Getting Medieval

Hey there, crime kids. Happy Hump Day. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your most violent fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 20 of LEGS, private eye Carrie Love and homicide cop Bernie Keko are being held captive by demented German snuff filmmaker Klaus Speer. But Carrie has a trick up her sleeve, given to her by her sudden surprise ally, dominatrix Felina Bella Donna ...

INT. KLAUS' PRODUCTION STUDIO - NIGHT

ON THE CRUCIFIX
Keko slowly comes to. Feels pain.
Sees what they've done to him.
The kindling and wood at his feet.

KEKO
You've got to be the most fucked up
human being who ever walked the earth!

Klaus shoves a mag of film
into the camera.

KLAUS
Stop flirting with me.
I'm still not going to sleep with you.

KEKO
My precinct knows where I am,
they'll be here any minute --
let's talk, I can get you a deal --

KLAUS
What do you take me for,
a studio executive?
Mr. Samms, gag the bitch.
She's become quite tiresome.

KEKO
Don't you know what happens
when a cop gets killed?

Samms shoves a ball gag in Keko's mouth.

KLAUS
The audience award at Sundance.

JOREL
A distribution deal.

SAMMS
You shoot your load.

FELINA
slips a silver penlight-like object
in Carrie's hands.

CARRIE
You want my autograph?

FELINA
It's an assault weapon.
You click it like a pen.

They lock eyes.
Carrie is terrified.

FELINA
I know.
I've been trained to hide my fear.

CARRIE
I’ve been trained to wet my panties.

KLAUS
looks in the camera lens.

KLAUS
Let’s get jiggy for it.
Places please!

JOREL
appears on the platform,
in executioner's robes.

JOREL
(gravely, to Keko)
Pleased to meet you, the name's Death.
Care for a game of chess?

SAMMS
sits behind the board.
Punches a series of buttons.

An ethereal, Gothic chant pulsates.

SAMMS
We be getting medieval now.

KLAUS
looks into the lens. Adjusts it.

KLAUS
Light the tribal torch.

JOREL
ignites it.
Touches it to the kindling.

SAMMS
hears something. Cocks his head.

Touches his ear.
INT. PENTAGON - BRIEFING ROOM - NIGHT
A dozen FEDERAL AGENTS sit around
a huge conference table.

The BUREAU CHIEF barks into the speakerphone.

BUREAU CHIEF
That was a direct order! Answer me!

Static, silence.

BUREAU CHIEF
If you do not respond --
we’ll have no choice but to
terminate with extreme prejudice.

They stare at the speaker box.

SAMMS (O.C.)
(over static)
Hello? I can barely hear you --

ANGRY AGENT
Fucking freaky, perverted son-of-a-bitch.
We never should have put him back in the field.

Samms whispers into his wristwatch.

SAMMS
Could you repeat that?
You're breaking up on me.

INT. KLAUS’ PRODUCTION STUDIO - CONTINUOUS
Carrie watches the flames.
We see the fire in her eyes.

CARRIE (V.O.)
The walls were closing in on me.
I was watching lover number three about to die.
Broiled on the spit like a rotisserie chicken.
Coming soon to a theater near you.(beat)
Funny thing was -- I felt nothing.
I was in shock, in overdrive.
Phasers set to “stunned.”
(beat)
I had two choices.
I could completely lose it,
and have a raving lunatic
padded-cell breakdown --
(beat)
Or I could get my shit together.

She STRAINS against the ropes.
Urgggh. Argggh --

CARRIE (V.O.)
Like Linda Hamilton did at the beginning
of the third act of Terminator 2.

The bindings FLY APART.

CARRIE
Holy shit.

She LEAPS UP. Empowered.
Engulfed. Enraged.

CARRIE
Mother-Fucker!

Everyone turns, startled.
The lights GO OUT.

KLAUS (O.C.)
Nobody move! Felina, grab her.

FELINA (O.C.)
I've already got her.

JOREL (O.C.)
I told you we were using too much juice.

SAMMS (O.C.)
Hold on -- it’s just a fuse.
(stubs toe)
Ow! Shit!