Never Date A Bisexual

Hey there, crime kids. Happy Monday. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your most violent fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 13 of HIT & RUN HOLIDAY, fugitive screenwriter Friday Foster listens to the news on the radio in her stolen car and hears a report about her crime wave, much to her delight. Meanwhile, local alternative press reporter Kelly Klavan decides to do a story on Friday, and starts researching her exploits ...


INT. CADILLAC ESCALADE - MOVING - DUSK
Friday drives.
Punches buttons
on the stereo remote.

Radio stations fly by,
snippets of classical,
rap, country, classic rock, then --

ANNOUNCER (V.O.)
Which ended in a shoot-out
at the Lambert Institute.

FRIDAY
Holy shit.
I made the news.

ANNOUNCER (V.O.)
Police have now identified
the gunwoman as Friday Foster,
twenty-nine,
an unemployed Venice screenwriter.
She is currently wearing a
denim jacket, sunglasses
and a baseball cap.

FRIDAY
You just described
half the city.

ANNOUNCER (V.O.)
If you see this woman,
notify the police immediately --
but keep your distance.
This is one dangerous lady.

FRIDAY
You said it.
Not me.

INT. CITY WEEKLY - EDITORIAL OFFICES - AT THAT MOMENT
A maze of cubicles.
Messy, cluttered, very counterculture.

Sitting amidst a mountain of
papers and file folders is
KELLY KLAVAN (32), thin, wild-eyed.

Jittery with energy.
The very definition of
the term ‘metrosexual.’

He looks at an
imaginary spot on his tie.

Wets a finger, WHISKS it.
Holds it up to the light.
Hmmmm.

A CHUBBY EDITOR
waddles by carrying a coffee pot.

CHUBBY EDITOR
You almost done with that
story on the migrant
leaf-blower union?

KELLY
It’ll be done this afternoon.
Hey, Nico -- you know that story
running on the IP wire
about the girl with the gun,
the carjacking thing?

Nico stops.
Looks at Kelly.

NICO
What about it?
You fuck her?

KELLY
If you must know, yes I did.
Probably the MOST memorable night
of passion I ever had.
Crazy, intense chick. Funny.
(beat)
Take my advice.
Never date a bisexual.

NICO
What about her?

KELLY
I want to do
a story on her.

NICO
We don’t do that
kind of story,
you know that.

KELLY
I’m sick of the
small-time stuff, Nico.
I want to do a STORY.

NICO
Then go work for
the Times Tribune.
Maybe they’ll let you
cover a cat up in a tree.
(as he leaves)
And I need the piece
on the school board
budget vote today.

KELLY
(imitates him)
‘And I need the piece
on the school board
budget vote today.’
(beat)
Idiot.

Kelly swivels his chair
toward the computer.

Starts CLACKING
on the keyboard.

KELLY
Okay, Friday Foster.
Let’s do a little web search,
see what you’ve been up to --