Your Vice Is My Command

Happy Tuesday, crime slicksters. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where the girls are hot, the drinks are cold, and the hardboiled-pulp-noir action is non-stop, right here, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 17 of LEGS, private eye Carrie Love and homicide dick Bernie Keko enter the home of demented German snuff filmmaker Klaus Speer to question him, not knowing they're walking into a trap ...


EXT. MAIN HOUSE - FRONT PORCH - NIGHT
Carrie and Keko in the doorway.
She opens her bomber jacket.
Adjusts the Glock in her belt.

Keko rings the bell.

CAMERA pulls back to reveal --
A video camera above them,
red light blinking.

CARRIE
That gold Jaguar is hers.

KEKO
Let me do the talking.
You're too emotionally involved.

CARRIE
What if he recognizes me?
It'll look suspicious if I don't --

The door opens.
It’s Klaus.
No sign of recognition.

KLAUS
Good evening.
How may I help you?
Did you get lost?
These hills can be very -- tricky.

KEKO
Are you Klaus Speer?

KLAUS
Last time I looked, yes.

KEKO
I'm detective Keko,
Santa Monica homicide.
(flashes badge, indicates Carrie)
This is my partner, Detective Love.
We'd like to ask you
a few routine questions.
Can we come in and
talk to you for a few minutes?

KLAUS
Of course, please, come in.
Anything to assist law enforcement.
I believe in good citizenship.

ON A VIDEO MONITOR
in black and white,
Carrie and Keko
stand in the foyer.

JOREL (O.C.)
It's the chick-dick
and the cop.

SAMMS (O.C.)
Two dicks
for the price of one.

Weapons CLICK-CLICK.
CLICK-CLICK.

INT. KLAUS' LIVING ROOM - CONTINUOUS
Museum furniture. Sexual art,
photography everywhere.

A view of the city below.
Carrie looks out the window.

KEKO
Nice -- place you got here.

KLAUS
It stirs the creative juices.
Please, have a seat,
make yourselves comfortable.
Can I get you something?
Coffee, tea,
a glass of wine perhaps?

KEKO
I'd love a glass of water, thanks.

CARRIE
I'd love a glass of wine. Please.

Klaus raises an eyebrow.
Keko glares at Carrie.

KLAUS
A woman after my own taste.
White or red?

CARRIE
White, please. Thank you.

KLAUS
(as he leaves)
Your vice is my command.

KEKO
A glass of wine, Carrie?
What the fuck do you
think you're --

CARRIE
Bernie, chill.
I'm just buying us
a little time.

A cork pops in the next room.

INT. KLAUS’ KITCHEN - CONTINUOUS
Klaus pours wine.
Talks on his hands-free cell.

SPLIT SCREEN WITH:

INT. PRODUCTION STUDIO - CONTINUOUS
Felina wears a headset.
Fixes her face.
Fresh red lips.

FELINA
But what about my
fiery love scene --
the Joan of Arc thing?

KLAUS
There's been a change of plan.
A new storyboard.
We're gonna do
JOHN of Arc instead.

FELINA
The cop?

KLAUS
We have to.
He knows something.

FELINA
But what about my screen kiss?
You promised.

KLAUS
Of course, of course.
You come down first,
play with your little mouse.
Have her say cheese for the camera.

FELINA
Meowww.

KLAUS
Tell the boys to make
their entrance in five minutes.
(beat)
We've made a better mousetrap --