take ‘em to LA for questioning.

DARRYL
But you don’t have jurisdiction --

FLINT
I do if I’m questioning them
about Doc’s kids’ bank job.
They caused a fucking riot.
I’ve already called the DA.
We get first crack at them.
THEN Palm Springs gets ‘em.

DARRYL
And you can hold ‘em
forty-eight hours.

FLINT
Yeah, but that doesn’t start
until AFTER I transport them.

DARRYL
Fucking genius.
You’ll interrogate them in transit.

FLINT
Yeah. And, hey -- it’s not my fault
if we get stuck in traffic.
Who knows, we might even
get a flat tire --

Instant Karma

Happy Tuesday, crime slicksters. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where the girls are hot, the drinks are cold, and the hardboiled-pulp-noir action is non-stop, right here, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 27 of BABY HEISTER, after former flame Jack Cotton rescues Jo Hazard from the gang-bangers, he tries to hijack the stash, with deadly results. Meanwhile, teenage heister Kelsey Hazard and Doc try to escape in their limo, but the driver has other ideas ...


INT. JACK’S TRUCK - MOVING - DAY
Jack drives east toward Los Angeles on the freeway.
Jo stares out the window. Lost in thought. Exhausted.

JACK
Must be alotta dough.
Forty years of heisting.
Gotta be quite a nest egg.

JO
We’ve been enjoying our retirement.

JACK
Took me a long time to get over you
leaving like that.

JO
I fell in love, Jack.

JACK
But you said you loved me.

JO
But I wasn’t IN love.
(off his look)
Don’t get me wrong.
I’ll always love you.

JACK
And I guess being a heister
was more exciting than being a grifter.

JO
I didn’t plan on it, Jack.
It just happened.

Jack turns off the highway
onto the shoulder. Stops.

JO (CONT’D)
What are you doing?

He pulls out a GUN.
Points it at her.

JACK
You broke my heart, Jo.
I never got over it.
Now it’s time to break you.

JO
Put the gun down.
You’re acting crazy.

JACK
Get outta the fucking car. NOW.

JO
You think you can just STEAL
our nest egg?

JACK
Sure looks like it.

JO
You realize Doc will hunt you down
to the end of the earth and kill you.

JACK
That’s a risk I’m willing to take.
Outta the fucking CAR. NOW.

JO
Okay. Have it your way.

Jo reaches over to open the door.
YANKS her gun out.

SHOOTS him. BANG. BANG. BANG.

His head HITS the steering wheel.
The horn BLARES. Jo reaches over.
Pushes his body against the seat.

He slumps to the side.
Head THUNKS against the window.
She glares at the body.

JO
Instant Karma’s a bitch.
And so am I.

INT. LIMOUSINE - MOVING - DAY
Doc and Kelsey sip their drinks.
Doc closes his eyes.

DOC
Sure is nice to sit back and relax for a spell
after all the shit that’s been going down.

KELSEY
Tell me about it.
(takes a sip)
So I’ve been doing some thinking.

DOC
That could be dangerous.

KELSEY
No. Listen. It’s about Griff and Chelle.

I was thinking -- wouldn’t it be cool
if we robbed the bank where they --
(beat)
You know, finish what they started?

DOC
(opens his eyes)
Damn. You ARE a heister.

KELSEY
(looks out the window)
Want to feel -- a connection.
Have -- closure.
(realizes)
Hey. Why are we going this way?

DOC
He’s going toward the Marina,
not the freeway.
(raps on the divider)
Mr. Def-Con. Why are we going this way?

Def-Con doesn’t answer.
Keeps looking straight ahead.
They look at him. Then each other.

DOC
The fucker’s trying to HIJACK us.

They look out the window.

KELSEY
Now he’s turning. Where’s he GOING?

DOC
A supermarket?

EXT. SUPERMARKET - PARKING LOT - CONTINUOUS
A giant mega-market. Not many cars in the lot
mid-afternoon on a weekday.
The limo pulls around in back.

IN THE LIMO
The divider SLIDES DOWN,
revealing Def-Con, holding a gun.

DEF-CON
End of the line, pops.

DOC
You’ve gotta be fucking kidding me.

DEF-CON
I want you to take out your piece
very slowly and toss it toward me.

DOC
Who set us up?
There’s no way Crutch would have done it.
We’ve worked together twenty years.

DEF-CON
That piece of shit?
He owes my boss forty large.
I just happened to be visiting him
when he got the call from your wife.
(beat)
Your piece. TOSS it. NOW.

Doc sighs.
Slowly pulls his weapon
out from the holster.
Tosses it toward the front. THUMP.

DEF-CON
Now I want both of you to get out real slow
and start walking. Got it?

KELSEY
Okay, okay. Please don’t hurt us.

Doc shakes his head with disgust.
Reaches for the door handle.

Kelsey looks out the window.
Sees something.

KELSEY
Holy shit, there’s a COP.

DEF-CON
(turns, looks)
What the fuck?

Kelsey WHIPS OUT HER GUN
and SHOOTS Def-Con in the head. BANG.

Blood SPLATTERS the windshield.
His body slumps.

Doc stares at her with disbelief.
Then slowly smiles.

DOC
There’s no cop.

KELSEY
Nope.

DOC
Nice shooting.

KELSEY
It’ll do in a pinch.
(smiles)
Whattaya say we jack a new set of wheels
and blow this grocery-fuck?

Get The Fuck Outta Dodge

Hey there, crime kids. Happy Monday. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your most violent fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 26 of BABY HEISTER, psycho cop Flint Cole nabs Reno and Dusty at Palm Springs airport trying to escape with the loot. Meanwhile, Jo Hazard has to fend off gang-bangers until her old flame Jack Cotton arrives to save the day ... and Kelsey and Doc hear on the car radio about Reno and Dusty getting busted, and decide to high-tail it out of there ...


INT. AIRPORT CONCOURSE - DAY
An open-air space with white fabric above
and palm trees surrounding the stairs
going down to a lower level.

Reno and Dusty come RACING down the steps,
Reno hugging the duffle for dear life.

Flint RUNS after them.
They go around a corner.

See a gift shop.
RACE into it.

Flint follows them in hot pursuit.

RENO AND DUSTY
FLY out the back entrance.

FLINT
Runs into the store.
SMASHES into a display of books.

They go FLYING in the air.
The SALESGIRL (18) SCREAMS.

EXT. PLAY PARK - DAY
A grassy area for kids to play.
Jungle gym. Swings. You know the drill.

Reno and Dusty RUN across the grass,
huffing and puffing in the hundred-degree heat.

FLINT
Comes out onto the grass.
Chasing after them. YELLS.

FLINT
Stop or I’ll SHOOT.

Reno and Dusty look behind them.
See Flint.

Reno TRIPS on the curb where the park ends
and goes FLYING to the ground.

The duffle RIPS OPEN.
Money goes SWIRLING into the air.

Dusty keeps running.
Flint takes aim. Shoots. BANG.

CLIPS him in the leg.
He goes down.

FLINT
Don’t fucking MOVE.

Flint walks over to Reno.
Covered in cash.

Holding his hands up.
Aims his gun at his head.

RENO
Don’t shoot, don’t shoot.

FLINT
Ask yourself, punk.
Do you feel STUPID?

INT. HEARSE - DAY
Jo sits behind the wheel,
waiting for Jack.

INT. BACK ALLEY - DAY
A trio of VICIOUS-LOOKING GANG-BANGERS
come around the corner.

See the hearse.
Start walking toward it.

Jo rolls her window up.
Locks the door.

The bangers appear in the window.
Grinning. She pulls out her gun. Waves it.

JO
Get the fuck OUT OF HERE
or I’ll blow your HEADS OFF.

The LEADER (20’s), Snoop Dogg Lite,
looks at his friends. Chuckles.

Pull out a chrome handgun.
Aims it at her.

SNOOP DOGG LITE
Now is that any way to greet
the welcoming committee, homes?

A GIANT PICKUP TRUCK
appears behind the hearse,
SCREECHES to a halt.

The door FLIES OPEN.
Out pops Jack Cotton,
holding a shotgun.

He KA-CHINKS a shell in the chamber.

JACK
Party’s over, slimeballs.
Get your ghetto asses OUTTA HERE,
or I’ll blast you all the way to COMPTON.

Snoop Dogg Lite raises an eyebrow.
Looks at his friends.

They shrug.
He puts his piece in his waistband.

SNOOP DOGG LITE
You want that old pussy?
You can have her, yo.

They shuffle away. Jack comes over.
Jo rolls down the window.

JO
Aren’t you a sight for sore eyes.

JACK
Baby-doll -- at my age,
everything is sore.

INT. LIMOUSINE - DAY
Kelsey and Doc sit in the back,
sipping cocktails.

KELSEY
I wish we didn’t have to wait for them.

DOC
Heister’s code.
Gotta stick together.
Watch each other’s back.

KELSEY
How about some music.
Kill some time.

Doc nods. She reaches over.
Switches it on the radio.
Some shitty auto-tuned
top-forty song plays.

KELSEY
Yuck.

She starts pushing buttons.
We hear snippets of country, classical, rap --
then a news report.

NEWS ANNOUNCER (O.C.)
-- late breaking bulletin.
Two men were just arrested at
Palm Springs International Airport
in connection with an armored car robbery
at a diner just outside the city limits --


NEWS ANNOUNCER (O.C.) (CONT'D)
Both suspects are now being held for questioning.
The authorities have not released their names --

Kelsey SHUTS it off.

KELSEY
What do we do now?

DOC
Get the fuck outta Dodge.

Surf, Sun and Pussy

Hey there, crime kids. Happy Friday. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your most violent fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 25 of BABY HEISTER, rogue psycho cop Flint Cole lands at Palm Springs International Airport and gets the lowdown from his boss about one of the suspects in the armored car job, Reno Black ... who just happens to be sitting in the same coffee shop as he is ...


INT. AIRPORT RESTAURANT - DAY
One of those bland joints
for travellers that
don’t care about ambiance.

Reno and Dusty sit at a table
with burgers, fries and
bottles of beer watching
the planes take off.

DUSTY
What are you gonna do
with your share?

RENO
Miami, baby.
Surf, sun and pussy.
(eats some fries)
Whattaya gonna do with yours?

DUSTY
Think I’ll hit Vegas.

RENO
You fucking kidding me?
That’s just throwing it away --

The door opens.
In walks Flint.
He takes a stool.

The HICK BARTENDER (40’s)
comes over. Nods.
Real friendly-like.

HICK BARTENDER
What can I get ya?

FLINT
Coffee, to go. Black.

Hick nods. Turns around.
Goes to fix it.

Flint’s phone RINGS.
He pulls a giant cell
out of his pocket.

FLINT (CONT'D)
Tell me something good.

INTERCUT WITH:

INT. DARRYL ROOKER’S OFFICE - DAY
Darryl sits behind his desk.
Looks at a couple of drawings.

DARRYL
Just got a lead.
Sketch of one of the perps.

FLINT
A sketch?
How’s a fucking ghost
gonna help me?

DARRYL
It’s not a ghost.
One of the guards
is an amateur artist.
Drew it himself.
He’s pretty good.
Amazing detail.

FLINT
And --

DARRYL
We ran it against the database,
and guess who’s name came up?

Hick Bartender comes over.
Hands Flint his coffee.

FLINT
Thanks.

DARRYL
You still there?

FLINT
Yeah. I’m waiting --

DARRYL
Reno Black.
Known associate of
Griff and Chelle Hazard.
Remember him?

FLINT
Reno Black? Hell, yeah.
I put him away
a couple years ago.
Bank job in Tucson.

RENO AND DUSTY
Hear him.
Turn their heads.
Look at Flint.

RENO
(whispers)
Oh, shit.
It’s that fucking cop.

FLINT
Sips his coffee. Listens.

FLINT
Well, you know what they say.
'Love is better the
second time around' --

RENO AND DUSTY
Look at each other. Nod.
Slowly get up.
Reno grabs the bag.

FLINT
Gets up from his stool.
Grabs his coffee.
Looks out the window
at the waves of heat
on the asphalt.

FLINT
Why did it have to
be Palm Springs?
It’s a fucking
OVEN out there.
(listens)
I’m still in the airport.
Getting some coffee.

Reno and Dusty walk by
feigning nonchalance,
heads down.

Flint looks at them
out of the corner of his eye.

FLINT
I’ll be there right away.
And tell the local fuzz
not to touch ANYTHING.

Flint cocks his head.
Suddenly recognizes Reno.

FLINT
HEY.

Reno and Dusty look. Freak.
RUN toward the door.

SLAM it open.
FLY into the corridor.

Flint SHOVES the phone
in his pocket.

YANKS his gun
out its holster.
CHASES after them.

FLINT
Stop, POLICE --

Make Mine A Double

Happy Thursday, crime slicksters. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where the girls are hot, the drinks are cold, and the hardboiled-pulp-noir action is non-stop, right here, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 24 of BABY HEISTER, newly-minted heister Kelsey Hazard and her grandfather Doc get into the limo that's going to take them to the safe house in Downtown LA. Meanwhile, when Doc's wife Jo calls up an old flame to help her escape from East Los Angeles, more than sparks fly ...


EXT. SHITTY APARTMENT COMPLEX - DAY
A piece-of-shit grey cement slab of suburban hell
on a cul-de-sac with the freeway right behind it.

The ROAR of traffic going by is deafening.
Ah, beautiful West Covina.

INT. SHITTY APARTMENT - LIVING ROOM - DAY
Threadbare, old furniture. Threadbare decor.
But spic and span clean.

An OLD GUY (70’s) sits in a big wing chair
watching CNN on an old console TV.
Sipping a can of beer.

OLDER GUY
Fucking liberal panty-waists.

The phone RINGS. He reaches over.
Answers it.

OLDER GUY
Jack Cotton --

Meet JACK COTTON. Former Marine.
Still fit, in shape.

A little soft around the edges.
White hair in a buzz cut.

Blue eyes clear and sharp,
if a little red.

JACK
Jo Hazard? How the hell ARE ya --

INTERCUT WITH:

INT. EAST LA STREET - DAY
Jo stands at another pay phone across the street.

JO
Well, normally, just great --

JACK
What’s wrong?
Are you in trouble?

JO
You could say that.

JACK
Out with it, woman.
What’s going on?

JO
Doc did a job where
the inside man tried a cross.
A cop got killed,
our cover was blown,
and we had to blow the ranch.
He’s traveling to our
safe house with the crew,
and I’m transporting the stash.

JACK
Holy SHIT.
Don’t tell me --
and something fucked you up?

JO
Yeah, got pulled over by a cop --

JACK
And you popped him.

JO
You always were a mind-reader.

JACK
Had to be in Nam.
So I assume you need me
to run a little recon?
Sky you out?

JO
If you could, yeah.
I’m in a bit of a jam.

JACK
Semper Fi, little lady.
Give me your coordinates.

JO
I’m at an abandoned gas station
in East LA on the corner
of Whittier and Soto.

JACK
Nice neighborhood.
What are you driving?

JO
A black, eighty-five Cadillac hearse.
The stash is in the casket.

JACK
No wonder you had to pull off the freeway.
Sore-thumb city.
(looks at his watch)
I’ll be there in fifteen minutes.

JO
Thanks, Jack. I owe ya one.

JACK
Hey. Didn’t I always tell ya
I’d always be there for ya?

JO
Why do you think I called?

JACK
Move the car behind the building.
Don’t want to tempt the locals
with your splendor.

JO
Don’t worry about me. I’m a big girl.
Just need a little 'roadside assistance.'

EXT. LOS ANGELES INTERNATIONAL AIRPORT - DAY
The Piper Cub taxis over to a charter flight hanger.
A black limousine sits nearby.

The cub’s door opens.
Kelsey comes out.

Then Doc, with the bag.
They hustle over to the limo.

IN THE LIMO
The driver’s partition slides down.

A BIG BEEFY BLACK GUY (30’s)
sits behind the wheel.
Turns. Looks at Doc. Smiles.

BIG, BEEFY BLACK GUY
Where do I have the pleasure
of taking you and the young lady today?

DOC
Downtown. But we have to wait
for two more people to get here.

BIG, BEEFY BLACK GUY
No problem.
Please allow me to introduce myself.
The name’s Douglas.
But my friends call me 'Def-Con.'

KELSEY
I’m Kelsey. This is Doc.

DEF-CON
Pleased to meet you.
Feel free to avail yourself
of the array of spirits at the bar.

Doc sees the bottles and glasses.
His eyes light up.

DOC
Not a bad idea.
Take the edge off.

KELSEY
Make mine a double --

Shit Outta Luck

Hey there, crime kids. Happy Wednesday. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your most violent fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 23 of BABY HEISTER, after shooting the cop that pulled her over, Jo Hazard gets off the freeway and parks the hearse at an abandoned gas station, where she runs into some pint-sized gang-bangers. Meanwhile, Doc and Kelsey have 'luggage issues' at the airport ... where, unbenownst to them, rogue detective Flint Cole is arriving ...


EXT. FREEWAY - DAY
The hearse turns off at the next exit.
Goes down the ramp.

EXT. EAST LA - INTERSECTION - DAY
A REALLY shitty part of town.
Crumbling apartment blocks.

The hearse pulls into
an abandoned gas station.

INT. HEARSE - DAY
Jo slips the gun in her pocket.
Opens the car door.

EXT. ABANDONED GAS STATION - DAY
She gets out. Looks around.
Not a soul to be seen.

Sees a pay phone. Walks over to it.
Lifts the receiver. Listens. Dead.

SNEERING GANG-BANGER (O.C.)
Hey, lady. Where’s the funeral?

She turns, sees a pair of
THIRTEEN-YEAR-OLD HISPANIC KIDS holding switchblades.
They FLIP them open menacingly.

LAUGHING GANG-BANGER
Looks like someone got lost or somethin.’

SNEERING GANG-BANGER
What you doin’ in this neighborhood?
This is OUR territory.

JO
I had a -- little problem with the police.

LAUGHING GANG-BANGER
You hear DAT?
She had a little trouble with the five-oh?

SNEERING GANG-BANGER
Well, now you have a little trouble with US.
Give us your WALLET, bitch.

JO
(WHIPS OUT her gun)
The TROUBLE involved SHOOTING A COP.
Now get the FUCK out of my face
before I BLOW A HOLE in your REFRIED BRAINS.

SNEERING GANG-BANGER
Holy SHIT. Don’t shoot, lady.

LAUGHING GANG-BANGER
Yo, chill.
We were just fuckin’ with ya --

JO
(CLICKS the safety)
Get your CHALUPAS the FUCK
out of my FACE. NOW.

They RUN. Jo watches them go.
Thinking. A light bulb POPS.

JO
I should call Jack Cotton --

EXT. PALM SPRINGS INTERNATIONAL AIRPORT - DAY
Gorgeous, beautiful mountains in the distance.

A small, white circular building with
passenger ramps around it like an octopus.
Planes taxi on the runways.

EXT. CHARTER FLIGHT HANGER - DAY
A smallish building for private jets.

Parked in front is a PIPER CUB.
One of those tiny planes used for
crop dusting and pulling banners across the sky.

Standing next to it is BRUB (50’s),
a grizzled pilot.

He looks at Doc, Kelsey, Reno and Dusty.
Then the duffle bags.

BRUB
Plane’s too small.
Jo said it would only be two people.

DOC
We had a change of plan.

DUSTY
(points at Reno)
What if I sit on his lap?

RENO
Yeah. We could squeeze in real tight.

BRUB
Too much weight.
I can take two of you,
plus the bags. That’s it.

KELSEY
(to Doc)
Shit. What are we gonna do?

BRUB
Tell ya what.
It only takes fifteen minutes to get to LAX.
Why don’t I take two of you first,
then come back?

DOC
That means we’d have to wait
half an hour --

BRUB
Seeing as how we go way back and all --
I’ll only charge half-price
for the second trip.

DOC
It’s a deal.
Kelsey and me will go first,
with the bags.

RENO
Wait a minute.
I thought we were splitting up
the take on the plane.

DUSTY
That’s right.
If something happens,
we’re shit outta luck.

DOC
Tell ya what.
We’ll take one bag,
leave one with you.

RENO
But who says each bag
has the same amount of dough in it?

KELSEY
Each bag has about a half-million in it.
What’s the fucking problem?
Doc’s giving you a lift,
AND letting you stay at his loft.
Chill OUT. We’ve gotta get the fuck
OUTTA here instead of wasting our time
standing around ARGUING.

DUSTY
Broad’s right.

RENO
Okay, okay.

DOC
(nods)
See you at LAX.

Dusty nods.
Brub opens the door.

Doc picks up a bag. Stuffs it in.
He and Kelsey get in. Then Brub.

The plane’s propellers start WHIRRING.
Starts taxiing down the runway.

RENO
C’mon. Let’s go see what kinda grub they got.

DUSTY
Fuck that. I could use a drink --

EXT. LOS ANGELES INTERNATIONAL AIRPORT - DAY
A Yellow Cab pulls up to the curb.
Flint Cole pops out the back door. SLAMS it.
Heads into the building, on a mission.

AT THE SECURITY CHECK LINE
He flashes his badge at a SURLY TSA OFFICER.
Cuts ahead of the line.

Goes through the metal detector.
It starts BEEPING. He grins.
Heads down the corridor --

The Family Business

Happy Tuesday, crime slicksters. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where the girls are hot, the drinks are cold, and the hardboiled-pulp-noir action is non-stop, right here, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 22 of BABY HEISTER, teenage heister Kelsey Hazard and the gang high-tail it to the airport, where Doc reveals their escape plan, and where he plans to hole up ... at a safe house he has in downtown LA. Meanwhile, Jo Hazard drives the hearse with Doc's life savings in a casket in the back, but when she gets stopped by a cop, things take a deadly turn ...


INT. CRIME SCENE TRUCK - MOVING - DAY
Kelsey drives. Doc chats
with Reno and Dusty in the back.

DOC
We’ll do the split on the plane.
When we get to LAX,
you can do whatever you want.

DUSTY
I dunno.
Won’t they be watching the airports?

RENO
Yeah. That place ain’t gonna be safe.

DUSTY
(to Doc)
Where you gonna go?

DOC
I’ve got a limo waiting on the tarmac.
Straight shot out of the airport.

RENO
Where’s it gonna take you?

DOC
A safe house downtown.

RENO
Well, fuck.
Can we come with you?
Perfect place to lie low for a bit.

Doc stares off into space. Thinking.

DUSTY
Whattaya say, Doc.
It’s only for a couple of days
till the heat dies down.

DOC
(looks at him)
Yeah, sure. Sorry.
Still upset about losing that farm.
My whole life, that’s all I ever wanted.

KELSEY
What about Jo?

DOC
She’s driving the stash
directly over to the loft.

DUSTY
If you don’t mind me askin,’
how much is it?

DOC
Forty years worth of heisting?
(pause for effect)
Little over twenty million.

Reno whistles.

KELSEY
Isn’t that kinda dangerous?
Traveling with that much scratch?

DOC
Not when it’s in a casket.

EXT. FREEWAY - DAY
The hearse heads west toward
Los Angeles in sparse traffic.

INT. HEARSE - MOVING - DAY
Country music on the radio.
Jo sits behind the wheel, driving.
Now wearing a chauffeur's cap
and aviator shades.

She looks in the rear view mirror.
Sees something.

JO
Shit, shit, shit.

BEHIND HER
Is a Highway Patrol car.
Lights FLASHING.

JO
Pulls over to the side of the road.
Pulls out a HANDGUN.

THE PATROL CAR
Pulls up behind her.

An ANGRY-LOOKING STATE TROOPER gets out.
Ambles over to the driver’s-side window.
It SLIDES down.

IN THE HEARSE
Jo looks at the trooper. Smiles.

JO
Good day, officer.
Was I going too fast?

ANGRY-LOOKING STATE TROOPER
Your tag’s expired.
License, registration and insurance, please.

She pulls out a wallet.
Starts handing documents to him.

JO
I’m so sorry.
I’ll get that taken care of right away.
(points at the registration)
The car is in my husband’s name.
We own the funeral home.

ANGRY-LOOKING STATE TROOPER
Since when does the owner of a funeral home
drive the hearse themselves?

JO
When you’re a small family business,
everybody has to pitch in.

ANGRY-LOOKING STATE TROOPER
Would you please step out of the vehicle?
I’d like to see what’s in the casket.

JO
I’m sorry, officer.
It’s sealed. I can’t open it.

ANGRY-LOOKING STATE TROOPER
Step out of the vehicle NOW.

JO
Okay, I’m sorry.

She slowly opens the door.
Grabs the gun. WHIPS IT UP.

SHOOTS him. BANG. BANG. BANG.
He CLUTCHES his chest.

Stares at her in shock.
Falls over, HITS the pavement, THWUMP.

JO
That’s what you get
for disrespecting your elders.

Foul Play

Hey there, crime kids. Happy Monday. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your most violent fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 21 of BABY HEISTER, in the aftermath of killing the double-crossers AND undercover officer Ray Stark, teenage heister Kelsey Hazard and the gang torch the hideout and hit the road. Meanwhile, robbery/homicide chief Darryl Rooker brings on board Flint Cole, a crazed, borderline pyscho cop, and orders him to 'go fucking nuts' ...


EXT. TILLY’S JOINT - DAY
Kelsey RIPS a sign off the side
of the Roto-Helper truck.
It now reads CRIME SCENE BUSTERS.

INT. POLICE HEADQUARTERS - OFFICE - DAY
Chief Detective Darryl Rooker sits behind his desk.

Looks really pissed off.
Sips a mug of coffee.

DARRYL
Went off without a hitch.
Not a shot was fired.
Guards were tied, gagged
and stuffed in a truck.
Whole thing went down
in a couple of minutes.

Standing nearby holding a
bottle of water is another COP.

COP
Sounds like a Doc Hazard special to me.

Meet FLINT COLE (40’s), ex Marine.
Now a bit fleshy. Crazy eyes.

Does the undercover thing a little too well.
You can practically smell him on the page.
But he’s still the best.

DARRYL
No shit.
I want you to get your ass
over to Palm Springs.

FLINT
I thought Willis was on that.

DARRYL
He’s disappeared.
I think he might have been
the victim of foul play.

FLINT
Got too close?

DARRYL
Either that, or he went
to the dark side and got burned.

FLINT
Which is why you called me.

DARRYL
Well, you’re off suspension.
Cleared of all charges.
And you’ve got a bit of a
reputation for --

FLINT
My unorthodox methods?

DARRYL
Yeah, well -- you get results.
(beat)
The department has been after
Doc Hazard and his crew
for over twenty years.
They’ve cost the taxpayers
millions of dollars.
You get where I’m going with this?

FLINT
In other words,
you want me to blow the lid off?

DARRYL
I want you to go fucking nuts.
And that’s an order.

Flint CRUSHES the bottle.
CRACK. Water EXPLODES.

FLINT
Let’s fucking rock.

EXT. TILLY’S JOINT - DAY
Doc and Kelsey sit in the truck.

See flames of fire licking
the edges of the windows
on the first floor of the house.

Reno and Dusty dash out the front door.
Run to the truck.

Jump in the back.
Doc turns around.
Looks at them.

DOC
You got the barn, too?
(off his nod, to Kelsey)
Let’s roll.

Kelsey turns the ignition.
Starts going down the driveway.

THE HOUSE
EXPLODES IN A BALL OF FIRE -- BOOM.
Debris goes FLYING.

DOC
Turns looks out the window.

DOC
What the --

RENO
Little trick I learned.
Hot water heater in the basement.
(smiles)
Put the bodies right next to it.

A HUMAN HAND
Lands on the windshield with a SLAP.
Kelsey SCREAMS.

EXT. DOC’S FARMHOUSE - FRONT PORCH - AT THAT MOMENT
Jo comes out the front door.
Looks natty in a black men’s suit.

She goes down the steps,
on a mission, walks toward --

EXT. DOC’S BARN - DAY
A massive, two-story affair.
Jo walks over to the big doors.

IN THE BARN
Jo SNAPS on the lights,
revealing a giant, two-story room.

Bales of hay sits against the far wall.
She grabs a pitchfork. STABS it.
TOSSES IT with surprising strength.

INT. DOC’S BARN - A LITTLE LATER
The front portion of the
bales of hay is now gone,
revealing a pair of doors.
She unlocks them. Steps inside --

A HIDDEN COMPARTMENT
Where we see a big vehicle covered with a tarp.
She grabs the front end. YANKS it off,
revealing -- a CADILLAC HEARSE.

Party Crashers

Hey there, crime kids. Happy Friday. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your most violent fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 20 of BABY HEISTER, teenage heister Kelsey Hazard and the gang have successfully knocked over the armored car, but when they arrive at Freddie Fingers' farm house to divide up the loot, they're in for a deadly surprise ...


EXT. TILLY’S JOINT - DAY
A ramshackle clapboard affair sits at the end
of a long driveway surrounded by big, old oak trees.
The joint’s in serious disrepair.
Dead, brown lawn. Crumbling foundation.

Next to the house is a small barn
that looks like it’d fall over if you sneezed.
Doors open.

The Roto-Helper truck comes down the driveway.
Drives into the barn. Stops.

INT. BARN - DAY
Kelsey gets out of the truck.
Goes around to the back, opens the door.
Reno and Dusty get out.

Freddie steps out from the shadows
holding a shotgun. Aims it at them.

FREDDIE
Don’t move, or I’ll SHOOT.

DUSTY
What the FUCK?

RENO
Asshole. I KNEW it.

KELSEY
You’re not gonna get away this.

FREDDIE
Fuck you, bitch.
Now all of you take your
guns out slowly and TOSS ‘em.

Kelsey, Reno and Dusty shake their heads.
Curse under their breath.

Slowly pull out their guns.
Toss them.

RENO
What’s it like knowing you’re gonna die?

FREDDIE
Shut up. Kick ‘em over here.

They kick their guns over.

DUSTY
You realize you’re a dead man, right?

FREDDIE
I said SHUT UP.
One more word and I’ll
blow your fucking HEADS off.

A GUNSHOT rings out. BANG.
A hole appears in Freddie’s forehead.

He falls over, THWUMP.
They turn and look, see --

RAY
Standing in the doorway.
Holding a giant chrome handgun.
Wicked smile on his lips. Chuckling.

RAY
Sorry to crash the party.
(off Kelsey’s shocked look)
Hey there, darlin.’
Don’t suppose you’d like to
ride off into the sunset with me.

KELSEY
Fucking ASSHOLE.

RAY
So ladylike.
(waves the gun at them)
Start unloading the dough, fellas.
Then your gonna put it in my van outside.

GUNSHOTS ring out.
BANG. BANG. BANG. BANG. BANG.

Five RED HOLES appear in his white T-shirt.
He looks down at them --

RAY
What the --

And HITS the ground. THWUMP.

TILLY
Stands in the doorway behind him.
Holding a small handgun.

TILLY
You shot my FREDDIE.

DUSTY
Tilly. Calm down. He’s not with us.

He wasn’t part of the plan, I swear.

RENO
Yeah. Don’t shoot, don’t shoot.

TILLY
SHUT UP. I gotta THINK.

BANG. Her head EXPLODES IN A RED MIST.
Kelsey JUMPS. SCREAMS.

DOC
Stands behind her
holding a sawed-off shotgun.

KELSEY
Doc.

DOC
Didn’t think I’d let you
do the job without a chaperone, did ya?
(beat)
Looks like I got here just in time.

RENO
No shit. Freddie tried a cross --
(points at Ray)
And this fella shot him.

Doc goes over to Ray’s body.
Pull out his wallet.

DOC
Bastard been sniffin’ around since the wake.
(opens the wallet, looks)
The guy’s a fucking COP.
Detective Charles Willis,
LA Robbery Homicide.

DUSTY
Holy SHIT.
You know what that means?

DOC
Yeah. They’re onto us.

RENO
But he wasn’t arresting us.
He was gonna TAKE THE DOUGH.

DUSTY
Yeah, but the cops still know about us.
He was playing along like
he was investigating us --
then he was gonna take
the dough and disappear.

RENO
So when word gets out about the can
getting knocked over --

DOC
Dead cop? Gonna be a shit storm.

Kelsey stares. Numb.
White a ghost.
Doc looks at her.

DOC
Don’t worry. We’re gonna be okay.
I’ve been planning for this day a long time.
(off her nod)
Take a deep breath.

She gulps down air.
Stares at the bodies.

DOC
Be strong.
You can freak out later.
Right now we gotta focus.

RENO
So what are we gonna do about the bodies?

DUSTY
I say we torch the joint.

DOC
Good idea.

Reno and Dusty nod.
Head toward the house.

DOC
C’mon. Let’s move the truck.
I gotta call Jo.

Kelsey nods. They get in,
Kelsey behind the wheel.
She starts backing it out of the barn.

IN THE TRUCK
Kelsey stops in the driveway.

DOC
Go change the signs.
Put the old ones in the barn, okay?

She nods. Starts to get out.
Stops. Stares at Doc. In shock.

DOC
You gotta trust me.
We’ll make it through this.
I’m not gonna let anything happen to you. Okay?

Kelsey nods.
Eyes bright with tears. Gets out.

Doc pulls out his cell.
Punches a number. Listens.

DOC
Hello, Jo?

INTERCUT WITH:

INT. DOC’S FARMHOUSE - KITCHEN - DAY
Jo stands at the wall phone,
holding the receiver to her ear.

JO
What’s wrong?

DOC
It’s D-day. No time to explain.
Call Brub at the airport.
Charter a plane for us to LAX.
Then call Crutch,
have a limo waiting for us there.
Then drive the stash to the loft downtown.
We’ll meet you there. Okay?

JO
Got it. Is everybody okay?

DOC
Yeah. Don’t pack anything.
You gotta leave immediately.
Okay? Love you.

JO
Okay. Love you.

She hangs up.
Goes to the stove.
Turns it off.

JO
Sorry, pot roast --

One False Move

Happy Thursday, crime slicksters. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where the girls are hot, the drinks are cold, and the hardboiled-pulp-noir action is non-stop, right here, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 19 of BABY HEISTER, teenage wannabe heister Kelsey Hazard 'earns her stripes' when she takes Simon's place as the wheelman ... and the gang successfully robs the armored car at the diner ...


EXT. RUBY’S DINER - DAY
Seven AM. Zero hour.

A smattering of cars and trucks
dot the parking spaces in front.
The spaces to the side are empty.

A big, tall van marked ROTO-HELPER pulls in.
Parks to the right of the armored car’s space.

Dusty gets out. Shuts the door.
Ambles into the restaurant.

An ancient Toyota pulls in.
Parks to the left of the armored car’s space,
but on an angle with it’s nose to the right
to make sure no one else parks
where the can is supposed to go.

ANGLE ON --

The Toyota.
We see Kelsey’s behind the wheel,
wearing shades and a baseball cap.
She lights a smoke. Waiting.

EXT. GAS STATION - DAY
Down the street near the exit
to the gas station lot,
the big, shitty truck idles,
Reno behind the wheel.

IN THE RESTAURANT
Tilly looks at her watch.
Nods to herself.

Puts a sign that says
AREA CLOSED FOR CLEANING
in the area near the side window.
Then wheels the bucket and mop over.

ON THE FREEWAY
The armored car turns off,
drives into the lot.

AT THE GAS STATION
Big, shitty truck pulls out.

IN THE PARKING LOT
Kelsey drives her car behind the diner.

THE ARMORED CAR
Pulls into its space
to the left of the Roto-Helper truck.

DUSTY
Sits in the diner.
Having coffee at the counter. Watching.

IN THE PARKING LOT
The armored car DRIVER gets out.
Goes to the rear of the truck,
raps on the door,
and a UNIFORMED GUARD gets out.

They pull out their keys.
Insert them in separate key holes.

Lock the door.
Then head into the diner.

The big, shitty truck pulls in.
Parks in the space to the left
of the armored car, blocking the view.

IN THE TRUCK
We now get a closer look at Reno.
We see he’s wearing the
armored car company uniform,
but not the hat.

He checks his gun.
Holsters it. Slips on shades.

IN THE DINER
Dusty watches Driver and Guard
leave the bathroom.

Pick up their ‘to go’ coffee order.
Sees his cue. Leaves.

FREDDIE
Gets up from his stool at the counter.
Walks into the back.

THE DRIVER AND GUARD
Come out of the diner.
Start walking toward the can.

EXT. DINER PARKING LOT - CONTINUOUS
Dusty stands between the truck and the can.
Kicks the front right tire of the truck.

Walks to the back.
Kicks the double rear tires
on the same side. Sighs.

DUSTY
I’ll be a sonofabitch.

Driver and Guard look at Dusty. Smile.

KELSEY
Pulls her car out from behind the diner
and slowly eases it toward the three trucks.

Just as she gets perpendicular to the can,
she kills the engine.

KELSEY
GODDAMMIT.

IN THE SHITTY TRUCK
Reno hears her. Puts on his guard cap.
Gets out.

THE DRIVER AND GUARD
Stand in back of the can.
They pull out their keys.

Driver sticks his in. Then Guard.
They stop. Turn. Look at Kelsey.

KELSEY
Sorry. It stalls out.
I just gotta give it a sec.

They nod. Return to their task.

Dusty suddenly appears and CLIPS
Guard on the side of the head with his gun.
He GOES DOWN, hits the pavement. THWUNK.

Before Driver can react,
Reno appears with a gun and a knife.

SHOVES the gun in his back.
PRICKS his neck with the knife.

RENO
(softly)
Hold very still.
(off his panicked look)
Go around to the front and have
the other guard open the door for you.

Reno moves the knife down to Driver’s hip.
PRICKS him again.

RENO
One false move and I castrate you.

Kelsey gets out of the car holding ropes and gags.
She and Dusty tie up Unconscious Guard.

Stuff him in the shitty truck.
Kelsey gets back in her car.

Dusty trots over to Reno,
now moving toward the passenger-side
of the cab with Driver.

IN THE ARMORED CAR
The OTHER GUARD sees Driver in the window,
and part of Dusty’s uniform.

He opens the door.
Dusty CLIPS Driver on the head with his gun.
He goes down. Aims his gun at Other Guard.

DUSTY
Get the fuck OUT.

Other Guard hesitates.
Looks at Driver on the ground. Swallows.

Starts slowly getting out,
just as Reno SAPS him on the head
from the other side, SMACK. He goes down.

Dusty and Kelsey carry Driver and Other Guard
into the shitty truck. Start tying them up.

Reno starts transferring sacks and boxes of money
from the armored car into the back
of the Roto-Helper truck.

Kelsey gets in the Toyota
and drives it to the back of the diner.

Dusty helps Reno finish
putting the money in the roto-truck,
then gets in the back with it.

Kelsey returns on foot and gets in front.
Starts the engine, and drives away.

IN THE ROTO-HELPER TRUCK
Kelsey grips the steering wheel.
Big, shit-eating grin.

Dusty leans into the cab from the back.

DUSTY
Looks like someone just
popped her cherry.
How do you feel?

KELSEY
Fucking GREAT.
(makes a face)
Think I peed my pants a little --

Leave The Robbing To Us

Hey there, crime kids. Happy Wednesday. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your most violent fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 18 of BABY HEISTER, Master heister Doc Hazard and his teenage wannabe bank robber granddaughter Keley scope out the diner where they plan on jacking the armored car. But then they get some bad news that puts the job in jeopardy ...


EXT. RUBY’S DINER - DAY
Quiet. A smattering of cars in the lot.
A few people inside having breakfast.
Not dead, but not that busy, either.

NEXT DOOR
In a motel parking sits
Doc’s pickup truck, facing Ruby’s.

IN THE TRUCK
Sits Doc and Kelsey.
Both watching the joint
with binoculars.

IN RUBY’S PARKING LOT
The ARMORED CAR turns off the road,
approaches the diner.

KELSEY (O.C.)
Here it comes --

The can pulls into it’s
regular parking space and stops.

IN THE TRUCK
Doc looks at his watch.

DOC
Seven on the dot.

KELSEY
A well-oiled machine, huh?

DOC
Not if we can help it.

INT. DOC’S FARMHOUSE - KITCHEN - DAWN
Doc, Jo and Kelsey sit
at the table having breakfast.

JO
I still can’t believe
you two got up so early.
It’s not like
you’re doing the job.

DOC
Can’t help it.
My body clock.

JO
(to Kelsey)
What’s your excuse?

KELSEY
Couldn’t sleep.
Too jacked up.

The phone on the wall RINGS.
Jo gets up. Answers it.

JO
Hello?
(to Doc)
It’s for you. Dusty.

Doc gets up.
Takes the phone.

DOC
Dusty, hey.
(listens)
Shit.
(listens)
When?
(listens)
I don’t think so.
Bring it over anyway.
(listens)
Yeah. See ya soon.

He hangs up.
Looks white as a ghost.

KELSEY
What’s wrong?

DOC
Simon went out last night
to jack some wheels
and never came back.
They think he got busted.

JO
Oh, no.

KELSEY
So what happens now?

DOC
Well, Dusty jacked another car.
Wanted to know if I
could be their wheelman --
but I don’t know,
with my arthritis --

KELSEY
Damn. So the job’s off?

DOC
Well, there IS someone else
that knows the job
well-enough to do it.

KELSEY
You mean --

JO
You sure that’s
a good idea?

DOC
I say we let her do it.
She’s ready.

JO
I don’t know --

DOC
She’s only driving.

Jo sighs.
Reluctantly nods.
Kelsey pumps a fist.

KELSEY
YES --

The Family That Heists Together

Happy Tuesday, crime slicksters. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where the girls are hot, the drinks are cold, and the hardboiled-pulp-noir action is non-stop, right here, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 17 of BABY HEISTER, Doc Hazard takes his teenage wannabe bank robber granddaughter Kelsey on an important errand ... to buy guns for the armored car job from a shady dealer.


INT. DOC’S PICKUP TRUCK - MOVING - DAY
Kelsey’s behind the wheel.
She looks at Doc.

KELSEY
Griff and Chelle never took me anywhere.
I was always left to fend for myself.

DOC
They were cowboys.
Never did the big jobs,
so they had to keep working.
That’s why when they tried to do one --

Pause.

KELSEY
Sometimes it feels like
they’re up there watching me, you know?

DOC
You’re wondering if they approve?

KELSEY
I dunno if 'approve' is the right word.

DOC
They loved you very much, Kelsey.

KELSEY
Sure had a funny way of showing it.
Everyone else I knew
called their parents 'mom and dad.'

Doc looks out the window.
Deep in thought.

DOC
All families have secrets.
Ours are just a bit -- trickier.

EXT. BAKERSFIELD - ANTIQUE STORE - DAY
A sleepy, small town main street
with sparse traffic and few pedestrians
late morning on a weekday.

Doc’s truck parks in front
of an old, run-down looking joint.

INT. ANTIQUE STORE - DAY
Jammed with all kinds of old shit,
most of which looks pretty worthless.
The cobwebs have cobwebs.

SOLLY STEIN (50’s), a round, balding,
grumpy-looking chap greets Doc and Kelsey.

SOLLY
Morning. Lookin’ for anything in particular?

DOC
Antique model airplanes. Got any?

SOLLY
(looks at Kelsey)
I might.

DOC
She’s okay. My granddaughter.

SOLLY
Kinda young --

DOC
She’s flying with me.

He nods. Goes to the front door.
Locks it. Turns the sign around.

'Sorry, We’re Closed.'
Heads toward the back.

SOLLY
Follow me.

IN THE BASEMENT
Solly leads them down a flight of
rickety stairs to a small room,
walls lined with shelves stuffed with old boxes,
making it seem smaller.
Floor covered with wooden crates.

SOLLY
What were you looking for?

DOC
I need three pieces.
Hoping you’d give me the group rate.

SOLLY
What’s the job?

DOC
Jacking a can.

He nods. Walks over to a shelf.
Grabs a vintage model airplane box.

Opens it. Pushes aside white tissue paper.
Pulls out a Smith & Wesson
three-fifty-seven magnum revolver.

SOLLY
(hands it to him)
This work?

DOC
(hefts it)
Oh, yeah.
(smiles, to Kelsey)
One bullet can take out an engine.
(to Solly)
You got two more just like this?

SOLLY
You bet. Only used once,
on the same job.
Five hundred each.

DOC
I’ll give you twelve-hundred.

SOLLY
Thirteen.
And I’ll throw in a box of ammo.
Holsters if you want ‘em.
(off his nod)
Wanna check it?

DOC
Yeah. Then let’s see the other two.

Solly walks over to the middle of the room
where we see a circular drain grate.

He pulls it off, revealing dirt.
Nods. Turns. Gets another pair of boxes.

DOC
(to Kelsey)
Hold your ears.
Kelsey clamps her hands
on the sides of her head. Nods.

Doc walks over.
Points it into the dirt.

Takes aim. Fires. BANG.
Looks at the hole. Nods.
Hands the gun to her.

She takes it. Wide-eyed.
Smells the gun barrel.

Solly takes out the other two weapons.
Doc takes one. Examines it. Nods.
Then the other. Checks the site. Nods.

DOC
Looks good.

SOLLY
We’ve done business before.
If they’re just used for show,
I’ll buy ‘em back at half price.

DOC
I’ll let you know.

Solly nods.
Puts the guns back in their boxes.

Hands them to Kelsey,
who tries not to look like
a kid at Christmas.

Doc pulls out his money roll.
Counts it out. Hands it over.

DOC
Pleasure doing business.

SOLLY
The family that heists together,
stays together, huh?

DOC
Something like that.

Night Of The Living Heist

Hey there, crime kids. Happy Monday. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your most violent fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 16 of BABY HEISTER, teenage wannabe bank robber Kelsey Hazard and her grandfather Doc renegotiate their cut on the armored car job with 'the inside man,' who's NOT pleased, but has to deal with it. Then they start planning the final details of the job ...


INT. DOC'S FARMHOUSE - LIVING ROOM - MORNING
Doc and Kelsey sit on the couch facing the fireplace.
Reno, Dusty and Simon sit in easy chairs.

Everyone looks tired. Sipping coffee.
Jo walks in with a fresh pot.

JO
It’s like 'Night Of The Living Heist' in here.
Anybody want a refill?

DOC
Thanks, Jo.

The doorbell RINGS.

DOC
That’ll be
'The Bitch and the Pauper.'

JO
I’ll get it.

She goes to the door. Opens it.
In walks Freddie and Tilly.

Looks pleased with himself.
Tilly looks angry. But tamed.

DOC
Freddie. Tilly.

JO
Y’all want some java?

They both nod.
Jo goes off to get them mugs.

DOC
So we checked out the diner --

FREDDIE
Already?

DOC
Yeah. Last night.
After we met with you.
(looks at Tilly)
Wanted to see if there
were any other problems.

Tilly narrows her eyes. Bristles.
Jo appears. Brings them mugs of coffee.
They take them. Sit. Exchange glances.

FREDDIE
And -- what do you think?

DOC
We can do it.

FREDDIE
So what’s your plan?

DOC
Hold on.
First there’s the matter of the split.

FREDDIE
Wh-what do you mean?

DOC
We’re doing all the heavy lifting.
It’s now five shares instead of four.
(points at the gang)
They each get one.
Kelsey and I split one,
and you two split one. Five shares.

TILLY
Now wait a MINUTE. This is MY JOB --

FREDDIE
I told you to SHUT THE FUCK UP.

TILLY
No, YOU shut the fuck up.

FREDDIE
THEY’RE doing all the goddamn WORK.
Yes, you came up with the job,
but you’re not a HEISTER.
You’re a fucking WAITRESS.

TILLY
(LEAPS up)
That’s it. I’m outta here.

FREDDIE
GODDAMMIT. LISTEN to me.

KELSEY
Excuse me. Tilly?
We actually DO need your help.

TILLY
Y-you need my help?

DOC
It’s a VERY important part of the job.
Sit down. We’ll tell you all about it.

INT. DOC’S FARMHOUSE - KITCHEN - DAY
The gang sits around the big table
eating a hearty breakfast.
Doc sits at the head, holding court.

DUSTY
I do believe she looked almost happy.

KELSEY
I thought she was gonna bust a gut
when you told her she’d have to
stay at the diner and meet us
later at her place.

DOC
She needs to stay and finish her shift.
Otherwise she’ll lead the cops right to us.

SIMON
And Freddie hangs out at the diner
to establish his alibi.

DOC
Yep. It’ll give us plenty of time
to split up the dough,
change the signs on the truck --
and more importantly,
prevent them from trying a cross.
(beat)
Okay. Job assignments.
Dusty, I need you to get
the crime scene mace,
then go see a guy I know
who’ll make the new signage.

He hands him a slip of paper.
Dusty takes it. Looks it over.
Nods. Sticks it in his pocket.

DUSTY
I’m on it.

KELSEY
What’s a 'mace?'

DOC
A vehicle that’s not hot.
Has a clean chain-of-title with fake paperwork.
That way we can travel in it safely,
or in the case of the big truck,
leave it behind.
(to Reno)
Reno, can you get the big one?

RENO
Piece a cake.

DOC
Good. Don’t go nuts.
It can be a piece of shit.
We’re not keeping it.
(to Simon)
Simon. I assume you can
jack a set of wheels?

SIMON
We guarantee.
In thirty minutes or less.

DOC
Make sure it’s fresh.
Get it the day of the job.
And nothing flashy.

SIMON
Okay. You figured out the parking maneuvers?

DOC
Yeah. We park the van to the
right of their spot
and the car to the left.
When the first guy goes in,
the car pulls out, and then
the big truck pulls into it’s place.

KELSEY
Why do the bit with the car?
Why not just park the big truck
there right away?

DOC
If they start to pull in
and see they’re boxed in like that,
they might park somewhere else.

KELSEY
Right.
(beat)
So what am I gonna do?

DOC
You’re gonna come with me to get the guns.
Then we’ll stake out the diner.
Watch the can do it’s run.
Make sure it’s kosher.
Sound like a plan?

KELSEY
Works for me --

A Chip Off The Old Crook

Hey there, crime kids. Happy Friday. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your most violent fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 15 of BABY HEISTER, teenage wannabe bank robber Kelsey Hazard and the rest of the crew scopes out the diner where they plan to knock off the armored car when it makes its pit stop ... and much to everyone's surprise, the newbie comes up with the perfect plan ...


EXT. RUBY’S DINER - NIGHT
Your standard desert roadside diner
on the outskirts of town.

All but deserted at this hour.
A couple of cars and trucks are parked.

Only a few customers
are visible in the windows.

The SUV pulls into the parking area.
Slides into a space off to the side
facing the windows. Stops.

INT. SUV - NIGHT
Simon shuts off the engine.
Everyone looks at the diner.

DOC
I dunno. All those windows.

RENO
Everybody on this side
would see us.

DUSTY
Yeah. There’s no way.

KELSEY
What if we parked a couple of
big trucks on each side of it?

DOC
The can?

KELSEY
Yeah.

DOC
Might work --
(beat)
What about the people inside?
How could we divert them from
seeing what was happening out here?

Kelsey looks at the window. Thinking.

IN THE WINDOW
A WAITRESS blocks off a section
with an AREA CLOSED FOR CLEANING floor sign.
Then starts mopping.

KELSEY’S
Eyes light up.
She points at the waitress.

KELSEY
Look. See what she’s doing?

Everyone turns and looks.

SIMON
That’s fucking brilliant.

KELSEY
We have Tilly mop the area
in front of the window.
Make sure there’s plenty of
ammonia in the water.
Everyone will sit FAR away.

DOC
You’re a chip off the old crook.

KELSEY
Takes on to know one.
(beat)
How about we get a piece of pie?

DOC
No can do.
Can’t be seen in there.
(to Simon)
C’mon. Let’s head back.

Simon starts up the engine.
Backs up the car.

DUSTY
What about an escape route?
It’s just a stretch of highway.
And I didn’t see any place
on the way we could hole up.

DOC
We need a vehicle no cop
would think of searching.

The SUV pulls out.
Heads back out onto the freeway.

SIMON
How about a school bus?

DOC
You’d have to have students in it.
Too complicated.

DUSTY
What about a roach coach?

DOC
Also too complicated.
All that food.

RENO
How about a manure truck?
NO cop would wanna get NEAR that.

DOC
And you would?

KELSEY
I got it.
A crime scene cleaning crew.
They’ve got those biohazard stickers on ‘em.
NO ONE wants to see what’s inside of THAT.

DOC
That’s fucking brilliant.

KELSEY
We have some other signage
for the first part of the job --
then after we jack the can
it comes off and becomes the cleaning crew.

Dusty and Reno turn.
Look at Doc. Nod slowly.

Simon looks at her
in the rear view mirror. Grins.

SIMON
Looks like the apple didn’t
fall far from the scene of the crime --