Nice Rack

Happy Friday, crime motherfuckers! You say you're fed up? Mad as hell, and can't take it any more? Then why not blow off some steam at the coolest hardboiled joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

Onto today's chapter from BLOOD GETS IN YOUR EYES, where another one bites the dust.

When we last left the crime scene cops, they were inspecting prep school teacher Gill Sherry's dead body, impaled on a fence post in the hotel alley. Meanwhile, inside, hooker Alona Tal goes to the front desk, looking for something to cut up the dead bodies INSIDE her room ...

EXT. HOTEL STARLIGHT - BACK ALLEY - NIGHT

Danette and Bernie examine Gill’s body impaled on the fence.

Kenny is further on down the alley. Throwing up.

BERNIE

Poor kid. His first stiff.

DANETTE

It’s his first week.

Talk about baptism by fire.

Kenny wipes his mouth on his sleeve.

Walks over.

BERNIE

You okay, kid?

KENNY

Yeah.

BERNIE

Don’t feel bad.

I’ve been on the force twenty years

and I’m still not used to it.

KENNY

Seeing a dead body?

BERNIE

No. Seeing a cop puke.

(off his look)

Just busting your chops, sport.

C’mon, let’s go set up the crime scene tape.

INT. THE STARLIGHT HOTEL - FRONT DESK - AT THAT MOMENT

Alona glides up to the counter. Bunky smiles toothily.

ALONA

What’s up, Bunky?

BUNKY

Cops, that’s what up.

You see on the news about

that teacher who killed his wife?

Well, he checked in here tonight,

so I gave ‘em a call --

‘an when they got here,

they found him dead in the alley.

Impaled on a fence post.

Guess he knew they were comin’ for ‘em

and took a dive.

This SOCKS Alona in the gut.

She hides her shock.

ALONA

Holy shit.

(weird smile)

I guess that --

makes it easier for them, huh.

BUNKY

It’s karma, man.

What goes around, comes around.

(beat)

You’re up late. Whatcha need?

ALONA

Well, it’s kind of embarrassing --

(beat)

My boyfriend and I were playing with my --

handcuffs, and I -- lost the key.

BUNKY

(big grin)

And now you wanna saw ‘em off.

ALONA

(nods)

Yeah. You have anything I can use?

Bunky gets up.

Walks over to a beaten-up,

old bureau on the side wall.

Opens a drawer.

Rummages around in it.

BUNKY

Old Bunky got everything in his bag o’ tricks.

Hold on a sec.

(pulls out an enema bag)

You into water sports?

Alona rolls her yes. Bunky chuckles.

Puts it back. Roots around in the drawer.

Pulls out a giant HACKSAW.

BUNKY (CONT’D)

Here we go. Industrial-sized.

(hands it to her)

Got it from a butcher, believe it or not.

ALONA

Wow. Thanks.

BUNKY

Bet you could cut up a dead body

real easy with that sucker.

ALONA

(pales)

Wh-what?

BUNKY

Just joshin’ with ya.

You have a good night, now.

ALONA

(flirty)

I will, thanks.

(beat)

Hey, could you do me a favor?

BUNKY

Name it.

Alona sticks her chest out.

Dark nipples straining against the pale, gauzy fabric.

Bunky gets an eyeful.

ALONA

Beggar’s going out of town for a couple weeks,

and this is our last night together for awhile.

If anybody comes looking for me,

would you tell them I’m not around?

It would mean a lot to me.

BUNKY

(in a daze)

Sure thing --

ALONA

Thanks, baby.

She blows him a kiss,

turns and dashes up the stairs.

BUNKY

(sighs)

Haven’t seen a rack like that since

The Dead at the Fillmore West in seventy-two.

Till Death Do Us Part

Happy Thursday, crime slicksters. Are you ready to take another trip to the dark side? Then choose your favorite weapon, and get your tight little ass over to the coolest joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

Onto today's joint from BLOOD GETS IN YOUR EYES, where someone meets a most untimely end ...

When we last left prep school teacher Gill Sherry, he had escaped up onto the roof of the hotel to escape the prying eyes of the cops searching the building, but when he tries to jump across to the next building, things get a little ... sticky.


EXT. HOTEL STARLIGHT - FIRE ESCAPE - NIGHT
A crappy, old set of crumbling steel steps.
Gill reaches the landing. Starts up the ladder toward the roof.

EXT. HOTEL STARLIGHT - ROOF - NIGHT
An old, filthy, tar-papered roof.
The view of the ocean across the beach is breathtaking.
The moon shines brightly.

Gill gets to the top.
Climbs up onto the roof.
Looks around.

GILL
Top of the world, Ma.
(stretches out his arms)
I’m KING of the world.
(looks down)
I’m going to die.

He walks around, looking at the neighboring buildings.
Stops on the ledge of the building to the north.
Looks down at the alley.
Then back at the building. Thinking.

GILL (CONT’D)
I could jump across to that building --
and then get the fuck out of Dodge.
(beat)
Yeah.

Gill takes a step back.
Turns around and walks to the opposite side.
Exhales. Gathering up his courage.
He closes his eyes. Exhales again.

His eyes FLY OPEN, and he RUNS across the roof,
gets to the ledge -- and LEAPS INTO THE AIR --

And lands against the opposite wall with a SLAP.
Hands grab for a hold on the edge of the roof,
but he can’t find something to hold onto --
and starts to slip --

GILL (CONT’D)
SHIT --

And then FALLS.

CLOSE ON --
A wrought iron fence post.
Gill’s body impaled on it.
Face-up. Right through his torso.

INT. STARLIGHT HOTEL - CORRIDOR - AT THAT MOMENT
Danette stands by the window.
Leans out, looks into the alley down below. Horrified.

DANETTE
Bernie.

BERNIE
(stops, turns)
What.

DANETTE
(turns, looks at him)
Somebody just fell off the roof.

BERNIE
(comes over)
What the fuck? Really?

DANETTE
(points)
Look.

BERNIE
(looks)
Holy shit. Poor guy.
Human shish-ka-bob.
Talk about heartburn.

DANETTE
Don’t you recognize him?

BERNIE
Fuck. It’s the perp who shot his wife.
(waves)
Till death do us part, kiddo.

DANETTE
Bernie.

BERNIE
What.

DANETTE
You shouldn’t make jokes about the dead.

BERNIE
Why not? Haven’t you heard of gallows humor?
It relieves tension. A cop’s stock and trade.

She looks at him. Does a ‘take.’ Looks down.

DANETTE
Now that’s what I call a ‘spike.’

Once More With Feeling

Happy Hump Day, crime humpsters. Are you looking for some cheap, sleazy, hardboiled thrills? Then you've come to the right place, kids ... where's there's no cover, no minimum, and no safety net ... at That Killing Feeling.

Onto today's joint from BLOOD GETS IN YOUR EYES, where things are getting desperate ...

The cops are now following the killer's trail, and are knocking down hotel room doors looking for boozy screenwriter Holly Land, hooker Alona Tal and drug dealer Beggar Leck, who are hiding in Alona's room, along with two dead bodies ...


INT. THE HOTEL STARLIGHT - CORRIDOR - NIGHT
Danette and Bernie stand in front of Gill’s door.
Danette KNOCK-KNOCK-KNOCKS.

DANETTE
(loud)
Gill Shelly, this is the police.
Open the door.
We need to talk to you.

They listen. No answer.

BERNIE
POLICE. OPEN THE DOOR, NOW.

Pause.

DANETTE
Kick it open?

BERNIE
Probably cause?

DANETTE
Got that fucking right.

Bernie steps back. Then KICKS the door.
The old, shitty wood CRACKS in half.
They CHARGE IN.

INT. ALONA’S SHITTY HOTEL ROOM - CONTINUOUS
Beggar stands at the door. Watching through the keyhole.

BEGGAR
(loud whisper)
Jesus fucking Christ.
They just kicked down the door next to Holly’s room.

Alona and Holly are down on their hands and knees,
pushing Lief’s body under the bed.
Gill looks at Beggar. Freaking.

GILL
Shit. That’s MY room. I gotta hide.

ALONA
Go out on the fire escape.
But be careful.
Make sure no one can see you.

GILL
Yeah, okay, good idea --

Gill walks over to the side window overlooking the side alley.
Opens it. Slowly starts to climb out.

INT. GILL’S SHITTY HOTEL ROOM - CONTINUOUS
Bernie and Danette search the room.
Under the bed. In the bathroom. Nothing.

DANETTE
Goddammit.

BERNIE
Well, at least we know where he’s staying.

DANETTE
Maybe he’s in Holly’s room.

INT. ALONA’S SHITTY HOTEL ROOM - CONTINUOUS
Beggar looks through the keyhole.

BEGGAR
Shit. Now they’re knocking on Holly’s door.
They must know something.

HOLLY
Ohmigod, this is like a bad dream.

Alona goes to the bed. Comforts Holly.

ALONA
Shhhh, it’s gonna be okay.

IN THE CORRIDOR
Bernie KNOCK-KNOCK-KNOCKS on Holly’s door.

BERNIE
Ms. Land, this is the police, OPEN THE DOOR.

Silence.

DANETTE
HOLLY LAND, THIS IS THE POLICE.
OPEN THIS DOOR, RIGHT NOW.

BERNIE
(steps back)
Once more with feeling.

DANETTE
Wait a sec.

She puts her hand on the knob.
Opens the door.

DANETTE (CONT’D)
C’mon.

INT. ALONA’S SHITTY HOTEL ROOM - AT THAT MOMENT
Beggar watches through the keyhole.

BEGGAR
They went in. Shit.
(looks at Holly)
You don’t have anything incriminating in there, do you?

HOLLY
Just my laptop -- and a bottle of vodka.

ALONA
They must know something.
First Gill’s room, then Holly’s.
We gotta hide.

BEGGAR
Where? We’re trapped in this room.

HOLLY
We could get in bed -- and pretend to be asleep.

ALONA
Wait, no -- I’ve got a better idea.
What if I meet them head-on?
Divert suspicion.

BEGGAR
But it’s four in the morning.
Where would you say you’re going?

ALONA
I heard the commotion,
and I wanted to know what was going on.
I mean, it would be weird if I WASN’T curious, right?

BEGGAR
Yeah, yeah. Great. Go for it.

PUSH IN ON Alona’s face.
Gathering her courage.

ALONA
Here goes nothing --

World's Oldest Profession

Happy Tuesday, crime motherfuckers! Feeling bored? Mad as hell, and can't take it anymore? Then get your tight little asses over to the coolest hardboiled joint in cyberspace, where the drinks are cold, and the chicks are hot ... at That Killing Feeling.

Onto today's slice of noir, courtesy of BLOOD GETS IN YOUR EYES ...

When we last left homicide detective Bernie Keko and patrolwoman Danette Day, they have followed clues to the various murders earlier that evening ... right to the Hotel Starlight, where our merry band of killers are right now trying to dispose of a couple of dead bodies ...


INT. HOTEL STARLIGHT - FRONT DESK - NIGHT
Kenny stands chatting with Bunky.
Scribbling something in his note pad.
Danette and Bernie walk in.

BUNKY
Evenin’, officers.
I was just givin’ my statement to your compatriot here.

KENNY
(to Danette)
He’s on the second floor, in room 25.
Checked in a little before midnight.

DANETTE
Has he left his room?

BUNKY
He went out about twelve-thirty,
that’s when I first saw him.
I’m the night man, midnight to eight.
He was with another guest,
young girl named Holly. Holly Land.

BERNIE
How long was he gone?

BUNKY
‘Bout an hour, I guess.

DANETTE
(to Bernie)
That’s when he got mugged and carjacked,
then came to the station.
(to Bunky)
Did he go out again?

BUNKY
Yeah, he did -- right away.
Then came back forty-five minutes later.
Looked spooked. An’ he was limpin.’
Now I know why.

BERNIE
He’s up there now?

BUNKY
Far as I know.

DANETTE
What’s the story with Holly?

BUNKY
Nice kid. Don’t know that much about her,
only been here a couple of weeks.
Said she was a writer.
Hangs out sometimes with Alona,
one of our permanent residents.

BERNIE
What’s her story?

BUNKY
Alona’s okay -- for a lady of the evening.

DANETTE
She’s a hooker?

BUNKY
World’s oldest profession.
She’s good people.

BERNIE
What room is Holly in?

BUNKY
Room 24, right next to Gill’s.
(beat)
Excuse me. Gotta go the head.

He turns, goes into the next room.

DANETTE
Okay, thanks.
(to Bernie)
C’mon, let’s go up.
(to Kenny)
Do me a favor and keep watch outside?

KENNY
Yes, ma’am.
To protect and serve --
(smiles)
You.

Kenny salutes. Trots off.

DANETTE
Ah, to be a rookie again.
So full of energy, hope, promise.

BERNIE
Well there’s that --
and he wants to fuck your brains out.

DANETTE
Guess there’s a lot of that going around, huh.

INT. ALONA’S SHITTY HOTEL ROOM - AT THAT MOMENT
Beggar looks at Alona. Then Holly.
Gills sits on the floor with his head in his hands.

BEGGAR
Okay, think, think -- what do we do?

ALONA
Stash Lief under the bed with Oscar.
Then, after the cops leave,
I’ll go down to the desk
and talk to Jerry Garcia about a hacksaw.

Holly sits on the bed.
Looks spooked. Haunted.

HOLLY
What about the fire escape?
We could always go up on the roof.

GILL
And what do we do once we’re up there?
My god, are you stupid.

HOLLY
Shut up, asshole.

ALONA
Keep your voices down.
They might be coming upstairs.

Beggar goes to the door.
Looks through the peephole.

BEGGAR
(whispers)
Shit, they’re HERE --

Come Fly With Me

Happy Monday, crime slicksters. Are you ready to take a trip to the dark side? A place where your darkest desires become sins of the flesh? Then come on over to ... That Killing Feeling.

Onto today's slice of hardboiled noir, courtesy of BLOOD GETS IN YOUR EYES.

When we last left hooker Alona Tal, drug dealer Beggar Leck, boozy screenwriter Holly Land and adulterous prep schoolteacher Gill Sherry, they were preparing to get rid of the dead body in Alona's hotel room ... when suddenly, they get interrupted ...


INT. ALONA’S SHITTY HOTEL ROOM - NIGHT
Beggar and Alona roll Lief’s body
up in the large, imitation Persian rug.

Holly sits on the bed, in a daze,
looks out the window,
drinking vodka out of the bottle.

A pile of BLOODY TOWELS sits by the wall.

We hear the sound of VOMITING in the bathroom.
The toilet FLUSHES.

Gill comes into the room,
white as a ghost.

GILL
I’m leaving. Going to Mexico.
Come with me, Alona. Please.
We can start a new life together.

BEGGAR
Shut the fuck up, asshole.
Leave my woman alone.

ALONA
(to Beggar)
YOUR woman?
I’m NOBODY’S woman.

BEGGAR
What the fuck?

GILL
That’s RIGHT,
she’s NOBODY’S woman.
She’s a free spirit,
a bird, free to fly.
(to Alona)
Come fly with me, my love.

ALONA
Cut the crap, Gill.
We’ve got a situation here.

BEGGAR
(to Gill)
Yeah, and you’re not going ANYWHERE.

GILL
Oh YEAH?
Try and STOP ME.

Gill goes to the door.
GRABS the doorknob.

BEGGAR
You open that door
and I’ll punch your fucking clock.

Holly sees something out the window.
Eyes BUG OUT.

HOLLY
GUYS. There’s a couple of COPS outside.
(watches)
And they’re COMING IN THE HOTEL.

Cops With Benefits

Happy Friday, crime slicksters. Welcome back, my friends, to the hardboiled pulp that never ends. Get your asses in gear for the thrill ride of your life ... at That Killing Feeling.

Onto today's joint from BLOOD GETS IN YOUR EYES, where we kick up the intrigue a notch ...

First up, the night clerk at Alona's sleazy motel recognizes prep school teacher/wife-killer Gill Sherry on the news, and calls the cops ...

Meanwhile, homicide detective Bernie Keko and patrolwoman Danette Day decide to get involved in a little 'private investigation' of their own ...


INT. THE STARLIGHT HOTEL - FRONT DESK - NIGHT
The Grateful Dead wheezes its gnarled tales
of drugged-out hippie glory on a shitty boombox.
A tiny, shitty black and white TV
is on the counter with the sound turned down.

Bunky sits behind the counter
reading one of those free weekly rags.
Slowly mouthing the words.

BUNKY
Fucking Republican asshole shit-for-brains --

Something on the screen catches his eye.

BUNKY (CONT’D)
Hey, that guy checked in tonight.

He reaches over, turns up the volume.

ON THE SCREEN
We see a still of GILL.
Some ‘official school photo.’
He looks happy, relaxed.
Glazed smile oozing preppy charm.

ANNOUNCER (O.C.)
-- wanted for questioning in connection
with the shooting death of his wife.
If you see this man, contact your local precinct immediately.

BUNKY
Holy shit.

He turns the sound back down. Scratches his chin.
Picks up the phone. Dials a number.

BUNKY (CONT’D)
Hello? This is Bunky Mertz over at the Starlight Hotel?
That guy you’re looking for that killed his wife?
He’s staying here.

INT. VENICE BEACH POLICE SUBSTATION - AT THAT MOMENT
Danette and Bernie sit at a table near the coffee maker.
Sipping java from styrofoam cups.

Kenny sits across the room,
talking on the phone excitedly.

BERNIE
This is really good coffee. Did you --

DANETTE
I’m still not fucking you, Bernie.

KENNY
Okay, thanks.
(hangs up)
Guys, that was the night manager of the Hotel Starlight.
The guy who shot his wife checked in a little while ago.

BERNIE
You mean Gill Sherry?

KENNY
Yeah, guy said he saw his picture on the news.

DANETTE
Allegedly killed his wife.
In this country, a suspect is innocent until proven guilty.

BERNIE
Yeah, right -- so why the fuck did he check into a fleabag hotel?

Danette stares at him. Simmering. He glares at her.

KENNY
Uh, guys -- don’t you think we should go over there?

DANETTE
You go on ahead, question the night manager.
We’ll be right there.

KENNY
Okay --

He salutes, and DASHES out the door.
Danette sips her coffee.
Gives Bernie the fish-eye.

DANETTE
After my shift, we’ll go back to my place.

BERNIE
Holy shit. Really?

DANETTE
C’mon, let’s go.
Before I change my mind.

They get up.
Start for the door.

BERNIE
Admit it, the chemistry is still there.

DANETTE
(stops, looks at him)
Calm down, Casanova.
I haven’t gotten laid in three months.

BERNIE
So what am I, a ‘friend with benefits?’

DANETTE
More like, ‘cop with nightstick.’

BERNIE
So -- you’re just gonna use me.

DANETTE
That’s about the size of it.

BERNIE
(shrugs)
Works for me.

Now We're Talking Trash

Happy Thursday, crime motherfuckers! Are you ready to take trip straight to hell? A violent joyride to the dark side? Then come on in, where the blood flows free ... at That Killing Feeling.

Onto today's joint from BLOOD GETS IN YOUR EYES, where today, murder is the menu ...

When we last left hooker Alona Tal, boozy screenwriter Holly Land and drug dealer Beggar Leck, they were arguing with 'attorney to the stars' Lief Gold about how to get rid of the dead body in Alona's hotel room ... and now the fight reaches a most horrifying conclusion ...


INT. ALONA’S SHITTY HOTEL ROOM - NIGHT
The boozy, sax-drenched death-swoon of Morphine plays on the boombox.
Eerie. Spooky. Sexy.

Beggar and Gill sit on the couch.
Lief sit on the window sill, looking out at the beach.
Now pensive. He holds the bottle of vodka.
Takes a swig. Wipes his mouth.

Holly and Alona sit on the floor in front of the coffee table.
Alona HONKS up a line. Then Holly.

HOLLY
It BURNS.

BEGGAR
Now look who’s a big girl.

ALONA
(to Beggar)
I’ve got an idea --
(manic grin)
That old hippie down at the desk
knows EVERYBODY in the nabe.
I’ll go down there and tell him
you and I were playing handcuff games,
and that we lost the key.
(sweetly)
Please, Mr. Natural,
do you know where I can get
a hack saw this late at night?

BEGGAR
(nods)
But what are we gonna put the -- pieces in?

ALONA
Trash bags.
(big smile)
Don’t get mad. Get GLAD.

HOLLY
(giggles)
Now we’re talking trash.

Lief turns around. Glares at them.

LIEF
You people are fucking CRAZY.
(hops off the sill)
I’m going to the cops.
Turning myself in.
I’m an officer of the court.
(stares at Holly)
And I didn’t KILL anyone.
(to the group)
And you’re all joking around
about cutting up a fucking DEAD BODY.
Fucking SICK.

ALONA
What the fuck?
(to Beggar)
You said he was an asshole --

LIEF
WHAT?

ALONA
You’re not going anywhere,
officer of the court.
You know too much.

LIEF
Oh YEAH?

ALONA
Yeah.

LIEF
Watch me.

He starts for the door.
Beggar gets up, RACES over.
Gets in front of him.
Puts his hand on Lief’s chest.

BEGGAR
I’m sorry, Lief. I’m not letting you go.

LIEF
Out of my way, you fucking drug dealer.

BEGGAR
Oh, so now you’re the high and mighty lawyer
who buys COKE from the 'fucking drug dealer?'

LIEF
That may be, but at least I’m not fucking a WHORE.
(beat)
Now get the FUCK out of my way.

ALONA
WHAT did you call me?

Alona LEAPS off the bed. CHARGES at Lief.
GRABS him around the neck.
Tries to CHOKE him. SCREAMS.

ALONA (CONT’D)
Fucking ASSHOLE.

Lief GRABS her hands, FLINGS THEM away.
SPINS AROUND, and PUNCHES her in the stomach. HARD.
She FLIES BACK, hits the floor with a CRACK.

ALONA (CONT’D)
OW!

LIEF
You fucking ASSHOLE.

Beggar CHARGES at Lief,
GRABS him around the chest,
pushes him to the floor, BANG.
They GRAPPLE, writhe on the carpet.

Lief GRABS Beggar around the throat.
Starts CHOKING him.

BEGGAR
GAAAAA --

ALONA
(tries to get up)
STOP IT.

Holly LEAPS off the bed.
GRABS a letter opener off the table,
and PLUNGES it into Lief’s neck.
PUNCTURING an artery.

A GEYSER OF BLOOD SPRAYS.
Lief lets go of Beggar.
GRABS his neck.
Stares in disbelief.

LIEF
You fucking -- stabbed me.

He hits the floor, THWUNK.
His hand falls away.
Blood SPURTS.
Slows, keeps pumping.
A dark stain grows on the carpet.

GILL
Holy fucking shit.

ALONA
HOLLY.

BEGGAR
Jesus Christ.

Pause.

HOLLY
He was -- gonna kill you.

BEGGAR
I know, but --

ALONA
Goddamit, Holly.

Holly stares.
A strange smile flickers across her face.

HOLLY
Case dismissed.

Bat Out Of Hell

Happy Hump-Day, crime humpsters. Are you ready to take a trip to the dark side? Then pour yourself a tall drink of something blonde, and get ready for the ride of your life ... at That Killing Feeling.

Onto today's joint from BLOOD GETS IN YOUR EYES ... where the plot not only thickens, it congeals ...

When we last left Homicide detective Bernie Keko and Venice Beach patrolwoman Danette Day, they were checking out the video surveillance tape of Feo's murder ... and not only do they recognize boozy screenwriter Holly Land as the shooter, they connect her to the liquor store robbery earlier that evening ...


INT. EXPENSIVE CONDO - SECURITY OFFICE - NIGHT
Danette, Kenny and Bernie huddle around a monitor
in the tiny security office in the lobby.

The SECURITY GUARD (20’s),
a skinny young Hispanic kid,
stands behind them.
Leans over. Presses a button.

SKINNY YOUNG SECURITY GUARD
Check it out.
I’ll be right back,
gotta go take a piss.

He walks away.

ON THE MONITOR
We see the scene unfold earlier
between Feo and Holly in black and white.

Feo RACES over the bike.
HOPS ON it.

Then gets SHOT in the back.
BANG. He FALLS OVER.

Holly RACES into the frame.
JUMPS on the bike,
and pedals away like a bat out of hell.

IN THE OFFICE
Danette and Kenny exchange glances.

DANETTE
That’s the girl from the liquor store holdup.

KENNY
It sure as shit is.

BERNIE
I saw that story on the news.

DANETTE
She must live around here.

KENNY
So what are we gonna do,
start knocking on doors at three in the morning?

Danette sighs.
Shakes her head.

BERNIE
Busiest night I can remember.
Just came from a homicide off Main Street.
High school science teacher,
shot dead in her kitchen.
And the husband’s missing.

DANETTE
Maybe it’s connected --

BERNIE
Nah. I don’t think so.

DANETTE
We have maybe five murders a year on Venice beach,
and there’ve been three tonight.
That we know about.

BERNIE
You have coffee at the substation?

DANETTE
Is there a brother in the White House?

BERNIE
Whaddaya say we go grab a cup
and do some brainstorming.

DANETTE
Okay.
(beat)
But it’s OVER, Bernie.
I’m not fucking you.

KENNY
(does a ‘take’)
You mean you two --

DANETTE
Zip it, officer.
That case is CLOSED.

Bite-Sized Chunks

Happy Tuesday, crime freaks! Are you ready to get your hardboiled groove going? Then strap on your favorite piece and head on over to the coolest spot in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling, where the drinks are cold, and the chicks are HOT ...

Onto today's joint from BLOOD GETS IN YOUR EYES, where the going gets tough ... and the tough get going ...

First up, we meet police detective Bernie Keko, now on the scene with officer Danette Day, investigating the mysterious string of murders on this hot, sultry night in Venice Beach. Meanwhile, at the sleazy hotel, hooker Alona Tal and drug dealer Beggar Leck do a few lines of coke before they start cutting up the dead body ...


EXT. MARKET STREET - LUXURY CONDO BUILDING - NIGHT
The scene is swarming with POLICE CRUISERS, COPS, CRIME SCENE TECHS.
A small crowd of ONLOOKERS stand behind yellow tape.
A NEWS CREW VAN pulls up to the curb.

Danette and Kenny walk over to an
ANGRY HOMICIDE DETECTIVE (40’s),
burly, gone to seed.

Meet BERNIE KEKO.
Sipping a cup of designer coffee.
Unlit cigar stuck in his mouth.

BERNIE
Officer Day. We meet again.

DANETTE
Stuff it, Keko.
I heard there’s a security tape.
I want to see it.

BERNIE
Sorry, doll. It’s my case now.

DANETTE
Listen, doll.
I know this nabe like the back of my hand.
You NEED my help on this one.

Pause.

BERNIE
Just fucking with you.
Come on inside.
Building manager’s office.
You can even bring John Boy.

DANETTE
You just love to see me squirm, don’t you?

BERNIE
Like old times, huh?

KENNY
Who’s John boy?

INT. ALONA’S SHITTY HOTEL ROOM - NIGHT
Beggar sits on the couch.
Chops up lines of coke on the coffee table.
Gill and Lief sit on either side of him.

BEGGAR
You’re crazy.
We’re NOT cutting up the body.
I say we sneak him out into the back alley
and drive off somewhere and get rid of it.
(beat)
But not in my car.
The cops might’ve seen it leaving Lief’s condo.

ALONA
But you’re the only one of us that HAS a car.

Holly sits on the bed, next to Alona.
Sips her drink.

HOLLY
We could take him out to the ocean.
Let the tide take him away.

ALONA
He’s too big, Holly.
How are we gonna drag him all the way
to the shore without being seen?
(nasty smile)
Unless he’s in little bite-sized chunks.

Beggar LAUGHS.
SNORTS up a line.
Hands the rolled up bill to Gill.
He shakes his head ‘no.’
Lief GRABS it.

LIEF
Thanks. Gotta clear my head.
(SNORTS a line, shakes his head)
Damn, that’s good shit.
Stairway to fucking HEAVEN.
(SNORTS another, sings)
'There’s a lady whose sure all that glitters is gold -- '

Gill looks at Lief.
The manic, happy gleam in his eyes.

GILL
Can I get a -- bustle in my hedgerow?

Jesus Fucking Christ On A Stick

Happy Monday, crime slicksters! Are you ready for another sucker-punch in the gut? A pulse-pounding, hardboiled tale that'll make your hair stand on end? Then welcome to the dark side ... at That Killing Feeling.

Onto today's joint from BLOOD GETS IN YOUR EYES, where the story goes into a most twisted direction ...

We return to hooker Alona Tal's sleazy motel room, where boozy screenwriter Holly Land confesses to killing Hollywood assistant Feo after he tried to escape, and prep school teacher Gill Sherry confesses to killing his wife when she caught him breaking into her house. But there's more trouble in store, as Alona reveals that their 'dead body disposal help' as gone AWOL, and that they're now going to have to take care of stiff themselves ...


INT. ALONA'S SHITTY HOTEL ROOM - NIGHT
A soft KNOCK-KNOCK-KNOCK on the door.

HOLLY (O.C.)
Alona, it’s me, Holly.

Beggar goes to the door. Opens it.
Holly comes in. Looks scared. Lost.
More than a little freaked out.

ALONA
Holly --

She races over to Alona.
Grabs her in a hug. Shaking.

ALONA (CONT’D)
Baby, what’s wrong?
(realizes)
Wait a minute, where’s Feo?

HOLLY
He’s DEAD.

BEGGAR
What THE FUCK?

ALONA
What happened?

HOLLY
(pulls away, wipes her eyes)
He ran away, and I-I chased after him,
but he got on a bike, and-and,
he was getting away, and I, I --
(beat)
Shot him.

BEGGAR
Jesus fucking Christ on a stick.

HOLLY
It’s okay. Nobody saw us.

ALONA
You sure?

HOLLY
Yeah.

BEGGAR
Did you at least get his money?

HOLLY
Yeah. Eighty bucks.

BEGGAR
Well, that’s just great.
We can go on that trip we’ve been planning.
(beat)
You’re a psycho, you know that?
What’s the body count now?
THREE PEOPLE?

ALONA
Leave her alone.
Yelling at her isn’t going to help.

LIEF
And I thought I had problems --

A sharp RAP-RAP-RAP on the door.

GILL
Alona, it’s me, Gill. Let me in. I’ve been -- hurt.

BEGGAR
This is unbelievable.
What the fuck is this, Grand Central Station?

He goes to the door. Unlocks it. Gill stumbles in.
A filthy rag is tied around his foot. Oozing blood.

GILL
Alona --

ALONA
What happened to your foot?

Gill goes to the bed.
Sits. Looks at the wound.

GILL
It’s -- oh my god.
(looks up)
Donna caught me with her purse.
Pulled a gun on me.
We struggled for it.
She got me in the foot.
We fought, and --
(beat)
I shot her.

ALONA
Is she -- dead?

GILL
Very.

BEGGAR
You killed someone TOO?

LIEF
You guys should start a club.
At least MY dead body was accidental.

BEGGAR
Shut up. I need to think --

Holly goes to the kitchenette.
Pours herself a cup of vodka.
Looks at Alona. She nods.

ALONA
Thanks.

GILL
Pour me one, too?

Holly nods. Looks at Beggar.

BEGGAR
Yeah.

LIEF
Me three.

She pours the drinks. Brings them over.
Everyone takes one. They sip.
Look at each other nervously.

ALONA
We’re gonna have to do it ourselves.

BEGGAR
She’s right.
(beat)
Goddammit.

LIEF
Do what?

HOLLY
Dispose of the body.

GILL
Uh, count me out.
I’m just going to go back to my room and --

ALONA
Fuck that. You’re not going ANYWHERE.
We’re all in this together, GOT IT?

Pause.

GILL
Got it.

Everyone stares at each other. Miserable.
Freaked out. Alona drains her cup.
Walks over to the kitchenette.
Pours another. Turns.
Looks at the room. Eyes blazing.

ALONA
Okay.
We’re gonna need something to cut Oscar up with.
A hack saw, butcher’s knife --
(sips her drink)
Anybody got any ideas?

The Strong, Silent Type

Happy Friday, crime slicksters. You ready for the weak-end? Feel like you're gonna blow your top? Need a little ... action? Then get your tight little asses over to the coolest hardboild-pulp-noir joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

Onto today's chapter from BLOOD GETS IN YOUR EYES, where the going gets tough, and the tough ... we'll, they just have to tough it out ...

When we last left hooker Alona Tal and drug dealer Beggar Leck, they were trying to get in touch with underworld figure Vlad the Impaler, who was going to help them dispose of the dead body in Alona's hotel room. Problem is, they find out unexpectedly that Vlad has been killed, and now they have to take care of the situation themselves ...


INT. ALONA’S SHITTY HOTEL ROOM - NIGHT
Groovy space-dub from Thievery Corporation
softly thump-thumps on the boom box.
Alona sits on the window sill. Lights a joint.
Takes a big hit. Holds it in. Exhales.

ALONA
(looks at the bed)
How you doing under there, Oscar?
Feeling a bit -- stiff?
(listens)
The strong, silent type, huh?

A light RAP-RAP-RAP on the door.

BEGGAR (O.C.)
Alona, it’s me.

ALONA
Come on in, it’s not locked.

The door OPENS. In walks Beggar and Lief.
Beggar closes it. Locks the door behind him.
Smiles sadly at Alona.

BEGGAR
Hey, babe.

ALONA
Hey.
(looks at Lief)
Hey, there. Uh --

LIEF
Lief.

ALONA
That’s right, River’s brother.

LIEF
Funny. I’ve NEVER heard that before.
(to Beggar)
So where’s the -- you know.

BEGGAR
Under the bed.

ALONA
Thank god you’re here.
I’ve been going fucking stir crazy.
Can you call your friend,
see if he can come sooner?

BEGGAR
Yeah. Good idea.
(pulls out his phone)
Can I get a hit of that?

Alona nods. Hands him the joint. He takes a big hit.
Passes it to Lief. Punches in a number. Listens.

INTERCUT WITH:

EXT. WAREHOUSE/FETISH CLUB - NIGHT
A few PATROL CARS are parked in front, cherry lights FLASHING.
A CORONER’S OFFICE TECH wheels a body
on a gurney toward a waiting ambulance.

A SURLY HOMICIDE DETECTIVE (40’s) watches.
Lights up a smoke.

A phone RINGS in the body bag.
Coroner Tech stops. Looks.

SURLY HOMICIDE DICK
Let me answer it. It could be a lead.

RING-RING.

CORONER TECH
Sure thing, Dell.

Coroner Tech unzips the bag.
We see it’s Vlad’s. Dead and bloody.

Dell fishes around in his pockets,
pulls out the phone.
Puts it to his ear. Listens.

DELL
Who is this?

BEGGAR
Vlad? You’re not Vlad.

DELL
No, I’m not. Vlad’s dead. Who is THIS?

BEGGAR
Vlad’s DEAD? Who is THIS?

DELL
Homicide detective Dell Magid.
I’d like to ask you a few questions --

INT. ALONA’S SHITTY HOTEL ROOM - CONTINUOUS
Beggar SNAPS his phone shut. Looks at Alona, wild-eyed.

BEGGAR
Holy SHIT.

ALONA
Vlad’s DEAD? What happened?

BEGGAR
I don’t know. It was a fucking COP.

LIEF
Who’s Vlad?

BEGGAR
He was supposed to come here and help us with our --
(looks at the bed)
Problem.

ALONA
So what the fuck are we going to do NOW?

BEGGAR
Guess we’re gonna have to take care of it ourselves --

Happy Now?

Happy Thursday, crime motherfuckers! Are you ready to take the hardboiled thrill ride of your life? Then pack your favorite piece, strap on your shoulder holster, and head on over to the coolest joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

Onto today's steaming hot slice of pulp from BLOOD GETS IN YOUR EYES ...

When we last left boozy screenwriter Holly Land, she had taken Hollywood film biz assistant Feo to his cash machine to get more funds to help pay for the 'dead body removal' in hooker Alona Tal's shitty motel room, but when they get to the ATM, trouble ensues ...


EXT. WINDWARD CIRCLE - NIGHT
The Bank we’ve seen before.
Across the street from the post office.
Totally deserted at this hour on a week night.

Feo appears, walking briskly. Followed by Holly.
Holding the gun in her coat pocket, pointed at his back.

FEO
Do you mind if I ask why you --

HOLLY
YES. Keep moving.

They get to the bank.
Feo pulls out his wallet.

Takes out his ATM card.
Slides it in the machine.

Punches in his pin code.
Then makes his transaction.

FEO
Then we’re going back to the hotel?

HOLLY
Yeah.

FEO
(looks at the screen)
Not enough FUNDS?
That’s not POSSIBLE.

He punches another button. Looks again.

FEO (CONT’D)
Eighty-four bucks? That can’t be --
(thinks)
Oh, shit -- that’s right.
(looks at her)
I just paid my phone bill.

HOLLY
I don’t believe you.

FEO
Look at the fucking screen.
It’s right there.
My balance is eighty-four-fucking bucks.

HOLLY
(peers at the screen)
Then take out eighty.

Feo punches another button.
Then another. Cash slides out.

He grabs it. Hands it to her.
His card comes out. He takes it.
Put it back in his wallet.
Turns around.

FEO
Happy now?

HOLLY
Let’s go. March.

FEO
Yes, ma’am.

They start walking west toward the hotel.

FEO (CONT’D)
So can I ask you something?

HOLLY
No. Shut up and walk.

FEO
Okay, chill, chill.

They pass an alley on their right.
Feo looks to his left.

FEO (CONT’D)
Holy SHIT.

HOLLY
(turns her head)
What?

Feo TAKES OFF down the alley at a SPRINT.

HOLLY (CONT’D)
COME BACK HERE!

She RUNS after him.

IN THE ALLEY
Feo RUNS, looks behind his shoulder.
Sees Holly in pursuit.

HOLLY (CONT’D)
Fucking ASSHOLE.
Come BACK HERE!

Feo gets to the corner, turns left,
and SMASHES into a row of trash cans.
He HITS the ground, BANG.

Holly catches up to him, gun in hand.
Quivering with rage.

HOLLY (CONT’D)
God-fucking-DAMMIT. Get UP.

Feo GRABS a trash can with super-human strength.
THROWS it at her, BANG.

She FALLS, HITS the ground.
He TAKES OFF.

Holly JUMPS UP, RUNS after him.

DOWN THE STREET
At the intersection,
Feo RUNS across the street,
Holly in hot pursuit.

He sees a BICYCLE resting against
the front stoop of a expensive-looking modern building.
He GRABS it. JUMPS on.

HOLLY (CONT’D)
NO!

Feo starts pedaling away.

HOLLY
Raises the gun and FIRES.
BANG. BANG. BANG.

FEO
Gets HIT in the back.
He FALLS OFF the bike, CRACK.
Face in the pavement.
A pool of blood starts forming.

HOLLY
Runs up to him. Sees he’s dead.

HOLLY (CONT’D)
Shit. Not another one.

She looks around. All is quiet. Nobody around.
She gets on the bike and pedals away.

ANGLE ON --
A SECURITY CAMERA
on the wall of the building above the front door.
Red light blinking.

A Different Kind Of Blow

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Onto today's joint from BLOOD GETS IN YOUR EYES, where we take a little bit of a breather.

Drug dealer Beggar Leck and 'attorney to the stars' Lief Scott have just escaped the crime scene at a party where a starlet OD'd on Beggar's uncut coke. Beggar then calls hooker Alona Tal to fill her in on his escape plan ...


EXT. VENICE PIER - NIGHT
Moonlight shines over the black water of the ocean.
The dull roar of waves crashing against the shore.
Beggar’s red convertible is parked in a far corner of the parking lot.
Now almost empty.

INT. BEGGAR’S CONVERTIBLE - CONTINUOUS
Beggar turns up the heat. Lights a smoke. Looks at Lief.

BEGGAR
What a fucking night.

LIEF
Tell me about it.
(beat)
So where are we going to go?

BEGGAR
'We?'

LIEF
I thought maybe I could -- stay at --
(off his stare)
Okay, okay. I get it.
You’ll sell me drugs,
but you won’t help me out.

BEGGAR
I’m not going home, Lief -- I --
(beat)
Have my own crisis to deal with.

LIEF
Your own crisis.
Like it could possibly be as urgent
as a dead body in your house.

BEGGAR
Actually, it is.
(sighs)
You remember my girlfriend?
She was with a client tonight,
this asshole who likes rough stuff.
Well, her NEIGHBOR,
this drunken wannabe screenwriter thought it was real,
and ran in and stabbed the bastard.
(another drag)
Fucking closet case.

LIEF
Holy shit. What happened?
Did the cops come?

BEGGAR
No. There’s always loud shit going on in that joint.
We’ve got the body -- hidden,
and we need five-K to pay some people I know to get rid of it.
(beat)
That’s why I really need to sell you the blow.
Can we still do it?

LIEF
Shit. I dunno. Yeah. No. Fuck.
I gotta think --
(beat)
If I go back there,
I’m in deep shit -- but if I run --

Beggar’s cell phone RINGS. He answers it.

BEGGAR
Hey.

INTERCUT WITH:

INT. ALONA’S SHITTY HOTEL ROOM - NIGHT
Holly sits on the window sill with a cup of vodka, looking out at the ocean.
Alona sits on the bed. Talks on her cell.

ALONA
Where are you? What’s going on? Did you do the deal?

BEGGAR
No. I was just about to,
but some fucking bimbo OD’d and fucking DIED.

ALONA
Holy SHIT. So THEN what happened?

BEGGAR
What do you fucking THINK happened?
We got the fuck out of there.

ALONA
The guy, too?

BEGGAR
Yeah, Lief.
You met him at that party at his joint.
The condo on the beach?

ALONA
Oh, yeah. The asshole lawyer.

BEGGAR
(looks at him)
He’s with me right now.
Still deciding what he’s gonna do.
He’s not exactly in the mood to buy any snow,
if you get my drift.
What’s up on your end?

ALONA
SHIT is up my end.
I tricked with Gill,
and then sent him to go get more cash,
but the jerk got mugged.
(bitter laugh)
And right now he’s breaking into HIS OWN house.

BEGGAR
Fuck.

ALONA
Wait. It gets better.
(sips her drink)
Oscar’s ASSISTANT has been poking around looking for him,
hooked up with Holly, and figured out the deal,
so SHE pulled her gun on him and took him back to her room.

BEGGAR
What the fucking FUCK?

ALONA
Chill, it’s okay.
She’s taken him to a cash machine.
We need the money, right?
(sips her drink)
We just have to figure out what to do
with him when they get back.

BEGGAR
Fuck.

ALONA
I know.
(thinks)
Hey, wait a minute.
The lawyer is filthy rich, right?

BEGGAR
Yeah --

ALONA
Bring ‘em back to the hotel.
I’LL get money out of him.

BEGGAR
(looks at Lief)
Yeah. That’s -- not a bad idea.

ALONA
Then get your ass over here.
I’m tired of hanging out with Oscar.

BEGGAR
Okay, see ya. Bye --

He clicks the phone shut.
Looks at Lief. A sickly grin.

LIEF
Who was that?

BEGGAR
Alona. I’m supposed to bring you over to her place.

LIEF
What for?

BEGGAR
Play your cards right,
and it might be a different kind of blow.

Ready, Willing And Disabled

Happy Tuesday, crime freaks. Are you ready to get your harboiled pulp-noir groove on? Then you've come to the right place, where the action is hot, and the chicks are hotter ... at That Killing Feeling.

Onto today's joint from BLOOD GETS IN YOUR EYES, where blood gets spilled, indeed ...

When we last left crime boss Vlad The Impaler and his goth squeeze Anya, they had entered a private dungeon, which they are about to try and rob, with disastrous results ... which is very bad news for our 'heroes', as Vlad and Anya were supposed to help them dispose of the dead body ... which now means they're totally fucked ...


INT. CLUB FETISH - NIGHT
Vlad and Anya huddle in front of a door in the bowels of the club.
Pull out their guns.

VLAD
Time to pop cherry.

ANYA
Ready, willing and disabled.

They kiss. Smile.
Vlad RAISES his gun.
KICKS the door.

They storm into --

INT. CLUB FETISH - OFFICE - CONTINUOUS
A swanky room Larry Flynt would love.
Art-directed sleaze.

A LARGE, UGLY SLAVE (30’s)
stands next to a gorgeous,
black-haired LEATHER-CLAD DOM (40’S)
sitting at her desk.

On the desk is a large stack of MONEY,
which she is counting.

A MOUND OF COKE is also in view.
An open safe sits nearby.

Vlad and Anya BURST into the room, weapons drawn.
They CHARGE up to the desk.

VLAD
Do not MOVE.
This is ROBBERY.

ANYA
Put hands up or we SHOOT.

DOMINATRIX CLUB OWNER
You’ve got to be fucking kidding me.
You’ll never get out of here alive.
(to the slave)
Sick ‘em, Bruno.

Bruno raises an UZI SUB-MACHINE GUN.
Looks behind Vlad and Anya.
Grins a sickly smile.

BRUNO
Fredo. Glad you could join us.

Anya turns and looks.
Bruno SPRAYS her with bullets.

She FLIES in the air like a rag doll.
Hits the wall, THWUMP.

Enraged, Vlad FIRES at Bruno, BANG.
He goes down, THUD.

VLAD
You killed MY LITTLE FLOWER.

Dominatrix raises a gleaming 357 Magnum.

DOMINATRIX CLUB OWNER
And you killed my fucking SLAVE.

She SHOOTS Vlad, BANG, BANG, BANG, BANG, BANG.
He hits the floor, THWUNK.
She looks at the bodies.
Shakes her head.

DOMINATRIX CLUB OWNER (CONT’D)
Asshole.
Do you know how HARD IT IS to find a good submissive?

Till Death Do Us Part

Happy Monday, hardboiled crime slicksters. Feeling a little hungover from yesterday's festivities? Then we've got the cure for what ails ya ... a two-fisted helping of pulp-noir ... right here, at That Killing Feeling.

Onto today's juicy joint from BLOOD GETS IN YOUR EYES ...

In today's chapter, prep school teacher Gill Sherry was caught by his wife Donna cheating on her with hooker Alona Tal, and she threw him out of the house. But now that Alona needs money to pay for 'dead body removal' at her sleazy hotel room, Gill decides to sneak back in the house to swipe some dough ... with deadly results.


EXT. GILL’S BUNGALOW - REAR - NIGHT
Moonlight shines over the back yard.
Gill climbs over the fence.
Walks carefully down the side of the lot, looking around.

Gets to the back door. Pulls out his keys.
He opens the door slowly. Goes in.

INT. GILL’S BUNGALOW - KITCHEN - CONTINUOUS
Lights out. Gill looks around.
Deciding what to do.

He sees Donna’s purse on the counter.
Walks over. Picks it up.

FEMALE VOICE (O.C.)
Don’t fucking MOVE.

DONNA
Stands in the doorway.
A ghostly spectre in her robe.
Pointing a HANDGUN.

She reaches over,
SNAPS on the lights.

GILL
Don’t shoot, DON’T SHOOT.

DONNA
Gill? What the fuck are YOU doing here?
(sees her purse)
What the FUCK?
Were you going to ROB me?

GILL
It’s not what it looks like, Donna --

DONNA
Do you mean to tell me you actually
snuck back in the house to STEAL from my purse?

GILL
Donna, please -- let me explain --

Pause.

DONNA
I’m waiting.
(beat)
And it better be good.

GILL
I have this friend that’s -- in trouble.
I went to the bank to get some money for her,
and I got mugged.
Then carjacked.

Donna starts walking toward him, waving the gun.

DONNA
A FRIEND?
Is this the FRIEND you were FUCKING?

GILL
Please put the gun down, Donna.
It might go off.

DONNA
Go OFF? GO OFF?
I’M the one that’s gonna GO OFF.
You didn’t answer my QUESTION.
Is your FRIEND the one you’re FUCKING?

Pause.

GILL
Yes.

DONNA
GODDAMMIT!

She CHARGES him,
raises the gun to hit him.
Gill GRABS her wrist.
They struggle.

He WRENCHES her arm down, down --

The gun FIRES.
Shoots Gill in the foot.
BANG. He SCREAMS.

GILL
You fucking BITCH.
You SHOT ME.

He PUNCHES her in the head. HARD.
She FLIES backwards.

The gun skitters to the floor.
Gill picks it up.

GILL (CONT’D)
You fucking SHOT me.

Donna opens a drawer.
Pulls out a BUTCHER KNIFE.

DONNA
Now I’m going to cut off your fucking HEAD.

GILL
(aiming the gun at her)
Stay back, Donna.
I don’t want to shoot you.

DONNA
You’re spineless. Weak.
You don’t have the fucking GUTS to shoot me.

She raises the knife.
A manic gleam in her eye.

Gill SHOOTS her in the stomach.
BANG. BANG. BANG.

She hits the linoleum, THUD.
A pool of blood starts forming.

GILL
Holy shit.
(gasps)
Till death do us part.

Somewhere in the distance a siren starts WAILING.
Gill panics.

He pulls her wallet out of her purse,
SHOVES it in his pocket --
and RUNS out the door.

Party Out Of Bounds

Happy Friday, crime motherfuckers! Are you ready for the weak-end? Then it's time to get your asses over the coolest joint in cyberspace, where the chicks are hot, the drinks are cold, and the hardboiled action is non-stop ... at That Killing Feeling.

Onto today's steaming hot slice of noir from BLOOD GETS IN YOUR EYES ...

Where patrolwoman Danette Day checks out the dead body at the crime scene at the wild rooftop party at the oceanside condo at Venice Beach. Meanwhile, hooker Alona Tal and boozy screenwriter Holly Land decide what to do with their hostage ...


INT. OCEANSIDE CONDO - NIGHT
Danette and Kenny slowly move through the living room, guns drawn.
Kenny looks at the lux digs in awe.

KENNY
Nice crib.

DANETTE
Shhhh.
(looks around)
C’mon. Upstairs.

IN FRONT OF THE HOUSE
Beggar tip-toes up to his BMW convertible.
Looks around. Opens the door.
Carefully gets in. Quietly closes it.

ON THE ROOF
Danette and Kenny see Emaciated Starlet’s
dead body on the blood-soaked bed.
Empty bottles and glasses everywhere.

KENNY
Holy SHIT.

DANETTE
‘Party Out of Bounds.’

KENNY
Huh?

DANETTE
Skip it.
(pulls out her cell)
Dispatch, this is unit one-adam-thirteen --
we’ve gotta code twelve, up on the roof.
Send lab techs and the coroner, do you copy?
(listens)
Roger that.

A car engine STARTS UP down below.
They RACE over to the edge of the roof. Look down.

BEGGAR’S CAR
Starts to drive away.

ON THE ROOF
Danette shakes her head.
Speaks into her cell.

DANETTE (CONT’D)
I need you to put out an APB on a red,
late-model BMW convertible,
heading north on Speedway.
(listens)
Sorry. Didn’t get the license.
(listens)
Roger that.
(hangs up, to Kenny)
C’mon, let’s go check out Paris Hilton.

They walk over to the bed. Look at the body.

KENNY
She looks kinda peaceful.
(beat)
I mean, you know -- despite all the blood.

DANETTE
(shakes her head)
Another young girl who’s potential was snuffed out too early.

KENNY
Yeah.
(wistful)
Must have been SOME party.

INT. HOLLY’S SHITTY HOTEL ROOM
Alona looks at Holly. Pointing her gun at Feo on the bed.

ALONA
That was Gill. He got carjacked.
AND mugged. We are SO fucked.

FEO
Who’s Gill?

HOLLY
None of your fucking business.

ALONA
I need a drink.

She walks over to the kitchenette.
Pours herself a plastic cup of vodka.
Takes a big hit. Looks at Holly.

ALONA (CONT’D)
You want one?

HOLLY
Yeah. Thanks.

FEO
I could use a --
(beat)
Never mind.

Alona pours one for Holly.
Brings it to her.

ALONA
Here’s blood in your eye --

They both drink. Stare at Feo.

ALONA (CONT'D)
What should we do with him?

HOLLY
I’ve got an idea.
(to Feo)
How much money do you have in the bank?

FEO
Uh, a couple hundred bucks --

HOLLY
(to Alona)
I take him to a cash machine.
Drain his account.
Then I bring him back.

ALONA
But that would be -- armed robbery.

HOLLY
And your point is?

Don't Shit Your Pants Again, Okay?

Happy Thursday, crime hipsters. Are you ready to get down and dirty? Ready for a no-holds barred, hardboiled trip to nowhere? Then saddle up your Harley and head on over to the most depraved planet in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

Onto today's joint from BLOOD GETS IN YOUR EYES, where the plot not only thickens, it congeals ...

First up, prep school teacher Gill Sherry phones hooker Alona Tal and tells her that he's been mugged, but that he has a plan to get more scratch by robbing his own house. Then, just as the cops arrive at the 'party out of bounds' in search of the dead starlet, drug dealer Beggar Leck and 'attorney to the stars' Lief Scott make their getaway ...


EXT. VENICE BEACH POLICE SUBSTATION - NIGHT
Gill walks up to the door. Hesitates. Turns around.

GILL
What was I thinking?

He walks over to a bench. Sits down.
Pulls out his cell phone.
Punches a number. Listens.

INTERCUT WITH:

INT. HOLLY’S SHITTY HOTEL ROOM - CONTINUOUS
Alona stares at Holly. Then at Feo.

ALONA
What the fuck are we gonna do NOW?

Her phone RINGS.
She pulls it out of her pocket.
Answers it.

ALONA (CONT’D)
Hello?

GILL
Alona, it’s me, Gill.

ALONA
Where are you?
What’s taking so long?

GILL
I got mugged, AND carjacked.
They got my wallet AND my car.

ALONA
SHIT. Are you okay?

GILL
I’m fine. Sort of.
(beat)
Finally stopped shaking --

ALONA
So are you coming back to the hotel?

GILL
Not yet. I have an idea.
(looks around)
I’m gonna sneak into my house --

ALONA
And ROB it?
What, are you fucking CRAZY?

GILL
It’s still MY house, Alona.
(beat)
Haven’t you heard of 'community property?'

EXT. LIEF’S CONDO - NIGHT
A police cruiser is parked on Speedway in front of Lief’s building.
Danette and Kenny jump out of the car. Draw their guns.
Make their way toward the side entrance.

KENNY
I thought it was a loud party.
I don’t hear anything.

DANETTE
Dead bodies kinda clears out the crowd.
They get to the front door. See it’s ajar.

DANETTE (CONT’D)
Follow me slowly, keep me covered and --

KENNY
Be quiet. I know, I know.

DANETTE
And do me a favor.
Don’t shit your pants again, okay?

EXT. BEACHFRONT CONDO - OCEAN SIDE - AT THAT MOMENT
Lief stands in the shrubbery.
Watches Beggar hit the ground.

LIEF
Over here.

BEGGAR
(sees him, comes over)
My car is parked on Speedway.

LIEF
So we’ll walk.

BEGGAR
You don’t get it.
There’s a fucking KILO OF BLOW in my trunk.

LIEF
Oh, shit. That’s right.
(beat)
So what are you gonna do?

BEGGAR
I’m gonna very quietly go to my car
and get the fuck out of here.
The sirens stopped,
so the cops must be inside.
I gotta do it now before they find -- her.
(beat)
You with me?

LIEF
Are you fucking kidding me?
I’ll walk down to the pier and wait for you.

BEGGAR
Spoken like a true attorney.

The Usual Suspects

Happy Hump Day, crime humpsters. You say you're feeling a little frustrated? Angry? Ready to blow your stack? Then maybe it's time to strap on your shoulder holster, slip in your favorite piece and head on out to the coolest hardboiled joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

Onto today's steamin' hot slice of noir, courtesy of BLOOD GETS IN YOUR EYES ...

When we last left boozy screenwriter Holly Land, her hostage Feo leans that she had killed his boss, which understandably freaks him out. Meanwhile, officer Dannette Day responds to the call about the OD at the rooftop party that drug dealer Beggar Leck escaped from ...


INT. HOLLY'S SHITTY HOTEL ROOM - NIGHT
Feo gets up off the bed. Starts to come to her.

HOLLY
DON’T MOVE.
(aims the gun at him)
Stay right the fuck WHERE YOU ARE.

A soft KNOCK-KNOCK-KNOCK at the door.

ALONA (O.C.)
Holly? It’s me, Alona.
Who’s in there with you?
Are you okay?

Holly smiles strangely.
Goes to the door. Opens it.

HOLLY
Come on in and join the party.

Alona walks in, sees Feo. Stops.

ALONA
Who’s he?

HOLLY
Oscar’s assistant.

FEO
(to Holly)
Who’s she?

HOLLY
Oscar’s date.

ALONA
Holy shit.

HOLLY
Tell me about it.

EXT. VENICE BEACH POLICE SUBSTATION - NIGHT
A circular brick building off the boardwalk.
A kid’s play park on one side.
Basketball courts on the other.

INT. VENICE BEACH POLICE SUBSTATION - CONTINUOUS
A tiny, small, cluttered room filled with the usual suspects.
A couple desks, filing cabinets, lockers.

A gorgeous, black female UNIFORMED COP (40’s)
shuffles through a book of mug shots.
Meet DANETTE DAY, cougar in blue.
Tough. World-weary. Has seen it all.
Several times.

A YOUNG ROOKIE COP (20’s) appears with two mugs of coffee.
Meet KENNY SPEED. Tall and gangly. Moon-faced.
Fresh out of the academy. Strong. Eager.

And not terribly bright.

KENNY
(hands her one)
Here’s your coffee, Danette.

DANETTE
Thanks, Kenny.

KENNY
Sure is a hot one tonight, huh?

DANETTE
Tell me about it.
The natives are restless.
When the Santa Annas are blowing, things get crazy.
First that liquor store holdup.
Something else is gonna happen.
I can feel it in my bones.

KENNY
I say bring it on.
I want some ACTION.

The phone RINGS.
Danette answers it.
Listens. Eyes FLASH.

DANETTE
Ten-seventy-eight.
Drug overdose at a wild rooftop party.
Fifty two-eighteen Speedway.
We’re on our way. Code three.

She BANGS down the phone. Gets up.

DANETTE (CONT’D)
You got your wish.
Ready to rock and roll?

KENNY
Fuck, yeah. A DRUG OVERDOSE.
(beat)
Code three.
That means -- lights and siren?

PUSH IN ON Danette’s face.
Nodding with amusement.

DANETTE
And if you’re really good,
we’ll get ice cream afterwards.

A Matter Of Life And Death

Happy Tuesday, crime slicksters. Are you ready for another hardboiled slice of two-fisted pulp-noir action so hot it'll melt your face off? Then get your asses to the coolest joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feelling.

Well, we just hit the 300 mark on this here blog. Blows my mind. When I started this joint back in April of last year, I've been posting my stuff for all of you to enjoy, and it warms my cold, cruel heart that it, and you, are still around. Welcome back my friends, to the crime that never ends ...

Onto today's joint from BLOOD GETS IN YOUR EYES ...

When we last left boozy screenwriter Holly Land, she had taken Hollywood agent assistant Feo up to her room at gunpoint after he fingered her for the liquor store robbery earlier that evening. And imagine his surprise when he learns that not only his his boss dead, but that Holly is the one that killed him ...


INT. HOLLY’S SHITTY HOTEL ROOM - NIGHT
Feo stumbles into the room, scared to death.
Holly follows him in. Pointing the gun at him through her purse.

She closes the door.
Pulls it out.
Waves it at him.

HOLLY
Sit, on the bed.

FEO
(sits)
Look, I’m sorry you -- got in trouble.
If you let me go,
I promise I won’t tell the cops anything.

HOLLY
Yeah, right.

FEO
I promise.
(beat)
Please don’t shoot me --

HOLLY
Shut up. I have to think.

FEO
I have an idea --

HOLLY
I said SHUT THE FUCK UP.

Feo gulps. Stares at her balefully.
Holly goes to the kitchenette,
keeping the gun on him.

Pours a glass of vodka.
Takes a big glug.
Wipes her mouth.
Looks at him.

HOLLY (CONT’D)
Stupid jerk and your stupid script.
(beat)
Why couldn’t you just mind your own business?
(off his silence)
Hello? I asked you a QUESTION.

FEO
(low)
You told me to shut up.

HOLLY
Not NOW.

FEO
I have to get this script to him,
it’s a matter of life and death --
Scarlet Stone is reading it tonight, and --
(beat)
Wait a minute.
Why don’t I give you the script,
you can give it to him,
and I’ll just -- go away.
I won’t say ANYTHING to the cops, I promise.
Please, this is gonna cost me my job --

HOLLY
(takes another sip)
That’s -- not possible.

FEO
Not possible?
What do you mean?

HOLLY
(softly)
Oscar’s dead.

FEO
What? You robbed the liquor store AND killed my boss?

Holly drains the glass. Pours another.
Takes a sip. Weaves a little.
Walks over to him.
Shaking the gun back and forth.

HOLLY
I didn’t ROB the fucking liquor store,
I just had the bad luck to BE there
when those chollo GREASEBALLS did.

FEO
But I saw you, on the tape, with the gun.

HOLLY
Shut the fuck up and LISTEN TO ME.
It was self-defense.
The Rasta shot the first gang-banger,
and his gun flew away and landed on the floor next to me --
and then I shot the second one as he came in.
(hiccups)
It was self-defense.

Pause.

FEO
And -- what happened to Oscar?

HOLLY
(eyes tear up)
I thought he was attacking Alona --
I was just trying to save her -- and I --
(beat)
Stabbed him in the back with a pair of scissors.

She breaks down. Starts crying.

FEO
Hey, it’s okay --

He gets up. Starts to come to her.

HOLLY
DON’T MOVE.
(aims the gun at him)
Stay right the fuck WHERE YOU ARE.

A soft KNOCK-KNOCK-KNOCK at the door.

Rocket To Russia

Happy Monday, crime slicksters. Are you ready for another twisted trip to the dark side of hardboiled crime? Then get yer asses in gear, and head on over to That Killing Feeling .. if you know what's good for you.

Onto today's joint from BLOOD GETS IN YOUR EYES ...

When we last left drug dealer Beggar Leck, he was at a sleazy rooftop party at Venice Beach, trying to sell some cocaine to raise money to take care of the dead body in his hooker girlfriends' motel room. Problem is, he gives a sample of the uncut boogar sugar to a party girl, who promptly OD's ... and dies ...


EXT. BEACHFRONT CONDO - ROOF DECK - NIGHT
Beggar sits on the bed with Lief, sipping cocktails.
Emaciated Starlet sits at the other end,
rolling a joint with a GIRLFRIEND (20’s),
a haughty Rodeo Drive type.

LIEF
I’ll buy the whole fucking thing
if it’s as good as you say it is.
(chortles)
Have a few clients that love to ride the slopes.

BEGGAR
Anyone famous?

LIEF
Sorry, attorney-client privilege.
(beat)
What the fuck. Jackie Tempel?
MAJOR coke whore.
How do you think she got that new sitcom?

BEGGAR
No way.

LIEF
Way.
(beat)
So come on, let’s sample the merchandise.

BEGGAR
Thought you’d never ask.

He pulls a glassine bag out of his jacket pocket.

LIEF
That’s -- kinda small.

BEGGAR
It’s locked up in the car.
Think I’m gonna walk around
with a kilo in my pocket?

LIEF
Of course, of course --

BEGGAR
I need a mirror,
something to chop it up on.
(holds up the bag)
Rock candy, kiddo.

LIEF
(to Emaciated)
Hey, Cherie -- gimme your mirror.

Cherie turns around, looks.
Passes the joint to her friend.

CHERIE
What for? Need to powder your nose?

LIEF
Yeah, my makeup is shiny.

CHERIE
Oh, shit. ME, TOO --

She comes to their side of the bed,
pulls a compact out of her bag.
Hands it to Lief, grinning.
Haughty slides over.

HAUGHTY RODEO DRIVE TYPE
Me three.
(giggles)
Got coke?

Beggar dumps out a large rock on the mirror.
Starts chopping it up with a credit card.
Expertly fashions four big, fat lines.
Pulls a rolled up bill out of his pocket.

BEGGAR
Counselor, we await your verdict.

LIEF
Sustained.

He leans over, HONKS up a line.
Shakes his head.

LIEF (CONT’D)
Court is IN SESSION.

Hands the bill back to Beggar.
He does one, SNORT.

BEGGAR
Got it from some Ukrainians I know.
Only been stepped on once.
(hands it to Cherie)
Here you go, doll.
Take a rocket to Russia --

Cherie greedily GRABS the tube.
Bends over. SNARFS up a line.
Then the other, SNORT.
She THROWS her head back and LAUGHS.

HAUGHTY RODEO DRIVE TYPE
Hey, what about ME?

CHERIE
Oh, I’m sorry -- did you want some?

Suddenly her face turns GREEN.
Her eyes roll back into her head.
Blood POURS out her nose.
She SPRAYS a green viscous FLUID all over the bed.

CHERIE (CONT’D)
GAAAAAAA -- !

Beggar, Lief and Haughty JUMP back.

LIEF
SHIT.

BEGGAR
What the FUCK?

Cherie goes into a SEIZURE.
Her body JERKS on the bed
like a rag doll in herky-jerky SPASMS.

HAUGHTY RODEO DRIVE TYPE
(looks down)
I got her spew on my DOLCE!

MALE VOICE (O.C.)
Holy shit, she’s OD-ing!
I’m gonna call 911!

FEMALE VOICE (O.C.)
I’m getting the fuck OUTTA HERE.

Cherie’s body JERKS one last time.
Then lays there. Dead.
Blood starts flowing out of her mouth.

LIEF
Holy Jesus fucking Christ.
I’ve been cluster-fucked.

HAUGHTY RODEO DRIVE TYPE
Ohmigod, she’s DEAD. She’s DEAD!

BEGGAR
Alright everybody, stay calm.
We’ve gotta figure out what to do.

HAUGHTY RODEO DRIVE TYPE
What to do? WHAT TO DO?
I’m gonna get THE FUCK OUT OF HERE.

A siren WAILS somewhere off in the distance.
Beggar puts the baggie in his pocket.
Gets off the bed.

LIEF
Wait a minute, where are you going?

BEGGAR
The fuck outta here.
I’ve got outstanding warrants,
AND a controlled substance.

LIEF
But, but --

BEGGAR
Stay here if you want to,
but I’m SPLITTING.

Lief JUMPS off the bed.
They look around.
Everyone’s gone.

LIEF
Okay, let’s book.
We’ll say we were out
buying more booze or something.

BEGGAR
WE?

Lief starts for the corner of the roof.

LIEF
Yeah, you’re my alibi.
(pulls out a gun)
Come on, there’s a ladder over here.

BEGGAR
(follows after him)
This is like Miami Vice.

Lief gets to ladder.
Looks back at Beggar.

LIEF
Then hurry up and move your ass, Sonny Crocket --