All In The Family

Happy Friday, crime kids! It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your most violent fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 34 of NOWHERE GIRL, we finally arrive at the blood-curdling, bone-smashing, ultra-violent conclusion of our story, where long-lost sisters Cherry Nation and April Street fight to the death Sledge Crafton, their FATHER ...

INT. SLEDGE'S INTERROGATION ROOM - NIGHT
The window shade CLOSES.
Water starts GUSHING down
from a row of pipes in the ceiling.

CHERRY
What the fuck?

APRIL
Stand back!

April raises her Sig Sauer.
SHOOTS at the door.

The bullets FLY OFF
and RICOCHET around the room.

Cherry aims at the window.
SHOOTS a SPRAY OF BULLETS at it.
They, too BOUNCE of the glass and RICOCHET.

The water swirls around,
now reaching up to their knees.

APRIL (CONT’D)
The CEILING. Let’s see if we can blow a HOLE in it!

CHERRY
Let’s DO IT.

The girls raise their weapons.
Start FIRING at the ceiling.
Chunks of cement start FLYING off.

April shields her eyes with her forearm.
So does Cherry.

INT. INTELLIGENCE OFFICE - AT THAT MOMENT
Crafton sits at his desk. Looks out the window. Pensive.
He leans over. Hits a button on his speakerphone.

SLEDGE
Donner.

DONNER (O.C.)
(electronic)
Yes, chief.

SLEDGE
I’m going to go home in a few minutes
and get some shut-eye.
These all-nighters are killing me.
I’m not getting any younger.

DONNER (O.C.)
Would you care for some company?

SLEDGE
That would be nice.

DONNER (O.C.)
Just give me a few minutes.
(beat)
I’m sorry about the girls.

SLEDGE
So am I, Donner. So am I.
(beat)
Please do me a favor and
never mention them again.

INT. INTERROGATION ROOM - CONTINUOUS
The water is now up their waists.
The girls have now blown out a nice-sized hole
in the ceiling about six-inches deep.

APRIL
This isn’t gonna work.
We’re gonna have think of something else.

CHERRY
Let me get up on your shoulders.
Maybe it’s not that thick.

APRIL
Okay.

April cups her hands.
Cherry climbs up April.
Stands on her shoulders.
Pushes the ceiling where they’ve shot it out.

Nothing.

CHERRY
Shit! We’re gonna DIE!

APRIL
Don’t EVER say that. We’re NOT gonna die.

Cherry JUMPS down. Hits the water with a SPLASH.

CHERRY
Then tell me, what THE FUCK are we GONNA DO?

She BURSTS into tears. April GRABS her. Hugs her.

APRIL
Shhhhh, it’s okay -- I’m gonna figure something out.

INT. INTELLIGENCE OFFICE - AT THAT MOMENT
Sledge holds an old, dog-eared Polaroid in his hand.
A tear streaks down his cheek.

CLOSE ON --
The photograph.
We see two three-year-old little girls.
Gorgeous. Happy. Smiling. APRIL and ABBY.

SLEDGE
Pulls out a cigarette lighter. Sets it on FIRE.
Tosses it in the ashtray on his desk.

SLEDGE
Ashes to ashes --

He wipes his cheek.
Pours a shot of something brown.
Downs it. Punches on the speakerphone.

SLEDGE (CONT’D)
You about ready, Donner?

INT. INTERROGATION ROOM - AT THAT MOMENT
The water has reached the girl’s necks.
Pretty soon they’re gonna have to start treading water.

CHERRY
I don’t CARE if it’s DANGEROUS.
Let’s fucking DO IT.

APRIL
Okay.
(beat)
One last thing. In case we --
don’t make it out of this --
I just want you to know that
I’m proud to have you as a sister.
(beat)
You can really kick ass.

CHERRY
(smiles, teary-eyed)
You, too -- sis.
(beat)
I mean -- I’m proud, too.

They hug. April pulls away. Holds up a GRENADE.

APRIL
Okay -- here’s the plan.
It explodes in three seconds.
We’re gonna go to the wall opposite the window.
I’m gonna pull the pin and count ONE, TWO --
and then THROW IT at the window --
then we dive down to the bottom and hold our breath.
The water might just shield us from the blast.

CHERRY
Let’s DO IT.

APRIL
Okay.

They slog through the water to the opposite wall.
April holds up the grenade. Looks at Cherry, who nods --

April PULLS THE PIN.

APRIL (CONT’D)
ONE, TWO --

And HURLS it at the window. They DIVE.

UNDER WATER
The girls swim to the bottom.

THE WINDOW
EXPLODES in a million pieces.
Torrents of water start GUSHING through the opening.

UNDER WATER
The explosion ROCKS the girls against the wall. OOF.

INT. INTELLIGENCE OFFICE - AT THAT MOMENT
A wave of water CRASHES into Sledge’s office.

SLEDGE
What the fuck?

He JUMPS up on his desk.
Pulls out his Browning 9mm.

APRIL AND CHERRY
Appear in the doorway. Wet. Weapons aimed.

APRIL
Drop the gun, Father. We’re taking you in.

Sledge looks at the girls. Tears in his eyes.

SLEDGE
You girls really make me proud.

He puts the gun in his mouth.
And BLOWS HIS HEAD OFF -- BANG.

Brains and blood SPRAY the window behind him.
His body CRUMPLES to a heap on the desk.

CHERRY
Holy shit.

APRIL
I know.

CHERRY
Holy shit.

APRIL
I know.
(beat)
Holy shit.

DONNER
Appears in the doorway.

DONNER
What the -- ?

Cherry FLIPS UP her Glock
and BLASTS Donner in the forehead.
Red dot like a third eye.
She FALLS OVER, THUMP.

APRIL
Nice shot.

CHERRY
Thanks. I’m really starting to
groove on this spy shit.

APRIL
Hey. All in the family.

EXT./INT. MINI COOPER - MOVING - MOMENTS LATER
The girls cruise down Hollywood Boulevard.
Pass Grauman’s Chinese Theater,
the wind whipping their hair.

CHERRY
Goddammit. My adrenaline is still pumping.

APRIL
Kinda cool, huh. Welcome to the club.

CHERRY
Does Interpol have any openings?

APRIL
Are you kidding?
When I tell them I have a twin,
they’ll shit bricks.
You’re In Like Flynt, Agent Nation.

CHERRY
'Agent Nation.' I like the sound of that.
Got a nice ring to it.
(beat)
So what are you gonna do
with your half-million?

APRIL
My --

CHERRY
Half of the money.
In the attache case.
It’s in the trunk.

April shoots her a look. Beams.

APRIL
Let’s go grab some breakfast.
My treat. I’m fucking starving.

FADE TO BLACK

OVER CLOSING CREDITS:

EXT. HOLLYWOOD BOULEVARD - PODIUM - DAY
Cherry and April are given duplicate keys
to the city by the mayor.
Flashbulbs POP. The CROWD cheers.

INT. ROMANTIC RESTAURANT - NIGHT
Cherry and Peeler drink champagne by candlelight.
He takes her hand. Kisses it.

CAMERA PANS OVER to where
CHERRY’S DAUGHTERS are sitting.
They start GIGGLING.

EXT. TARGET RANGE - DAY
April takes aim at a target.
BLASTS OFF a ROUND OF SHOTS.

ANGLE ON --

THE TARGET
With a perfect circular ring
of bullet holes around the head.

APRIL
Hands the gun to Cherry.

CHERRY
Takes aim. FIRES off another ROUND OF SHOTS.

ANGLE ON --

THE TARGET
The ring of bullet holes now has a smiley face.

EXT. EGYPT - THE PYRAMIDS - NIGHT
April and Cherry chase two BAD GUYS up the steep incline.

EXT. PARIS - THE EIFFEL TOWER - NIGHT
April hangs over the railing with one hand,
pelted by rain, the wind whipping in her hair.
GUN SHOTS fire over her head.

Cherry leans down, pulls her up.
SLAPS a gun in April’s hand.

They SPIN AROUND, and SHOOT
a DOZEN ATTACKERS, killing them.

INT. THE WHITE HOUSE - OVAL OFFICE - DAY
April and Cherry sit in chairs
across from the PRESIDENT.

Cherry says something. Then April.
The President raises his eyebrows.
Picks up the phone.

And starts dialing ...

Father Knows Best

Hey there, crime kids. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where the girls are hot, the drinks are cold, and the hardboiled-pulp-noir action is non-stop, right here, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 33 of NOWHERE GIRL, we start our descent into the hair-raising conclusion of our story, when stripper Cherry Nation and Interpol agent April Street are held captive by evil criminal mastermind Slege Crafton, who reveals the shocking secret about their past, and then makes them an offer they can't refuse ...

INT. SLEDGE CRAFTON'S SECRET LAIR - INTERROGATION ROOM - NIGHT
The door behind them SLAMS shut with a BANG.

APRIL
I KNEW it.
(looks around)
CRAFTON. Show yourself!

The window shade SLIDES UP.
Behind it stands Crafton.

SLEDGE
Ladies.

APRIL
What’s the big idea?
You can’t keep us locked up in here.
People know where we are.

SLEDGE
I’m afraid not. They’re all dead.

APRIL
Then what do you want from us?

SLEDGE
That, my dear,
is the question of the hour.
Please have a seat.
I’ve got a story to tell you.

The girls sit.

SLEDGE
In the early eighties,
I was missing in action in Nicaragua --
and during this period of time
my CRAZY BITCH of a wife
put our lovely two daughters up for adoption --
after she ran off to the UK with a rock star.
(beat)
Those were heady times.
It was pre-AIDS, ecstacy was legal --

APRIL
What’s with the life story?
Get to the fucking POINT.

SLEDGE
The point?
You want me to GET TO THE POINT?
(beat)
Well, like I SAID --
my wife put our lovely young
daughters up for adoption.
Such a sad fate for two little
four-year-old girls.
How tragic would it be
if they were separated?

April and Cherry exchange glances.
What the fuck?

SLEDGE
You know the rest of the story --
because you’ve LIVED it.
(beat)
That’s right -- I’m your FATHER.
I scoured the globe for years
tracking you down.
Of course I was incredibly happy
to discover that my little April
had become an agent for Interpol.
That little apple didn’t fall
too far from the tree.
But, however, I was dismayed to discover
that my little Abby had changed
her name to CHERRY, and had become
a PORN STAR and then a STRIPPER.
To say I was disappointed
would be an understatement.
(beat)
Then I decided to find a way
in which I could get you two back together --
in my loving arms.
(beat)
This whole thing has been A TEST.
A MILITARY EXERCISE.
And you both passed --
with FLYING COLORS.
(to April)
I had a hunch -- and I was right --
that if you took Abby under your wing,
she’d grow some balls.

CHERRY
My name is CHERRY, not Abby.

APRIL
You fucking SLEPT with me,
you -- MONSTER.

SLEDGE
A momentary lapse, I’m afraid.
(beat)
You ARE the spitting image
of your mother.

April LEAPS up. SLAPS the window.

APRIL
What THE FUCK do you want from us?

SLEDGE
(strange smile)
What any father wants
from his darling daughters.
I’ve created a nice little empire, you know.
I’d like you to come work with me --
and live with me.
(beat)
Imagine the possibilities.
(low)
Come to Poppa.

April POUNDS on the window.
Cherry watches, in shock.

APRIL
You’re the most depraved
human being I’ve ever MET.
We wouldn’t work for you
if you were the last person ON EARTH.
(beat)
Daddy.

CHERRY
YEAH. So why don’t you go
FUCK YOURSELF and DIE.

Crafton shakes his head slowly.

SLEDGE
I was hopping you wouldn’t say that.
Can’t blame a guy for trying.

He takes out his cell.
Mumbles something. Hangs up.

SLEDGE
My heart -- is broken.

The window shade CLOSES.
Water starts GUSHING down
from a row of pipes in the ceiling.

CHERRY
What the fuck?

APRIL
Stand back!

April raises her Sig Sauer.
SHOOTS at the door.

The bullets FLY OFF
and RICOCHET around the room.

Cherry aims at the window.
SHOOTS a SPRAY OF BULLETS at it.

They, too BOUNCE of the glass
and RICOCHET.

The water swirls around,
now reaching up to their knees.

APRIL
The CEILING.
Let’s see if we can
blow a HOLE in it -- !

What Is This, Austin Powers?

Happy Hump Day, crime humpsters! It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your most violent fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 32 of NOWHERE GIRL, things heat up again as we head toward the spell-binding conclusion of our story. Former stripper Cherry Nation and Homeland Security agent April Street overpower the guard at the Capitol Records building, and make their way up to criminal mastermind Sledge Crafton's above-ground lair, and get caught in his evil web ...


EXT. CAPITOL RECORDS BUILDING - FRONT ENTRANCE - NIGHT
April KICKS the door into the guard’s face, THWUNK.
He goes down. She pushes it open. Walks in. Cherry follows.

INT. CAPITOL RECORDS BUILDING - LOBBY - CONTINUOUS
April and Cherry drag the guard over to his desk.
Prop him up in his chair.

Dash over to the elevator banks.
Push UP.

A SECURITY CAMERA
On the ceiling moves in their direction.

INT. INTELLIGENCE OFFICE - LOBBY - AT THAT MOMENT
A FEMALE OPERATIVE (20’s)
sits at a desk in the lobby of
Crafton’s suite of offices
watching video monitors.

She dials a number. Listens.

FEMALE OPERATIVE
Chief? We’ve got company.

INTERCUT WITH:

INT. CRAFTON’S OFFICE - CONTINUOUS
Crafton WHIRLS his chair around.
Leans into his speakerphone.

SLEDGE
Who is it Donner, Street?

DONNER
Yeah. And she’s got someone with her.
Some chick dressed like a go-go girl.

SLEDGE
I had a feeling.
Put them in the interrogation room.
Tell them I’ll be right there.

DONNER
Yes, sir.

Sledge WHIRLS around in his chair.
Faces a table behind his desk.

He leans over.
SNORTS a line of coke.
Then ANOTHER.

SLEDGE
(rubs his nose)
Alright, ladies -- it’s SHOWTIME.

INT. ELEVATOR - CONTINUOUS
April and Cherry arrive at the top floor.
The doors OPEN. They walk out into the corridor.

A LARGE METAL DOOR faces them.
No name. No number.

Just a small lit button
on a silver panel.

April pulls out her Sig Sauer.
Raises it.

APRIL
Ready?

Cherry pulls out her Glock.

CHERRY
Let’s do it.

April presses the button.
The door SLIDES OPEN.

INT. INTELLIGENCE OFFICE - LOBBY - CONTINUOUS
They walk into the lobby.
We now see that Donner’s desk
is in a bullet-proof glass cubicle
in a corner of the room.

CHERRY
What is this, Austin Powers?

APRIL
He always had a flair
for the dramatic.

Donner’s voice comes over
hidden speakers.

DONNER
Ladies, glad you could join us.
Mr. Crafton has been expecting you.

April walks over the cubicle.
Stares down Donner.

APRIL
Well, isn’t that a coincidence.

A steel door SLIDES OPENS in the wall.

DONNER
Right through that door, please.
He’ll be right with you.

The girls look at the open doorway
suspiciously.

APRIL
How do we know this isn’t a trap?

CHERRY
Cover me, and I’ll go take a look.

APRIL
Okay.

Cherry walks over to the doorway.
Stops. Looks in.

INT. INTERROGATION ROOM - CONTINUOUS
Steel walls. A table with chairs.
Glass window. Shades drawn.

CHERRY
Turns her head.

CHERRY
Looks fine to me.

April marches over,
and they walk in.

INT. INTERROGATION ROOM - CONTINUOUS
The door behind them SLAMS shut with a BANG.

APRIL
I KNEW it.
(looks around)
CRAFTON. Show yourself!

The window shade SLIDES UP.
Behind it stands Crafton.

SLEDGE
Ladies.

APRIL
What’s the big idea?
You can’t keep us locked up in here.
People know where we are.

SLEDGE
I’m afraid not.
They’re all dead.

APRIL
Then what do you want from us?

SLEDGE
That, my dear,
is the question of the hour.
Please have a seat.
I’ve got a story to tell you --

The Spy Who Left Me

Happy Tuesday, crime-busters! It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where the girls are hot, the drinks are cold, and the hardboiled-pulp-noir action is non-stop, right here, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 31 of NOWHERE GIRL, former stripper Cherry Nation and Homeland Security agent April Street get into a deadly high-speed chase down Hollywood Boulevard with black op spooks in a Hummer, and then arrive at evil criminal mastermind Sledge Crafton's above-ground lair at the Capitol Records building ...


INT. BOMB DISPOSAL TRUCK - NIGHT
The truck is RAMMED from behind.
Cherry and April JERK in their seats.

CHERRY
What the FUCK was that?

APRIL
(looks in rear view)
We’re being tailed --
(another BANG)
By a fucking HUMMER.

CHERRY
But this truck’s bigger than a Hummer.

APRIL
Exactly. Hold onto your tits.

April JAMS on the breaks -- SCREEEEECH.

EXT. SUNSET BOULEVARD - CONTINUOUS
The Hummer SMASHES into the back of the truck.

IN THE TRUCK
April JAMS it into reverse --
and HITS THE GAS.

ON THE STREET
The truck starts PUSHING the Hummer backwards.
Cars HONK. SWERVE to get out of the way.

IN THE HUMMER
The DRIVER curses.
Pulls out an AUTOMATIC WEAPON.
Sticks it out the window. PUMPS it.

THE TRUCK
Gets SPRAYED with bullets.

IN THE TRUCK
April hands Cherry her Sig Sauer.

APRIL
Here ya go, love --
shoot his fucking nuts off.

CHERRY
MOTHER-FUCKER.

Cherry takes the gun.
Opens her window. Leans out.

Starts FIRING at the Hummer.
SPRAYS it with bullets.

THE DRIVER OF THE HUMMER
Aims for the truck’s rear tires.

Gets the left. BANG.
Then the right. BANG.

IN THE TRUCK
April SWERVES the wheel.

APRIL
He’s shooting our TIRES. Get HIS!

CHERRY
Leans further out the window.
SPRAYS bullets on the Hummer’s front tires.

THE HUMMER
Swerves.

THE TRUCK AND THE HUMMER
Reach an intersection.
The truck’s wheels SCREECH on their rims,
PUSHING the Hummer into ONCOMING TRAFFIC.

A CITY BUS
SMASHES into the Hummer -- BANG.
Bye-bye.

IN THE TRUCK
April pulls the truck over to the curb.
Looks at Cherry.

APRIL
Nice shooting.

CHERRY
Nice driving.

APRIL
You okay?

CHERRY
Well, since you asked --
I feel like I’m gonna puke.
(realizes, turns her head)
Peeler? You back there? You okay?

Cherry swivels in her seat.
Looks in the rear.

THE BACK DOOR
Is open. The compartment is empty.

CHERRY
He’s gone. Story of my life.

APRIL
Welcome to the world of espionage.
The Spy Who Left Me.
(beat)
C’mon, we gotta get new wheels.

EXT. CAPITOL RECORDS BUILDING - MORNING
The famous circular landmark
gleams in the morning light.

April and Cherry pull up
in a red Mini Cooper convertible.

INT. MINI COOPER - CONTINUOUS
April shuts off the engine.
They jump out of the car.

EXT. VINE STREET - CAPITOL RECORDS BUILDING - CONTINUOUS
April looks down at John Lennon’s plaque
on the Walk of Fame.

APRIL
Look. Lennon’s star.

CHERRY
Hey. Give Violence A Chance.

They walk to the front door.
It’s LOCKED.

Cherry peers in the window.
Sees a GUARD sitting at a desk.

CHERRY
I’ve got an idea.

She KNOCK-KNOCK-KNOCKS on the glass.

THE GUARD
Looks up. Shakes his head.
Mouths WE’RE NOT OPEN.

CHERRY
STOMPS her foot. Shouts --

CHERRY
We’re here for the RECORDING SESSION.

THE GUARD
Looks puzzled.
'What recording session?'

CHERRY
POUNDS on the glass.

CHERRY
MICHAEL JACKSON!
Hurry up and LET US IN.

THE GUARD
Walks over to the door.
Unlocks it. Opens it a crack.

GUARD
Did you say MICHAEL JACKSON?

CHERRY
Yeah. We’re background singers.
And we’re late.

GUARD
You’re full-a-shit.
There’s no recording here anymore.
And he’s DEAD.

CHERRY
EXACTLY. Quincy Jones is mixing
Michael’s final tracks.
That’s why he’s using the basement studio.
You know how he is about secrecy --

Hold Onto Your Tits

Happy Monday, crime kids. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your most violent fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

Just noticed that we've hit the 500-mark on the blog. Hard to believe when I started this little joint early last year that it would go on for so long. I thank you, my fans (both of you) for your continued interest in my work. And my death ...

In Chapter 30 of NOWHERE GIRL, things really heat up when Homeland Security agent April Street realizes CIA op Lark Lemon is a mole for Sledge Crafton, and that it was her fault Shag Holiday was killed, and when Cherry Nation learns this, she freaks out, and then realizes she needs to call her kids, who Shag was taking care of ... just as they're RAMMED from behind by a mysterious Hummer ...


INT./EXT. LIMOUSINE - MOVING - AT THAT MOMENT
Avi sits in the back as the limo cruises south on the 405.
He pulls out his cell. PUNCHES in a number.

AVI
Yeah, hi. I’d like to reserve a ticket
on the next flight to Caracas --

A siren WHOOP-WHOOPS outside.

AVI (CONT’D)
What the fuck?

The driver’s window SLIDES DOWN.

DRIVER
I wasn’t speeding.

AVI
Goddammit.

EXT. 405 FREEWAY - LIMOUSINE - CONTINUOUS
The limo pulls over. A MOTORCYCLE COP
pulls up behind it. Stops. Parks.

The cop dismounts.
Walks over to the window.

DRIVER
What seems to be the problem, officer?

The cop pulls out his SERVICE REVOLVER
and SHOOTS him. BANG.

IN THE REAR
Avi hears the shot. JUMPS.

AVI
SHIT.

The cop appears in the divider.

AVI (CONT’D)
NO, WAIT!

And SHOOTS him. BANG.

EXT. HOLLYWOOD HILLS - DAWN
A beautiful sunrise. FIRE TRUCKS and PATROL CARS
make their way up into the hills.
NEWS CHOPPERS fly overhead.

INT. BOMB SQUAD TRUCK - MOVING - CONTINUOUS
April punches in a number on her cell. Listens.

APRIL
Lark? You there?

INTERCUT WITH:

INT. CIA HEADQUARTERS - CUBICLE
Lark sits at her workstation,
blowing on her hundredth cup of coffee.
Dark circles under haunted eyes.

LARK
Barely.

APRIL
I need Crafton’s location.

LARK
I can’t --

APRIL
I thought this line was encrypted.

LARK
It is, but -- I can’t --

APRIL
Wait a minute.

LARK
What.

APRIL
You never sent back-up
because you’re working for him,
AREN’T you. You’re a fucking MOLE.
(beat)
My GOD am I STUPID.

A FIGURE IN BLACK SHADES
Appears at the end of the row of cubicles.

APRIL (CONT’D)
And you got Shag killed.

LARK
NO. That wasn’t -- my fault.

APRIL
Give me his location. NOW.

THE FIGURE
Starts walking toward Lark’s workstation.

APRIL (CONT’D)
You’re a disgrace to your flag.
You KNOW that? This is your chance
to prove that not ALL American agents
are corrupt.

LARK
Shag wasn’t corrupt!

APRIL
But you got him KILLED.

Lark GASPS.
Her eyes fill with tears.

LARK
Crafton’s HQ is in
the Capitol Records building.
He’s got the whole top floor.

The figure reaches Lark’s cubicle.
He raises a 9mm Baretta with a silencer,
and SHOOTS her in the head -- THWIP.

APRIL
Good girl, now you’re talking -- thanks.
(listens)
Lark?
(beat)
Lark?
(to Cherry)
She hung up.

She looks at Cherry,
white as a ghost.

CHERRY
Shag’s DEAD?

APRIL
One of Crafton’s assassins.
I’m sorry, love.
I didn’t know how to tell you.
(beat)
I’m sorry.

CHERRY
Poor Shag. My god.
(beat)
He drove me crazy, you know?
But he meant well, he was --
such a great guy,
I don’t know what I’m gonna --
(beat)
SHIT, my KIDS.
Can I borrow your cell phone?

April hands it over.
Cherry PUNCHES in a number. Listens.

CHERRY (CONT’D)
Hello, Jamie? It’s mommy.
(listens)
I miss you, too.
I’m sorry I woke you --
(listens)
I’m so glad you’re having fun.
You love your Nanna, don’t you?
(listens)
I have good news.
I might be coming home
sooner than I thought.
(listens)
I love you, too.
Go back to sleep.

She clicks the phone shut. Relieved.

APRIL
Thank god for small miracles, huh?

CHERRY
Yeah.

The truck is RAMMED from behind.
They JERK in their seats.

CHERRY (CONT'D)
What the FUCK was that?

APRIL
(looks in rear view)
We’re being tailed --
(another BANG)
By a fucking HUMMER.

CHERRY
But this truck’s bigger than a Hummer.

APRIL
Exactly. Hold onto your tits.

April JAMS on the breaks -- SCREEEEECH.

Collateral Damage

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In Chapter 29 of NOWHERE GIRL, things really heat up when mysterious Feds raid the Hollywood Hills mansion and evacuate Cherry Nation and April Street, who escape just as the bomb is about to EXPLODE. Meanwhile rogue black ops spook Sledge Crafton reveals that CIA operative Lark Lemon is his mole, and then reveals his plans for Cherry and April ...


INT. HOLLYWOOD HILLS MANSION - LIVING ROOM - NIGHT
The girls are GRABBED FROM BEHIND.
Saad has Cherry in a choke-hold.

Mohammed THROWS April to the floor.
Straddles her.

Both aims Uzis at their heads.

SAAD
Don’t move or I’LL SHOOT.

MOHAMMED
Go ahead. Give me REASON.

HAMAD
American women TALK TO MUCH.
Take them downstairs and shoot them.

MALE VOICE (O.C.)
Federal Marshall!
Put your HANDS IN THE AIR!

AN OPERATIVE
In bomb squad gear comes into the room,
assault rifle aloft.

CLOSE ON:
The LCD reads 3:45.

RENNY
Looks at the Fed.

RENNY
Don’t shoot! This is a nuclear device.

OPERATIVE
Step away from case. NOW.

SAAD
Put your gun down or I shoot THE WOMAN!

MOHAMMED
Put down or we SHOOT!

The Fed SHOOTS Renny.
BANG-BANG-BANG.
He HITS the floor.

CHERRY
Hey!

APRIL
What are you DOING?
He was DISARMING IT.

Two more FEDS in bomb squad gear
BURST IN from the kitchen and start SHOOTING.
Saad’s and Mohammed’s heads EXPLODE.

LARGE FED
Ladies, outside, NOW.

April and Cherry exchange glances.

CHERRY
What’s going on here?

APRIL
They WANT the nuke to go off?

LARGE FED
I said NOW.

Cherry GRABS the case with the money,
and they start RUNNING.

CLOSE ON:
The LCD reads 2:25.

EXT. FRONT DOOR - CONTINUOUS
Two Feds in protective gear with helmets
stand in front of bomb squad truck.
They start walking toward Cherry and April.

APRIL
(whispers)
I don’t trust them.

CHERRY
Let’s kick their ass.

INT. CIA HEADQUARTERS - CUBICLE - NIGHT
Lark takes a sip of her water bottle.
Touches her headset.

LARK
But I don’t understand.
You WANT it to go off?
But what about -- collateral damage?

INTERCUT WITH:

INT. INTELLIGENCE OFFICE - NIGHT
Sledge Crafton stands at the bar.
Mixing a cocktail.
Speaking on his hands-free.

SLEDGE
Too many people know.
It’s a big mess.
Better to start again
with a clean slate.
And it’s not a real nuke,
it’s an old Russian piece of shit
pipe bomb with a timer, that’s all.
We’ll find some patsy
and nail it on them,
like we did in Oklahoma City.

He leans down over the bar.
SNORTS a line of coke.

LARK
But what about April Street --
and the other girl?

SLEDGE
They’re being evacuated.
I have special plans for THEM.
(beat)
Don’t tell me your getting soft on me.
You’re one of the best moles I’ve ever had.
I’d hate to have to retire you, too.

LARK
But what about the agents on-site?

SLEDGE
They don’t know the bomb is live.
(beat)
Like you said, collateral damage.

INT. BOMB SQUAD TRUCK - NIGHT - AT THAT MOMENT
Cherry and April wear bomb squad gear with helmets.
April GUNS the engine. The vehicle starts moving.

CHERRY
Go, go, go --

APRIL
We’re OUTTA HERE.

EXT. QUEENS ROAD - NIGHT - CONTINUOUS
The truck ROARS down the road.

INT. BOMB SQUAD TRUCK - CONTINUOUS
April shakes her head slowly. Thinking.

APRIL
Something’s not right.
They were acting like they WANTED
the nuke to go off.
(beat)
Unless they weren’t told it was live.

CHERRY
Why would the agency do that?

APRIL
I don’t know, unless --

An earth-shattering EXPLOSION rocks the truck.
April stops. She and Cherry poke their heads
out their windows, look.

A MASSIVE FIREBALL ERUPTS in the sky.

THE TRUCK
Continues on down Queens Road.

APRIL
That was no nuke.
Crafton was ripping off the terrorists.
Why am I not surprised?

CHERRY
So where are we going?

APRIL
We’re gonna pay him a little visit.

CHERRY
(turns her head)
Hey. You okay back there?

PEELER
Sticks his head out from the rear.

PEELER
Well, let’s see.
I’ve lost a lot of blood,
I’m dizzy from hunger,
and I just shit my pants.
I’m having a ball.

My Sister, The Spy

Happy Thursday, crime fucks! It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where the girls are hot, the drinks are cold, and the hardboiled-pulp-noir action is non-stop, right here, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 28 of NOWHERE GIRL, Homeland Security agent April Street arrives at the 'scene of the bomb' at the terrorist's hiding place in the Hollywood Hills, just as Renny Quick tries to disarm the live nuke, and then discovers the truth about her identity ... and that of Cherry Nation's in a mind-blowing reveal ...


EXT. MANSION - FRONT YARD - NIGHT - AT THAT MOMENT
Peeler watches the action through the window. Panicked.

PEELER
This doesn’t look good.

FEMALE VOICE (O.C.)
That’s the tricky part
about being a Peeping Tom.

APRIL
Steps into view.
Aiming her Sig Sauer.

PEELER
Oh, h-hi. I’m with Cherry,
the girl with the nuke, remember?

APRIL
Of course -- you’re the guy
that fucking handcuffed me.

PEELER
Sorry about that.
Listen, some serious shit is about to go down.
Cherry is in there trying to do the deal --
and the nuke has been, like -- ACTIVATED.
We’ve got, like -- I dunno, nine, ten minutes?

APRIL
WHAT?

She touches her hands-free.
Speaks into it.

APRIL (CONT’D)
You get all that?

INTERCUT WITH:

INT. CIA HEADQUARTERS - CUBICLE - CONTINUOUS
Lark sits at her desk. CHOKES on her coffee.

LARK
Yeah. Hold tight, I’m going to send
every agent we have in the area.

INT. MANSION - LIVING ROOM - AT THAT MOMENT
Hamad looks at Cherry. At Kamal. Then Renny.

HAMAD
And how am I supposed to believe you?

RENNY
Well, we can go back and forth like this
while the clock is ticking --
or you can take a chance
on saving your fucking lives.
Your choice, Bin Laden.

HAMAD
WHAT did you call me?

RENNY
You heard me, you fucking terrorist.
You think you can just waltz into our country
and buy a NUKE?

HAMAD
It was your CORRUPT GOVERNMENT
that SOLD it to us, IMBECILE.

CHERRY
SHUT UP, both of you.
While you’re playing who’s dick is bigger --
we’re running out of TIME.

EXT. MANSION - FRONT YARD - NIGHT
Peeler sits on the ground.
April looks in the window.

APRIL
I’m going in. You stay put.

PEELER
Sure thing. I’ll just sit here
and watch my life flash before my eyes.

INT. MANSION - LIVING ROOM - AT THAT MOMENT
Renny opens the case. Studies the bomb.
Scratches his chin.

CHERRY
Well, what are you waiting for?

RENNY
I haven’t done this in -- ten years.

CHERRY
What?

RENNY
Chill out. It’s all about
shutting off the power.
Wiring is wiring.
(beat)
I’m gonna need pliers,
or a pair of scissors,
something like that.

Hamad looks at the guards,
who are now conscious.

HAMAD
You. Go look in the kitchen.

They RACE OFF.

RENNY
(looking at the wiring)
The red and the blue -- or the yellow --

FEMALE VOICE (O.C.)
Homeland Security! Nobody MOVE.

APRIL
Walks into the room.
Automatic weapon trained on Renny.

APRIL
(to Renny)
Put your hands in the air
and step away from the device.

CHERRY
He’s DISARMING the device, bitch.

APRIL
Who you calling a bitch?

HAMAD
(looks at them)
Are you two -- sisters?

KAMAL
They look a lot alike.

RENNY
Will everyone please SHUT UP?
I’m trying to CONCENTRATE here.

Renny pulls out another pair of wires.
Wipes his forehead.

CLOSE ON:
The LCD reads 4:15.

APRIL
(to Cherry)
Where were you born?

CHERRY
In the UK. I was adopted.
My parents moved here I was four.

APRIL
I was adopted when I was four.
(beat)
I had a sister --
but they only took me.

CHERRY
I had a sister, too -- but --

APRIL
HOLY SHIT --

CHERRY
HOLY SHIT --

APRIL
That explains --

CHERRY
Why we --

APRIL
OhmiGOD --

CHERRY
OhmGOD --

APRIL
THAT’S why I hate your guts.

CHERRY
And that’s why I hate YOURS.
(beat)
My sister, the spy.

APRIL
My sister, the --
(appraises her outfit)
Stripper?

CHERRY
Exotic dancer.
Soon to be former.

The girls are GRABBED FROM BEHIND.
Saad has Cherry in a choke-hold.

Mohammed THROWS April to the floor.
Straddles her.

Both aims Uzis at their heads.

SAAD
Don’t move or I’LL SHOOT.

Don't Shoot, I'm With The Government

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In Chapter 27 of NOWHERE GIRL, the plot thickens when Homeland Security agent April Street reveals to CIA op Lark Lemon that's she's actually a mole within rogue op cell C-6 for Interpol, and that she desperately needs back up as she races up the Hollywood Hills to the terrorists lair. Meanwhile, 'stripper with a suitcase nuke' Cherry Nation delivers the bomb to the terrorists, with deadly results ...


EXT. QUEENS ROAD - NEARBY - NIGHT - AT THAT MOMENT
April JOGS up the hill, talking on her hands-free.

APRIL
You can send backup -- I’m not C-6!

INTERCUT WITH:

INT. CIA HEADQUARTERS - CUBICLE - CONTINUOUS
Lark watches April’s progress on her monitor
as it nears the location of the nuke.

LARK
I know that.
Shag said you were Homeland Security.

APRIL
No, that was the cover C-6 gave me.
I’m a MOLE -- I’m Interpol --
I’m gonna bring down C-6,
the terrorist cell, AND Avi Abbas.
NOW, given how things have progressed,
I’d love a little help at this point.

LARK
Why didn’t Interpol ask for our help
in the first place?

APRIL
Don’t take this personally,
but The Company doesn’t have
the greatest reputation in
the global intelligence community
since nine-eleven.
I mean -- your BOSS told you
not to interfere with C-6.

LARK
I -- see what you mean.

APRIL
C-6 is totally rogue --
their ops are for profit.
They broker arms deals around the world.
Remember the CONTRAS?
They’ll sell to anybody --
rebels in Darfur,
revolutionaries in Somalia,
the Tibetan Army --
state of the art weaponry,
sold to the highest bidder.
(beat)
Kinda like Ebay.

A MESSAGE BOX
Pops up on Lark’s monitor.

LARK’S
Fingers fly across the keyboard.

LARK
April, we’ve got a situation in Israel.
I gotta call you back.

Lark hangs up.
April stops running.
Taps her headpiece.

APRIL
What? Hello? You there?
(beat)
What about my BACK-UP?

EXT. HOLLYWOOD HILLS MANSION - NIGHT - AT THAT MOMENT
Cherry and Peeler are at the front door.

CHERRY
Go hide in the bushes over there
by the window and watch.
If something goes wrong, call 911.

PEELER
Okay. Better hide your gun.

CHERRY
Shit, yeah.

She tucks it in her skirt waistband
in the small of her back.

PEELER
So, uh -- in case anything -- happens,
I just want you to know that,
despite all this scary shit --
I’ve had the best time
I’ve ever had tonight.

Cherry’s touched.
She kisses him on the cheek.

CHERRY
Me, too. Now go, scoot --
we gotta save the world.
(beat)
And then maybe grab some breakfast.

He nods, limps off into the bushes.
Cherry RINGS the bell.

CHERRY
Here goes nothing.

The door OPENS. It’s Kamal.
He sees the case. Big smile.

KAMAL
Greetings. We’ve been expecting you.

CHERRY
Sorry for the delay.

KAMAL
Not to worry. Please, come in.

INT. MANSION - FOYER - CONTINUOUS
Kamal leads Cherry toward the living room.

CHERRY
(looking around)
This place is -- amazing.

KAMAL
Vulgar American conspicuous consumption.
(beat)
Can’t wait to blow it up.

INT. MANSION - LIVING ROOM - CONTINUOUS
Kamal leads Cherry into the room,
where Hamad, the guards and Renny
are watching a ball game
on the big screen plasma TV.

KAMAL
Hamad. Our package has arrived.

Hamad looks. Smiles.
Gets up. Walks over to them.

HAMAD
Very good. Excellent.
(gestures at the case)
May I?

CHERRY
You have the money?

RENNY
Sits in his chair watching the game.

Behind his back,
we can see him loosening his ropes.

HAMAD
Cocks an eyebrow.
Nods. Looks at Kamal.

HAMAD
Give her the money.

Kamal nods. Walks over to a table.
Grabs an attache case. Brings it over.

Sets it down on a chair near Cherry and Hamad.
Flips open the lid to reveal it’s STUFFED WITH CASH.

KAMAL
One million dollars.
As promised.

Cherry’s eyes BUG.
She’s never seen that much money.

In a daze, she hands Hamad
the briefcase. He takes it.

Sets it down. Opens it.
Sees the LCD DISPLAY.

HAMAD
It’s been ACTIVATED.
WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?

The next few moments happen in a BLUR OF SPEED --

RENNY’S
Ropes FLY OFF.
He GRABS the guards by their heads
and CRACKS them together.
SNATCHES their weapons.

SMACKS one on the head,
THUMP -- then the other, THWACK.
They GO DOWN.

CHERRY
GRABS the money.

HAMAD
GRABS Cherry.
Points his gun at her head. CLICK.

KAMAL
Points his gun at Renny. CLICK.

HAMAD
(to Cherry)
What THE FUCK is going on here?
Is he with you?

CHERRY
Hell, no!
(to Renny)
Don’t shoot!
I’m with the government!

She WHIPS out her gun.
Points it at the case.

CHERRY
(to Hamad)
Let me the fuck go,
or else I’ll blow us
all to kingdom come.

Hamad releases her.
Looks around. What THE FUCK.

RENNY
That’s really a -- n-nuke?

HAMAD
YES. And it’s going to go off
in NINE MINUTES.

Renny’s eyes dart back and forth.
He licks his lips.

RENNY
I used to be Special Forces.
I think I can disarm it.

CHERRY
You THINK you can disarm it?

RENNY
Well, it’s been a few years --

Let's Get The Fuck In There

Hey there, crime kids. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where the girls are hot, the drinks are cold, and the hardboiled-pulp-noir action is non-stop, right here, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 26 of NOWHERE GIRL, things really heat up when the Al Quaeda terrorists hiding out in the Hollywood Hills mansion start making demands of the captives. Meanwhile, right outside, 'stripper with a suitcase nuke' Cherry Nation and Silverlake hipster Peeler Mardo get ready to deliver the bomb, when Cherry makes a deadly mistake ...


INT. MANSION - LIVING ROOM - NIGHT
Renny sits on the couch next to Rich Husband.
The two guards stand behind them
with weapons pointed at their heads.

Kamal stands nearby,
hands clasped behind him.

Hamad holds Rich’s cell phone.
SMASHES it. STOMPS on it, CRACK.

HAMAD
You called private security!
After I specifically told you
not to FUCK AROUND.
Do you know what we do
to people who don’t FOLLOW ORDERS?

RICH HUSBAND
I’m sorry, I guess I -- panicked.

Hamad pulls out a REVOLVER with a silencer.

RICH HUSBAND
No, wait, wait, wait!
I’ve got a shitload of money upstairs!
In my safe! You can have it! All of it!
There’s a couple hundred thousand.
It’s behind the mirror on the dresser
in the master bedroom.

Kamal walks over.
Hands him a piece of paper and a pen.

KAMAL
If you would kindly give us the combination.

Rich scribbles it down.
Relieved. Kamal takes it.

Nods at Hamad.
Hamad raises his gun, takes aim --

RICH HUSBAND
WAIT, I thought --

And SHOOTS Rich in the forehead -- THWIP.
Rich’s body SLUMPS over. Dead.

Renny’s eyes dart madly,
heart racing.

HAMAD
(big smile)
Not to worry, my big, strapping
American emergency services worker.
We still need hostages --
who know how to behave.

EXT. HOLLYWOOD HILLS MANSION - FRONT DRIVE - NIGHT
Cherry and Peeler walk up
the long driveway in the moonlight.
The lights of the city twinkle below in the distance.

CHERRY
I think I’m gonna pee my pants.
(beat)
How’s your leg?

PEELER
It’s really starting to hurt.
I’m really looking forward to
getting a chance to sit down for a second.
How’s your arm?

CHERRY
It’s throbbing like a motherfucker.
Look, why don’t we take a breather
before we go in, plot our strategy.

He nods.

She leads him over to the garage,
which is open.

They sit on the hood of a sleek Rolls.
Cherry rubs her wrist.

PEELER
Ohmigod is that good.

CHERRY
Simple pleasures.

She puts the briefcase on her lap.
Fiddles with the clasp.

PEELER
What are you doing?
Didn’t you tell me the guy said
you’d die if you opened it?

CHERRY
Yeah, he did --

Cherry closes her eyes.
Winces. FLIPS IT OPEN.

Nothing happens.

CHERRY
But he was LYING.
Ha, I KNEW it.
(looks inside)
So THAT’S what a suitcase nuke looks like.
Looks like any other bomb to me.

PEELER
And you’ve seen a lot of bombs --

CHERRY
In the movies, silly, on TV.

She examines the interior.
Points at a small clock.

CHERRY
This must be the timer.

PEELER
Cherry, I really don’t think
you should fuck around with that.
It’s been a really long night,
and I really don’t feel
like getting blown up.

CHERRY
Chill, dude. I’m not gonna --

Her nose twitches -- and she SNEEZES.

CHERRY
A-CHOO!

Which causes her finger to JERK
against the side of the clock,
and SPIN a small knob.

CHERRY
(looks)
NO -- NO, NO, NO, NO, NO!

PEELER
WHAT’S WRONG?

INSIDE THE BRIEFCASE
A small, red LCD screen reads

ENGAGE IN: 15:00 --
with the numbers reeling backwards.

PEELER
GODDAMIT, Cherry!
What the FUCK are we gonna do NOW?

CHERRY
We got fifteen minutes to figure it out.
Let’s get the fuck IN THERE.

Bitch is Good

Happy Monday, crime kids! It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your most violent fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 25 of NOWHERE GIRL, the shit REALLY hits the fan when Homeland Security agent April Street and CIA black ops spook Shag Holiday go head-to-head with rogue assassin Wendon Swift ... in a fight to the death ...


INT. POOL HOUSE - NIGHT - AT THAT MOMENT
April watches Shag communicate with base.

SHAG
(touches his ear)
Lark. I need new coordinates.

INTERCUT WITH:

INT. CIA HEADQUARTERS - CUBICLE - CONTINUOUS
Lark swerves in her chair,
fingers CLACK-CLACKING on her keyboard.
She peers into the monitor, grim.

LARK
She’s nearing the top of hill,
Shag -- you better get your ass in gear.

SHAG
Don’t worry, we’re on our way.

LARK
We, our?

SHAG
April Street from Homeland Security
is also in pursuit.
We’re pooling our resources.

Pause.

LARK
As long as that’s all your 'pooling' --

The front windows EXPLODE
in a SHOWER of GUNFIRE.

Glass SHATTERS, goes FLYING.
Shag and April LEAP to the floor.

Shag ROLLS over behind the couch.
Pulls out his weapon.

April LEAPS behind the open side door.
Takes out hers.

Silence.

APRIL
What the fuck?

Gloved hands THROW a wire
around April’s neck
and start GARROTTING her.

She GRABS the wire, starts GAGGING,
SPUTTERING, THRASHING, eyes BULGING.

We see the attacker.
It’s WENDON. Smiling. Having a ball.

Shag LEAPS UP,
RACES OVER to April.
GRABS Wendon’s hands.

She KICKS Shag in the balls.
He goes DOWN, OOF.

Curls into the fetal position.
That girl can KICK.

April struggles, eyes fluttering,
her face turning red.

She leans forward,
raising Wendon off the ground --
and then with all her might,
SLAMS her into the wall, THWUMP.

She lets go of the wire.
HITS the floor.

April FIRES a blast
of rounds into her chest
BANG-BANG-BANG-BANG-BANG-BANG-BANG.

Nothing. Must be some kind of vest.

Wendon smiles.
Reaches for her automatic.

April GRABS a lamp
and SMASHES it on her head.
She blinks. LEAPS UP --

And KICKS April,
who goes FLYING BACKWARDS
onto the floor.

Shag GRABS a chair --
SAILS IT across the room at Wendon.

It HITS her in the stomach,
sends her FLYING.

She ROLLS behind the bar.
POPS up, and starts FIRING.

Shag and April LEAP out of the way,
get behind the couch.
Start RETURNING FIRE.

SHAG
Bitch is GOOD.

APRIL
I’ve got an idea.
You cover me, I’ll go outside
and go in through the window
in the kitchen.

SHAG
Let’s do it.

Shag SHOVES in another clip.
Pulls out a smoke bomb.

APRIL
Why didn’t you use that before?

SHAG
Uh, we’ve been a little BUSY?
(beat)
When I commence firing.

He leans around the corner.
TOSSES the bomb at the bar,
starts SHOOTING.

Smoke starts BILLOWING.
Wendon keeps FIRING,
starts gagging on the fumes.

April ROLLS along the floor.
Bullets PING and SPLINTER
the wood as she
FLIES out the door.

AT CIA HEADQUARTERS
Lark listens in on Shag’s hands-free,
which is still on.

LARK
Shag! What’s going on?
Are you OKAY?
(beat)
SHAG.

OUTSIDE THE POOL HOUSE
April races around to the back.
Gets to the window.

She looks in,
but SMOKE is filling the room.
She can’t see ANYTHING.

APRIL
FUCK.

She SMASHES the window with her gun.
Starts climbing in.

INSIDE THE POOL HOUSE
It’s World War III. GUNSHOTS.
Smoke everywhere. The bar is ON FIRE.

Wheezing and CHOKING,
April makes her way through the room,
where she sees, on the floor --

Shag and Wendon,
each with a hand gripping the other’s neck,
the other hand fighting for control
of Wendon’s Sig Sauer.

April takes aim,
and SHOOTS the gun out their hands, PING.

Wendon SCREAMS, pulls out a HUNTING KNIFE,
and JAMS it in Shag’s NECK.
Blood starts PUMPING like a GEYSER.

APRIL (CONT’D)
NO!

She FIRES at Wendon’s head --
which EXPLODES in a red mist.

RACES over to Shag.
CLAMPS her hands on his neck.

APRIL (CONT’D)
Hold on -- it’s gonna be okay,
it’s gonna be okay.

SHAG
(eyes fluttering)
You get the -- bitch?

The light flickers, then goes out.
April cradles his head in her arms.
Blood everywhere.

APRIL
I HATE this part.

INTERCUT WITH:

INT. CIA HEADQUARTERS - CUBICLE - CONTINUOUS
Lark types furiously on her keyboard,
looks at the monitor,
trying to get a read on the situation.

LARK
(into her headset)
SHAG, come in Shag, are you alright?
(to herself)
GODDAMMIT, I should have sent BACKUP.

April hears something.
Looks at Shag’s earpiece.

Grabs it. Wipes it off.
Puts it in her ear. Listens.

APRIL
Hello, is anybody there?

LARK
Hello! Who is this? Where’s Shag?

APRIL
This is agent Street.

LARK
Agent Street? Thank GOD.
What happened? Is he okay?

Pause.

APRIL
I’m sorry.

LARK
(eyes tearing)
I see.
(beat)
Are you -- o-okay?

APRIL
Reasonably. I’m alive.
(beat)
Kinda -- freaked out.

LARK
We were -- seeing each other.

APRIL
Shit.
(beat)
I’m sorry.

LARK
(wipes her eyes)
Let me give you the coordinates.
There isn’t much time left.
She’s almost there.

APRIL
Okay.
(beat)
Are you okay?

LARK
I’ll have to --
get back to you on that.

Fucking Hollywood

Hey there, crime kids. Happy Friday! Do you know what time it is? It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your most violent fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 24 of NOWHERE GIRL, Palestinian arms dealer Avi Abbas questions a terrorist suspect while getting serviced by a mystery woman under his desk, and then gets a call from black ops spook leader Sledge Crafton, wonder where the hell the nuke is. Meanwhile, 'stripper with a suitcase nuke' Cherry Nation gets a little 'up close and personal' with Silverlake hipster Peeler Mardo ...


INT. DOWNTOWN LOFT - NIGHT - AT THAT MOMENT
Deserted, except for Avi, sitting at his desk,
facing the floor-to-ceiling windows,
city lights twinkling below.

AVI
(to someone unseen)
Ahhhhh, that’s it, baby -- that’s it.

He picks up the phone.
Dials a number. Listens.

INTERCUT WITH:

INT. INTELLIGENCE OFFICE - BASEMENT - AT THAT MOMENT
Crafton is supervising the interrogation
of an IRANIAN PRISONER,
who is hanging from a steam pipe
by a chain, shirtless, blindfolded --
and quite bloody.

He takes a sip of his tumbler of scotch.
SLAPS the prisoner.

SLEDGE
Tell me, you fucking SAND NIGGER!
Give me his NAME.

IRANIAN PRISONER
I don’t KNOW,
I am not TERRORIST,
I am DRY CLEANER!

Crafton nods at a LARGE, SURLY SOLDIER
holding a rose clipper around the big toe
of one of the prisoner’s bare feet.

SLEDGE
This little piggy went TO MARKET.

Surly SNIPS, CRUNCH, and the toe
FLIES IN THE AIR like a watermelon seed.

The prisoner SCREAMS. Blood flows.

Crafton’s cell phone rings.
He fishes it out of his pocket.

SLEDGE (CONT’D)
(to the prisoner)
Hold that thought.
(beat)
Crafton here.

AVI
It’s Avi. I wanna know
what the fuck’s going on with the --
(beat)
Shipment --
(beat)
Crafton.

Avi leans back in his chair,
rolls his head slowly.

SLEDGE
Do I have to fucking SPELL IT OUT for you?
The rogue courier is being TERMINATED,
and her replacement is delivering the package.
We have it HANDLED.

AVI
Goddammit, Crafton --
your fucking rogue
killed my best man.
I’m not sure I --
trust you anymore.

He closes his eyes.
In some kind of ecstacy.

SLEDGE
Trust ME? Now you listen to me,
you fucking TOWELHEAD --
you’re lucky we don’t fucking SHUT YOU DOWN.
I represent THE UNITED STATES GOVERNMENT --
and this is a BUSINESS DEAL -- FOR MONEY.
Haven’t you heard of IN GOD WE TRUST?
(dramatic)
The buyer will get THE PACKAGE.

AVI
Okay -- okay --
(moans)
Ahhh --
(beat)
AHHHHHHHHHH --

His body JERKS. He smiles, peaceful.

SLEDGE
Abbas? You there?

A TALL BLONDE pops up from under the desk.
Wipes her mouth with a tissue.

Avi SNAPS his fingers.
Points. She leaves.

AVI
Yeah -- I’m here.

He lights a cigarette.
Inhales. Blows a lazy smoke ring.

AVI (CONT’D)
Just make sure it happens -- soon.
We don’t want the buyer to get upset
and cause an incident.

SLEDGE
I’m not worried.
They’re in fucking Hollywood.
Why do you think we chose that location?

EXT. HOLLYWOOD HILLS - WOODED AREA - NIGHT - AT THAT MOMENT
It’s stopped raining. Cherry and Peeler
walk up the incline though sparse foliage.
They reach a narrow, winding road.

CHERRY
Thank fucking god.
I’m cold, I’m wet --
and I’m fucking TIRED.

PEELER
(points at the sign)
Check it out. We’re almost there.

They start walking up the steep incline.

CHERRY
After this is done,
I can’t wait to have a stiff drink
and a long, hot shower.

Cherry trudges on.
White knuckles gripping the briefcase.

PEELER
So listen, I was wondering --
when this is all over,
would you like to, you know --
go have coffee or something?

CHERRY
(does a take)
You mean like a -- date?

PEELER
No, not a DATE.
You know, just -- hang out.
You know, coffee.
Maybe grab a burger --

CHERRY
(faint smile)
That’d be -- nice.

A tear runs down her cheek.
She stops. GRABS him.
Gives him a long, lingering kiss.

PEELER
What was that for?

CHERRY
Not sure. But I kinda liked it.
(kisses him again)
Yeah. That’ll work.

Two Heads Are Better Than One

Hey there, crime kids. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where the girls are hot, the drinks are cold, and the hardboiled-pulp-noir action is non-stop, right here, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 23 of NOWHERE GIRL, things really heat up when private security office Renny Quick and his men arrive at the Al Queda hideout in the Hollywood Hills and are confronted by the terrorists. Meanwhile, Homeland Security agent April Street, handcuffed and prisoner in the poolhouse, gets a little assistance from CIA spook Shag Holiday ...


EXT. MANSION - NIGHT - AT THAT MOMENT
The Driver and Renny stand at the front door.
Their car’s lights FLASH behind them in the driveway.

RENNY
(to Driver)
Ring it again, Carlos.

CARLOS
(presses the buzzer)
This is bullshit.
Let’s get the fuck outta here.
Go hit Fatburger.

RENNY
Hold on. Not so fucking fast.
Something’s not right.
I can smell it.
All the lights are on --
and they don’t answer the door?

The front door SWINGS OPEN.
Revealing Rich Husband, with a big,
weird smile on his face.
Eyes full of terror.

RICH HUSBAND
Sorry to keep you gentlemen waiting.
What seems to be the problem?

IN THE FOYER, AGAINST THE WALL
Kamal stands out of sight,
holding an Uzi on Rich.

IN THE DOORWAY
Rich blinks, raises his eyebrows expectantly.

CARLOS
We received over a dozen 911 calls
from a number at this address.

RICH HUSBAND
From this address? Are you sure?

CARLOS
Yeah. We can track where a call comes from.
It was this address.

RICH HUSBAND
I don’t know what to say.
No one here called you -- perhaps your --
tracking made a mistake.
(beat)
Oh, wait a minute --
maybe it’s my son’s phone --
but he’s not home right now.
Please be assured that I will
discipline him for this.
And please accept my apologies.

RENNY
Could I please use your bathroom?
I hate to ask, but it’s kind of an emergency.

Renny holds his crotch.
Does that ‘I gotta pee’ dance.

Rich looks startled, looks to his left.

RENNY (CONT’D)
I thought so.

He PUSHES his way past Rich,
and runs straight into Kamal.
Aiming his Uzi at Renny’s stomach.

KAMAL
Gentlemen. This is most unfortunate.
Please come in and make yourselves --
our hostages.

Renny LEAPS at Kamal,
grabs for control of the gun.

It SHOOTS WILDLY, MOWING DOWN Carlos.
The GUARDS run in and GRAB Renny,
PISTOL-WHIP him into submission.

KAMAL (CONT’D)
(looks at the body)
Hurry up and bring it in.
Put the car in the garage.
And then tie up our visitor.
(beat)
Let’s have some fun.

INT. POOLHOUSE - NIGHT - AT THAT MOMENT
April sits on the couch with her hands cuffed.
Another set connect her ankle
to a leg of the coffee table.

APRIL
Fucking WHORE version of ME.

She raises her wrists to her hair,
pulls out a hairpin.

Puts it in her mouth.
Starts working it on the cuffs on her hands.

APRIL (CONT’D)
(mumbles)
Just wait until I get my hands on her --

Her cell phone starts RINGING
on the floor a few feet away.

APRIL (CONT’D)
SHIT.

It RINGS again.

She furiously works the hairpin on the lock.
No luck.

RING-RING.
APRIL (CONT’D)

FUCK.
Shag walks through the ruined door, gun raised.
He stops. Looks at the Vespa. Then April.

RING-RING.

SHAG
CHERRY. You -- changed your hair.

APRIL
I’m not Cherry. I’m April.

SHAG
Jesus, You look just like her.
You could be twins.

RING-RING.

APRIL
So that’s her name. Who are you?

SHAG
Shag Holiday, CIA.
(beat)
She’s my ex.

APRIL
Pleased to meet you.
April Street, Homeland Security.

RING-RING.

SHAG
(nods at the phone)
You want me to get that?

APRIL
Nah. I know who it is.
It can wait. Uncuff me?

SHAG
Yeah. Sure. Hold on --

Shag pulls out keys,
unlocks the cuffs on her wrists.

APRIL
Thanks.

He leans down, uncuffs her ankle.
She stands.

APRIL (CONT’D)
Double thanks. So what now?

SHAG
So she was just here?
(off April’s nod)
And she has the nuke?
(off her nod)
Why don’t we team up.
Two heads are better than one.

APRIL
Good idea. She’s really -- volatile.
What’s her deal?

SHAG
Do you have a few hours?

IN THE WINDOW
Wendon peers in. Pulls away.

OUTSIDE
She leans against the wall.
Raises her assault rifle.

WENDON
A two-fer. Nice --

Of course it's heavy. It's a fucking NUKE.

Happy Hump Day, crime humpsters. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your most violent fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 22 of NOWHERE GIRL, the shit really hits the fan when Homeland Security agent April Street rides her Vespa scooter into the pool house where 'stripper with a suitcase nuke' Cherry Nation and Silverlake hipster Peeler Mardo are holed up ...


INT. POOL HOUSE - NIGHT
Cherry and Peeler sit on the couch
watching the rain coming down outside.
It’s letting up a bit.

PEELER
So what next.

CHERRY
Well, since our tour guide
got his fucking HEAD blown up,
I think I better call the dude
and get directions.

Cherry pulls out her cell phone.
Tries to dial the number.
But the battery is DEAD.

CHERRY (CONT’D)
SHIT.

She FLINGS it against the wall -- CRACK.

CHERRY (CONT’D)
MOTHER-FUCKER!

PEELER
Hey, calm down. It’s okay.
(pulls out his phone)
You can use mine.

CHERRY
I can’t TAKE THIS ANYMORE.

Just then, the side door
BURSTS OPEN with a CRUNCH.

Splintered wood goes FLYING --
And April FLIES IN on the Vespa.

PEELER
Holy shit!

CHERRY
NOOOOOO!

Cherry SCRAMBLES to get her gun,
but April is TOO FAST.

She JUMPS off the scooter,
races over and TACKLES her.
Pins her arms to the floor.

Peeler JUMPS on top of April,
tries to pull her off Cherry.

April HEAD-BUTTS Peeler --
and he FLIES backwards,
blood POURING out of this nose.

April sits astride Cherry.

APRIL
I’m a federal officer.
You’re under arrest.

CHERRY
FUCK you.

APRIL
(SLAPS her)
What the FUCK were you DOING?
Did you really think you
could get AWAY with it?
It’s a fucking NUKE.

CHERRY
Go fuck yourself, BITCH.

April takes out her gun.
Points it in Cherry’s face.

APRIL
Don’t fucking move.

She pulls out keys,
unlocks Cherry’s cuffs.
Looks at her.

CHERRY
Incredible. You could be my twin.

Peeler goes to the bar.
Gets a towel for his nose.

PEELER
So I guess we’re in a lot of trouble.

APRIL
Unlawful flight with
a concealed nuclear device?
I would say so.

Peeler inches over to
Cherry’s handbag on the bar.

PEELER
I would imagine that’s --
a lot of time in prison.

APRIL
Try life without parole.
(beat)
If not the death penalty for TREASON.

April gets off of Cherry. Stands.

APRIL (CONT'D)
Roll over. On your stomach.

CHERRY
Fuck you.

April KICKS cherry in the side.

CHERRY (CONT’D)
OW!

APRIL
DO IT. NOW!

A gun safety CLICKS.

PEELER
Stands behind April.
Pressing it into
the back of her head.

PEELER
I’m really sorry to do this,
but we’re not going to prison.

APRIL
Do you have any idea
what you’re doing?
You’re just gonna make it
a hell of a lot WORSE.
Drop the gun, and I promise
you won’t get hurt.

PEELER
(JAMS it into her head)
SHUT UP.

Cherry gets up.
Goes to April.
GRABS her gun.

CHERRY
Okay, bitch --
give me your cuffs.

April does a slow burn.
Takes them out.
Cherry SNATCHES them.

CHERRY (CONT'D)
Hands behind your back.

Peeler steps away.
Still aiming.

Cherry walks over,
CLICKS the cuffs on April.
Then SHOVES her on the couch.

CHERRY (CONT’D)
THAT’S for fucking KICKING me,
fucking BITCH.

APRIL
You’ll never get away with this.
The area is swarming with agents.

CHERRY
We’ll take our chances.
(to Peeler)
Ready to go?

PEELER
Yeah.

He goes over and gets the case.
Hefts it.

PEELER (CONT’D)
Heavy.

CHERRY
It’s a fucking NUKE.
Of course it’s HEAVY --

American Pussy

Happy Tuesday, crime kids. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where the girls are hot, the drinks are cold, and the hardboiled-pulp-noir action is non-stop, right here, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 21 of NOWHERE GIRL, it's once again the calm before the storm as 'stripper with a suitcase nuke' Cherry Nation and Silverlake hipster Peeler Mardo hide out in the guest house of a Hollywood Hills mansion, where Cherry tends to Peeler's wounds. Meanwhile, a private security vehicle arrives at the mansion where the terrorists are holed up ... while Al Qaeda leader Hamad Nassour is at that moment raping 'the mistress of the house' ...


INT. POOL HOUSE - NIGHT
Cozy. Very hunting lodge.
Fireplace. Stocked bar.

Cherry and Peeler enter the room.
She guides Peeler over to the couch.
He PLOPS down.

PEELER
Thank god.
(beat)
I’m freezing.

Cherry goes to the heater.
Turns it on.

CHERRY
We’ll get warmed up in a jiffy.
(looks around)
Better leave the lights off.

She find some towels.
Grabs one. THROWS it at Peeler.

PEELER
(catches it)
Thanks.

They dry themselves.
She notices the bar.

CHERRY
A little brandy should do the trick.
Then let’s take a look at your foot.

She pours two snifters.
Takes them to the couch. Sits.

CHERRY
(hands one to Peeler)
Here’s lookin’ at you, kid.

PEELER
Yeah.
(takes a sip)
Listen to that rain.

CHERRY
Yeah.

She leans over.
Kisses him on the cheek.

PEELER
What was that for?

ANGLE ON --

Cherry’s hand grabs the end
of the rusty nail. YANKS it.

PEELER
YELLS out in pain.

CHERRY
Distraction.

EXT. HOLLYWOOD HILLS MANSION - NIGHT - AT THAT MOMENT
The squad car makes its way down the long, long driveway.

INT. SECURITY SQUAD CAR - MOVING - CONTINUOUS
The guys check out the lux digs.

DRIVER
Shit, look at this joint.
It’s bigger than my high school.

RENNY
Hurry up and park.
I gotta take a piss.

INT. MANSION - MASTER BEDROOM - NIGHT
Unbelievably opulent. Huge.
With a giant circular bed.

Trophy’s wrists have been tied
to the bedposts with rope.

Hamad is on top of her,
slowly humping away.

Her face is streaked with tears.
Eyes closed, softly whimpering.

HAMAD
(grunts)
American pussy --
(beat)
Smells like STRAWBERRIES.

Downstairs, the doorbell RINGS.

HAMAD
Go away.

He moves faster,
really goes at it.

HAMAD
You need to MOVE HIPS.

He SLAPS her.
She CRIES out.
Starts humping him.

HAMAD
That’s more LIKE it.

Kamal comes to the door.
Averts his eyes.

KAMAL
Hamad.

Hamad keeps humping,
reaching his crescendo.

HAMAD
Ah -- ah -- ah --

KAMAL
HAMAD. Sorry to interrupt, but --

Hamad COMES like a bull on steroids.
ROARS like a tiger.

HAMAD
Praise ALLAH!
Fuck AMERICAN PUSSY!

The doorbell RINGS again.

KAMAL
There is someone at the door.
An ambulance. What should we do?

Hamad gets off Trophy Wife.
Pads over to Kamal.

HAMAD
Let them in.
Take husband with you.
Tell him we hurt wife
unless he cooperates.

KAMAL
Okay.
(beat)
How was she?

HAMAD
No pubic hair. Outrageous.
(beat)
But incredible turn-on.

To Catch A Thief

Hey there, crime kids. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your most violent fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 20 of NOWHERE GIRL, there's super-cool hijinx in store when 'stripper with a suitcase nuke' Cherry Nation and Silverlake hipster Peeler Mardo hike through the woods up in the Hollywood Hills in the rain in search of the Al Queda sleeper cell hiding out in a McMansion. Meanwhile, Homeland Security agent April Street commandeers a Vespa scooter to try and catch them, and CIA agent Shag Holiday gets Cherry's coordinates from silky op Lark Lemon ...


EXT. WOODS - NIGHT
The wind WHIPS through the trees.
BUCKETS of rain pour down.

Cherry leads Peeler through the woods.
They’re soaked.

They arrive at the rear of a huge back yard.
Push through the bushes --
and see the back of an enormous mansion.

CHERRY
We gotta find someplace
where we can dry out for a bit.
My arm is fucking killing me,
and my wrist feels like it’s gonna fall off.

PEELER
What about this place.
It’s got a pool house.

CHERRY
All the lights are out.
Bet they’re out of town.

PEELER
Let’s go.

He starts walking.
CRIES out in pain.

CHERRY
What’s WRONG?

PEELER
SHIT. I stepped on something.
Ow, FUCK.

Peeler lifts his boot.
A large, rusty nail protrudes.

CHERRY
C’mon, lean on me.
We’ll get that taken care of.

PEELER
(puts his arm around her waist)
Thanks.
(beat)
Don’t worry.
I’m way past wanting to
fuck anyone at this point.

CHERRY
Huh. That’s a shame.

And she leads a hobbling Peeler
toward the pool house.

EXT. QUEENS ROAD - NIGHT - AT THAT MOMENT
Torrents of rain pour down on --

April, racing up the steep incline
going up into the hills.
She stops for a moment.
Catches her breath.

APRIL
Fucking -- CRAMP. FUCK.

She massages her leg.
Looks at a house.

A VESPA SCOOTER
is parked in front of the garage.

APRIL
There is a God.

April RACES up the driveway.
Goes to the scooter.

Opens up the engine manifold.
Finds, strips a pair of wires.
Touches them together. They SPARK.
The engine ROARS to life.

She hops on. REVS it.
And SPEEDS up the hill.

INT. DUMPSTER - NIGHT - AT THAT MOMENT
Shag lies in the trash, motionless.
Pelted by the rain.

CLOSE ON --
His EAR. We see a communications device.
Red light BLINKING.

INTERCUT WITH:

INT. CIA HEADQUARTERS - CUBICLE - NIGHT
Lark taps a pencil on her desk.
Listening on her headset.

LARK
Shag? You there? Shag?
(beat)
Shit.
(listens)
SHAG?

SHAG
Opens his eyes.
Slowly, painfully sits up.

SHAG
Hey. You don’t have to yell.

LARK
Thank god. Are you alright?
What happened?

He opens his flack jacket.
We see three SMASHED BULLETS
in his kevlar vest.
He peels them off.

SHAG
Was intercepted -- by someone.
Woman. Had real moves.
Vest got a workout.
(shakes his head)
Wonder who she’s with.

LARK
What happened to her?

SHAG
She got away.
Must also be after the case.

Shag gets up, climbs out of the dumpster.

LARK
Well, you at least hurt her, right?

SHAG
Have no idea.
No time for chit-chat.
I need the new location.
She’s on the move.

Lark looks at her monitor.
Taps a few keys.

LARK
She’s about one-hundred yards away from you,
forty-five degrees, north by northwest.

SHAG
Like the Hitchcock movie.

LARK
After this is over, let’s go to Paris.
Catch a thief.

SHAG
(starts jogging)
And what, steal jewels?
Climb rooftops?

LARK
Ooh. You’re so Notorious.

Get Out Of My Fucking Face

Hey there, crime kids. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your most violent fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 19 of NOWHERE GIRL, the shit REALLY hits the fan when black ops assassin Wendon Swift, having shot at 'stripper with a suitcase nuke' Cherry Nation and the gang, goes up against CIA agent Shag Holiday in brutal hand-to-hand combat. Meanwhile, Homeland Security agent gets into a fender-bender in her stolen cab with an asshole agent, and decides to take off on foot ...


EXT. GARAGE ROOF - NIGHT
Wendon kneels on the tiles. Cradling a sniperscope rifle.
She JAMS a new magazine in, KA-CHINK. Takes aim. Sneers.

WENDON
Dick Cheney eat your fucking heart out.

Hands suddenly GRAB her by the neck. She GAGS.
Gets pulled back. Her rifle CLATTERS onto the tiles.

Wendon GRABS the hands,
and viciously YANKS them off.
She WHIRLS around and faces --

SHAG. Aiming a Sig Sauer at her.

SHAG
Hands in the air! I’m a federal agent!

Wendon smiles. Raises her hands.

WENDON
So am I, asshole.

SHAG
Get on your knees. NOW.

She arches an eyebrow.
Then WHIRLS like a top
and KICKS Shag in the face -- CRACK.

He FLIES BACKWARDS -- OOF.

She LEAPS into the air
and lands on top of him, THWUMP.

He GRABS her by the waist,
and they ROLL across the tiles --

FLY off the edge of the roof,
and BANG into a dumpster.

IN THE WOODS
Cherry puts down her gun.
Looks at Peeler.

CHERRY
They stopped shooting.
How’s your leg? Can you walk?

He gets up. Puts his weight on it.

PEELER
Yeah. But it really hurts.

Cherry takes off her jacket.
RIPS off one of the arms.

Then the other. Ties them together.
Then wraps it around the wound,
pulls it TIGHT.
Puts the armless jacket back on.

CHERRY
There. That should hold it for awhile.
C’mon, let’s get the fuck outta here.

PEELER
Where did you learn how to do that?

CHERRY
Hey, just because I take my clothes off
for a living doesn’t mean I wasn’t a Girl Scout.

INT. YELLOW CAB - MOVING - NIGHT - AT THAT MOMENT
April ZOOMS west on Sunset. Window down.
The wind WHIPPING her hair.

The rain is coming down harder, getting her wet.
She checks her PDA. Looks up. Sees something.

APRIL
Hey, ASSHOLE! You’re in the INTERSECTION!

She HITS the breaks, and the cab SKIDS.

EXT. SUNSET BOULEVARD - CONTINUOUS
A BENTLEY SEDAN has pulled out of a mini-mall,
it’s nose in the intersection.

April tries to brake, but she hydroplanes,
and SMASHES into the side of the hood.
Metal CRUNCHES.

PUNCHING the car sideways.
April’s cab COUGHS and dies.

The hood FLIES UP.
Steam BILLOWS out of the engine.

APRIL
SHIT.

The cab driver wakes up.
Starts SCREAMING at April.

MIDDLE-EASTERN CABBIE
What you do to my TAXI-CAB, mother-fucker!

April opens the door,
starts to get out. Turns to him.

APRIL
Guess you won’t be praising Allah today.

EXT. SUNSET BOULEVARD - INTERSECTION - CONTINUOUS
The owner of the Bentley, an IRATE AGENT
races over to April. Gets in her face. SHOUTS at her.

IRATE AGENT
You fucking BITCH.
Do you realize HOW MUCH that car COSTS?!
(WHIPS out his Blackberry)
Just wait till the fucking COPS get here.

APRIL
(WHIPS out her ID)
Homeland Security, asshole.
Get out of my fucking face.

IRATE AGENT
(looks at it)
Oh, yeah -- right.
'Homeland Security.'
What an awful name.
Sounds like an insurance company.
Ooh, I’m scared.

April PUNCHES him in the face, WHAM.
He goes down. She looks around.
Traffic is moving around them.

She pulls out the PDA.
Checks the location.

APRIL
It’s right around the corner. Fuck it.

And she TAKES OFF on foot, running.

EXT. GARAGE - DUMPSTER - NIGHT - AT THAT MOMENT
The heavens open up, and it starts POURING rain.
Thunder BOOMS. Lightening CRACKS in the sky.

IN THE DUMPSTER
Wendon is on top of Shag, CHOKING him.

He PRIES her fingers away.
HEAD-BUTTS her, BANG.

She FLIES against
the side of the container, CRACK.

Shag grabs a board,
BANGS it on her head, WHAM.
She goes down.

He starts to KICK her,
but she GRABS his leg,
YANKS him off his feet.

She stands.
Pulls out her Sig Sauer.

WENDON
Fuck this shit.

She FIRES at his chest --
BANG-BANG-BANG.

He FLIES against the wall, flops down.
She HOPS out of the dumpster. Looks.

WENDON
Wimp.
And she TAKES OFF into the woods.

Dick Cheney Eat Your Fucking Heart Out

Hey there, crime kids. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where the girls are hot, the drinks are cold, and the hardboiled-pulp-noir action is non-stop, right here, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 18 of NOWHERE GIRL, the shit hits the fan when it starts raining, so Homeland Security agent April Street hijacks a taxi cab at gun-point. Meanwhile, 'stripper with a suitcase nuke' April Street and the gang get ambushed in the woods of the Hollywood Hills by assassin Wendon Swift, black ops spook Sledge Crafton's new hire, and blood IS spilled ...


EXT. SUNSET BOULEVARD - NIGHT
A light RAIN starts falling.

April stands across the street from the Crazy Horse.
Watching the swarm of COPS, the ambulance.
A group of GAWKERS.

APRIL
Shit, it’s raining.
I need wheels, pronto.

A YELLOW CAB pulls up to the curb in front of her.
Two DRUNK PARTY GIRLS spill out.

APRIL
Ask and ye shall receive.

MESSY PARTY GIRL
(to the cabbie)
Keep the change!

WASTED PARTY GIRL
(tugs on Messy’s arm)
C’mon, let’s GO. It’s RAINING.

They skitter away down the sidewalk, laughing.
April goes to the cab.

Opens the passenger-side door.
Gets in.

INT. YELLOW CAB - CONTINUOUS
The CABBIE, Middle-Eastern,
sporting a turban and a giant mustache,
turns and looks at her, startled.

MIDDLE-EASTERN CABBIE
I’m soddy, meess, but eye’m on call.
I cannot pick yoo up.

April WHIPS OUT her ID and gun.

APRIL
Federal agent, Homeland Security.
Get in the back seat.

MIDDLE-EASTERN CABBIE
I WILL NOT. This is RACIAL PROFILING.
I am AMERICAN CITIZEN.

APRIL
This has nothing to do with you, Bollywood.
It’s a matter of national security.
GET IN THE BACK SEAT, NOW.

MIDDLE-EASTERN CABBIE
You cannot DO THIS. I know my RIGHTS.

April PISTOL-WHIPS him, CRACK.
He goes out like a light.

She GRABS him, THROWS him in the back seat.
Makes a face.

APRIL
Why does everybody I meet tonight fucking STINK?

INT. HUMMER - MOVING - NIGHT
A BRUNETTE (20’s) in shades and black leather
is behind the wheel. Hair back in a sleek ponytail.

Meet WENDON SWIFT, gorgeous, curvy killing machine.
And Sledge’s new hire.

WENDON
(on her cell)
I’m almost there.
(listens)
Not to worry. I always deliver.
(listens)
'Thirty minutes or less?'
You flirt. BAD boy.

INT. INTELLIGENCE OFFICE - CONTINUOUS
Crafton hangs up. Raises his cocktail in a toast.

SLEDGE
I always deliver.
(beat)
I think I’m in love.

And he downs it.

EXT. HOLLYWOOD HILLS - RANCH HOUSE - BACK YARD - NIGHT
Brody leads Cherry, Peeler and Stan through the back yard.
They walk into a wooded area behind the house.

A light RAIN starts falling.

CHERRY
Great. Now it’s fucking RAINING.

She pulls her hoodie up over her head.
Her Blackberry VIBRATES in her pocket.
She pulls it out.

THE SCREEN READS
Reminder: Take your meds.

A finger presses a button.
The LCD reads ERASE.

BRODY
turns his head. Looks at Cherry.

BRODY
Can I ask you something?

CHERRY
What.

BRODY
If, let’s say,
somebody wanted to get into porn --

CHERRY
(looks at him)
YOU? Are you fucking kidding me?

BRODY
What. I’m not THAT bad-looking.

CHERRY
No, it’s just that --

BRODY
I’ve got eleven inches.

CHERRY
You DO?

PEELER
Wow. Shit.

STAN
What, you didn’t notice?
(off their stares)
So I’m gay. Big fucking deal.
It’s 2010. Deal with it.

GUNSHOTS SPRAY at them.
Stan GETS HIT in the chest.

Brody gets one in the leg.
So does Peeler.
Cherry’s arm is grazed.

They hit the ground.
Start crawling into the bushes.

BRODY
I’ve been SHOT.

Bullets WHIZ through the bushes.
Cherry gets behind a tree.
Pulls out her gun.

CHERRY
FUCK. I don’t see anyone.
(to Peeler)
Peeler, are you okay?

Peeler peers out behind a row of bushes.

PEELER
I got shot in the leg, but I’m okay.
But I think Stan is dead.
(sees her arm)
Cherry!

CHERRY
It’s okay. It just grazed me.

BRODY
My leg -- is fucking fucked.

He tries to get up into a crawling position.

CHERRY
STAY DOWN.

But he doesn’t listen. Sits up.

BRODY
I’m getting the fuck outta --

His head EXPLODES in a red mist.

PEELER
Ohmigod, we’re gonna DIE,
we’re gonna DIE!

CHERRY
STAY DOWN!

EXT. GARAGE ROOF - NIGHT - AT THAT MOMENT
Wendon kneels on the tiles.
Cradling a sniperscope rifle.

She JAMS a new magazine in, KA-CHINK.
Takes aim. Sneers.

WENDON
Dick Cheney eat your fucking heart out.