Consider This A Divorce

Hey there, crime kids. Good MORNING. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your most violent fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 40 of NOWHERE GIRLS, super-spy twins Cherry Nation and April Street, having invaded evil criminal mastermind Honey Almond's underground lair, go on the attack. While April chases after Honey and her aid-de-camp Monsterburg through the bowels of Mann's Chinese Theater above, Cherry searches desperately for her kidnapped daughters ...


INT. HONEY’S UNDERGROUND LAIR - TUNNEL - NIGHT
Dimly lit. Water drips down the cement walls.

Honey and Monsterburg RUN down the tunnel.
They make a turn. He slows down suddenly,
out of breath. Wheezing.

MONSTERBURG
Can’t go so -- fast.

HONEY
C’mon, you fucking wimp.
We gotta MOVE.

He strains to catch up.
Picks up speed.

MONSTERBURG
How much -- farther?

HONEY
We’re almost there. MOVE IT.

FURTHER ON DOWN THE TUNNEL
April HOT-FOOTS IT at lightning speed.
High heels CLOMPING.

IN THE THEATER
Streams of COMMANDOS
storm down the basement steps.

INT. HONEY’S UNDERGROUND LAIR - CORRIDOR - AT THAT MOMENT
Cherry walks down the hallway.
Checking each door she goes by.
She opens one. Looks in.

CHERRY
Huh. Nice cafeteria --

IN THE TUNNEL
Honey and Monsterburg arrive at a doorway.
She opens it --

To reveal a staircase going up.

MONSTERBURG
Ohmigod. Fucking STAIRS?

HONEY
Move it or lose, bad boy.

MONSTERBURG
Okay, okay --

And they start RUNNING up the stairs.

FURTHER ON DOWN THE TUNNEL
April keeps sprinting. Takes the turn.
Continues on. Starts the uphill ascent.
Stops. KICKS off her heels --

APRIL
Alas, poor Jimmy Choo, I knew him well --

And TAKES OFF in her bare feet.

INT. HONEY’S UNDERGROUND LAIR - CORRIDOR - AT THAT MOMENT
Cherry continues down the corridor. Checking the doors.
She looks in a window.

CHERRY
Work out room? What a set-up --

She goes to the next one.
The sign reads INFIRMARY.

She tries the door.
It opens. She creeps in --

INT. HONEY’S UNDERGROUND LAIR - INFIRMARY - CONTINUOUS
Brightly lit. Antiseptic. A row of hospital beds.
Empty. An open door at the other end of the room,
from which we can faintly hear the sounds of a TV.

Cherry carefully tip-toes toward the doorway.

INT. TUNNEL - AT THAT MOMENT
April gets to the door that
Honey and Monsterburg went through.
She YANKS it open. Looks up.

APRIL
Of course. Stairs --

And she RACES up the steps.

INT. STAIRCASE - AT THAT MOMENT
Honey and Monsterburg get to the top of the steps.
Pause a moment. Breathing heavily.

Honey goes to the door.
Puts her hand on the knob.
Monsterburg stares, wild-eyed.

MONSTERBURG
So where does THIS go?

HONEY
Used to be a shitty department store --
(beat)
Now it’s the Kodak Theater.

She YANKS the door open --
revealing a BRICK WALL.

HONEY
Goddammit.
(to Monsterburg)
You don’t happen to have
any explosives on you, do you?

MONSTERBURG
(feels it with his hand)
Wait a minute. It’s not real.

He KICKS it. The ‘wall’ falls over backwards.

MONSTERBURG
(smiles)
Scenery --

HONEY
All the world’s a stage, huh. C’mon --

And they RACE through the door.

INT. INFIRMARY - AT THAT MOMENT
Cherry stands next to the door.
Peers around the corner --

INT. INFIRMARY - NURSE’S OFFICE - CONTINUOUS
A plush living space, more like an apartment.

Cherry’s girls AURA (10) and AMBER (8)
lie sleeping peacefully in bed.

Roxy, the hot babe nurse we saw
before sits on the couch
with her back to us watching
SUNSET BOULEVARD on TV.

GLORIA SWANSON (O.C.)
(electronic)
I AM big.
It’s the PICTURES that got small --

Cherry raises her gun.
Tip-toes in. Stops. Takes aim.

CHERRY
I’m ready for my close-up, BITCH.

ROXY
(turns around, startled)
What the -- ?

CHERRY
Move one muscle and you’re dead --
GOT IT?

ROXY
Who the fuck are YOU?

CHERRY
(looks at the girls)
I’m their MOTHER, nurse Ratched.

Roxy takes advantage of the distraction.
DIVES to the floor.

CHERRY (CONT’D)
What the FUCK?

The girls wake up. See Cherry.

A pistol CLICK-CLICKS. Roxy stands.
Gun aimed at the girls.

ROXY
(to Cherry)
Drop the weapon, MOM.

CHERRY
(horrified)
You wouldn’t DARE.

ROXY
Try me. DROP IT,
or its Romper-Stomper room.

Cherry drops the Uzi.
It CLATTERS to the floor.

ROXY
Now go join them on the bed.
(evil grin)
So you can say 'night-night'
before lights out.

The girls start CRYING.
Cherry races over to them.
Hugs and comforts them.
Strokes their hair.

CHERRY
Shhh, it’s gonna be okay. Mommy’s here --

Roxy walks toward them. Pointing the gun.

ROXY
Do you have any last words, mommy dearest?

CHERRY
(turns, looks)
Yeah --
In a blink of an eye,
Cherry’s legs FLY UP,
and she KICKS Roxy in the face, CRACK.

She FLIES backwards, dropping the gun.
Cherry LEAPS off the bed,
GRABS the weapon, and SHOUTS --

CHERRY
Good night, NURSE.

And LEAPS on top of Roxy.
The girls SQUEAL, excited.

AMBER
KILL her, Mommy!

AURA
Go, MOMMY!

Cherry PISTOL-WHIPS Roxy, CRACK.

CHERRY
How DARE YOU fuck with my KIDS --

Roxy GRABS Cherry in a choke-hold.
She drops the gun.

GRABS at her neck,
tries to pull Roxy’s hands away.

But Roxy is STRONG,
and won’t let go.

Cherry’s face starts turning red.

AURA
Oh, NO --

She reaches over and GRABS the table lamp.
Skitters over to where they’re fighting,
and SMASHES it on Roxy’s head, CRACK.

The lightbulb POPS and FIZZLES.
A POOF of grey smoke.

Roxy lies on the floor,
motionless. Out cold.

AURA
Consider this a DIVORCE.

Amber claps excitedly.
Cherry stares at Aura. Incredulous.

CHERRY
Thanks, honey --
(beat)
Where on earth did you
learn how to do THAT?

AURA
I saw it on ALIAS, mommy --

Elvis Has Entered The Building

Hey there, crime kids. Happy fucking FRIDAY. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your most violent fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 39 of NOWHERE GIRLS, super-spy twins Cherry Nation and April Street storm evil criminal mastermind Honey Almond's command center deep within her underground lair ... right after Honey and Monsterburg make their escape ...


INT. HONEY’S OFFICE - NIGHT
Honey sits at her desk.
We can see she’s been crying.
She reaches for a tissue.
Sees something on the wall.

ANGLE ON --
The spy camera.

She LEAPS UP. Walks over to it --

HONEY
Those sneaky BASTARDS.

GRABS it, YANKS on it,
pulls it out from the wall, RRRIP.

HONEY
God-DAMMIT.

She storms out into --

INT. SITUATION ROOM - CONTINUOUS
Honey stands in her doorway.
Eyes on fire.

HONEY
Everybody LISTEN UP.
We’ve had a SECURITY BREACH.
We’re under ATTACK.
Start the defense protocol IMMEDIATELY.

The group breaks into BUZZING and CHATTERING
as everyone checks their weapons.

Scurries about getting ready.
Monsterburg RACES over to her.

MONSTERBURG
What happened?

HONEY
Stealth camera in my office.
Probably one of a dozen.
Elvis has entered the building.
Hunka-hunka burnin’ agents.

MONSTERBURG
Holy shit. Do you have a --

HONEY
Escape contingency? Of course.
Wanna come with me?

MONSTERBURG
Does a bear have a big dick?

HONEY
Follow me.

She trots over toward a steel door
in the corner of the room.

Puts her hand on a touch pad.
The door THWIPS open --
and Honey and Monsterberg
DASH into the opening and disappear --

Just as Cherry and April
appear in the opposite doorway.
Each with twin Uzis.

CHERRY
Homeland SECURITY.
Nobody MOVE, DROP YOUR WEAPONS, NOW.

APRIL
You’re UNDER ARREST.

A pair of ARMED GUARDS
raise their rifles at them.

UGLY ARMED GUARD
Oh, YEAH?

Cherry SCREAMS. Starts firing,
SPRAYING the room with bullets.

April lets loose with a WAR CRY,
starts FIRING.

The Uzis RIP everyone apart.
RAT-TAT-TAT-TAT-TAT-TAT-TAT-TAT.
RAT-TAT-TAT-TAT-TAT-TAT-TAT-TAT.

Blood, brains and limbs go FLYING --

The girls keep SHOOTING.
RAT-TAT-TAT-TAT-TAT-TAT-TAT-TAT.
RAT-TAT-TAT-TAT-TAT-TAT-TAT-TAT.

Honey’s commandos and techs bodies
JERK like puppets in the air,
then HIT the ground, dead.
THWUMP, THWUMP, THWUMP.

Cherry and April stop firing.
Look around.
April points at the open doorway.

APRIL
She went thataway, c’mon --

April starts moving.
Cherry stays put.

CHERRY
I’ll catch up with you.
First I gotta find my KIDS.

April looks at Cherry. Nods.

APRIL
Call me on the walkie --

CHERRY
(nods)
Go get ‘em, sis.

APRIL
Righteous kill, BABY --

And she DASHES off down the tunnel.

EXT. MANN’S CHINESE THEATER - NIGHT
The place is a zoo.
Word has gotten out to the media,
and now a hoard of NEWS VANS
and CURIOUS ONLOOKERS
have joined the throng of
SQUAD CARS and SWAT TRUCKS.

A hoard of COMMANDOS in riot gear
STORM into the theater.

Sunday and Max strap on kevlar vests.
Put on helmets.
Look at the madness around them.

SUNDAY
God-DAMMIT. Fucking fourth estate --

MAX
What’s 'fourth estate?'

SUNDAY
The media.

MAX
Then why didn’t you just say 'the media?'

SUNDAY
Pardon me for going to HARVARD.

Pause.

MAX
I’m sorry. Kinda tired.
These late nights are getting kinda old --

SUNDAY
Apology accepted.
Now stop your whining
and lets go get us
some criminal mastermind ASS.

MAX
NOW you’re talking.

They start for the entrance to the theater.

SUNDAY
After this is over,
whattaya say we go
somewhere and celebrate?

MAX
Seriously?

SUNDAY
Seriously.

MAX
Hot SOX.

SUNDAY
'Hot sox?'

MAX
EXCUSE ME for going
to community college -

Team America

Happy Thursday, crime slicksters. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where the girls are hot, the drinks are cold, and the hardboiled-pulp-noir action is non-stop, right here, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 38 of NOWHERE GIRLS, super-spy twins Cherry Nation and April Street escape from their dungeon cell deep inside evil criminal mastermind Honey Almond's underground lair. Meanwhile, above-ground, FBI agents Sunday Sparks and Max Cargo are given orders to 'go in for the kill' ...


EXT. MANN’S CHINESE THEATER - NIGHT
Sunday and Max stand next to
a monitor set up on a table.

We see the camera’s POV of
Honey’s command center on the screen.

MAX
Okay, so now we know where they are.
I say we go in, stealth-like.

SUNDAY
Too risky. Two of our most valuable assets
are in there, not to mention agent Nation’s children.

MAX
(tears up)
How could somebody be so DESPICABLE?
We’ve got to RESCUE THEM.

SUNDAY
You know, you should show your
soft side more often.
It’s very appealing.

MAX
(blushes)
Really?

Sunday’s cell phone RINGS.

SUNDAY
Hold that thought.
(answer it)
This is agent Sparks --

INTERCUT WITH:

INT. FBI HEADQUARTERS - CLINT RUFF’S OFFICE
Clint sits at his desk.
DOWNS his glass of scotch.

Grabs the bottle. Pours another.
BARKS into the speakerphone.

CLINT
Ruff here. Status?

SUNDAY
We’ve located her base of operations, sir.
Three floors below the theater.

CLINT
Has the movie let out?

SUNDAY
Yes. We’re just waiting to find out --

CLINT
WAITING? What the FUCK?
Go in there and GET her, NOW.
It’s a matter of NATIONAL SECURITY.
This woman was able to
penetrate THE WHITE HOUSE.

SUNDAY
But agents Nation and Street are --

CLINT
They can take care of THEMSELVES.
For all we know, Almond could be
escaping through a secret tunnel.
You know how those evil masterminds are --

SUNDAY
Oh, shit -- you’re right.
(beat)
Don’t worry, sir.
We’re going in right away --
with no lube.

CLINT
This is NO TIME FOR JOKES.
Just DO IT.

SUNDAY
Yes, sir. I’m sorry, sir. Over.

She clicks the phone shut.
Sighs. Looks at Max.

SUNDAY
You heard me.
Get the squad ready.
We’re going in with everything.
A full-scale assault.

MAX
I heard.
(strange smile)
With no lube?

SUNDAY
Figure of speech --
(beat)
I, uh -- lost my head for a second.

MAX
I hate when that happens.

INT. FBI HEADQUARTERS - CLINT RUFF’S OFFICE - AT THAT MOMENT
Clint finishes his drink. Smiles grimly.

CLINT
'No lube' --
(beat)
Heh, heh, heh.

INT. BOMB SHELTER - AT THAT MOMENT
Cherry and April have pulled
the shelves away from the wall.
Positioned them under the trap door opening.

APRIL
I’ll go first,
you come up behind and cover me.

CHERRY
No. I’M going first.

APRIL
But I thought you wanted to
turn in your secret decoder ring.

CHERRY
Too late for that.
Spies ‘R’ Us, baby. TEAM AMERICA.
(growls)
I’m getting my fucking KIDS back --

APRIL
Knock ‘em dead, kid.

CHERRY
Don’t mind if I do.

Fire in her eyes,
Cherry starts climbing up the shelves,
April right behind her.

INT. INTERROGATION ROOM - CONTINUOUS
Two GUARDS sit at a table over the trap door
fooling with a laptop.
HORNY GUARD points at the screen.

HORNY GUARD
Check it out.
It’s so big, he can suck himself.

CRAZED GUARD shakes his head with disgust.

CRAZED GUARD
I don’t want to see THAT.
That’s fucking GAY.

HORNY GUARD
(working the mouse)
Okay, okay, hold onto your dick --
check this one out.
You’re gonna shit your pants --

The trap door below them slowly OPENS.
Cherry sticks her head out. Looks up.

Sees the table up above.
Carefully opens it all the way.
Gently places it down on the floor.

CRAZED GUARD
Holy shit, check out the CANS on HER.

HORNY GUARD
Meet Bambi Boulders. Double-H, dude.

Cherry climbs up quietly.
Looks down, motions to April.

She climbs up.
Crouches next to Cherry.

CHERRY
(points, mouths silently)
Grab their FEET --

April nods. Holds up three fingers.
Cherry nods.

HORNY GUARD
Check out THOSE meat curtains --

April shoots out a finger.
Then two -- then THREE.

And they GRAB the guards’ ankles.

April and Cherry YANK HARD,
PULLING the guards off their chairs
onto the floor, BANG --
and LEAP on top of them.

Cherry PUNCHES Horny in the face, CRACK.
He goes out.

April HITS Crazed on the
side of the head, CRACK.
He goes down.

They get up.
Take their weapons.

Cherry sees their walkie talkies.
Grabs them. Hands one to April.

CHERRY
In case we get separated.

APRIL
What. No pre-nup?

Flame On, Bitches

Hey there, crime kids. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your most violent fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 37 of NOWHERE GIRLS, super-spy sisters Cherry Nation and April Street are being held captive in evil criminal mastermind Honey Almond's underground lair, where they suddenly have to fight a horde of angry, vicious RATS ...


EXT. MANN’S CHINESE THEATER - NIGHT
Two more teams are drilling holes in the sidewalk.
Gruff tech walks over to Sunday and Max.

SUNDAY
Anything yet?

GRUFF TECH
Yeah. We found agent Nation’s daughters.
They’re okay.

An INTENSE TECH off to the side looks up
from his scanner.

INTENSE TECH
BINGO.
(to Sunday and Max)
I’ve got Honey Almond.
In her office. Come take a look.

INT. HONEY’S UNDERGROUND LAIR - OFFICE - AT THAT MOMENT
Honey sits at her desk. Pours scotch into a cut-glass tumbler.
Downs it. HICCUPS. Dabs a tissue to her eye.

Monsterburg sticks his head in the room.
Concerned.

MONSTERBURG
Chief. Are you okay?

HONEY
No, I’m NOT okay.
My own daughters REJECTED me.

MONSTERBURG
Well, if they survive the -- thing downstairs,
maybe they might change their minds.

HONEY
Are you fucking KIDDING ME? It’s OVER.
(beat)
And nobody has EVER survived -- down there.

MONSTERBURG
Is there anything I can do?

HONEY
Thanks doll, no.
I need some private time to myself.

MONSTERBURG
Call me if you need me.

And he leaves. Honey sniffles.
Pours another drink.

ANGLE ON --
The wall to her left.
We see a small hole.

The tip of the snake is sticking out.
A tiny camera slowly BLINKING.

INT. BOMB SHELTER - AT THAT MOMENT
Cherry and April stand on the top of the shelves,
kicking at the rats with their feet.

But they keep coming.
One of them BITES INTO Cherry’s ankle.

CHERRY
OWWW. Get it OFF, GET IT OFF.

April pulls out a knife.
JABS it in his head with a sickening CRUNCH.
The rat falls over.

Another one immediately takes its place.
April KICKS IT like a football, THWUMP.
It FLIES away.

APRIL
We gotta find something to --
(looks around, sees)
TORCHES. We’ve got fucking TORCHES.

She GRABS two. Hands one to Cherry.
Pulls out her lighter. Lights it.
Then hers. They BURST INTO FLAME.

CHERRY
Got you NOW, motherfuckers.

APRIL
How about some FIRE, scarecrow?

They wave the torches at the rats,
now SQUEALING LOUDER.

CHERRY
They’re not GOING AWAY.

One of them LEAPS up,
SINKS it’s teeth in April’s leg.

APRIL
NOOOOOO.

She puts the torch to the rat.
It CATCHES ON FIRE and SCREAMS.

She PUNCHES it with her other hand.
It FLIES away.

APRIL
This isn’t good enough --

She keeps waving her torch at the rats,
keeping them at bay.

Cherry scans the boxes on the shelves.
RIPS one open.

CHERRY
AHA. HAIR SPRAY --

APRIL
Hair spray?

CHERRY
(grabs two cans, tosses her one)
WATCH.

She holds it behind the flame of her torch.
SQUIRTS IT, and a giant FLAME WHOOSHES OUT
like a blowtorch.

She SWEEPS it across a pack of rats
clawing at the edge of the shelf.

They BURST INTO FLAMES, SCREAMING.

POPPING and CRACKLING like pieces of evil popcorn.
APRIL
(aims her can, nods at Cherry)
FLAME ON, BITCHES --

The hold their cans up to their torches.
Start SPRAYING the rats with flames
in a wide circle -- WHOOSH-WHOOSH.

The rats CATCH ON FIRE, skitter away, HOWLING.

The girls JUMP DOWN to the floor.
Continue SPEWING FLAMES at the retreating rats.
The air fills with sickening smoke.

CHERRY
Anybody want BARBECUE?

APRIL
(sweeping flames)
Who’s got MARSHMALLOWS?

The remaining rats DART into hidden holes
in the back of the room.

The girls stop. Take a deep breath.
Look around.

CHERRY
Holy shit.

APRIL
I know --
(beat)
You saved our asses.

CHERRY
(half-smile)
What else are sisters for?

APRIL
Uh, maybe getting us the fuck
OUTTA HERE and catching the evil villain?

CHERRY
(nods)
Works for me --

Deep Stealth

Happy Tuesday, crime slicksters. Do you know where your children are? Well, they're right here, taking a trip to the dark side, where the girls are hot, the drinks are cold, and the hardboiled-pulp-noir action is non-stop, right here, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 36 of NOWHERE GIRLS, deep in her underground lair, evil criminal mastermind Honey Almond reveals a stunning revelation to her captives, super-spy sisters Cherry Nation and April Street, and then makes them 'an offer they can't refuse' ...


EXT. MANN’S CHINESE THEATER - NIGHT
A pair of FBI TECHS drill holes
into the sidewalk with lasers.

Max and Sunday watch,
along side Grim-Looking Agent.

MAX
So how does it work?

GRIM-LOOKING AGENT
They’re drilling holes
at a forty-five degree angle.
When they get to the lower foundation,
they’ll then angle in.

He holds up a long, thin tube.

GRIM-LOOKING AGENT (CONT’D)
This has a laser-camera at the end.
Can see through ANYTHING.

SUNDAY
Gives a whole new meaning
to the term ‘deep stealth’, huh?

One of the techs turns and looks at them.

GRUFF TECH
I’m in the sub-basement.
Bring me the snake.

Grim-Looking brings it over.
Hands to Gruff Tech.

GRIM-LOOKING AGENT
Here you go.

GRUFF TECH
(takes it)
Thanks.

Gruff starts stuffing the tube into the hole.
Max looks at Sunday. Raises an eyebrow.

MAX
Give you any ideas?

SUNDAY
In your hat, buster.

MAX
Sorry. Didn’t mean to make an asp of myself.
SUNDAY
(shakes her head)
So many men. So few bullets in a gun --

INT. HONEY’S INTERROGATION ROOM - AT THAT MOMENT
Cherry and April stand in the cube. Glare at Honey.

APRIL
You’ll never get away with this,
the place is SWARMING WITH FBI.

CHERRY
What have you done with my FUCKING KIDS?

HONEY
Ladies, ladies, ladies --
is that any way to talk to your MOTHER?

Honey smiles.
Starts pacing around them in a slow circle.

HONEY (CONT'D)
Surprise --
(beat)
Of course I’m still a bit peeved
that you killed your FATHER --
(beat)
But I understand. He was an evil man.
(shakes her head)
Talk about a messy DIVORCE --

APRIL
Wait a minute.
Let me get this straight --

CHERRY
My head is spinning.
You mean to say, you and SLEDGE --

HONEY
Are your parents, yes.
(beat)
We were young and poor,
and the bastard didn’t think
we could take care of you.
It was HIS idea
to put you up for adoption.
I’ve been sick about it ever since.

APRIL
And you put us through all of this
for the same reason HE did --

CHERRY
(to April)
She wants us to WORK FOR HER?

HONEY
Well, of course. You two are the BEST.
I threw my top assassins after you,
and you came through with flying colors.
(beat)
Of course, the collateral damage
was a bit excessive, but worth it.
Assets are replaceable.
(smiles)
But you only have one family.

CHERRY
But why the thing with the White House?

HONEY
Well, let’s just say I have a
bit of an over-active imagination.
(stops, looks at them)
Imagine the possibilities.
With you two on board,
the world is our oyster.
Just think of it --
mother and daughters,
hell-bent on world-domination.

APRIL
On what planet do you think
we’d work for YOU?

HONEY
A planet where a nuclear device
is sitting in the Senate chamber
during a joint session of Congress?
(laughs)
Just kidding. There goes that
over-active imagination again --
(beat)
But seriously? What choice do you have?
Every law enforcement agency
in the world wants you --
(beat)
AND I have your CHILDREN.
(beat)
Don’t you see? You have no choice.

Cherry and April’s heads SPIN.
They look at each other.

CHERRY
I want proof they’re ALIVE.

Honey shakes her head.
Wipes a tear from her eye.

HONEY
You don’t trust me.
Your own MOTHER.
(beat)
Then I’ll give you some time
to THINK ABOUT IT.

She PRESSES a button
on the floor with her boot.

A trap door below them OPENS --
and Cherry and April FALL into the hole.

INT. MANN’S CHINESE THEATER - SUB-BASEMENT - NIGHT
A dimly lit bunker. Shelves of supplies on one wall.
Water DRIPS from the ceiling onto the cement floor.

We hear the faint sound of
something scurrying about in the shadows.

Cherry and April HIT the floor
with a SLAP, THUD. They groan. Sit up.
Massage their bruised muscles. Look around.

CHERRY
What is this place?

APRIL
(peers in the dim light)
Looks like some kind of --
storage room or something.

CHERRY
Looks more like -- a bunker.

APRIL
Maybe it’s a bomb shelter.

Cherry feels something on her leg.
SHAKES it. Looks.

CHERRY
Ohmigod, a RAT.

APRIL
WHAT? WHERE?

She pulls out her lighter,
FLICKS it on, to reveal --

The room is FILLED WITH RATS.
Surrounding them.

They SQUEAL at the light.
Then JUMP on Cherry and April.

The girls try to BAT them away
as they get BITTEN all over their bodies.

They SCREAM. Try to WHACK them away.

CHERRY
SHIT, NOOOOOO GET OFF.

APRIL
GET OFF ME. GET OFF ME.

CHERRY
THE SHELVES, OVER THERE.

They RUN to a wall filled with shelves,
start climbing them.

The rats cling to their legs,
nipping and tugging. SQUEALING.

April gets half-way up, BANGS her leg,
knocking them off.

Cherry does the same.

They climb to the top.
Look down, see --

A HOARD OF RATS,
undulating like a wave,
moving toward them.

CHERRY (CONT’D)
What are we GONNA DO?

APRIL
I’m thinking, I’m THINKING -- .

Underground Lair, Here We Come

Hey there, crime kids. Happy Monday. You say your bored? Stressed out? Dreading the long week ahead of you? Then why not take a trip to the dark side, where your most violent fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 35 of NOWHERE GIRLS, super-spy sisters Cherry Nation and April Street travel down into the bowels of Mann's Chinese Theater in Hollywood looking for evil criminal mastermind Honey Almond's secret headquarters ... and fall right into her trap.


INT. MANN’S CHINESE THEATER - BACK STAGE - NIGHT
The movie NOWHERE GIRL unspools in the distance.
We hear guns FIRING, SHOUTED bits of dialog -- and MUSIC.

Cherry and April creep backstage in the dark.
They approach the movie screen from behind. Listen.

CHERRY
'Gnarly?' I’d never say THAT --

APRIL
Fucking Hilary SWANK?
That buck-toothed horse-face?
She’s not HOT.

CHERRY
C’mon, let’s get outta here before I get sick.
(sighs)
Coulda been such a GREAT movie --

APRIL
Fat fucking tub of lard Joel Silver.
Never should have trusted him.

They walk toward the back of the stage area.

APRIL (CONT’D)
We need to find the stairs down to the basement.

CHERRY
(squints, points)
Look. There in the corner.
Let’s check it out.

They creep towards the back.
Get to a steel door.
April GRABS it. PULLS it open.

APRIL
Open sesame.

CHERRY
(gestures)
Brains before beauty.

APRIL
Look who’s getting cutesy
with the banter all of sudden.

CHERRY
(half-grin)
Don’t press your luck.

And they start down the stairs.

EXT. MANN’S CHINESE THEATER - NIGHT
A squadron of FBI VEHICLES and COP CARS
fill the street in front of the theater.
A SWAT truck pulls up to the curb.

EXT. MAX’S SUV - CONTINUOUS
Sunday and Max stand nearby.
Look at the theater.

MAX
How do we handle this?
There’s a theater full of people in there.
We don’t want them to panic.

SUNDAY
I’m thinking, I’m thinking --

A GRIM-LOOKING AGENT trots over to them.

GRIM-LOOKING AGENT
The movie’s over in fifteen minutes.

MAX
Great. We’ll just wait until it’s over.
We’ve got the place surrounded.

SUNDAY
Yeah, but I’m not sure that’s going to be enough.
Intel says this Honey Almond character
is some kind of mad genius.
She could have all kinds of
secret tunnels and shit down there.
(to Grim-Looking)
We need a C-A-L-S. You guys have that?

GRIM-LOOKING AGENT
You mean the Cavity Auto-Scanning Laser System?
Of course. It’s in the tech truck.

SUNDAY
Solid. Go get it.
Let’s take a look below ground.
See what we find.

GRIM-LOOKING AGENT
(salutes)
Yes, MA’AM. Be right back.

And he trots off.

MAX
Underground lair, here we come --

INT. MANN’S CHINESE THEATER - BASEMENT - AT THAT MOMENT
Cherry and April walk down a dimly lit corridor.
April holds a hand-held device at the wall as they go.

CHERRY
How does it work?

APRIL
It registers electrical activity.

CHERRY
Like computers.

APRIL
Bingo.
(looks at it)
Houston. We HAVE CONTACT.

They get to a door.
Look in the window.

CHERRY
Electrical room --

APRIL
(holds it up)
Check it out. See?

CHERRY
But what if they know
about this kind of device.
Wouldn’t the electrical room
be the perfect place to hide the door?

APRIL
That’s fucking brilliant.

CHERRY
Takes one to know one.

April smiles, pushes the door open.
They walk into --

INT. ELECTRICAL ROOM - CONTINUOUS
Dark. Dank. Rows of circuit breakers and switches.
April shines a flashlight along the walls
as they walk through.

APRIL
They’re not going to make this easy, are they.

CHERRY
I don’t see any doors --

April flashes her light on a large metal cabinet.

APRIL
Hello, Dr. Caligari.

CHERRY
Who?

APRIL
Never mind. Check it out. On the side.

CHERRY
KEY CARD STRIP.

APRIL
Exactly.
(pulls key card out of her pocket, smiles)
Don’t worry. We’ll leave the light on.

Cherry pulls out her SIG-Sauer Mosquito.
April takes out her Glock.

They look at each other. Nod.
She SWIPES the card in the slot.

The cabinet door rises up into the ceiling, THWIP.
Revealing a set of stairs going down to another level.

They start walking down the steps --

But they suddenly FLIP UP,
and the incline becomes a steel chute,
and the girls go FLYING DOWN to the bottom.

They HIT the floor with a THUD.

CHERRY
OW.

APRIL
You okay?

CHERRY
Yeah, I --

A trap door OPENS UP --
and they FALL down into the hole.

INT. INTERROGATION ROOM - CONTINUOUS
Steel-walled. Futuristic. Soft glowing light.

The girls fall into a plexiglass cube
in the middle of the room with a SLAP.
Groan. In pain.

Standing nearby is Honey.
And four ARMED GUARDS.
One on each side.

The girls stand up,
brush themselves off.

HONEY
Evening, ladies.
So glad you dropped in.
(laughs)
Pun intended.

War Of The Girls

Hey there, crime kids. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your most violent fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 34 of NOWHERE GIRLS, Homeland Security agent-sisters Cherry Nation and April Street arrive at Mann's Chinese Theater in Hollywood to take down evil criminal mastermind Honey Almond. Meanwhile, in a sub-basement deep below the theater in her underground lair, Honey is about to spring her trap ...


EXT. VENICE BOULEVARD - NIGHT
April drives the big chopper,
Cherry sits behind her.

ON THE MOTORCYCLE
Cherry SHOUTS above the roar of the engine.

CHERRY
Can’t you go any faster?

APRIL
And get pulled over by the cops?

CHERRY
Maybe we should take the freeway --

APRIL
Gonna be swarming with Feds.
Best to take Venice.
Almost as fast at this hour.
Then we’ll shoot up LaBrea.

CHERRY
Okay, just HURRY.

APRIL
Don’t worry, we’re gonna get your kids,
AND clear our names --

CHERRY
And then I’m DONE.

APRIL
What? Are you KIDDING ME?
You can’t quit NOW.
We’re a TEAM -- we’re SISTERS.

CHERRY
You mean blood is thicker than water?

APRIL
HELL, yeah -- RIGHT?

CHERRY
Let me get back to you on that --

INT. MAX’S SUV - MOVING - AT THAT MOMENT
Max drives. Sees something out the window.

MAX
Hey. There’s the DWP VAN --

SUNDAY
They must have switched vehicles.

MAX
No shit. Check out the guy on the lawn.

EXT. CUL DE SAC - CONTINUOUS
The SUV stops. Sunday and Max JUMP out.
RACE over to Nasty Biker.

Sunday gets down on one knee.
SLAPS him in the face.

SUNDAY
Hey, Peter Fonda, WAKE UP.

POT-BELLIED NASTY BIKER
(opens his eyes)
HEY.

He slowly gets up. Rubs his jaw.

POT-BELLIED NASTY BIKER (CONT’D)
Who the fuck are YOU?

MAX
FBI.

POT-BELLIED NASTY BIKER
Thank fucking god.

SUNDAY
What happened?

POT-BELLIED NASTY BIKER
(points)
These two chicks came by in that van,
one of ‘em was that porn star La Cienega Boulevard.
Said they were Homeland Security
and that they were bein’ chased by somebody,
and could they take my hog.
I said sure, if I could come along and help.
Then they fucking CLOCKED ME and STOLE it.

MAX
Two women, twins, super-hot?

POT-BELLIED NASTY BIKER
That’s them. Who’s chasing them?

SUNDAY
We are.
(off his look)
It’s a long story --
(to Max)
Alert Sky Sat, STAT.

Max nods. Pulls out his cell.
Punches a number. Listens.

MAX
Yeah, hey. This is agent Cargo.
They’re on a motorcycle.
Heading from this location to Hollywood.
Track all major thoroughfares
and send every agent you have
to Mann’s Chinese Theater, got it?
(listens)
Thanks. We’re on our way.

He clicks the phone shut.

POT-BELLIED NASTY BIKER
Mann’s Chinese Theater?
What’s going on THERE?

SUNDAY
Ever seen War of the Worlds?

EXT. MANN’S CHINESE THEATER - NIGHT
The girls pull up in front
of the theater on the chopper.

See a crowd of people waiting to get in.
The sign reads NOWHERE GIRL.
SPECIAL MIDNIGHT SCREENING.

EXT. MOTORCYCLE - CONTINUOUS
Cherry and April look at the sign.

APRIL
Shit, I forgot. Opening night.

CHERRY
We should probably go around back.

APRIL
Uh, YEAH --

She KICKS the engine in gear.
They ride down the street,
then turn into --

AN ALLEY
They park near an EXIT sign.
HOP off the bike. Go to the door.
April tries it, but it’s LOCKED.

APRIL (CONT’D)
Of course --

Cherry pulls out her pick.
Starts working it in the lock.

CHERRY
Just give me a sec --

APRIL
See all the fun you’d
be missing if you quit?

CHERRY
Don’t test me,
I’m almost at the breaking point.
(jiggles it)
C’mon, fucking OPEN --

The lock CLICKS.
Cherry GRABS the handle.

CHERRY (CONT'D)
Okay, c’mon --

APRIL
I love you.

Cherry stops. Looks at her.
Eyes filled with tears.

CHERRY
I -- love you, too.

APRIL
Then c’mon, killer.
Let’s go get your kids.

CHERRY
(tries to smile)
Okay --

And they go in.

INT. HONEY’S UNDERGROUND LAIR - COMMAND CENTER - NIGHT
Honey stands at the head of the room.
Takes a sip from a flask.
Watches her staff man their workstations.

Monsterburg walks up to her.
All smiles.

HONEY
What’s the word, hot stuff?

MONSTERBURG
The mice have taken the cheese.
SNAP.

HONEY
YES.
(raises her flask in a toast)
They have fallen into our TRAP.
The little chickies have come home to ROOST.

She drinks. Applause.
Excited chattering.

HONEY (CONT’D)
A toast to YOU.
The finest group of operatives
the world has EVER KNOWN.
(beat)
We are on the verge of COMPLETE CONTROL.
It is our MANIFEST DESTINY.

A HOT BABE in a nurse’s uniform
raises her hand.

HONEY (CONT’D)
Yes, Roxy?

ROXY
What about the children?

HONEY
Don’t worry.
All will be revealed soon.
How are they doing?

ROXY
They finally fell asleep.

HONEY
Outstanding.
(to Monsterburg)
Have you readied the chamber?

MONSTERBURG
Yes, my liege.
Despicable torture device is READY.

HONEY
Fan-TASTIC.
(sighs)
God, I love my work.
(to the room)
Alright, people. Places, PLEASE.
It’s SHOW-TIME.
(beat)
Do we have any of that
microwave popcorn left?