Trailer Trash Heaven

Hey there, crime kids. TGIF. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your most violent fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 36 of A DISH BEST KILLED, now that the cops know what car they've escaped in, Haven and Jett trade their Cadillac getaway vehicle for a redneck's old truck ...


EXT. TRAILER PARK - DUSK
Jett sits behind the wheel
of an old Ford pickup truck,
playing with the wires
under the steering wheel column.

They SPARK.
The engine ROARS to life.

JETT
Like riding a bicycle.

The barrel of a SAWED-OFF SHOTGUN
is placed against Jett’s temple.

A GIANT REDNECK leans
into the window. Sneers.

GIANT REDNECK
What the fuck do you
think YOU’RE DOING?
Get the fuck outta MY TRUCK.

JETT
Easy now.

Jett opens the door. Slides out.
Starts to raise her hands --

GIANT REDNECK
What I don’t get is why you’d
wanna steal this piece-a crap.

And WHIPS OUT her REVOLVER.
JAMS it in his crotch.

JETT
We’re swapping rides, big fella.
Gotta problem with that?
(CLICK)
See that Cadillac over there?

The redneck looks at the Caddy.

GIANT REDNECK
You wanna trade my
truck for the CADDY?
Are you fuckin’ CRAZY?

JETT
Something like that.
(nods)
Go ahead, check ‘er out.
Keys are in the ignition.

Redneck breaks into a big ‘ol
rotten-toothed grin.

GIANT REDNECK
Take your piece outta my pants,
and you got yourself a deal.

EXT. COUNTY ROAD - NIGHT - MOMENTS LATER
The truck ROARS down
the gravel road.

HAVEN
You see the look on his face?
He just died and went
to trailer trash heaven.
He’s probably jerking off
in it right now.

JETT
I think we should hole up
somewhere for the night.
I’d rather cross the
border in the morning,
when there’s more traffic.

HAVEN
Ooh. I love the
sound of 'holing up' --

Leave The Driving To Us

Hey there, crime kids. TGIF. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your most violent fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 35 of A DISH BEST KILLED, Haven and Jett hear on the car radio that the cops have issued a warrant for their arrest and are out on the roads looking for them, so Jett pulls off the freeway into a trailer park, looking for a new set of wheels ...


INT. HAVEN’S CADILLAC - MOVING - DUSK
Coltrane’s I’M OLD FASHIONED
bops on the car stereo.

Haven drives. Jett looks out
the window, lost in thought.

JETT
(reading a sign)
We’ll be in Long Beach soon.

The song ends.

ANNOUNCER (V.O.)
That was John Coltrane,
and I’m Old Fashioned.
Guess I’m kinda old fashioned, too --
(beat)
I was just handed a special bulletin
from our news department.
Police have issued arrest warrants
for Haven Crayce and Jett Targo
in connection with three
murders in Marina Del Rey.
Both women are in their mid-twenties,
and were last seen in
a red 1968 Cadillac convertible.
If you see these women,
please contact your local
police precinct immediately.
(beat)
Well, now, if I was
a fugitive from the law,
I can’t think of a better
ride than a classic Caddy.
This next one’s dedicated to you.
A little Miles. SO WHAT.

Miles Davis’ trumpet mourns softly.

JETT
Pull off the road at the next exit.

HAVEN
Why?

JETT
Because we gotta get a NEW CAR.

HAVEN
We’re gonna buy a new car?

JETT
Hell, no -- we’re gonna STEAL ONE.

A SIGN READS
Seal Beach. 15 miles.

JETT (O.C.) (CONT'D)
Turn here. This is perfect.

EXT. MAIN STREET - SUNSET
They drive toward the beach,
a gorgeous sunset ahead of them
in the sky above the ocean.

JETT
I haven’t been here in years.

HAVEN
You’ve been here before?

JETT
Yeah, a lifetime ago.
(beat)
Turn right here.
I got an idea.

EXT. TRAILER PARK - MOMENTS LATER
The sun has almost set.
The car pulls into a trailer park.

An old, wooden sign reads
SEAL BEACH ESTATES.

INT. HAVEN’S CADILLAC - MOVING
The car inches by a row of mobile homes.

JETT
Pull up to the end and park.

Haven does. Stops the car.

HAVEN
So what now?

JETT
Well, I’m thinking that
someone who lives here,
no matter what they drive,
they’re not gonna mind
trading it for a vintage Caddy,
keys in the ignition,
all wrapped up in a nice, big bow.

HAVEN
Ooh. You are GOOD.

The Big Bounce

Happy Friday the 13th, crime slicksters. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where the girls are hot, the drinks are cold, and the hardboiled-pulp-noir action is non-stop, right here, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 34 of A DISH BEST KILLED, homicide dick Cal Seely shows up at Haven's houseboat with a warrant for her arrest ... but she's on the lam with Jett, cruising up the coast in her Cadillac convertible ...


EXT. HOUSE BOAT - REAR DECK - DUSK
Cal stands at the rear door.
KNOCK-KNOCKS loudly.

CAL
Mrs. Crayce. It’s Detective Seely.
(KNOCKS again)
Haven Crayce, Detective Seely.
I have a search warrant.

He peers in the window. Sighs.
Pulls a pick out of his pockets.
Works it. The knob CLICKS.

INT. THE SAVE HAVEN - CONTINUOUS
Cal walks around, looking.
Touching surfaces. Inspecting.

CAL
(to himself)
Nola Bliss could have walked
in on them, surprised them.

Cal walks over to the bar.
Picks up a glass. Squints at it.

CAL
Real crystal.

He walks over to the case
with the Oscar in it.
Sees a cracked glass panel.

CAL
She walked in on them --
(leans down)
While they were --
(sees something)
BLOOD.

Cal straightens up.
Massages the small of his back.

CAL
It’s right out of
one of his movies.
They were in the process
of killing Dart Crayce --
and they had to shut her up.
(beat)
So who the fuck is Rush Madder?

His cell phone RINGS.
He fishes it out. Listens.

CAL
Seely.
(listens)
One of Targo’s clients?
(listens)
In the meat freezer?
(listens)
Yeah, someone would have to be
pretty fucking strong to do THAT.

EXT. JETT’S APARTMENT BUILDING - DRIVEWAY - DUSK
Some sleazy 60’s go-go
classic on the car stereo.

Haven sits behind the wheel.
Jett tosses a suitcase in the back seat.
JUMPS IN. Haven beams. Excited.

HAVEN
Hey, baby.

JETT
Hey, yourself.

HAVEN
Let’s blow this popsicle stick.

JETT
(laughs)
Popsicle stand. You are too cute.

Haven pulls out of the driveway.
GUNS the engine.

HAVEN
I’m a hell of a lot
more than CUTE, doll.
And don’t you forget it.
(cocks an eyebrow)
You ready to go all the way?
Do whatever it takes?

JETT
It’s just you and me baby,
together forever,
right down the line.
(beat)
Whatever it takes.

Haven puts her hand on Jett’s.

HAVEN
I’ve been going nuts without you.

Slides it up toward
the hem of her miniskirt.

Caressing her milky white thigh.
Trembling with tactile pleasure.

HAVEN
I can’t stop thinking about
what it’s gonna be like when
we’re finally alone together.

Jett reaches up, up, up, up --

HAVEN
I’ve missed your touch --

Jett finds the prize.
Magic fingers do their work.

HAVEN
OMIGOD --

And she SCREAMS with pleasure.
JERKS the steering wheel.

The car FISHTAILS on the pavement.
Jett GRABS the wheel.
Keeps working her special gift.

HAVEN
I’m gonna --
(beat)
AHHHHHHHHHHHH!

And, as she reaches an
earth-shattering crescendo,

CAMERA pulls back,
swings out the rear window,
where we see --

A CAR
following them. A beat-up,
old Dodge Dart Swinger.

BEHIND THE WHEEL
is RUSH. Grim. Determined.

RUSH
Think you can kill me
that easily, BITCH?

Hit & Run Holiday

Hey there, crime kids. Happy Friday. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your most violent fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 33 of A DISH BEST KILLED, after Haven empties her dead husband's bank account, she and Jett plan their getaway in her vintage Cadillac convertible ...


EXT. CADILLAC CONVERTIBLE - DAY
A ‘68 model in candy apple red
with a black leather interior.

The kind I’ll be able to afford
when I sell this screenplay.

Haven drives up Via Marina
with the top down in
shades and a big scarf,
the wind WHIPPING her hair.
She talks on her cell.

HAVEN
Calm down, calm down.
They don’t have anything.

INTERCUT WITH:

EXT. JETT’S APARTMENT BUILDING - ROOF DECK - CONTINUOUS
Jett paces, sips from a bottle of beer.
Talks on her cell.

JETT
But they towed his CAR.
They found -- her.

HAVEN
But he’s -- gone.

JETT
I know, I know, it’s just --
he knows something.
I can feel it.
(beat)
We gotta get the
fuck out of Dodge.
What happened at the
reading of the will?

HAVEN
It’s all mine, baby.
Lock, stock and two smokin’ million.

JETT
And the cash?
HAVEN
I just left the bank.
(smiles)
Got eight-hundred thousand
under the hood.
That’s what I call horsepower.

JETT
You took out ALL of it?
Didn’t we agree it would be
a good idea to leave --

HAVEN
Change of plan, baby.
I closed the account.
Told them I was leaving the country.
Needed to start over, a new life.

JETT
Leaving the country?

HAVEN
We’re going to Mexico.
Find a place on the beach
where it’s warm all the time and
it’s running hot and cold Margaritas.

JETT
(looks)
I see your car.
I’ll be right down.

She pulls out a snifter.
HONKS up a bump. Grimaces.

JETT
(to herself)
Guess it’s time for
a hit and run holiday --