On A Need-To-Blow Basis

Happy Thursday, crime slicksters. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where the girls are hot, the drinks are cold, and the hardboiled-pulp-noir action is non-stop, right here, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 9 of NOWHERE GIRL, Homeland Security agent April Street shoots down a commando squad of rogue agents sent to eliminate her. Meanwhile, 'stripper with a suitcase nuke' Cherry Nation gets in a fight on the phone with her ex, CIA agent Shag Holiday ...

INT. APRIL'S STOLEN CAB - NIGHT
The cop walks up to the passenger side door.

April notices the tattoo on the side of his neck.
Strictly against LAPD regulations.

GRIM OFFICER
Would you please step out of the car, Miss?

APRIL
Sure thing, officer.

She slowly opens the door,
and SMASHES it into his legs.

He BUCKLES, hits the ground.
April DASHES over, GRABS his piece,
and KARATE KICKS him in the head with a CRACK.
He goes down.

April retrieves her ID,
still clenched in the officer’s fist.

The other officer gets out the squad car,
starts FIRING at her.

April LEAPS in front of the SUV,
and RETURNS FIRE.

APRIL
Sledge didn’t waste any time.

A HELICOPTER appears overhead.
April looks up.

APRIL
Whoah. He’s REALLY mad.

She pulls a GRENADE out of her pocket,
and, like a pitcher at the World Series --
HURLS it at the squad car.

BOOM. It EXPLODES in a massive FIREBALL.

April JUMPS in the SUV,
and TAKES OFF in a SCREECH of rubber.

The chopper follows,
SPRAYING the SUV with MACHINE GUN FIRE.

INT. SUV - MOVING - CONTINUOUS
April feels around under the driver’s seat.

APRIL
Let’s hope he’s got some
samples of the merchandise.

She pulls out a huge
TACTICAL ASSAULT WEAPON.

APRIL
Bingo.

April GUNS THE ENGINE.

EXT. SUNSET BOULEVARD - SUV - MOVING - CONTINUOUS
The car reaches an area full of warehouses,
soundstages, strip malls.
The grungy part of Hollywood.

The car HITS a hard right at an intersection,
tires SCREECHING, and FLIES down an alley,
the chopper following.

INT. SUV - MOVING - CONTINUOUS
April sees the loading dock of a warehouse.
She pulls up to it. STOPS.
JUMPS out of the car with the gun.

A crew of WORKERS watch her.
Approach the car.

ANGRY WORKER
Hey, lady. You can’t park here.

SURPRISED WORKER
Shit! She’s got a gun!

The chopper ROARS above them.
Machine guns FIRING.
APRIL
(above the roar)
Stand back! Homeland Security!

She runs into the alley, and FIRES up at the helicopter --
RAT-A-TAT-TAT-TAT-TAT-TAT-TAT-TAT-TAT-TAT-TAT-TAT-TAT!!!

UP ABOVE
The chopper EXPLODES in what is now
the requisite massive fireball of flames and smoke.

It CRASHES on the roof of a nearby building,
which IMPLODES.

April lowers her weapon.
Smiles grimly.

EXCITED WORKER
A hot chick like you
is Homeland Security?

SMILING WORKER
Where those terrorists?

APRIL
Sorry, fellas.
That’s on a need-to-blow-up basis.

EXT. VENICE BEACH BUNGALOW - NIGHT
A lovely 100-year-old Craftsman
on a leafy walkway street.

Lit by old-fashioned lampposts.
Steps away from the sand.

INT. BUNGALOW - BEDROOM - CONTINUOUS
Two cute little GIRLS (5) and (7) sleep peacefully.

INT. BUNGALOW - KITCHEN - NIGHT
A MAN rummages in the fridge.
Looking for a snack.

He pulls out his cell phone.
PUNCHES a number.

Meet SHAG HOLIDAY (35), who if you remember,
is the person we heard Cherry speaking to
at the top of the story.

Buff and cut. Too good-looking
to be a shower head salesman.

Which is why he is actually a CIA operative.
Oh, and he’s also Cherry’s recent ex.

He RIPS off a turkey leg. Listens.

SHAG
Hey, it’s me.

INTERCUT WITH:

INT. JUMBO’S CLOWN ROOM - NIGHT - AT THAT MOMENT
A seedy stripper hangout on the Sunset Strip.
Weird psychobilly on the jukebox.
A sign reeds NO TOP, NO SERVICE.


Cherry sits in a booth with Peeler.
Both have the remnants
of burgers and coffee on the table.

Cherry talks on her cell.

CHERRY
Shag.
(beat)
Ohmigod, I forgot to call you.

SHAG
It’s okay.
I just wanted to make sure you were -- okay.

CHERRY
Are you checking up on me AGAIN?
I’m sorry, I didn’t mean -- it’s been --
(looks at Peeler)
Quite an evening.

SHAG
Something happen?

CHERRY
You could say that.

SHAG
What, your flight get delayed?

Pause.
CHERRY
There was a -- luggage incident.

SHAG
'A luggage incident?'
What happened? Are you okay?

CHERRY
I’m fine. Someone gave me a briefcase
by mistake and then split.
Then it turned out that some people want it --

She looks at Peeler.
He shrugs. Go for it.

SHAG
Someone gave you a briefcase -- by MISTAKE?
What have you gotten yourself into?
Are these people chasing you now?

CHERRY
No, no, no. I’m -- delivering it to them.
Then I’m on a plane, promise.
Gotta be at the club tomorrow.
(brightly)
How are the girls?
Did you tuck them in?

SHAG
The girls are fine.
Don’t deflect, Cherry.
I need to know what you --

CHERRY
NO, YOU DON’T. This is MY life, Shag.
Thank you for watching the kids, I owe you one.
But what we had is OVER, and you have NO RIGHT
to give me the third degree.
I’ll call you tomorrow, BYE.

INT. JUMBO’S CLOWN ROOM - CONTINUOUS
Cherry hangs up. Looks at Peeler. Rolls her eyes.

PEELER
That was your ex --

CHERRY
It was that obvious.

PEELER
Hey. 'Universal language of love.'

Like Wet Camel In Hot Sun

Hey there, crime kids. Happy fucking Hump Day. Do you know what time it is? It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your most violent fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 8 of NOWHERE GIRL, it's non-stop thrills when Homeland Security agent April Street gets into a fight with black ops thug Token Ware ... while the terrorists play nasty games with their hostages ... and then April gets attacked by assassins sent by Sledge Crafton, her former boss ...


EXT. PEELER MARDO’S JOINT - NIGHT
April comes out the front door, walks to the curb.
Sees Token’s big, black SUV.

Takes out his keys, presses a button,
and THWIP, the doors open.

APRIL
He won’t mind if I borrow it
for a little while.

The front door FLIES OPEN,
and Token RACES toward April,
carrying the chair she cuffed him to.

She JUMPS IN. LOCKS the doors.
Token POUNDS on the window.

TOKEN
Open the fucking DOOR, BITCH!

APRIL
(pulls out her gun)
Back off!

He raises the chair,
and SMASHES it into the driver’s side window,
SHATTERING it. Glass SPRAYS.

April FLINGS the door open,
LEAPS OUT, and KICKS him, WHACK!

He FLIES backward. THUD.
He gets up, chair now gone,
holding his chained wrists apart,
like a weapon.
TOKEN
I’m gonna KILL you.

April SHOOTS him in the head. BANG.
It EXPLODES in a cloud of red mist.

APRIL
Not if I kill you first.
(beat)
Asshole. Now I gotta clean this up.

INT. HOLLYWOOD HILLS MANSION - NIGHT - AT THAT MOMENT
Hamad sits at the bar, sips from a cut-glass rock glass.

HAMAD
(to the husband)
Excellent scotch.
(holds up the bottle)
Glenlivet.
(to Kamal)
Make a note of it.

Kamal nods. He starts pacing, looks worried.
Hamad opens up a cigar box. Takes one out. Sniffs it.

RICH HUSBAND
Cuban. Help yourself.

He GRABS a fistful.
SHOVES them in his pocket.

HAMAD
Damn right I help myself.

Hamad shoves one in his mouth.
Starts to light it.

RICH HUSBAND
You’re supposed to cut the --

HAMAD
SHUT UP. I know how to smoke CIGAR.

He BITES OFF the end.
SPITS IT out. Sticks it back in.

FIRES it up. He leans back, smiling.
Puffing away.

KAMAL
I am concerned about the --
delivery, sir.

HAMAD
So we have to wait a bit.
We are comfortable. I trust Avi.
He comes recommended most highly.

Trophy Wife starts quietly sobbing.

HAMAD
SILENCE.

One of the guards, SAAD,
grins a brown, broken-tooth smile.

SAAD
She soiled herself, oh holy one.

The other guard, MOHAMMED, nods solemnly.

MOHAMMED
She smell like wet camel in hot sun.

RICH HUSBAND
Please sir, if you have any decency,
would you please let her get cleaned up
and change into some fresh clothes.
We’re cooperating with you.
(takes off his watch)
Here, take my watch. It’s a Rolex.
It’s worth twenty-five-thousand dollars.

Saad SNATCHES the watch, brings it to Hamad.
He inspects it, smiles, slips it on.

HAMAD
Very well.
(to Saad)
Take the woman to her room,
let her shower and change.

SAAD
And then I have sex with her?

HAMAD
Of course.
(smiles)
We all will. It is,
how they say in the States --
(beat)
Gang Bang?

INT. MERCEDES SUV - MOVING - NIGHT - AT THAT MOMENT
April drives down Sunset Boulevard west, into Hollywood.
She pulls out Token’s tracking device,
a small, hand-held PDA.

She FLICKS it on. Looks at the screen.

APRIL
Bingo. They’re only a mile or two away.

As the car takes a turn,
another car SWERVES toward her.
Her focus momentarily away from the road,
she doesn’t see it, and the cars SIDESWIPE
each other with a CRUNCH.

The other car pulls over. April keeps going.

APRIL
Shit, shit, shit.

A siren WHOOPS behind her.
She checks out the rearview.

IN THE MIRROR
Is an LAPD black and white cruiser.
Cherry lights FLASHING.

APRIL
Pulls over. Stops.
Rolls down her window.

APRIL
Great. Just great.

A GRIM OFFICER approaches the car.
Leans in the window.

GRIM OFFICER
License, registration and
proof of insurance, please.

April goes into her handbag,
hands the officer her papers.
Then shows him her ID.

APRIL
I realize leaving the scene of an accident
is a serious offense, officer,
but I’m a Homeland Security agent,
and this is a matter of national security.
(low, urgent)
I need to retrieve a runaway suitcase nuke.

He takes the ID. Inspects it. Hmmm.
April is puzzled, as this normally
opens doors faster than a naked woman.

Then she notices the tattoo
on the side of his neck.
Strictly against LAPD regulations.

GRIM OFFICER
Would you please
step out of the car, Miss?

APRIL
Sure thing, officer.

She slowly opens the door,
and SMASHES it into his legs.

He BUCKLES, hits the ground.
April DASHES over, GRABS his piece,
and KARATE KICKS him in the head with a CRACK.
He goes down.

April retrieves her ID,
still clenched in the officer’s fist.

The other officer gets out the squad car,
starts FIRING at her.

April LEAPS in front of the SUV,
and RETURNS FIRE.

APRIL
Sledge didn’t waste any time.

A HELICOPTER appears overhead.
April looks up.

APRIL
Whoah. He’s REALLY mad --

Hasta La Vista, Refried Motherfuckers

Happy Tuesday, crime slicksters. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where the girls are hot, the drinks are cold, and the hardboiled-pulp-noir action is non-stop, right here, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 7 of NOWHERE GIRL, stripper-with-a-suitcase-nuke Cherry Nation and Silverlake hipster Peeler Mardo escape their pursuers by getting on the city bus, but then get accosted by a nasty group of gang-bangers ...


INT. CITY BUS - MOVING - NIGHT
One of those long, red monsters,
in sections, like a snake.

Only a handful of passengers.
Cherry and Peeler sit toward the back.
Look at a video monitor.

CHERRY
I didn’t know they
had TV on the bus.

PEELER
It’s not real TV. Watch.

ON THE SCREEN
A smiling LATINA gives a pitch
about ‘Accidentes Abigados.’

CHERRY
Makes a face.

CHERRY
It’s in Spanish.

PEELER
Welcome to how
the other half lives.

The bus STOPS.

A trio of GANG-BANGERS
(early 20’s) boards.

They strut down the aisle.

The first one,
the LEADER, sees Cherry.

He stops.
Nudges the others.
Gold-toothed smiles.

They move slowly,
sauntering,
until they reach
Cherry and Peeler.

The leader sits
in front of them.
The others, behind.

LEAD GANG-BANGER
What'cha got in da case,
mommy?

CHERRY
Uh -- nothing.

LEAD GANG-BANGER
Can’t be nothin’,
or else you wouldn’ta
be cuffed to it.

The SHORT, UGLY GANG-BANGER
sitting behind Cherry
FLIPS open a switchblade,
revealing a long knife.

Cherry SHUDDERS.

SHORT, UGLY GANG-BANGER
It’s gotta be
valuable, riiight?

The other kid,
a TALLER, GOOD-LOOKING GANG-BANGER
pulls out a forty-ounce bottle
of malt liquor.

Takes a swig.

TALLER, GOOD-LOOKING GANG-BANGER
I say she open it
and show us what she’s got.

PEELER
That wouldn’t be a good idea.

LEAD GANG-BANGER
And why is dat?

The bus JERKS to a stop.

A FAT WOMAN in a wheelchair
is getting on.

This will take a little while --

CHERRY
Because it’s a BOMB.

The Leader starts LAUGHING.
Then, the others join in.

LEAD GANG-BANGER
You kiddin’ me.
Why would a nice
piece of pussy like you
have a BOMB?

CHERRY
For assholes like YOU.

She LEAPS UP --
and WHACKS Leader
in the head with the case,
CRACK, SPINS AROUND,
and CRACKS Short, Ugly
in the face.

CHERRY
(to Peeler)
MOVE IT, now!

Peeler JUMPS UP,
races toward the exit.

Tall, Good-Looking
cowers with fear.

CHERRY
You want a piece of this, homes?

He shakes his head ‘no.’

CHERRY
I didn’t think so.
Hasta la vista,
refried motherfuckers.

EXT. BUS STOP - SECONDS LATER
Cherry and Peeler FLY
out the exit door.

RACE down the street.
LAUGHING and WHOOPING.

PEELER
Holy fucking shit!
You CLOCKED ‘em!

Cherry slows down.
Catches her breath.

CHERRY
I don’t know what happened.
It was like something snapped --
and I just DID it.

PEELER
You were great.
And I don’t even feel emasculated.
(beat)
Okay, where to now?

CHERRY
I’m starving.
Let’s grab a quick bite,
regroup, and then
deliver this fucker.

PEELER
(staring, big smile)
I’d follow you
to the end of the earth.

Cherry stops.
Gives him the eye.

CHERRY
I’m still not
gonna fuck you --

Severance Package

Hey there, crime kids. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your most violent fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 6 of NOWHERE GIRL, the plot thickens when the terrorists call Palestinian arms dealer Avi Abbas about their missing 'package.' Meanwhile, stripper with a suitcase nuke Cherry Nation waits for the bus, and Homeland Security agent April Street yells at her boss, black ops spook Sledge Crafton, with disastrous results ...


INT. HOLLYWOOD HILLS MANSION - NIGHT
Kamal clicks his phone shut. Looks at Hamad.

KAMAL
She said there was a delay,
that she was on her way,
and then -- the line went dead.

HAMAD
I do not understand.

KAMAL
It sounded like there was a struggle.
Our operation might be comprised.

HAMAD
Give me your phone.

He does. Hamad PUNCHES a number. Listens.

HAMAD
Hello, Avi?

INTERCUT WITH:

INT. DOWNTOWN LOFT - NIGHT
Avi stands out on the balcony, talking on his cell.
He fires up a smoke with a CLICK of his Zippo.

AVI
I assume you are calling to thank me.
And to confirm that payment is on the way.

HAMAD
There has been NO DELIVERY.
This -- woman is late,
and then she calls and says
there has been a delay,
and then there is fighting
and the phone goes dead.
What kind of operation are you running!?

AVI
(smooth)
Please accept my profuse apologies.
I have someone on the way
to intercept it as we speak.
All my packages get delivered.
Let me call my man and
I’ll get back to you within the hour.

HAMAD
Very well. I will await your word.
And look forward to concluding this transaction.

INT. DOWNTOWN LOFT - BALCONY - CONTINUOUS
Avi FLINGS his cigarette over the ledge.
Furiously PUNCHES a number on his cell. Listens.

INTERCUT WITH:

INT. MARDO’S JOINT - NIGHT - AT THAT MOMENT
April lies on the floor.

Token, a few feet away,
still out like a light.

She opens her eyes.
Sits up. Rubs her head.

APRIL
Shit.

The phone in Token’s pocket RINGS.

APRIL
That might be Avi --

She goes to his jacket,
gets the phone. Listens.

APRIL
Avi?

AVI
It’s YOU.
What THE FUCK is going on? What HAPPENED?
Why haven’t you delivered the PACKAGE?
And where is TOKEN?

APRIL
TOKEN gave THE PACKAGE to the WRONG PERSON.
A woman who looks like me.
He was EARLY. I was ON TIME.

AVI
Where is he now?

APRIL
On the floor. Out cold.

AVI
Where are you?

APRIL
Silverlake. At the house of the woman
who he gave the case to.
Or maybe its her boyfriend’s place,
I’m not sure.

AVI
There’s ANOTHER person involved in this?

APRIL
Hey, you can thank Ware for that.

AVI
But you have the case? From the woman?

APRIL
No. They’re gone.

AVI
What THE FUCK?

APRIL
Relax. I’ve got Ware’s transmitter.
I’m gonna go get it.

AVI
But what about Ware?

APRIL
You think I give two shits?
I don’t answer to you.
WARE fucked this up,
and now I’M gonna have to
clean up his mess.
(hears something)
I have another call.
I’ll call you back.
(punches a button)
This is Street.

EXT. SUNSET BOULEVARD - NIGHT
A lonely stretch of Sunset, way east.
Far from the strip.

Cherry and Peeler sit
on a bench at a bus stop. Waiting.

Cherry grips the briefcase
to her chest like it’s a baby.

PEELER
We should figure out a way
to get you out of those handcuffs.

CHERRY
That would be nice.

PEELER
(sees something)
There’s the bus.

CHERRY
Go Metro. Leave the bombing to us --

INT. MARDO’S JOINT - NIGHT - AT THAT MOMENT
April looks through Token’s pockets.
Finds the handcuff keys.

APRIL
(on the phone)
Sledge. What a pleasant surprise.

INTERCUT WITH:

INT. INTELLIGENCE OFFICE - NIGHT - AT THAT MOMENT
Sledge paces slowly,
sipping scotch from a cut-glass tumbler.
BARKS into the speakerphone on his desk.

SLEDGE
Watch your tone with me, GIRLIE.
I’m still your fucking BOSS.

APRIL
Is that MY fucking boss --
or FUCKING my boss?

SLEDGE
Can it, Street, before I can YOU.
What’s going on? You secure the case?

APRIL
Uh -- no.
There’s been a little -- problem.

SLEDGE
A little PROBLEM?
So help me Street,
if you’ve fucked this up,
I’m gonna have your ass.

APRIL
You’ve already had my ass.
Now listen to me,
and don’t interrupt --

SLEDGE
STREET, GODAMMIT --

APRIL
SHUT UP AND LISTEN TO ME!
Avi’s guy Ware came in
and fucked everything up!
The girl and the guy
who have the case split,
but I’ve got Ware’s tracking transmitter,
and I will FIND THEM and GET IT --
so stop thinking with your DICK,
take a CHILL PILL,
and let me do my JOB.

Sledge HURLS his glass
against the wall with a CRASH.

SLEDGE
How DARE you talk to me like that.
I will NOT have it.
I’m dismissing you from the case.
(beat)
And the unit.

APRIL
You’re putting out
a burn notice on me?

SLEDGE
See you IN HELL.

He PUNCHES the speakerphone,
sending it FLYING across the room --
where it CRACKS into the wall.

APRIL
Sledge? Boss? You there?
(beat)
Talk about a severance package --

American Bitch

Hey there, crime kids. Happy fucking FRIDAY. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your most violent fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 5 of NOWHERE GIRL, we meet the Al Qaeda sleeper cell that's holding a rich couple hostage in the Hollywood Hills. Meanwhile, stripper-on-the-run Cherry Nation discovers the deadly contents of the briefcase she's been handcuffed to ... and decides to try and deliver it to the terrorists herself.


EXT. HOLLYWOOD HILLS - MANSION - NIGHT
A glass and steel monstrosity
right outta ENTOURAGE, high on a cliff,
jutting out into the sky on stilts.

INT. MANSION - LIVING ROOM - CONTINUOUS
The very definition of ritzy.
The room is fucking HUGE.
An amazing view of Los Angeles twinkles below.

Seated in front of a roaring fire is HAMAD KHARRAZI,
head of this particular Al Qaeda sleeper cell.

His second-in-command, KAMAL AESEFIJ,
stands before him.

Both wear ‘Hollywood casual’
jeans and polo shirts with jackets.

KAMAL
We have heard nothing yet, sir.

HAMAD
American BITCH.

FEMALE VOICE (O.C.)
Excuse me.

HAMAD
I told you to be SILENT.

CAMERA PULLS BACK to reveal --

The homeowners. A RICH HUSBAND (50’s)
and his TROPHY WIFE (20’s).
Seated on another sofa across the room.

Right now being held at gunpoint
by TWO AFGHANI TERRORISTS with Uzis.

Dressed in hip-hop baggies
and baseball caps.

TROPHY WIFE
I’m sorry, but I, I --
need to use the -- ladies’ room.

HAMAD
Stay where you are!
You can piss yourself
for all I care!

KAMAL
I have an idea.

HAMAD
And what is your IDEA?

KAMAL
Well, as you know,
I am a bit of what they call
a 'tech-head' here in the states.

HAMAD
Yes, I know.
You went to university.

KAMAL
Ball State, sir.
Excellent humanities
and science programs.

HAMAD
I am growing impatient, Kamal --

KAMAL
Well, since she called us
on the cell phone,
we can return the call
with the push of a button.

HAMAD
We CAN?

KAMAL
But of course,
it’s stored on the phone.
I suggest we -- call her.
Find out what the story is.
Fuck Avi.

HAMAD
BRILLIANT. Call her IMMEDIATELY.

Kamal smiles. Pulls out his cell.
Punches a button. Listens.

KAMAL
It’s ringing --

INT. MARDO’S JOINT - NIGHT - AT THAT MOMENT
April holds her gun against Token’s head.

TOKEN
It was an honest mistake.
She looks just like you.

APRIL
I said PUT THE GUN DOWN, NOW.

TOKEN
I will if you do.

CHERRY
(to Token)
Please don’t shoot me.

APRIL
He won’t shoot you,
not when you’re carrying
a suitcase nuke.

CHERRY
A suitcase wh-what?

PEELER
Holy SHIT.

TOKEN
Why did you TELL HER?

April’s phone RING-RINGS
in her pocket.

APRIL
Shit.

RING-RING
Token moves on April.
She PISTOL-WHIPS him. THWUMP.

APRIL
Stay RIGHT THERE.

RING-RING

April WHIPS out handcuffs,
CUFFS him to a chair, CLICK-CLICK.

While she’s busy,
Peeler tip-toes away.

She pulls out her cell.
Answers it.

APRIL
This is Street.
(listens)
There’s been a delay.
I’m on my way.

From behind, Peeler SMASHES
April on the head with a lamp.
She reels, and goes down, THWUMP.

CHERRY
NICE.
Let’s get the fuck
OUTTA HERE.

PEELER
Maybe we should --
call the cops?

CHERRY
Are you fucking kidding?

PEELER
But --

CHERRY
(holds up the case)
You know how much this is WORTH?
I say we deliver it ourselves.

PEELER
And what, take the money?

CHERRY
Hell, yeah.

PEELER
Won’t that be --
kinda dangerous?

PUSH IN ON Cherry.
Dollar signs in her eyes.

CHERRY
Probably.

Rules Of Procedure

Happy Thursday, crime slicksters. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where the girls are hot, the drinks are cold, and the hardboiled-pulp-noir action is non-stop, right here, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 4 of NOWHERE GIRL, Homeland Security agent April Street gets chewed out on the phone by her boss, black ops spook Sledge Crafton. Meanwhile, stripper-on-the-run Cherry Nation and Silverlake hipster Peeler Mardo hide out at his joint, but suddenly have to deal with an unexpected visitor ...


INT. TAXI CAB - MOVING - NIGHT
April drives down city streets.
Talks into her hands-free cell.

APRIL
I TOLD you.
Someone got there before I did.

INTERCUT WITH:

INT. INTELLIGENCE OFFICE - CONTINUOUS
SLEDGE CRAFTON (50), beefy ex-Marine,
now gone to seed, leans toward
the speakerphone on his desk.

Strokes the ugly scar that
crisscrosses his face.
Angry. Beet-red.

SLEDGE
You really fucked this up, Street.
GODDAMIT.

APRIL
HEY. The traffic was FUCKED on the 405.
And I was ON TIME. The fucker was EARLY,
and he gave the package to SOMEONE ELSE.

SLEDGE
Another heartbreaker?
Like yourself?

Pause.

APRIL
Look, chief.
We did it one time.
It was a mistake.
I was grieving --

SLEDGE
Didn’t you ever wonder
why I took you on?
(BANGS on the desk)
A fucking STUNT WOMAN
with no experience?

APRIL
But you said I --

SLEDGE
I fucking said what you wanted to hear.
I wanted to get in your pants from day one.
And against all odds,
I molded you into
one of our top operatives.
(beat)
Until now.

APRIL
For your information, BOSS,
I’m right now approaching the house
of the person who has the package.
I WAS calling in for back up.
But never mind.
I’ll handle it myself.
You can go FUCK your
rules of procedure.

SLEDGE
Now THAT’S the feisty lass
I groomed for greatness.
You get that case,
AND make the delivery,
I MIGHT JUST consider keeping you on.

PUSH IN ON April. Royally pissed.

APRIL
Wow. Does that mean I can
still come to the company picnic?

EXT. SILVERLAKE STREET - BUNGALOW - NIGHT
A decrepit pre-war bungalow
on a street with similar small houses.
Classic cars and bicycles dot the landscape.

Peeler opens the front door,
ushers Cherry in.

PEELER
It’s not much,
but I call it hovel.

INT. MARDO’S JOINT - CONTINUOUS
Classic hipster combination of Ikea,
found threadbare furniture.
Ironic art. Plants. Pizza boxes.

Giant plasma screen, though.
And a decent stereo.

Cherry walks around. Inspecting.

CHERRY
Not bad for a guy. Not filthy.
(stops, looks at him)
I’m not fucking you, you know.

PEELER
I wasn’t -- thinking you --
(beat)
You want me to fix you
a chai latte?

CHERRY
Gag me. You got a beer?

PEELER
Sure thing.

Peeler wanders into the kitchen.
Cherry goes to the couch. Plops down.

Puts the briefcase next to her.
Pulls out the envelope. RIPS it open.
Pulls out the instructions. Reads.

Peeler comes in with
two large bottles of beer.

PEELER
(hands one to her)
Here you go --

CHERRY
(takes it, looks)
What the hell kinda beer IS this?

PEELER
Flat tire. Microbrew.

CHERRY
I bet you listen to a lot of Beck.
(holds up the piece of paper)
We gotta take the briefcase to this address.
But I don’t where it is.

PEELER
Let me see.

She hands it over.
Peeler reads it.

CHERRY
Where is it?

PEELER
Dude. That’s in the Hollywood hills.

A FIGURE IN BLACK appears in the window.
Then disappears.

CHERRY
Will you go with me?

PEELER
I don’t -- have a car.
It’s in the shop.

MALE VOICE (O.C.)
That’s okay. I do.

TOKEN WARE
Walks into the room.
Holding a sawed-off shotgun.

TOKEN
You should lock your front door.
Open invitation for dangerous criminals.

CHERRY
YOU.

PEELER
That’s the guy who -- ?

TOKEN
I gave you an address to take the case to.
And instead, you come to this rat-trap
to fuck this LOSER?

CHERRY
I’m gonna go, I’m gonna go.
We got shot at, at the airport,
and, and --

PEELER
We were -- just leaving.
Please don’t shoot us.

TOKEN
(to Cherry)
Did I say you could take
SOMEONE WITH YOU?
This isn’t a DATE.
We’re dealing with TERRORISTS here.
There’s a TIME-TABLE.
And now you’re LATE.
You think an AL QAEDA SLEEPER CELL
is just gonna HANG AROUND
ALL DAY and WAIT?

A GLOCK
Appears next to Token’s head.
The safety CLICKS.

WOMAN’S VOICE (O.C.)
Put the gun down, slowly.

APRIL
Stands in the doorway.
Token lowers the gun.

APRIL
You gave the case
to the wrong chick, doll.
(looks at Cherry)
Jesus Christ.
You could be my sister --

Patriot Games

Hey there, crime kids. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your most violent fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 3 of NOWHERE GIRL, Homeland Security agent April Street chases stripper-on-the-run Cherry Nation in a cab away from the airport. We then meet Palestinian arms dealer Avi Abbas, who gets an update from black ops spook Token Ware, who we recognize as the thug that chained Cherry to the briefcase ...


EXT. AIRPORT TAXI STAND - NIGHT
Cherry DASHES over to a gypsy cab.

CHERRY
TAXI!
She GRABS the door,
WHIPS IT OPEN, JUMPS in.

Peeler piles in after her.
SLAMS the door.

INT. TAXI - CONTINUOUS
Cherry BARKS at the DRIVER,
a frightened-looking Turk.

CHERRY
Let’s GO, c’mon!

TURKISH CABBIE
Wherefor you wish to go?

CHERRY
I don’t care!
Just get us the fuck OUTTA HERE.

PEELER
Silverlake, please.
(to Cherry)
You’ll be safe at my joint.

CHERRY
‘Joint?’ Read much Mickey Spillane?

EXT. TAXI STAND - NIGHT - AT THAT MOMENT
April RACES up to a cab.
OPENS the driver’s side door.
FLASHES her ID.

APRIL
Homeland Security!
I’m taking your cab!
Outta the car!

The FAT CABBIE looks at her.
Takes a bite of his candy bar.

FAT CABBIE
Fuck you, lady, I’m not --

April GRABS his arm,
starts PULLING him out of his seat.

APRIL
C’mon, move it, you FAT FUCK.

With all her might,
April YANKS him out.

He HITS the pavement.
She JUMPS IN.

Fat lies in the street
like a beached whale.

He FLAILS around,
trying to right himself, get up.

APRIL
(out the window)
Some patriot YOU are.

And she GUNS IT and ROARS away.

EXT. 405 FREEWAY - NIGHT
A large, black MERCEDES SUV
flies down the carpool lane.

INT. SUV - MOVING - CONTINUOUS
The Tall, Ugly Thug we met earlier
is behind the wheel.

Meet TOKEN WARE, former CIA,
now black ops gun for hire.

He takes a sip of designer coffee.
Flips open his BlackBerry.

TOKEN
Avi? It’s Ware.

SPLIT SCREEN WITH:

INT. DOWNTOWN LOFT - CONTINUOUS
A secure HQ in a plush loft space.
Several ARMED OPERATIVES mill about.
Scan computer screens. Clean weapons.

Their LEADER looks out the
high rise window at the city lights
while talking on his Bluetooth.

AVI
You make the drop?

Meet AVI ABBAS (45).
Palestinian ex-pat.
Now international arms dealer.

He lights up a Gitanes.
Checks his Rolex.

TOKEN
Yeah.
Broad was acting funny, though.

AVI
What do you mean 'funny?'

TOKEN
Hard to say. Gut feeling.
Like she was in over her head.

A BIG, YOUNG SPOOK comes over to Avi.

BIG, YOUNG SPOOK
Sir, you need to see this.

He PUNCHES a remote.
A sixty-inch PLASMA SCREEN snaps on.

INT. NEWSROOM - CONTINUOUS
A SERIOUS TALKING HEAD
sits at the news desk.

SERIOUS TALKING HEAD
-- where at Los Angeles International Airport,
a gunfight broke out at a sports bar.
We go now to Charlie Huston,
live at the scene.

EXT. AIRPORT TARMAC - CONTINUOUS
Reporter CHARLIE HUSTON stands
in front of the open bar window.
We can see a CRIME SCENE CREW is working.

CHARLIE
Thanks, Rolf.
(dramatic pause)
One hour ago a team of
military operatives opened fire
on this airport bar,
killing three people
and injuring two.
Witnesses say the men were shot
and killed by a young woman
who then left the scene on foot --

AVI
Shut it off.

The spook does.

TOKEN
Pulls his car over
to the side of the road. Stops.

Pulls out a LAPTOP.
Boots it up.

AVI
Paces, worried.

AVI
You better check on the girl.
Make sure she’s alive.
And delivering the package.

TOKEN
I’m one step ahead of you.
(punches buttons, looks)
She’s going east --
instead of north.

AVI
Find her.
And find out what the fuck is going on.
We’re taking about a million dollars.
She might be trying to sell it
to someone else for a higher price.

TOKEN
Duplicitous bitch.
That’s why she was a bit off.

AVI
Doo-plicitous?

TOKEN
Means two-timing.
Double-crossing.
(beat)
Like your wife.

AVI
We must show respect
for the dead, Mr. Ware.

Token does a ‘take.’
Looks quizzical.

TOKEN
Even when you killed them?

Seventh Inning Stretch

Happy Tuesday, crime slicksters. You say you're sick and tired of hearing about trouble in the Middle East? Sick of earthquakes, tsunamis and nuclear reactors melting down? Then it's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where the girls are hot, the drinks are cold, and the hardboiled-pulp-noir action is non-stop, right here, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 2 of NOWHERE GIRL, just as Homeland Security agent April Street starts questioning exotic dancer Cherry Nation about the goon who handcuffed a briefcase to her wrist, the joint EXPLODES with bullets, as they get attacked by black ops commandos ...


INT. AIRPORT BAR - NIGHT
The door FLIES OPEN.
April RACES into the room.

WHIRLS AROUND. Stops.
Holds up her badge.

APRIL
Homeland Security, everybody FREEZE!

People stop talking. Look.

April pulls out a photograph.
Starts showing it around.

APRIL
Has anyone here seen THIS MAN?
It’s a matter of national security.

April shows it to the bartender.
He shakes his head ‘no.’

She goes to Cherry and Peeler’s table.

CHERRY
Ohmigod.

APRIL
You SAW him? He was HERE?

Cherry slowly puts
the briefcase on the table.

April stares at it,
at the handcuffs.

Then looks at Cherry more closely.
Their resemblance.

APRIL
I’m afraid you’re going to
have to come with me, Miss.

CHERRY
But he said he’d
hurt my family if I didn’t --

The wall of windows EXPLODES
in a HAIL OF BULLETS.

Cherry and Peeler JUMP,
hide under a table.

April HITS the floor, ROLLS away.
Slides behind the bar.

Pulls out twin giant
SIG SAUER HANDGUNS
and starts FIRING.

Cherry and Peeler start
crawling toward the entrance.

Two HUGE GOONS in black BOUND IN.
A red DOT appears on the
forehead of the first one.

His head EXPLODES IN A RED MIST.

APRIL
Smiles. Takes aim at --

THE OTHER GOON
Who FIRES at April.
She DUCKS behind the bar.

CHERRY AND PEELER
Make it to the doorway.
Crawl away.

THE GOON
RACES toward the bar.
SPRAYING his Uzi.
Bottles FLY, SMASH.

BEHIND THE BAR
April crawls to the end.
GRABS a baseball bat.

THE GOON
Stealthily creeps up
toward the end of the bar, where --

APRIL
CRACKS him on the head.
The goon goes down, THWUMP.

APRIL
Sorry, fella --
seventh inning stretch.

She looks around.
Sees that Cherry is gone.

APRIL
Shit.

And RACES toward the door.

INT. AIRPORT CORRIDOR - AT THAT MOMENT
A drum-and-bass big-beat
by The Crystal Method PUMPS over --

Cherry and Peeler.
TEARING ASS down the moving walkway.

The briefcase BANGING
against the railing.

PEELER
Where are we going?!

CHERRY
The fuck OUTTA here!

CAMERA FLIES BACKWARD,
WHIPS AROUND --

So that we see April
at the other end.
She SEES THEM.

APRIL
Motherfucker.

And she starts
TEARING ASS after them --

CHERRY AND PEELER
Reach the end of the moving sidewalk.
A sign reads BAGGAGE CLAIM.

Cherry GRABS Peeler’s hand.
JERKS HIM toward it.

CHERRY
C’mon!

They CLATTER down the stairs.

APRIL
Reaches the end of the sidewalk.
Looks around.

APRIL
Shit. Think, think, think --

She sees the sign.

RUNS to the top of the stairs,
sees Cherry and Peeler going down,
and TAKES OFF after them.

CHERRY AND PEELER
Hit the bottom.
Cherry BANGS into a porter. OOF.

PORTER
HEY!

CHERRY
Sorry!

She GRABS Peeler’s hand,
and they RACE AWAY.

PORTER
SLOW DOWN, bitch!

APRIL
BANGS into the porter.

PORTER
OW, hey!

He GRAPPLES her in a bear hug.

APRIL
Let me GO.

The porter SQUEEZES TIGHTER.

PORTER
You gotta SLOW DOWN, lady!

APRIL
I’m a GOVERNMENT AGENT.

PORTER
Bull-shit.

She FLINGS his arms away.
CRACKS him in the jaw. THWUMP.

Notices a crowd of ONLOOKERS.
Shows her ID.

APRIL
Homeland Security.
Keeping America safe.

And TAKES OFF.

A PAIR OF LITTLE BOY TWINS
Stand nearby holding hands
with their mother.

TWIN #1
I wanna be like HER
when I grow up.

TWIN #2
But she’s a GIRL --

The Package

Hey there, crime kids. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your most violent fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

Some of you who are relatively new to the blog have only read the sequel NOWHERE GIRLS, which follows the original story NOWHERE GIRL, which I posted on here two years ago, so I figured it would be a good time to revisit this 'origin' story. This is the one that was going to be adapted into a graphic novel, but artist no. 2 recently flaked on me. But not to worry, kids. I've found a new artist -- also from Canada -- and we're now in discussions to move forward yet again. I'm told the third time is a charm, but we'll just have to see ...

Oh. And one technical note. When I post the daily blog, sometimes 'blogger' won't let me choose the picture I uploaded today on the Facebook link -- they only give me a choice between the last few, which in this case, are all horror girls from the last story. So, that's why you'll see a few posts before this one that are just a picture. Just so you know.

Enough hubub, bub. Let's ROCK.

In Chapter 1 of NOWHERE GIRL, we meet exotic dancer Cherry Nation, who has a unexpected encounter with a mysterious stranger at an airport bar ... and then we meet Homeland Security agent April Street, who's on a mad tear through the airport ...


INT. LOS ANGELES INTERNATIONAL AIRPORT - BAR - DUSK
One of those bland watering holes for travelers
who aren’t picky about ambiance. Or their cocktails.

A WOMAN (20’s) sits at a table near the windows,
watching the planes.

Unbelievably hot, with long, long black hair.
Reckless curves. Sleek. A gazelle.

Meet CHERRY NATION. Exotic dancer.
Former porn star. Future entrepreneur.
Single mother of two.

Right now she’s sipping a whiskey sour
and talking on her cell.
Tugs on her miniskirt.

CHERRY
Thanks for watching the kids for me, Shag.
I owe you one.
(listens)
The money is fucking AMAZING.
I’m getting close to having the amount
I need to quit dancing and open the store.
(listens)
Of course I’m taking my meds.
Mind your own business.
It’s OVER, Shag,
and you have no right to --
(listens)
I’ll call you when I get to Vegas.

She feels something
in the small of her back.

MALE VOICE (O.C.)
Don't move.
I have a gun pointed
at the base of your spine.

CHERRY
What the fuck?

MALE VOICE (O.C.)
Don't speak. Just listen.

CHERRY
But --

The gun CLICKS.
Camera PULLS BACK to reveal --

A TALL, UGLY THUG in shades and a trench coat
seated at the table behind her back.
He smiles. Not a pretty sight.

TALL, UGLY THUG
I don’t know what kind of game
you’re playing, girlie, and I don’t care.
Get off the fucking PHONE.

She clicks it shut.

TALL, UGLY THUG
Good girl. Now listen carefully.
The briefcase is next to your chair.

He FLIPS an envelope on her table.

TALL, UGLY THUG
Take this envelope.
In it, you’ll find an address.
Take the briefcase there. Got it?

CHERRY
Listen to me,
I think you’ve got the wrong --

TALL, UGLY THUG
If you don't deliver the package
by sunrise, we’ll kill you.
And your family.
(nudges her with the gun)
GOT it?

She nods. Frightened to death.

TALL, UGLY THUG
Lower your arm.
Put it near the case.

She does. We hear a SNAP, CLICK.

TALL, UGLY THUG
Good girl. Now you’re being smart.
I’m gonna leave now,
and you’re gonna keep
facing the window.
DO NOT MOVE. Understand?

CHERRY
Y-yes.

TALL, UGLY THUG
One last thing.
DO NOT open the briefcase.
If you do, you’ll die.
(beat)
Enjoy your cocktail.

He stands.
And in one fluid movement, he’s gone.

Cherry vibrates in her chair, shaking.
Blinking back tears.

She raises her hand.
We see she’s clutching the briefcase.

And that she’s been handcuffed to it.
She puts it back down.

A good-looking HIPSTER
slides into the chair next to her.

Studiously messy hair.
Five-hundred dollar torn jeans.

HIPSTER
These airport bars kinda suck,
don’tcha think?

INT. AIRPORT SECURITY CHECKPOINT - AT THAT MOMENT
A long line of weary TRAVELERS wait in line.
An ANGRY-LOOKING GUARD waves a metallic wand
across a FAT MAN’S suit.

The detector SHRIEKS.
Angry’s face lights up.

DOWN THE CORRIDOR
A WOMAN is SPRINTING toward us.

Meet APRIL STREET (20’s).
Eyes burning fire.

Tall and foxy, with legs for days.
Baby’s in black.

But how can she run so fast
in stiletto heels?

As she runs, she KNOCKS over shit.
PLOWS into a ELDERLY MAN.

APRIL
(British accent, over her shoulder)
Sorry! Government agent!

She gets closer.
We see she’s a dead ringer
for Cherry Nation.

Like sisters.
What’s going on here?

April RACES up to the checkpoint.
Flashes her ID.

APRIL
Homeland Security!
Outta THE WAY!

A open-mouthed guard
takes a look at the badge.
Fancy stuff.

OPEN-MOUTHED GUARD
Sure thing, uh --

APRIL
MOVE IT, Kojak.
This is a NATIONAL EMERGENCY --

And she KNOCKS HIM OVER
and RACES down the corridor.

INT. AIRPORT BAR - AT THAT MOMENT
Cherry looks at the Hipster.
Unsure of what to do.

CHERRY
I need your help.

HIPSTER
You in some kind of trouble?

Cherry raises her wrist.
Exposing the handcuffs and the case.

CHERRY
You might say that.

HIPSTER
Holy shit. Are you a --
(leans over, whispers)
A spy?

CHERRY
(lowers it)
Hell, no. I’m a dancer.
Some asshole just cuffed me
to this briefcase.
Said I needed to
deliver it to someone.
If I didn’t, he’d --
(tears up)
Kill my family.

HIPSTER
Holy shit.

CHERRY
You keep saying that.

Pause.

HIPSTER
I’m -- Peeler.

CHERRY
What?

PEELER
My name. Peeler. Peeler Mardo.

CHERRY
Oh. I’m Cherry.

PEELER
You certainly are.

CHERRY
Look, I need your help,
not your hitting on me, okay?
He threatened MY FAMILY.

PEELER
Okay, okay. I’m sorry.
I’m a guy.
(beat)
So where are you supposed
to deliver it?

The door FLIES OPEN.
April RACES into the room.

WHIRLS AROUND. Stops.
Holds up her badge.

APRIL
Homeland Security, everybody FREEZE!

Till Death Do Us Part

Hey there, crime kids. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your most violent fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 29 of FRANKENSTEIN IN LOVE, we reach the exciting conclusion of our story, where science genius nerd Frankie Stein has his final showdown with dead cheerleader Shayla Petrie ... and childhood love Vita Heck.


EXT. THE OLD MILL - ROOF - NIGHT
Frankie and Shayla hear the gunfire.
Look down.

Shayla inches forward
toward the edge of the roof.

SHAYLA
What are those people doing here?

FRANKE
(grabs her hand)
Careful, don’t fall --

SHAYLA
(WHIPS her hand away)
I told you not to TOUCH ME --

ON THE GROUND
Red-Faced aims his rifle at Frankie.

RED-FACED REDNECK
C’mon, PEOPLE.
Let’s take out that FREAK.

The vigilantes all start FIRING.

ON THE ROOF
Shayla PUSHES Frankie over the side.

FRANKIE
HEY --

He FLIES DOWN toward the windmill.
GRABS onto one of the giant, rotating
blades, which slowly starts taking him down.

Bullets FLY through the air.
Start HITTING Shayla.

Her body JERKS like a puppet
without strings in a dance of death.

ON THE GROUND
Beck, Chet and other cops
MOW DOWN the vigilantes
with a SPRAY OF GUNFIRE.

ON THE ROOF
Shayla’s body is riddled
with a hundred bullets.

She holds her stomach with both hands.
Weaves back and forth at the
edge of the roof. Looks down.

SHAYLA
I don’t feel so --

She falls off the side,
PLUMMETS DOWN --

ON THE GROUND
And HITS the soft earth
with a sickening THWUMP.

SHAYLA
Good.

She slowly closes her eyes.
Finally at peace.

DEL DUNN
Looks into the TV camera.
Tears in her eyes.

DEL
Oh, the humanity.
Words can’t describe the horror.
To see young love cut to ribbons
by bullets -- I -- I --
(chokes back a sob)
Even after death,
life can be so fragile.
(blinks her eyes rapidly)
This is Del Dunn,
on the scene at The Old Mill,
where a young girl’s
hopes and dreams have ended --
(beat)
A second time.

The camera light shuts OFF.

LARGE CAMERAMAN
That was GREAT.

DEL
(brightly)
Pulitzer Prize, here I come.

TWO COPS
Bring Frankie over to Chet and Beck.
He’s been handcuffed.
Looks anguished. Distraught.

CHET
Do you realize the
TROUBLE you’ve caused,
young man?

FRANKIE
I know --
(beat)
Am I -- going to jail?

CHET
You bet your ass you are.

BECK
Hold on.
I need to take him back to DC.

CHET
But what about his friend?
The dead body in his car?

BECK
You can have him
after we’re done with him.
(off his look)
Do you realize what he’s accomplished
can do for medical science?

CHET
(to the cops)
Uncuff him.

One of the cops shrugs.
Starts taking off the cuffs.

BECK
You can come with, if you want.
I’d love to have your report
as part of my investigation.

CHET
Really.

BECK
Really.

CHET
But my wife --

BECK
I won’t make you
sleep on the couch.

They keep talking as CAMERA
moves in on Frankie and Vita.

FRANKIE
You look -- different.

VITA
Finally decided to lose the
tomboy/geek/Juno thing.
Wasn’t getting results.
(coy)
You like?

FRANKIE
(shy)
I’d click the Like Button.

Pause.

VITA
Why did you do it, Frankie?
Didn’t you know I’ve been here
for you all along?
(off his look)
What made you choose her over me?

FRANKIE
I don’t know.
(beat)
I was -- stupid.
I was -- chasing what was unavailable.

VITA
Well, that’s really dumb.
You’re not going to find
any happiness doing that.

FRANKIE
Yeah.

He looks at her closely.
Now really seeing her.

VITA
Do you remember our vows?

FRANKIE
Uh -- I think so.
(thinks)
Till death do us part --
(mumbles to himself)
Which now takes on a
whole NEW meaning.

VITA
I’m still the same person, Frankie.
And so are you. Nothing’s changed.

He stares at her with wonder.
Eyes get bright with tears.

FRANKIE
I’m going to have to --
go away for awhile.

VITA
I’ll be here waiting for you.

FRANKIE
Really?

VITA
Dummy. What part of
'unconditional love' didn’t you get?

FRANKIE
(softly)
And could we still --
play Dungeons and Dragons?

VITA
Of course, silly.
(beat)
You’ll always be MY wizard --

And they kiss.

FADE TO BLACK.

Yippee Kai-Yay, Motherfucker

Happy Thursday, horror kids. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where the girls are hot, the drinks are cold, and the hardboiled-pulp-noir action is non-stop, right here, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 28 of FRANKENSTEIN IN LOVE, we arrive at the final stand-off at the Old Mill between Frankie, dead cheerleader Shayla Petrie, the cops and the vigilantes. Don't miss the exciting conclusion TOMORROW ...


EXT. THE OLD MILL - NIGHT
Everyone stares at the mill.
The news van ROARS down the drive.

Stops at the cluster of vehicles.
Del and a LARGE CAMERAMAN (20’s)
jump out of the car.
Starts setting up.

ON THE ROOF
Shayla comes out onto the roof.
Then Frankie.

DOWN BELOW
Chet looks up.
Sees them. Points.

CHET
There they are. Up THERE.

VITA
FRANKIE --

BRUB
C’mon, boys.
There he is.
Let’s go GET ‘EM.

BECK
(points the Uzi at him)
I meant what I said, Billy Bob.
Any of you fucking rednecks
so much as MOVE,
and I’ll get all
Bruce Willis on your asses.

BRUB
(under his breath)
Bitch --

Del stands in front
of the camera.
The red light goes ON.

DEL
This is Del Dunn,
coming to you live
at The Old Mill,
where pint-sized
evil scientist Frankie Stein
is having a final showdown
with his ungodly creation,
prom queen Shayla Petrie,
back from the dead --
(beat)
And I must say,
despite the fact that
half her skull
has been caved in,
she still looks quite fetching.

ON THE ROOF
Shayla moves away from Frankie,
arms outstretched.

FRANKIE
Shayla, PLEASE.
Let me EXPLAIN --

SHAYLA
There’s no fucking EXPLANATION.

FRANKIE
Yes, there IS. There is --
(gasps)
I saw Willis hit you --
and I followed you
to the motel to SAVE you.
And then, and then --
when you got hit by the car --

SHAYLA
You brought me BACK TO LIFE.
For WHAT? So you could finally
get what WASN’T YOURS?

FRANKIE
What?

SHAYLA
Don’t you fucking GET IT?
You’re a WIMP. A LOSER.
A JOKE. I’d NEVER be with YOU --
(under her breath)
And to think I fucking
SLEPT with you.

FRANKIE
It’s not supposed to
be like this, Shayla.
We’re supposed to live
happily ever after.
Forever and ever.

SHAYLA
'Forever and ever?'
You sound like a
fucking Drew Barrymore movie --

FRANKIE
(starts walking toward her)
Shayla, please. I need you.
I -- love you.

SHAYLA
But I DON’T love YOU --

FRANKIE
(gets closer)
But what about
all the fun we had?
The tree house,
our first date?

SHAYLA
FIRST DATE?
You can’t go on a date
with someone who’s DEAD.

FRANKIE
(gets closer)
But Shayla --

SHAYLA
Get AWAY FROM ME --
(low, menacing)
Step one foot closer,
and you’ll regret it.

DOWN BELOW
Everybody watches them
argue up on the roof.

CHET
Boy, she’s PISSED.

BECK
Hell hath no fury
like a woman
brought back to life --

Brub moves off to the side.
Slowly starts aiming
his weapon at Frankie.

Vita sees this.
RUSHES over to him.

VITA
NO --

She GRABS Brub from behind.
They both struggle for
control of the gun.

Chet and Beck whip their heads
in their direction.

CHET
I said NO SHOOTING.

The gun FIRES.
A glass window
in the mill SHATTERS.

Beck aims her Uzi,
SQUEEZES the trigger--

and SHOOTS a SPRAY OF GUNFIRE
at Brub’s head,
which EXPLODES IN A RED MIST --

SPRAYING Vita with blood,
brains and skull fragments.

VITA
What THE FUCK?

BECK
(softly)
Yippee-kai-yay, motherfucker.

More Chemistry Than Charlie Sheen's Briefcase

Hey there, horror kids. Happy fucking Hump Day. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your most violent fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 27 of FRANKENSTEIN IN LOVE, science genius nerd Frankie Stein chases dead cheerleader Shayla Petrie through The Old Mill trying to win her back as the cops, angry vigilantes and the media watch in horror ...


EXT. STATE PARK ROAD - NIGHT
Brub and the vigilantes’ vehicles
ROAR down the road,
followed by a
SQUADRON OF POLICE CARS --
and Del’s NEWS VAN.

INT. CHET’S PATROL CAR - MOVING - NIGHT
Chet drives. Chewing his lip.
He sneaks a glance at Beck.

Beck looks at Vita.
Arches an eyebrow.

BECK
That’s quite the makeover --

VITA
Desperate times call
for desperate measures --
(beat)
So when this is over,
how soon until
you two get horizontal?

BECK
Excuse me?

VITA
I’ve seen how you
look at each other.
You’ve got more chemistry
than Charlie Sheen’s briefcase.

CHET
(blushing)
Adolescent hormones are
giving you ideas, little girl --

VITA
(to Beck)
See? Look, he’s turning red.

Beck looks at Chet.
Flushes. Looks away.

VITA
When I’m right, I’m right.
(beat)
Never underestimate the
deductive powers
of a teenage girl --

INT. OLD MILL - NIGHT
Dank, dark and creepy.
Shayla moves slowly
in the shadows.

FRANKIE (O.C.)
Shayla. Where are you?
I want to talk to you.

Shayla whips her head around,
looks. Can’t see him.

Makes her way over
to a stairway
to the second floor --

SHAYLA
Stay AWAY FROM ME.

And starts RUNNING UP
the staircase.

FRANKIE walks into frame.
Sees her.

RACES toward the stairs.

FRANKIE
Shayla, COME BACK --

EXT. THE OLD MILL - NIGHT
The vigilantes’ cars ROAR
down the road to the mill.

SCREECH to a stop in front.
Brub and the rest
pile out of their vehicles.

Stand and look at the mill.

Shayla appears in
an upstairs window.
Sees them. Disappears.

BRUB
There SHE IS.
I saw her.
She’s UP THERE.

RED-FACED REDNECK
(KA-CHINKS his shotgun)
Let’s get ‘er done --

The police cars
FLY toward them
in a CRUNCH of gravel.
Come to a stop.

The cops get out.
Point their shotguns
at the vigilantes.

Beck holds a small Uzi.
Grimaces.

CHET
Hold it right there, Brub.
All of you, put
DOWN your weapons, NOW.

BECK
If any of you
so as makes a MOVE,
you’re shredded wheat,
GOT IT?

CHET
(under his breath)
Where the hell you get that?

BECK
Picked it up at a
zombie apocalypse in the UK.
Never leave home without it.

INT. OLD MILL - SECOND FLOOR - NIGHT
A large dark, room
filled with giant bags of flour.

Shayla stands at the far end
holding a pitchfork.

Frankie comes up the stairs.
Creeps in the darkness,
trying to see.

SHAYLA
Stay AWAY from me.
You RUINED my life --
I mean, my DEATH.
(beat)
It’s not NICE
to fool Mother Nature.

FRANKIE
Shayla, please.
I just want to talk.
I can explain.

SHAYLA
Fuck YOU. Explain THIS --

And she THROWS
the pitchfork at him.
He DIVES to the side.

It HITS a pillar
and CLANGS to the floor.

Shayla sees a ladder on the wall
going up to the roof.
She starts climbing it.

Franke sees her going up.
Starts after her.

FRANKIE
Shayla, WAIT --

Tilting At Windmills

Happy Tuesday, horror kids. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where the girls are hot, the drinks are cold, and the hardboiled-pulp-noir action is non-stop, right here, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 26 of FRANKENSTEIN IN LOVE, things start to come to a head when the vigilantes, the cops and Vita, Frankie's childhood sweetheart, chase after Frankie in the woods ... as he finally reaches the old mill, where his 'girlfriend,' dead cheerleader Shayla Petrie is hiding ...


IN FRONT OF THE MOTEL ROOM
Chet draws his weapon.
Beck pulls out a stun gun.

BECK
Remember, we want them both,
alive --

CHET
(nods, BANGS on the door)
Frankie Stein, this is the POLICE.
Open the door, NOW.

Silence.
CHET (CONT’D)
This is your LAST WARNING.
Open the door NOW,
or we’re COMING IN.

They listen. No sound.
Beck inches over to the window.

Peers in. Turns to Chet.

BECK
It’s empty.

He works a passkey into the door.
Opens it. They go inside.

THE CHIEF
Walks over to the deputies.
Faces the crowd.

CHIEF WIND
State Police are on their way.
Ya’ll go home now if
you know what’s good for you.

BRUB
Step aside, Chief.
We’re COMING IN.

Chet and Beck come back outside.
Everyone looks at them.

CHET
They’re gone.

BRUB
BULL-SHIT.

BECK
Go see for yourself.
Room’s empty.

CHIEF WIND
God-DAMMIT.

Brub pushes his way past them.
Goes inside.

Suddenly a GIANT BLACK SUV
ROARS into the parking lot,
CRUNCHING gravel.

It SCREECHES to a stop.
The door POPS open.

Out steps Vita. Transformed.
Made-up. Gorgeous. No glasses.

Hair in a sleek bob.
Smokin’ bod in a tiny black dress
and fuck-me platforms.
She puts her hands on her hips.

CHET
Vita. What the heck
are YOU doing here?

VITA
I’m here to talk to FRANKIE.

Brub comes outside.
Looks at the vigilantes.

BRUB
He’s right. They’re GONE.

Chief Wind’s radio
SQUAWKS on his belt --

FEMALE DISPATCHER (O.C.)
(electronic)
Attention all units.
Frankie Stein and Shayla Petrie
have been spotted in the state park,
heading north toward the old mill.

He GRABS his it.
CLICKS ‘talk.’

CHIEF WIND
Copy that, OVER.
We’re on our way.

BRUB
Come ON, everybody.
To THE OLD MILL.
I know a SHORT-CUT --

The vigilantes RACE OVER
to their vehicles.

CHIEF WIND
STOP. Stay right WHERE YOU ARE.

BRUB
(jumps in his car)
Fuck YOU, old man.
I’m gonna get my DAUGHTER.

CHIEF WIND
If you don’t stop, we’ll SHOOT.
You’re interfering with THE LAW.

BRUB
You wouldn’t DARE.

He REVS his engine.

CHIEF WIND
Commence FIRING.

The deputies look at each other.
Scared. Watch Brub and the gang
TAKE OFF, open-mouthed.

Wind WHIRLS AROUND, red-faced.

CHIEF WIND
You fucking PANSY-ASSES.
Why didn’t you SHOOT?

TALL DEPUTY
Aw, c’mon, chief.
I bowl with Brub --

CHET
Uh, chief?
Don’t you think we should
FOLLOW THEM?

CHIEF WIND
God-DAMMIT. Let’s GO --

He waddles over to his car.
The deputies race over
to their cars.

Chet and Beck start for their.
Beck looks at Vita.

CHET
Go home, Vita.
It’s too dangerous.

VITA
But they’re gonna hurt my FRANKIE.

Beck and Chet exchange glances.

BECK
What’s the harm?
She did give us a lead.

CHET
(sighs)
Get in the back.
You can ride with us.

EXT. STATE PARK - THE OLD MILL - NIGHT
Like something out of picture postcard.
A beautiful, old MILL is perched on a river.

Spooky in the moonlight.
The giant blades of the windmill
slowly turn in the breeze.

Shayla RUNS toward it.
RACES to the front door.
Opens it. DARTS inside --
just as Frankie arrives.

Panting. Out of breath.
He looks up at the giant structure.

FRANKIE
Talk about 'tilting at windmills' --
He goes to the front door. Opens it. Goes in.

Runaway Bride

Hey there, horror kids. Happy Monday. So I've been doing this blog for a little over two years now, and I just hit the 600 mark on blog posts. Holy SHIT. Thanks again for stopping by regularly, and for all your support. But enough sentimental shit ...

It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your most violent fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 25 of FRANKENSTEIN IN LOVE, the story goes into overdrive when Vita sees on the news what's going on with Frankie and Shayla at the sex motel. Meanwhile, at the motel, the cops try to calm down the vigilantes ... while Frankie chases Shayla through the forest ...


ON THE FAR END OF THE PARKING LOT
Del Dunn sits in her car.
Talking on her cell phone.

DEL
That’s right.
They’ve got Frankie Stein
and Shayla Petrie
holed up in a room
at the Camelot Motel
on Old Country Road.
(listens)
No SHIT, Sherlock.
I need a camera crew, NOW.
(listens)
I dunno. The vigilantes
far outnumber the cops.
I’ll keep you posted --

INT. VITA’S BEDROOM - NIGHT
Vita stares at her laptop,
tears in her eyes.

Listening to her I-pod.
A TV is on with the sound off.

ON THE SCREEN
We see a picture of her
and Frankie at age ten.
Beyond adorable.

Wearing their Sunday best.
Another kid is performing
a marriage ceremony. Heartbreaking.

A CHAT WINDOW
Pops up.

The message reads OMG.
Turn on the news.
They’re talking about Frankie.

VITA
Looks at the TV.
Frankie’s face fills the screen.

She GASPS.
WHIPS off her headphones.
PUNCHES the remote.

KIP CARTWHEEL (O.C.)
-- at the Camelot Motel
on Old Country Road,
where police officers
and an angry mob have assembled.
We take you now to Del Dunn,
at the scene.

EXT. CAMELOT MOTEL - PARKING LOT - NIGHT
Del Dunn stands away from the mob
holding a microphone.

She looks into the camera.
Cocks her head with importance.

DEL
Thanks, Kip. As you can see,
I’m standing here in the
parking lot of the Camelot Motel,
where Frankie Stein is holed up
with his hostage, Shayla Petrie.
It’s become quite the mob scene,
what with both the police
and angry townspeople on the scene --

INT. VITA’S BEDROOM - NIGHT
Vita PUNCHES off the TV.

VITA
Holy SHIT.

She RACES to her closet.
PULLS OUT a black cocktail dress.
GRABS a makeup bag. RUNS into --

INT. VITA’S BATHROOM - NIGHT
She looks in the mirror.
Starts applying blood-red lipstick.

VITA
Okay, Frankie Stein.
If that’s the way you want it.
(blots her lips)
It’s time to fight fire with glamor --

INT. STATE PARK - WOODS - NIGHT
Shayla RUNS through the dense foliage
like a madwoman on fire,
WHACKING leaves and tree limbs in her way,
leaving an easy-to-follow trail behind her.

FRANKIE
RUNS through the forest chasing her.
He’s about a hundred feet behind her,
following the trail she’s left,
but still getting SLAPPED
on the face by leaves and branches.

SHAYLA
Gets to a jogging trail.
Turns onto it.
Now runs FASTER without
any obstacles in her way.

She passes a JOGGER
going the other way.

He smiles at her,
then sees her smashed-in skull.

He realizes who she is.
Freaks out. STOPS.

Pulls out his cell phone.
PUNCHES a number. Listens.

EXCITED JOGGER
Hello, nine-one-one?
I just saw Shayla Petrie
on THE JOGGING TRAIL --

Frankie comes RUNNING PAST HIM.
He watches him go by.

EXCITED JOGGER
Yeah, he’s following her.
(listens)
Going north, toward the old mill --

EXT. CAMELOT MOTEL - ROOM FIVE - NIGHT
Chet and Beck stand in front
of the motel room door.

Four DEPUTIES stand between them
and the angry mob,
pointing shotguns at them.

Brub shakes his fist.

BRUB
You can’t fucking GET AWAY with this.
I want to see my DAUGHTER.

CHET
Stay right where you are.
Any of you make a move,
and we’ll shoot.
You’re interfering with THE LAW.

CHIEF WIND
Sits in his patrol car
watching the action,
on the radio.

CHIEF WIND
Hello, State Police?
This is Chief Wind in Venison.
We’ve got ourselves
a little situation here --
(listens)
We got an angry mob
about to get out of control --
(listens)
Yeah. Frankie Stein.
How did you hear about it?
(listens)
All over the internet -- ?
(listens)
Yes, sir. As many units
as you can spare.
Could turn into quite a bloodbath --

EXT. STATE PARK - WOODS - NIGHT
Shayla continues RUNNING
down the jogging path.

One of her high heels TRIPS on a rock.
She FLIES up in the air.

Lands on her ass, THWUMP.
She takes them off. Gets up.

Frankie comes TEARING ASS toward her.
She sees him. SHOUTS.

SHAYLA
Stay AWAY from me --

She goes off the path
and TAKES OFF again into the woods --
just as Frankie catches up.
He stops. Catches his breath.

FRANKIE
I’ve heard of Runaway Bride,
but this is ridiculous --

And he PLUNGES into the foliage after her.

A Taste For Blood

Hey there, horror kids. Happy fucking FRIDAY. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your most violent fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 24 of FRANKENSTEIN IN LOVE, the plot thickens when the cops discover Josh's dead body in Frankie's car, and then have to deal with a group of vigilantes who are out for blood ....


EXT. CAMELOT MOTEL - NIGHT
Willis walks down the
row of doors, SHOUTING.

WILLIS
FRANKIE STEIN.
Get your fucking ass OUT HERE,
right NOW.

Chet Ordesky’s patrol car
FLIES into the parking lot.

SCREECHES to a halt in a CRUNCH of gravel.
Two other patrol cars ROAR into the lot.
Cherry lights FLASHING.

Chet and Beck JUMP out of the car.
Willis RUNS over to them.

WILLIS
Officer Ordesky,
I’m glad you’re here.
Frankie Stein’s here --
(points)
That’s his car.

Chet and Beck look at each other.
Her eyes flash a question. He nods.

She walks over to the van.
Turns on a flashlight.

CHET
Why are you here?

WILLIS
This is where Shayla and I --
(embarrassed)
You know.

BECK
(flashes light in the window)
Holy SHIT.
(to Chet)
The best friend is in the back, dead.

CHET
(to Willis)
Wait right here.

He walks over to the car.
Shines a light in the window.

BECK
Looks like someone’s developed
a taste for blood.

CHET
Not to mention human flesh --

BECK
Do you realize what this means?
This is the scientific discovery
of the century.

Obese Mexican Clerk
waddles over to them.

OBESE MEXICAN CLERK
What’s the problem, officer?

CHET
I need to know what room
Frankie Stein is in.

OBESE MEXICAN CLERK
Number five.
It’s the only room that’s taken.
What did he do?

BECK
Are you fucking KIDDING me?
Don’t you watch the news?

OBESE MEXICAN CLERK
Nah. Ees too depressing.

Just then a CONVOY of CARS, TRUCKS
and MOTORCYCLES roars into to lot.

The VIGILANTES start piling out.
They carry shotguns and torches.
A few have BIG, NASTY DOGS with them.

Brub Petrie and the group
MARCHES over to where Chet and Beck
are standing with Obese.

BRUB
Get out of the way, Chet.
We’ll take it from here.

CHET
Stand down, Brub.
We don’t cotton to no
mob scene vigilantes on my watch.

Brub raises his shotgun.
Takes aim at Brub.

BRUB
I’ve come to get my daughter,
and there’s NOTHING
you can do about it.

Chet WHIPS OUT
his service revolver.
Aims it at Brub.

CHET
Put the gun down, Brub.
You’re not acting rationally.

A PAIR OF OFFICERS
approach the group, guns drawn.

SKINNY COP
You heard the officer.
Put the gun down, NOW.

OLDER COP
We WILL shoot.

The Vigilantes raise
their weapons. Take aim.

BRUB
I’m afraid we’ve got you
outnumbered, Barney Fife.

BECK
Listen to me.
You can’t just
go in there shooting.
Shayla’s not dead.

BRUB
Who the fuck are YOU?

BECK
I’m a government agent
with the CDC.
I out-rank the fucking
COPS, asshole.

BRUB
What do you mean
'she’s not dead?'

BECK
Frankie Stein
brought her back to life.

BRUB
Yeah, right.
And I’m Wes Craven --

Fucking With A Dead Body

Happy Thursday, horror kids. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where the girls are hot, the drinks are cold, and the hardboiled-pulp-noir action is non-stop, right here, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 23 of FRANKENSTEIN IN LOVE, the shit hits the fan when dead cheerleader Shayla Petrie's ex-boyfriend Willis shows up at the sex motel where she and Frankie Stein are hiding. Shayla freaks out, reads Frankie the riot act, and runs away ...


EXT. CAMELOT MOTEL - NIGHT
Willis’ truck pulls
into the parking lot. Parks.

INT. WILLIS’ TRUCK - NIGHT
Some corny power ballad
plays on the car stereo.

Willis looks at the motel longingly.
Finishes a can of beer.

SMASHES it against his forehead.
Reaches over, pulls another one off a six pack.
CRACKS it open. Raises it. Toasts.

WILLIS
I sure miss you, Shayla --

The song ends.
An ANNOUNCER’S voice comes on the radio.

ANNOUNCER (V.O.)
We interrupt our current programming
with this late-breaking bulletin.
Venison police are currently searching
for high school student Frankie Stein,
who is wanted in connection with
abducting the body of head cheerleader
and prom queen Shayla Petrie,
who was believed to have been killed
in a hit-and-run accident --

WILLIS
What THE FUCK?

ANNOUNCER (V.O.)
If you see him, please contact
the authorities immediately.
And be careful.
He’s considered extremely dangerous.

WILLIS
Frankie STEIN? That fucking NERD?
With my SHAYLA?

IN THE MOTEL ROOM
Shayla shakes her fist at Frankie.
Beyond livid.

SHAYLA
So what the FUCK
am I supposed to do NOW, HUH?
I can’t go home,
I can’t go back to school
looking like THIS.
I was the MOST POPULAR GIRL IN SCHOOL --
and now I look like SHIT.
(eyes fill with tears)
Why didn’t you just let me DIE?

FRANKIE
I told you -- I love you.
(beat)
I think you’re still beautiful --

SHAYLA
BEAUTIFUL?
I look like something
out of a HORROR MOVIE --
(gasps)
How DARE YOU lie to me
about being my boyfriend. AS IF.
You’re a pathetic little creep
who can only get a girl
by fucking around with a DEAD BODY.

FRANKIE
Does that mean we’re -- breaking up?

INT. WILLIS’ TRUCK - NIGHT
Willis shuts off the radio.
In shock. Shakes his head.

WILLIS
That little FREAK --

He looks out the window.
Deep in thought.

WILLIS
Just wait until I
get my hands on him --

Then he sees it.
Parked down at the end.
Frankie’s VW bus.

WILLIS
What the FUCK. He’s HERE?

He GRABS the door handle.
JUMPS out of the car.

EXT. CAMELOT MOTEL - NIGHT
Willis STORMS across the parking lot,
shaking his fist.

WILLIS
FRANKIE STEIN.
I know you’re IN THERE --
with MY SHAYLA.
Get your ass OUT HERE right NOW,
or I’m coming AFTER YOU.

INT. CAMELOT MOTEL ROOM - NIGHT
Frankie and Shayla hear Willis.
Look at the door. Freaked.

FRANKIE
Willis --

SHAYLA
What the fuck is HE doing here?

FRANKIE
I dunno.

SHAYLA
Well, I’m not sticking around
to FIND OUT.
No WAY is that fat fuck
getting his hands on me AGAIN.

She RACES into the bathroom.
Frankie follows her.

INT. MOTEL BATHROOM - NIGHT
Shayla stands on the toilet.
Opens the window.

She starts climbing out.
Frankie races in.

FRANKIE
I’m coming with you.

SHAYLA
(turns, looks)
Stay the FUCK AWAY from me, pervert.
I’m OUTTA HERE --

She climbs out.

EXT. CAMELOT MOTEL - REAR - NIGHT
Shayla hits the ground with soft THUD.
RUNS away.

Frankie starts climbing out.
Loses his grip, HITS the ground.

FRANKIE
OW --

He gets up.
Starts CHASING after her --

No One Fucks With OUR Cheerleaders

Hey there, horror kids. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your most violent fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 22 of FRANKENSTEIN IN LOVE, a group of vigilantes find out that the cops are headed over to the sex motel to get science genius nerd Frankie Stein and his 'girlfriend,' dead cheerleader Shayla Petrie. Meanwhile, at the motel, after they've had sex, the shit hits the fan when Shayla's memory comes back ...


INT. FRANKIE’S HOUSE - LIVING ROOM - NIGHT
Julie stands by the window
holding a cocktail.

She watches Chet and Beck
get into their car.
Downs it. Sighs.

Goes to the sofa. Sits.
Grabs a bottle on the coffee table.

Refills her glass.
A tear slides down her cheek.

JULIE
What have you done, Frankie?

INT. POLICE SQUAD CAR - MOVING - NIGHT
Chet drives. Beck looks at him.

BECK
So how far away is the motel?

CHET
Not far.
Take us about fifteen minutes.
(reaches for the radio)
Better call this in.

EXT. TOWN SQUARE - NIGHT
One of those quaint main hubs
as seen in countless movies and TV shows.

We see the bank. City Hall.
The barber shop. Drug store.

Sheriff’s office. General store.
Post office.

A group ANGRY VIGILANTES
have gathered near the entrance
to a small city park.

Their faces glow
in the eerie streetlight.

BRUB
He’s taken my DAUGHTER
and made her into a FREAK.
That little blind boy was MURDERED --
and his best friend is MISSING.
Probably killed HIM, too.

RED-FACED REDNECK
Let’s go GET HIM.

IRATE GUY
Yeah, let’s fuckin’ LYNCH him.

BULKY DYKE
NO ONE fucks
with OUR cheerleaders.

RED-FACED REDNECK
That’s RIGHT. PUSSY POSSE.
Let’s STRING ‘EM UP.

A tall, skinny GAS STATION ATTENDANT
runs up to them waving his arms.
Excited as hell.

SKINNY GAS STATION ATTENDANT
HEY. I jus’ heard on the police scanner
that think Frankie and Shayla
are over at the Camelot Motel
on Old Country Road.
They’re headin’ over there NOW --

BRUB
C’mon, LET’S GO.

IRATE GUY
Yeah, let’s GET ‘EM.

Everyone RACES over to their
parked cars and trucks.
REV their engines and TAKE OFF.

Standing behind a nearby tree
we see Del Dunn.

She RUNS over to her car.
JUMPS IN and FOLLOWS them.

INT. CAMELOT MOTEL ROOM - NIGHT
Frankie and Shayla lie in bed.
Frankie’s completely spent,
eyes narrow slits.

Shayla puffs on a cigarette.
Eyes ON FIRE.

SHAYLA
I can’t believe you made it
to round five. What a trouper.
(looks at him)
After I finish my cigarette,
let’s go again.

FRANKIE
(looks at her, smiles)
Will you -- marry me?

SHAYLA
'Marry you?'

FRANKIE
Yeah. I’m serious.
(beat)
I’d never hit you --

Pause.

SHAYLA
HIT me --

She looks around at the room.
A dim bulb starts flickering.

SHAYLA
Wait a minute. I know this room --
(looks at Frankie)
You’re FRANKIE STEIN.

FRANKIE
Yeah --

SHAYLA
You’re that fucking NERD.
You’re not my BOYFRIEND.
What the FUCK?

Frankie BOLTS UPRIGHT.
HOPS off the bed.

FRANKIE
Wait a minute. I can explain --

SHAYLA
Explain? Explain? EXPLAIN?

She JUMPS off the bed.
Goes to the mirror.
Looks at herself.

SHAYLA
I’m Shayla Petrie.
I was the fucking HOMECOMING QUEEN.
What the FUCK happened to me?

Frankie stares at her.
Deflated. Sighs.

FRANKIE
Willis threw you out of his truck --
you were drunk and got hit by a car --
and died.

She stares at him, open-mouthed.
Mind reeling.

SHAYLA
Then if I DIED,
what the fuck am I DOING HERE?

FRANKIE
I, uh --
(beat)
Brought you back to life.

SHAYLA
Why?

Pause.

FRANKIE
(a whisper)
Because -- I’m in love with you.