Take Me To My Double-Banger

Hey there, crime kids. Happy FRIDAY. So we're on the eve of the July 4th weekend. A time when we celebrate the birth of our country. What better way to kick off the celebration than taking another trip to the dark side, where your most violent fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 7 of LEGS, dominatrix Felina Bella Donna attends to her 'clients,' but gets interrupted by demented German snuff filmmaker Klaus Speer, who arrives with a most unusual invite. Meanwhile private eye Carrie Love and her ex Megan Paul go 'undercover' at Club Fuck ...


INT. FELINA'S LOFT - DUNGEON - DAY
A state-of-the-art-directed dungeon.
Felina snaps on a rubber glove.

Marches over to KENDRICK (30),
preppy-blonde, tied to the wall, whimpering.
Humiliated, wearing a maid’s uniform.

FELINA
Stop crying, you disgusting
little faggot piece of shit.
(beat)
I'd hate to see you miss that
big board meeting this afternoon.
You don't want the boys at the
Fist National Bank to know
what you do on your lunch hour, do you?

KENDRICK
No, Mistress -- I mean, yes, Mistress.

She CRACKS him in the nuts
with her riding crop.

KENDRICK (CONT'D)
Uh!
(beat)
Thank you, mistress.

FELINA
You should be thrilled.
I've never checked your prostate.

Felina lubricates the glove.
The doorbell rings.

FELINA (CONT'D)
Hold that thought.
I'll be right back.

She marches off, arm aloft
like a doctor going to the OR.

INT. PLAYROOM - DAY
A little girl's playroom.
Lots of lace, ruffles, toys.

Three adult MEN (40’s) sit on the floor
dressed as Catholic school girls,
busily coloring with crayons.

Felina stomps into the room.

FELINA
Have my little girls colored
some pretty pictures for their mistress?

The "girls" run up to her excitedly,
show their drawings.

MALE LITTLE GIRL 1
Look, Mistress -- I did a bunny!

MALE LITTLE GIRL 2
Look at mine, I did a choo-choo train!

MALE LITTLE GIRL 3
Me, me -- look! I did Barney!

FELINA
(examining them)
Very nice. Very nice.
And you stayed within the lines.

Another chime at the door.

FELINA (CONT'D)
Straighten up your room now.
After I finish punishing your daddy,
we'll have milk and cookies.

INT. FOYER - FRONT DOOR - CONTINUOUS
Felina peers through the peep hole.
A wicked grin.

INT. DOORWAY - CONTINUOUS
It's Klaus. He bows, very elegant.

FELINA
Klaus, darling.

KLAUS
Felina. You look delicious as usual.

He takes her gloved hand and kisses it.

KLAUS (CONT'D)
Mmm, Astro-Glide.
(beat)
My favorite.

FELINA
(coquettish)
Oh, Klaus. You embarrass me.

KLAUS
Are you ready for your big screen debut?

FELINA
Darling. Take me to my double-banger.

EXT. CLUB FUCK - NIGHT
A shitty concrete bunker.
The marquee reads "CluB FUcK."

Nasty industrial music bleeds outside from within.
Carrie and Megan stand in line with a motley,
kinky mob of male, female --
and everything in between -- CLUB KIDS.

They barely wear latex dresses,
tons of make-up. They blend.

MEGAN
You're right, I'm nice and warm.
I thought I was gonna freeze my tits off.

CARRIE
That's the nice thing about latex.
Just wait until you’re hot and damp.

Megan looks around, then at the doorway.

MEGAN
Holy shit, that’s Marilyn Manson.

CARRIE
Yeah.
(beat)
Jesus, that's a real catheter.

MARILYN
sees Carrie. Big smile.

MARILYN
Hey, Carrie.

CARRIE
gives a little “pageant wave.”

CARRIE
Marilyn -- hey.

MARILYN
(winks, holds up glass vial)
See you in the playroom.

He goes inside. Megan’s jaw drops.

CARRIE
Don’t ask.

Ziva sits behind the velvet rope,
guarding the portal.

ZIVA
It's ten dollars.

MEGAN
(slips her some cash)
For both of us.

ZIVA
(sees Carrie)
Hey, Legs, how ya doin?
Where's the goddess?

CARRIE
(freezes)
Hey, Ziva -- she, uh -- she --

MEGAN
(grabs arm, pulls her)
C'mon, pussycat. We got work to do.