Spin The Nipple Clamp

Happy Tuesday, crime slicksters. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where the girls are hot, the drinks are cold, and the hardboiled-pulp-noir action is non-stop, right here, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 19 of HIT & RUN HOLIDAY, fugitive screenwriter Friday Foster, safely in disguise at Club Fuck, meets mercenary-for-hire Bland Loosener on the dance floor for perverted games. Meanwhile, Friday's ex Carrie Love and investigative reporter Kelly Klaven arrive on the scene and get into disguise ...


EXT. CLUB FUCK - PARKING LOT - NIGHT
Behind the club.
Music THUMP-THUMP-THUMPS from within.

Carrie and Kelly stand
next to her beat-up Olds.

Carrie looks awesome in latex and chrome.
Hair teased up into a flock of seagulls.

Kelly, dashing in pressed jeans
and white silk t-shirt.
And hey, is that mascara?

CARRIE
This isn’t a Pet Shop Boys concert, Kelly.
I told you to dress pervy.
(sniffs)
And you’re wearing cologne? Uch.

KELLY
The wardrobe consultant at Dolce & Gabana
said this was very Antonio Sabato, Jr.
And I’m wearing ‘Jizzy,’
Alan Cummings’s signature scent.
It’s a bit sticky, but I find it bracing.

CARRIE
I have more testosterone than you.
At least your jeans are black.
(opens the trunk)
Time for a little 'roadside assistance.'

She pulls out a collar and leash.
Zorro mask. Black pumps.

KELLY
No way.

CARRIE
Yes, way.
If we don’t fit the milieu,
we aren’t getting into the play room.

KELLY
'The Play Room?'

CARRIE
That’s where the players play, Kelly.
And that’s where our girl is
gonna be playing ‘spin the nipple clamp.’

KELLY
What ever happened to -- Twister?

CARRIE
Welcome to the dark side, fella.

NEAR THE DANCE FLOOR
The greasy, swingin’ sounds of The Raveonettes’
LOVE IN A TRASHCAN over --

Bland scoping out the action.
A pair of JAPANESE ECSTACY CHICKS walk by.
Hot as hell in latex mini-dresses.

BLAND
Excuse, me -- ladies?

TALL JAPANESE CHICK
Hello.

ANOREXIC JAPANESE CHICK
You workout boy?
(to her friend)
Big, strong workout boy.

TALL JAPANESE CHICK
(giggles)
Can I feel your muscle?

BLAND
Okay.

He offers his arm.
Tall Chick squeezes it.

TALL JAPANESE CHICK
Nice -- muscle.

ANOREXIC JAPANESE CHICK
(reaches over, feels)
Nice and big. Feel good.

BLAND
Say, do you girls know --
(pulls out photo)
This girl?

The dewy beauties look.
Shake their heads ‘no.’

Then look at each other. Smile.
Riding a mutual chemical wave of pleasure.

TALL JAPANESE CHICK
Sorry.

ANOREXIC JAPANESE CHICK
Don’t know her.
(looks at Tall Chick)
You are so beautiful.
I love you, Meka.

MEKA
I love you too, Grace.
You’re more beautiful.

They lean in. Kiss.
Bland stares. Transfixed. Rock hard.

FEMALE VOICE (O.C.)
Meka and Grace, sittin’ in a tree,
k-i-s-s-i-n-g.

They pull apart. Look at --

FRIDAY
on the opposite side of them as Bland.
Holding Dolly’s hand.

FRIDAY
Girlies lookin’ HOT tonight.

She sees Bland. Recognizes him.
Almost panics. Then, realizes.

She’s safe in her disguise.
Smiles imperiously.

MEKA
Lady in red.
Mistress Bella Donna.
Gorgeous your own bad self.

Grace reaches up.
Feels Friday’s vinyl.
Tactile stimulation.

GRACE
So -- smooth. Shiny.

FRIDAY
(looks at Bland)
So who’s the tranny chaser?
And does he know you two
are brother and sister?

The girls giggle.
Shake their head ‘no.’

BLAND
Brother and -- sister?
I don’t understand.

Meka rolls her eyes.
Grabs Bland’s hand.

Places it on her naughty bits.
Slowly grinds into it.

BLAND
You have a cock?
You have a COCK.

MEKA
(to Grace)
He din’ know.

GRACE
(takes Bland’s hand)
Come dance with us.

Bland JERKS his hand away.

BLAND
Don’t ask, don’t tell, don’t --
(beat)
I need to get a drink.