Well-Hung

Happy Tuesday, crime motherfuckers! Do you know where your children are? Your parents? Your spouse? Your LOVER? Well, they're all right here, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace, where your darkest fantasies become sins of the flesh ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 6 of FULL BODY, we return once again to 'The International,' DC's most exclusive 'gentleman's spa,' where French-African gazelle Ayanna Prouxl shows newbie Summer Donovan the fine points on how to give a hand job. Meanwhile, in one of the massage suites, Aussie spitfire Lindsey Lette services defense contractor 'Big Willie' Birmingham, with deadly results ...


INT. GOLD MASSAGE SUITE - NIGHT
Ayanna holds up a LARGE BANANA.
Summer sits, cross-legged.

AYANNA
I thought this would be subtler
than the rubber penis.
And I’m hungry.

SUMMER
You don’t have to --
show me how to give -

AYANNA
A hand job?
So you’ve had experience?

SUMMER
Well, I -- I was a cheerleader.

AYANNA
Well, well.
So you’re an archetype.
Then I’m sure you can
show me a thing or two.

SUMMER
Oh, no -- I’ve only had one boyfriend.

AYANNA
Let me guess.
The captain of the football team.

SUMMER
No. He was in the band.
He played that big drum?

AYANNA
Do you mean to say that you are a virgin?

SUMMER
No. Of course not.

AYANNA
Good. This is no place for virgins.

She peels the banana.
Slowly. Seductively.

Takes a large bite.
Swallows luxuriously.

AYANNA
You need to know
the pecking order around here.
I’m the senior girl.
Next in line to be receptionist --
I was supposed to be next,
but that bitch stabbed me in the back.

She wolfs down the rest.
An animal. Licks her lips.

AYANNA
If you need advice, sex tips,
anything, come to me.
All the girls do.
I will help you, protect you,
keep you from evil.
And don’t trust that
cunt Reynolds up front.
She’s a cheating, lying,
conniving, slant-eyed WHORE.
(SLAPS the table with the peel)
Understand?

SUMMER
(nods slowly)
Uh-huh.

PUSH IN ON Summer’s face.
Heart pounding.

INT. RED MASSAGE SUITE - AT THAT MOMENT
From behind, we see Lindsey put on the strap-on harness.

LINDSEY
I can’t use this on you,
it’s against the rules --
but I suppose it’s alright
if I just wear it.

She SNAPS on the ‘equipment.’

LINDSEY
Ha. Now I’M well-hung.
Kinda like it,
kinda makes me feel powerful.

Lindsey rotates her hips.
We hear rubber SLAP the table.

LINDSEY
Whooo! Ride ‘em cowboy!
Yippie kai-yay, motherfucker!

Willie lifts his torso up by his elbows.
Then his hands. Tries to sit upright.

WILLIE
Goddammit. I gotta see this, I --

His face turns red.
Struggles to lift his massive girth --

WILLIE
Hmmph, ug, uh --

And he makes it.

LINDSEY
Alright pardna,
git ready for some ropin’ and ridin’!

Willie clutches his chest.
CRIES OUT.

WILLIE
Oh! Ow! Help!
Goddamit! Ah! Ah! Ah!

His face turns BRIGHT RED.

LINDSEY
Shit! No!
You are NOT going to fucking DIE!

She RUNS to the phone at the bar.
PUNCHES numbers.

ON A VIDEO MONITOR

LINDSEY
(on the phone, into the camera)
Security! Rod! Etya!
Client down!
Call the paramedics!

Rod leans over.
Talks into a microphone.

ROD
Roger. I’m calling ‘em.
Don’t touch him.
Don’t do anything.

He giggles.
Starts dialing the phone.

ROD
(to himself)
This count as a snuff film?

LINDSEY
starts POUNDING on Willie’s chest.

The door FLIES OPEN.
Etya runs in --

ETYA
Out of way!
Stop doing that!
You’ll fucking kill him!

LINDSEY
But he’s already dying!

Etya pushes her out of the way.
Climbs on top of Willie.

Starts giving him mouth-to-mouth.
Pulls back, disgusted.

ETYA
American pig tastes like PORK!

Willie’s body starts RATTLING.

LINDSEY
Do something! He’s gonna die!

The big man FLOPS like a fish.
Gurgles. Stops. Lights out.

LINDSEY
Ohmigod. Why is this HAPPENING?

ETYA
What you expect happen
when fat fucks get
fucked-up fantasies fulfilled?

A siren WAILS in the distance.