Thursday, March 31, 2011
On A Need-To-Blow Basis
Happy Thursday, crime slicksters. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where the girls are hot, the drinks are cold, and the hardboiled-pulp-noir action is non-stop, right here, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.
In Chapter 9 of NOWHERE GIRL, Homeland Security agent April Street shoots down a commando squad of rogue agents sent to eliminate her. Meanwhile, 'stripper with a suitcase nuke' Cherry Nation gets in a fight on the phone with her ex, CIA agent Shag Holiday ...
INT. APRIL'S STOLEN CAB - NIGHT
The cop walks up to the passenger side door.
April notices the tattoo on the side of his neck.
Strictly against LAPD regulations.
Would you please step out of the car, Miss?
Sure thing, officer.
She slowly opens the door,
and SMASHES it into his legs.
He BUCKLES, hits the ground.
April DASHES over, GRABS his piece,
and KARATE KICKS him in the head with a CRACK.
He goes down.
April retrieves her ID,
still clenched in the officer’s fist.
The other officer gets out the squad car,
starts FIRING at her.
April LEAPS in front of the SUV,
and RETURNS FIRE.
Sledge didn’t waste any time.
A HELICOPTER appears overhead.
April looks up.
Whoah. He’s REALLY mad.
She pulls a GRENADE out of her pocket,
and, like a pitcher at the World Series --
HURLS it at the squad car.
BOOM. It EXPLODES in a massive FIREBALL.
April JUMPS in the SUV,
and TAKES OFF in a SCREECH of rubber.
The chopper follows,
SPRAYING the SUV with MACHINE GUN FIRE.
INT. SUV - MOVING - CONTINUOUS
April feels around under the driver’s seat.
Let’s hope he’s got some
samples of the merchandise.
She pulls out a huge
TACTICAL ASSAULT WEAPON.
April GUNS THE ENGINE.
EXT. SUNSET BOULEVARD - SUV - MOVING - CONTINUOUS
The car reaches an area full of warehouses,
soundstages, strip malls.
The grungy part of Hollywood.
The car HITS a hard right at an intersection,
tires SCREECHING, and FLIES down an alley,
the chopper following.
INT. SUV - MOVING - CONTINUOUS
April sees the loading dock of a warehouse.
She pulls up to it. STOPS.
JUMPS out of the car with the gun.
A crew of WORKERS watch her.
Approach the car.
Hey, lady. You can’t park here.
Shit! She’s got a gun!
The chopper ROARS above them.
Machine guns FIRING.
(above the roar)
Stand back! Homeland Security!
She runs into the alley, and FIRES up at the helicopter --
The chopper EXPLODES in what is now
the requisite massive fireball of flames and smoke.
It CRASHES on the roof of a nearby building,
April lowers her weapon.
A hot chick like you
is Homeland Security?
Where those terrorists?
That’s on a need-to-blow-up basis.
EXT. VENICE BEACH BUNGALOW - NIGHT
A lovely 100-year-old Craftsman
on a leafy walkway street.
Lit by old-fashioned lampposts.
Steps away from the sand.
INT. BUNGALOW - BEDROOM - CONTINUOUS
Two cute little GIRLS (5) and (7) sleep peacefully.
INT. BUNGALOW - KITCHEN - NIGHT
A MAN rummages in the fridge.
Looking for a snack.
He pulls out his cell phone.
PUNCHES a number.
Meet SHAG HOLIDAY (35), who if you remember,
is the person we heard Cherry speaking to
at the top of the story.
Buff and cut. Too good-looking
to be a shower head salesman.
Which is why he is actually a CIA operative.
Oh, and he’s also Cherry’s recent ex.
He RIPS off a turkey leg. Listens.
Hey, it’s me.
INT. JUMBO’S CLOWN ROOM - NIGHT - AT THAT MOMENT
A seedy stripper hangout on the Sunset Strip.
Weird psychobilly on the jukebox.
A sign reeds NO TOP, NO SERVICE.
Cherry sits in a booth with Peeler.
Both have the remnants
of burgers and coffee on the table.
Cherry talks on her cell.
Ohmigod, I forgot to call you.
I just wanted to make sure you were -- okay.
Are you checking up on me AGAIN?
I’m sorry, I didn’t mean -- it’s been --
(looks at Peeler)
Quite an evening.
You could say that.
What, your flight get delayed?
There was a -- luggage incident.
'A luggage incident?'
What happened? Are you okay?
I’m fine. Someone gave me a briefcase
by mistake and then split.
Then it turned out that some people want it --
She looks at Peeler.
He shrugs. Go for it.
Someone gave you a briefcase -- by MISTAKE?
What have you gotten yourself into?
Are these people chasing you now?
No, no, no. I’m -- delivering it to them.
Then I’m on a plane, promise.
Gotta be at the club tomorrow.
How are the girls?
Did you tuck them in?
The girls are fine.
Don’t deflect, Cherry.
I need to know what you --
NO, YOU DON’T. This is MY life, Shag.
Thank you for watching the kids, I owe you one.
But what we had is OVER, and you have NO RIGHT
to give me the third degree.
I’ll call you tomorrow, BYE.
INT. JUMBO’S CLOWN ROOM - CONTINUOUS
Cherry hangs up. Looks at Peeler. Rolls her eyes.
That was your ex --
It was that obvious.
Hey. 'Universal language of love.'