Hook, Line and Stinker

Hey there, crime kids. Happy fucking FRIDAY. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your most violent fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 11 of LEGS, after private eye Carrie Love discovers who the culprits are who killed her lover, she heads to a local dive to drown her sorrows. Meanwhile, demented German snuff filmmaker Klaus Speer and dominatrix Felina Bella Donna plot their next move ...


INT. BAR - DAY
Chez Jay, a trendy beach dive.
Old. Dark. Dank.

The jukebox softly plays
an old, Sinatra-like classic.

Carrie and Megan sit at the bar
with a couple of DRUNKS.

The BARTENDER watches a
Mexican soap opera with the sound off.

CARRIE
(to the bartender)
Can I get a Corona
and two shots of Cuervo?

He nods.

MEGAN
A Diet Coke, please.
(to Carrie)
Isn't it a little early in the day
for a shot and a beer?

CARRIE
"Will Success Spoil Laura Lang."

MEGAN
All porn films have
stupid names like that.
It’s a takeoff on that
old Jayne Mansfield flick.

The bartender serves them.
Carrie smiles grimly.

She salts her wrist, licks it.
Does a shot. Then another.

Bites a lemon wedge.
SLAPS the bar.
Closes her eyes.

CARRIE
Two more, please.

He pours them.
Fascinated. Concerned.

MEGAN
Don't you think you should
slow it down a little bit?

CARRIE
(downs one)
Pretty fucking funny, huh.
(downs the other)
Who knew snuff films
had wrap parties?

MEGAN
Snuff films?
What are you talking about?

The bartender lifts the bottle
like a question.

Carrie nods. He pours.

CARRIE
Just to refresh your memory --
Jayne Mansfield was decapitated
in a car accident.
And the crew? My new client,
the dominatrix I fucked last night,
her Gestapo friend, some fuck-head
named after Superman’s father,
whoever the fuck he is --
and the "special guest star"
is my headless lover?
(downs the shot)
Do I need to draw you a
fucking picture?

EXT. CAFÉ MED RESTAURANT - DAY
A sultry bossa nova drum-and-bass
simmers in the background.

The swanky bistro on Sunset Boulevard
is bustling at lunchtime.

Trendy patrons sit at cafe tables,
el fresco.

A cell phone rings.
Everyone grabs theirs, checks it.

EXT. CAFE TABLE - CONTINUOUS
Klaus and Felina sit eating salads.
Very glam.

FELINA
(on her cell phone)
Do I need to draw you a fucking picture?
(beat, listens)
Listen, Sultan, I don't care how much --
(beat, angry)
No!

She snaps it shut.

KLAUS
He really wants you
to eat dog shit?

FELINA
From his royal Doberman.
And he keeps upping the price.

She takes out a cigarette case.
Lights up a red Sherman's.

FELINA (CONT'D)
And you wonder why I want to
take down my shingle.

KLAUS
What a shame.
I always wanted to shoot in Brunei.

Pause.

FELINA
I still don't understand
how you can get away with
selling snuff films on the net.
What's gonna stop the Feds
from tracking your location?

KLAUS
They’re not snuff films --
you need to think as if
there were no box.
They’re programming. Product. Content.
The ultimate reality show --
fulfilling the American public’s
craving for the worst of humanity.
(beat)
And as for the Feds --
they’ll never find me.
My domain uses a split-mirror server.
Anyone who tracks the website
gets reflected back onto a
shitload of addresses across the country.
It looks like I'm at a thousand places at once.

FELINA
How diabolical.
(beat)
Don’t tell me. German technology?

KLAUS
Is there any other?
(beat)
So -- you ready for the matinee?

INT. CARRIE'S KITCHEN - DAY
A lush, feminine trip-hop beat
on the mini-stereo.

Carrie pours a cup of coffee,
cigarette dangling from her lip,
phone cradled against her chin.

CARRIE
Samms, we gotta talk --
I gotta lead. A big one.

SPLIT SCREEN WITH:

INT. SAMMS' BATHROOM - DAY
Samms sits on the toilet on the phone.
His business hits the water. PLOP.

SAMMS
(nervous)
Really? What'd you find?

CARRIE
I never discuss a case over the wire.
Can you come over?

SAMMS
I can't, I gotta be here,
I'm expecting a messenger.
Can you come here, say around nine?

CARRIE
I'm there, with bells.

He flushes the toilet.

INT. CARRIE'S KITCHEN - CONTINUOUS

CARRIE
Freak. I think he was taking a shit.

MEGAN
Ew.
(beat)
Did he buy it?

CARRIE
Hook, line and stinker.

INT. SAMMS' BEDROOM - DAY
Samms screws a silencer
onto a chrome 357 Magnum.

SAMMS
(on the phone)
She knows something.
You said she was a fuck-up.
(beat)
Don’t worry. We’ll fuck her up.