FULL BODY: Better Latent Than Never

Happy Thursday, crime motherfuckers! It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where the girls are hot, the drinks are cold, and the hardboiled-pulp-noir action is non-stop, right here, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 22 of FULL BODY, Portuguese masseuse Catalina Gil is being grilled by the cops over the death of The International's receptionist Reynolds Tan. Meanwhile, Croatian crime boss/club owner Yuri Vlaovic calls his daughter Etya to give her the bad news this his wife/her mother Etya is now on her way over, with revenge in mind ...


INT. INTERROGATION ROOM - NIGHT
Nassour drinks in Catalina. Smiles.

NASSOUR
Lovely name. What does it mean?

CATALINA
Apparently in this country,
some kind of salad dressing.

A loud BUZZING in her purse.
She pulls out her cell.

Reads the number.
Scowls. Silently curses.

NASSOUR
Would you PLEASE turn off
your cell phone, Ms. Gil?
This is IMPORTANT.

CATALINA
(fingers buttons)
I am -- I will. I’m sorry --

NASSOUR
Are you a lesbian, Ms. Gil?

CATALINA
No. I’m married, I have --

NASSOUR
Horseshit.
Many marriages are a ruse
for latent homosexuality.

CATALINA
I love my husband --

NASSOUR
Did you enjoy making love
with Ms. Prouxl?

CATALINA
Excuse me?

NASSOUR
In your -- session.

CATALINA
(blushes)
I don’t understand how this --

NASSOUR
You ENJOYED IT, DIDN’T you.

CATALINA
NO.

NASSOUR
What were you doing
on or about 10:45, Ms. Gil?

CATALINA
I was finishing the session
with Ay -- Ms. Prouxl, and --

NASSOUR
(whispers)
Did you come?

CATALINA
Excuse me?

NASSOUR
It’s not a hard question, Ms. Gil,
you either had an orgasm,
or you didn’t.

EXT. POLICE PRECINCT - PARKING LOT - AT THAT MOMENT
The doors BANG open.
Etya BARRELS down the steps.

WHIPS out a smoke.
FIRES it up.
FLIPS open her cell phone.

ETYA
Hello, Poppa?

SPLIT SCREEN WITH:

EXT. CROATIAN EMBASSY - VALET PARKING STAND - CONTINUOUS
Yuri GRABS his keys
from a tiny, AFGHANI VALET.

Holding open the door to his
smokin’ hot gold Lamborgini.

YURI
(into the phone, getting in)
Etya! Momma got away!
(slams the door)
Fucking girl scout --

The VALET smiles. Scary.
Holds his palm for a tip.

YURI
(to the valet)
Take out Bin Laden, you get tip.

ETYA
Poppa! You have to come and get us,
the fucking cops --
(beat)
She did? I thought that --

YURI
(starts the car, PEELS OUT)
The cops vat?
Vhere are you,
vat happened?

The Lamborgini SHOOTS down the street.
Tires SCREECH.

ETYA
At the fucking COP SHOP.
Someone shot Reynolds Tan!

YURI
Vhat?! Who shot her?

ETYA
I don’t know!
That’s vhy they qvestioned -

YURI
Did YOU kill her?!
Am I going to have to GROUND YOU?

ETYA
No, I just met her!
Vhy would I --

YURI
Your TEMPER?
A SPURNED ADVANCE, maybe?
I told you to keep your hands off --

ETYA
I DIDN’T FUCKING SHOOT HER.
(low)
She vasn’t my type.

Yuri DOWNSHIFTS with a vengeance.
Stops a light.

YURI
Enough of this shit.
You have to get to salon, NOW.
Momma’s on her way --
and she has her boyfriend vith her.

ETYA
That fucking perv SILKE?
But we’re all here.
The girls, Rod --

YURI
Call a cab and get
the fuck over there, NOW!

ETYA
Okay. Meet you back at raunch.

INT. POLICE PRECINCT - AT THAT MOMENT
Fleck and Nassour watch Rod Katz shuffle down the hall.

FLECK
We ready with the tail?

NASSOUR
Like Kasparov checkmate in three moves.

FLECK
You play chess?

NASSOUR
I was Beirut champion five years in row.

FLECK
I was Tel Aviv champ six years in row.

NASSOUR
Perhaps when we’re done with this --
we play game.

They look at each other.

FLECK
Nah --

NASSOUR
Nah --