Bonus Points If You Pee Your Pants

Happy Tuesday, crime slicksters. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where the girls are hot, the drinks are cold, and the hardboiled-pulp-noir action is non-stop, right here, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 10 of HIT & RUN HOLIDAY, the media picks up on outlaw screenwriter Friday Foster's crime wave, and starts reporting on her misdeeds. Meanwhile, her ex Carrie Love is 'partying' with the club girl she picked up, but when she sees that Friday's on the news, she races to the rescue ...


SCREAMING graphics WHIZ BY at LIGHTNING SPEED.
COPS. BAD GUYS. HOSTAGES. RIOTS.
A COP STUN-GUNS a PERP.

Then, LARGE BLOCK LETTERS,
one at a time, spell --

C-R-I-M-E T-I-M-E N-E-W-S!

INT. TV NEWS STUDIO - DAY
A grim-looking but faintly smiling
BLONDE WASP ANCHOR sits behind the news desk
with a beautiful young LATINA CO-ANCHOR.

BLONDE WASP ANCHOR
And in what first appeared to be
a random act of terror,
has now spread to
downtown Santa Monica
in what is starting to
look like a crime wave --
(looks at Latina)
Rebecca?

REBECCA
That’s right, Johnny.
Several acts of violence
have now been connected
to the same person.
A young woman.
(beat)
A tourist on the Venice Boardwalk
caught on tape this altercation
between a waitress and the
unidentified woman at
the Cracked Earth Cafe.

ON GRAINY, HAND-HELD VIDEO
Friday WHIPS OUT her gun.
Points it at the waitress.

A woman SCREAMS.

FRIDAY
So, I’m gonna ask you
to smile for me. Pretty please?
With sugar on top?
A big, bright pageant smile?

The waitress DROPS her tray.
CLANG. Frozen, weird smile.

Friday places the gun
against the waitress’s temple.

FRIDAY
Bonus points if you pee your pants.

IN THE STUDIO

JOHNNY
We’ve just learned that
what looks like the same woman
tried to kidnap and terrorize
Dann Israel, a Nobel-Prize winning Ph.D.
in economics at the Lambert Institute.
After a brief struggle,
the mystery woman made her escape.

REBECCA
Police are asking anyone
who has seen this woman
to immediately contact
their local precinct.

JOHNNY
Next up, Candy Smoot tells us
how ring tones might just
lower your sperm count.
And, quite possibly -- your IQ.

EXT. MARINA PENINSULA - ALLEY - AT THAT MOMENT
A couple blocks south of the Venice pier.
The cheap seats.

A set of decrepit wooden stairs
leads up to a tiny apartment.

INT. ONE-ROOM APARTMENT - CONTINUOUS
Shades down. Dust motes dance in the darkness.

TV on with the sound off
across from a seedy couch.

The Thrill Kill Kult’s sleazy
MONDO FEVER plays softly
on a shitty stereo.

Carrie sits with Woman in Black
on the couch. Loading a bong.

CARRIE
So what’s your real name?

WOMAN IN BLACK
Sinderella IS my real name.
Spelled with an ‘S’.
Get it? SIN-derella.

CARRIE
So what, you have
glass bondage boots?

Sinderella looks up.
Confused. Offers the bong.

SINDERELLA
Huh?

Carrie takes it.
Pulls out her lighter.

CARRIE
Never mind.
(glances at the bong)
Nice skull -- lifelike.

She FIRES UP the pipe.
Takes a big hit.

Glances at the TV.
EXHALES a large cloud of smoke -- WHOOSH.

CARRIE
Shit --

Carrie races to the set.
CRANKS UP the volume.

ON THE TV
Friday points her GUN
at the waitress.

NEWS ANCHOR (O.C.)
-- at the Cracked Earth Cafe,
about an hour ago.
Witnesses on the scene say
she drove off in a
late model Nissan Sentra.

CARRIE
Friday, what have you done?

SINDERELLA
Who’s Friday?

CARRIE
SHHH.

FAT, WISECRACKING WEATHER GUY (O.C.)
Well, that’s a new one, Colin.
'Restaurant rage' --

COLIN (O.C.)
Tell me about it.
Wonder if she left a tip.

Carrie jumps up.
Races to the door.

SINDERELLA
Where you goin’?
I thought we were gonna
play ‘next of kin.’

CARRIE
I’m sorry, doll --
but I gotta go help someone.

SINDERELLA
After a hit of sticky purple kush?

CARRIE
It’s okay. I’m off-duty.

And she’s gone.
Sinderella runs to the door.
BOLTS it.

SINDERELLA
What the FUCK! Fucking COP?