Luc Besson, Eat Your Heart Out

Happy Hump Day, crime humpsters! It's time once again to take a trip to a place that dares not speak it's name. A place of such complete, pure evil, that most dare not tread, unless they're like you, looking for adventure ... at That Killing Feeling.

Into today's chapter from NOWHERE GIRLS, Homeland Security agents Cherry Nation and April Street are being pursued at high speed in their Winnebago through a parking garage structure by the FBI ... and the deadly assassin Shao Lin and her 'assistants' ...


INT. MAX’S SUV - MOVING - NIGHT
Max drives through the parking lot, looking for the RV.

MAX
I don’t see it, I don’t see it.

SUNDAY
Think, think, think, -- where could they hide?

They look at each other. A lightbulb POPS.
Max turns the wheel, STEPS on the gas.

INT. PARKING GARAGE - NIGHT
The Winnebago SHOOTS through the garage.

INT. SERGE’S MOTOR HOME - CONTINUOUS
April points to an ‘up ramp.

APRIL
Go up, not down. Or we’ll be trapped.

SERGE
(downshifts)
I’m one step ahead of you --

CHERRY
April, you grab the laptop.
I’ll get the weapons.

SIMON
I have an idea.
But my bike can only carry two people --

IN THE PARKING GARAGE
The RV gets to the ramp, starts going up.

AT THE ENTRANCE RAMP
Max’s SUV FLIES downward, turns.
SCREECHES, burning rubber.

MAX
Which way, which way?

SUNDAY
No way they’d be stupid enough to go down. Go UP --

Max turns the wheel,
SLAMS the vehicle up the ramp.

EXT. SHOPPING CENTER - NIGHT
Shao’s bug ROARS into the parking lot. Starts circling.

IN THE BUG
Shao scans the parking lot. No sign of the RV.

NASHI
(spins the wheel)
We go around and around until we FIND THEM.

Suzu studies her I-phone.
Listening through headphones.

SUZU
A-HA.
(points)
FBI go into PARKING GARAGE.

Nashi HITS the gas.
ROARS toward the entrance.

SHAO
Got you now, girlies.
Momma needs to have a word with you --

EXT. PARKING STRUCTURE - ROOF - NIGHT
The RV comes up the ramp.
ROARS across the roof.
SCREECHES to a halt.

April, Cherry and Serge PILE OUT.
Simon ROARS out the back door on his Harley.
They race over to him.

SIMON
(points)
We’re in luck.
There’s another bike over there.
April can ride with me.
You two take that one.

April hefts her bag. Jumps on.

SERGE
But I can’t drive a motorcycle.

CHERRY
I can --

She RACES OVER to the bike.
Pulls out wires on the steering column.
Touches them together. They SPARK.
The engine ROARS.

She pulls it up to Serge.
He hops on.

SERGE
Luc Besson, eat your heart out.

SIMON
(to Cherry, points)
We drive to the rear wall over there.
Then ride over there and jump
onto the roof of the building next door.
Got it?

CHERRY
Got it.

Just then the FBI SUV ROARS OUT onto the roof.
Stops. Honey and Max JUMP OUT.
Pull out their weapons. Take Aim.

MAX
FBI. Stay where you are.
DON’T MOVE, OR WE’LL SHOOT.

SUNDAY
(on her cell phone)
We have the target in sight.
We need backup, NOW.
And where’s the fucking CHOPPER?

CHERRY
(sees them)
Quick, behind the RV.

Simon and Cherry HIT THE GAS.
Drive the bikes around.
Everyone JUMPS off.
GRABS their weapons.

MAX AND SUNDAY
Start FIRING at them.
BANG-BANG-BANG-BANG-BANG.

APRIL AND CHERRY
Fire back. BANG-BANG-BANG-BANG-BANG.

SERGE
Climbs up to the roof of the RV.
Opens a compartment.
Revealing a GIANT M-240 ARMY MACHINE GUN.

SERGE
Time to put on full metal jacket --

And starts SPRAYING Max and Sunday with MACHINE GUN FIRE.
RAT-TAT-TAT-TAT-TAT-TAT-TAT-TAT-TAT-TAT.

SHAO’S BUG
Drive up onto the roof behind the FBI vehicles.

IN THE CAR
Shao shakes her fist furiously.

SHAO
Goddamn G-boys try to spoil our fun.
C’mon, girlies. Let’s go get ‘em.

They open the car doors and pile out.

MAX AND SUNDAY
Take cover behind their vehicle.

MAX
Where the fuck they get THAT?

SUNDAY
(into her phone)
Hey, SHIT FOR BRAINS. Where’s my --

A DEAFENING ROAR, as A BLACK HAWK HELICOPTER flies overhead.
Two more FBI vehicles appear on the roof.
More AGENTS race across the roof toward the Winnebago.

TO BE CONTINUED ...

All In A Day's Skirt

Happy Tuesday, crime busters! You say you're feeling down? Frustrated? Mad as hell, and can't take it anymore? Then get your ass over to the coolest hardboiled joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In today's chapter from NOWHERE GIRLS, we're at the start of a thrilling four-way chase scene as agents Cherry Nation and April Street are being pursued by black ops Honey Almond, the FBI and the deadly assassin Shao Lin and her 'assistants.' Buckle your safety belts, kids ... cause things are about to EXPLODE.


EXT. PACIFIC AVENUE - NIGHT
A cluster of black FBI SUV's ROAR down the street.
Followed by the SURVEILLANCE VAN
and a squad of POLICE CARS.

INT. SUV - MOVING - NIGHT
Max is behind the wheel. Sunday rides shotgun.
Two AGENTS sit behind them, working laptops.
She BARKS into her hands-free.

SUNDAY
What’s their LOCATION?
(listens)
Roger that. Over.
(to Max)
They’re on Lincoln.
Turn left here on Washington.

MAX
Okay --
(looks out the window)
Hey. There’s Hinano’s.
I used to hang out there back in the day.
Best cheeseburgers at the beach --

SUNDAY
(looks, makes a face)
Looks like a fucking DIVE.

MAX
(wistfully)
Yeah --
(turns, looks, smiles)
Is it beer-thirty yet?

SUNDAY
(under her breath)
Note to self: Thank God I’m a lesbian --

INT. SERGE’S MOTOR HOME - MOVING - AT THAT MOMENT
Serge drives. Cherry, April and Simon huddle on the couch behind him.
April looks out the window.

APRIL
Turn right here at the shopping center.

SERGE
I thought we were going to Hollywood.

APRIL
We are.
But first we have to ditch the RV and get new wheels.

CHERRY
What’s up with that?

SIMON
Spy satellites, chickie.
The FBI are gonna be on our asses any minute now.
In case you didn’t notice, this vehicle sticks out
like a Mensa member at a tea party --

INT. MAX’S SUV - MOVING - NIGHT
Sunday and Max stare out the windshield.

SUNDAY
How’s the divorce coming?

MAX
Mind your fucking business.

SUNDAY
Oooh. Testy, aren’t we?

MAX
I think Ellen Degeneris SUCKS.
What do you think of THAT, huh?

SUNDAY
So do I. NEXT.
(into the phone)
What was that? Got it --
(to Max)
Turn left on Lincoln, they’re about a mile away.
(pumps a fist)
Hot DAMN. Let’s get us some BITCHES.

MAX
(turns, looks at her)
Takes one to know one, huh.

EXT. SHOPPING CENTER - NIGHT
The camper drives through the parking lot.

INT. SERGE’S MOTOR HOME - MOVING - CONTINUOUS
April sits in the passenger seat next to Serge. Points.

APRIL
Go down the ramp into the parking garage.

CHERRY
Aha. There’s a method to your madness.

SERGE
Brilliant. Satellite won’t see us if we’re underground.

SIMON
Simon says, ‘hide and seek’, G-man.

EXT. SHOPPING CENTER - CONTINUOUS
The RV enters the garage entrance. Goes down the ramp.

EXT. LINCOLN BOULEVARD - NIGHT
A black VOLKSWAGON BUG zips down the street.
The new model. Cute. Efficient. FAST.

INT. VOLKSWAGON BUG - CONTINUOUS
Nashi’s behind the wheel. Suzu rides shotgun.
Cleaning a three-foot-long sword.

Shao Lin’s in the back seat.
Fingers wiping her I-phone screen furiously.
She speaks into it.

SHAO
New coordinates, please.

INTERCUT WITH:

INT. HONEY’S UNDERGROUND LAIR - AT THAT MOMENT
Honey stands at Monsterburg’s workstation.
Sips from an extra-large-grande super-coffee.
Vibrating with caffeine.

MONSTERBURG
Fifteen-hundred block of Lincoln Boulevard.
And be prepared. You have company.

SHAO
COMPANY? Who?

HONEY
(leans into the mike)
FBI. How do you think we got the location?

SHAO
You are evil genius, Ms. Almond.

HONEY
All in a day’s skirt, doll.
(beat)
Please. Call me Honey.

SHAO
Over and out, Honey-pie.
Catch you on the flip-flop.

Honey stands up straight.
Pats him on the back.

HONEY
Good work, Monsterburg.
Tapping into the FBI’s feed. Genius.
One of these days I’m gonna give you a PROMOTION.

MONSTERBURG
Th-thanks, Honey.

HONEY
That’s MS. ALMOND to YOU, Geek Squad.
And if I catch you updating
your Facebook page at work again,
you’re gonna get POKED --

Killing Bitches

Happy Monday, crime scenesters! It's once again that time. Time to clean and load your favorite weapon, holster up, and head on over to the coolest joint in cyberspace, where the action is always hardboiled ... at That Killing Feeling.

In today's chapter from NOWHERE GIRLS, we meet the deadly assassin Shao Lin and her two assistants, who are right now dressed like Japanese schoolgirls, and who have just been assigned to kill our heroes ...


EXT. UNIVERSAL STUDIOS - CITYWALK - NIGHT
A bustling, overcrowded fake street lined with tourist shit,
overpriced shitty restaurants, theme-bars,
and hordes of fat, bustling TOURISTS
gawking at all the bright and shiny crap.

Standing in front of a Hooters restaurant
is a group of JAPANESE SCHOOL GIRLS, chattering and giggling.
They wear sailor smocks, plaid miniskirts and knee-high white socks.

One of the girls, a tall, striking curvy goblet of dumplings
looks at her pocketbook as it VIBRATES.
She pulls out her cell phone, steps away from the group.

Meet SHAO LIN (25), a toxic cocktail of lethal proportions.
Beauty, brains and bullets. Shaken AND stirred.

SHAO
This is Shao --
(listens)
Of course --
(listens)
I see. Sounds dangerous.
I LOVE IT.
(listens)
Sure thing.
Text me coordinates.
We’re on our way.
(listens)
Dead or alive?
(eyes wide)
Thank YOU, Sir.
You know how to make girl very happy. Bye.

She CLICKS the phone shut.
Waves at a couple of the girls.
They scuttle over. Look serious. Inquisitive.

TALL JAPANESE GIRL
What up, girlfriend?

MUSCULAR JAPANESE GIRL
We have job?

Meet NASHI (19) and SUZU (20),
Shao’s junior assassins.

SHAO
(nods, serious)
You see on news about American girls
involved with terrorist at White House?

NASHI
(makes a fist)
Of course. Was horrible.

SUZU
(nods)
Bad girls. Very bad.

SHAO
We’ve just been assigned to GET THEM.
(big smile)
Dead or alive.

Nashi and Suzu jump up and down excitedly.
Start giggling.

Shao folds her arms across her chest. Angry.

SHAO
Girls, girls.
Remember, we are PROFESSIONALS.
You must act accordingly.

They calm down.
Suddenly look grim. Serious.

NASHI
Of course. Very sorry.
I have been suitably chastised.

SUZU
Yes. Killing bitches is solemn act,
for which we are most honored.

A trio of FRAT BOYS walk up to the girls.
Drunk. Grinning.

FAT, DRUNK FRAT BOY
Look, guys -- a combination platter.

RED-FACED FRAT BOY
You likee won long dong?

OBNOXIOUS FRAT BOY
No tickie, no dirty.

They ERUPT with LAUGHTER.
High-fiving each other.

Suddenly, in a BLUR OF SPEED,
Nashi WHIPS OUT nunchucks,
CRACK-CRACKS them over her head,
and HURLS them at Fat.

They WRAP AROUND HIS NECK. He GAGS.
She WHIRLS around in the air --
and KICKS him in the stomach. OOF, He goes DOWN.

At the same time, Suzu FLIES in the air.
GRABS Red Face and Obnoxious by the head,
and CRACKS them together. KONK.

They vibrate a moment,
then hit the ground, THWUMP.

SHAO
(nods)
Very good. Warm up round.

A NERDY SECURITY GUARD walks over.
Looks at the frat boys.

NERDY SECURITY GUARD
What’s going on over here?
Did you do that to them?

SHAO
Watchoo gonna do about it, FAT BOY?

NERDY SECURITY GUARD
(starts backing away)
Uh, nothing. Sorry. Never mind.
I’ve seen KILL BILL --
(beat)
Please don’t hurt me.

Sleazy Rider

Happy Friday, crime motherfuckers! It's time once again to take a trip to a place that's so dark, so depraved, so completely fucked up, that you might not escape alive. But that's half the fun of it, when you've got ... That Killing Feeling.

In today's chapter of NOWHERE GIRLS, spies on the run April Street and Cherry Nation are joined by April's ex, Simon Cain, rogue black ops spook, and more than sparks fly ...


EXT. VENICE BEACH PARKING LOT - NIGHT
A black SUV drives onto the lot, followed by more vehicles.
They drive up to the hippie buses. Stop.
Sunday and Max hop out of the SUV. Look around.

SUNDAY
Brilliant cover. Look at those pieces of shit.

MAX
I can smell the patchouli oil from here --

SUNDAY
We’re one step behind them. SHIT.

A surveillance VAN pulls up near them.
They DART over to it as the door slides open.
Inside we see Horned-Rimmed Glasses Tech
and Bald, Intense Tech. They stare, dour.

SUNDAY
(rolls her eyes)
Great. The return of Frick and Frack.
You have any intel yet?

HORN-RIMMED GLASSES TECH
Indeed --

BALD, INTENSE TECH
SAT-53G has just tracked
a brightly painted recreational vehicle --

HORN-RIMMED GLASSES TECH
Travelling one mile south of here,
approaching the vicinity of the Venice pier --

INT. SERGE’S MOTOR HOME - MOVING - AT THAT MOMENT
Serge is at the wheel, cigarette dangling from his lip.
April has taken apart the computer
and has connected the hard drive to the laptop.
Cherry watches her work.

CHERRY
You’re a regular Steve Jobs with this stuff.

APRIL
An I-mac a day keeps the Geek Squad away.
The question is, how bad was the damage?

Her fingers FLY across the keyboard. A loud BEEP.
They watch a stream of data start flying across the monitor.

CHERRY
That’s good, right?

APRIL
So far, so good --

Her cell phone RINGS. She fishes it out. Answers it.

APRIL
Street here --
(listens)
Simon. Where are you?

INTERCUT WITH:

EXT. PACIFIC AVENUE - NIGHT
Simon sits astride a HARLEY DAVIDSON.
Following the camper.

SIMON
Right behind you, doll. Pull over.

APRIL
How did you --
(beat)
Stupid question. See you in a sec.
(to Serge)
Serge, pull over. It’s Simon. He’s behind us.

SERGE
Ah -- the cavalry has arrived.

He pulls the vehicle over. Stops.
A RAP-RAP-RAP on the passenger side door.
April goes to the door. Opens it.

Simon climbs onboard. Goes to her. They hug.

APRIL
Thanks for coming.

SIMON
That’s me. Johnny on the spot.
(looks at Cherry)
So the Doublemint Twins
got into a bit of a rough scrape, eh?

CHERRY
You could say that.

APRIL
(points at Serge)
This is Serge.

SERGE
(waves)
Hallo.

SIMON
Which agency are you with?

SERGE
(shrugs)
Former DGSE in Paris, then Interpol in Lyon.
Now freelance. I am, as they say, an asset for hire.
(smiles)
I like the weather here.

SIMON
(to April)
So let me get this straight.
You’re being pursued by the Feds --
AND Honey Almond’s assassins.

APRIL
Yeah. We need to shake the FBI’s tail,
find her, AND get my kids.
And I figured with your black ops experience --
(looks at him carefully)
You got really banged up --

SIMON
Price of doing business.
(looks at the computer)
You have any intel?

APRIL
Some. Maybe.
Still waiting to see how much
we can upload from the mainframe.

SIMON
Okay. Let’s get my bike on board
and head out on the highway.

CHERRY
Looking for adventure --

APRIL
And whatever comes our way --

SERGE
(sings, LOUD)
Like a true nature’s child,
we were born, born to be wild.
We can fly so high, I never wanna DIE.

Everyone stares. What the -- ?

SERGE
What? Just because I’m French
doesn’t mean I haven’t seen 'Easy Rider.'

Me Kill You Long Time

Happy Thursday, hardboiled crime kids! It's time once again to take a trip to the coolest joint in cyberspace, where the action is hot, the drinks are cold, and the chicks are COLDER ... at That Killing Feeling.

In today's chapter from your favorite spy thriller NOWHERE GIRLS, while agents April Street and Cherry Nation wait for assistance from black ops spook Simon Cain, evil mastermind Honey Almond plots her next move, deep in her underground lair ...


INT. SERGE’S MOTOR HOME - NIGHT
Serge and Cherry survey the damage.
Cherry points to the communication center,
now riddled with bullet holes.

CHERRY
We’re FUCKED. No more intel --

SERGE
It’s not a total loss. I still have my laptop --

April comes out of the bathroom.
Walks over to them.

APRIL
Simon’s on his way.

CHERRY
The Black Widow scores again.

APRIL
Excuse me?

CHERRY
Well, didn’t you dump HIM?
And now he’s racing to the rescue?

APRIL
Cherry, they have your CHILDREN.
And in case you didn’t notice,
we were almost just KILLED.
We’re the most wanted women on THE PLANET,
and there’s nothing WRONG about asking for HELP.

CHERRY
You’re right, I’m sorry.
I guess I’m a little -- stressed.

SERGE
(to Cherry)
It’s human nature to go to ex-lover for help.
It’s comfortable. Familiar.
(to April)
So while we wait for your friend,
we need to move to another location.
And you two need to transfer the intel
on the hard drive onto my laptop.

APRIL
Are you always so CALM?

SERGE
(shrugs)
I’m French --

INT. HONEY’S UNDERGROUND LAIR - COMMAND CENTER - NIGHT
Honey walks by a row of OPERATIVES at their work stations,
monitoring intel on their computer screens.

HONEY
(to Monsterburg)
What do you mean you’ve LOST CONTACT?

MONSTERBURG
Bugs doesn’t answer.
Neither does The Bagger.
Complete radio silence.

HONEY
Well, maybe they’re in the middle of a GUNFIGHT?
Ever thought of THAT?

MONSTERBURG
Yes, Sir. But I’ve been trying for over an hour,
and according to my statistics,
the average exchange of gunfire
lasts for ten-point-two minutes.
(gulps)
I’m afraid they’ve been terminated, Sir.

HONEY
GODDAMMIT.

She pulls a GLOCK from under her jacket.
Points it at him.

HONEY
Terminate THIS.

His eyes bug out. About to faint.

ROCK
Honey, please.
We’re short enough on man power as it is.

Honey lowers the gun. Holsters it.

HONEY
(mumbles)
Yeah. I got an email from HR about that --

ROCK
I think we should send in another operative.

HONEY
No shit, IDIOT. I’m THINKING.

ROCK
Perhaps we could send -- Shao Lin?

HONEY
Shao Lin? Interesting choice.
Mixed martial arts expert.
Advanced marksman --

ROCK
She finished that op at the brothel in DC.
Now taking a breather in --
(swipes his I-phone)
Universal City.
Guess she’s doing the studio tour thing.
(smiles)
She’s right nearby.

HONEY
BRILLIANT.
And she still has the two assistants?

ROCK
Always.
(looks at phone)
Uh -- they’re now incognito
as part of a tour group of Japanese students,
but they can be deployed immediately.

HONEY
Call her, IMMEDIATELY.
(smiles)
Death by sweet and sour.
Has a nice ring to it.

ROCK
(smiles)
Me kill you long time --

Don't Get Your G-String In A Bind

Happy Hump Day, crime humpsters! It's time once again to return to the scene of the crime, and take a one-way trip straight to hell, where your darkest desires become sins of the flesh ... at That Killing Feeling.

In today's chapter from NOWHERE GIRLS, Homeland Security agent April Street has just called her ex, black ops spook Simon Caine for help, as she's being pursued by evil assassins. But before Simon can come to her aid, he must take out a terrorist cell ...


EXT. HOUSING PROJECT - NIGHT
Simon and Brub stand on each side of the front door.
Raise their weapons. Simon looks over his shoulder.
Sees everyone is in position.
Speaks into the mike on his shoulder.

SIMON
One, two, three -- NOW.

Two COMMANDOS with a battering ram
SMASH it into the door.
It FLIES OPEN. They RACE IN.

INT. SHITTY APARTMENT - AT THAT MOMENT
A dimly-lit threadbare joint with piece-of-shit furniture.
Radical posters. Stacks of pizza boxes.

A dozen TERRORISTS sit around watching
some strange Middle Eastern film on a tiny black-and-white TV.

SKINNY TERRORIST
What was that?

UGLY TERRORIST
The front door.

SKINNY TERRORIST
Everyone, TAKE POSITION.

They race around. Grab their weapons.
Uzi-submachine guns. Pistols.
Pipe bombs. Dynamite. Grenades.

OUTSIDE THE BUILDING
Commandos in riot gear with shields
STAMPEDE into the building.

INSIDE THE BUILDING
Simon and Brub RACE up the stairs,
KICKING over trash cans and debris.
They reach the top. Turn and run down --

THE HALLWAY
They STOMP down the corridor. Get to the end.
Simon looks behind him. Sees the commandos
filling the hallway behind them.
He approaches the door. Raises his weapon.

SIMON
This is FBI.
Come out with your HANDS UP,
or we’ll BLOW YOUR FUCKING HUMPS OFF.

IN THE APARTMENT
A TERRORIST opens the window blinds.
Gets SHREDDED by machine-gun fire.
RAT-TAT-TAT-TAT-TAT-TAT-TAT-TAT-TAT!

The other men look. SCREAM. Start firing at the door.
RAT-TAT-TAT-TAT-TAT-TAT-TAT-TAT-TAT!

OUTSIDE IN THE CORRIDOR
Simon and Brub FIRE into the apartment.
RAT-TAT-TAT-TAT-TAT-TAT-TAT-TAT-TAT!

They RACE into --

THE APARTMENT
Where they see A SUICIDE BOMBER
with dozens of EXPLOSIVES wrapped around his body.
Gripping a detonator for dear life.

SUICIDE BOMBER
(in Pakistani, with subtitles)
Praise ALLAH. Eat shit and DIE,
YANKEE MOTHERFUCKERS.

SIMON
WHIRLS around. YELLS at his men.

SIMON
SUICIDE BOMBER. MOVE IT!

And they all RUN away.
Simon goes to the window
at the end of the hall.
SMASHES it with his rifle.

IN THE APARTMENT
The terrorist HITS the button.

SUICIDE BOMBER
Seventy-five virgins, HERE I COME.

And the room EXPLODES in a MASSIVE FIREBALL.

OUTSIDE THE BUILDING
Simon JUMPS out the window.
Lands in a dumpster, BANG.
He closes the lid.

The fireball WHOOSHES out the window
as the building FLIES APART,
raining down wood, concrete, glass, body parts.

The dumpster is PICKED UP by the blast
and THROWN against the building next door -- BANG.

The rain slowly stops.
Pieces of burning wood lie on the ground.
Billowing smoke.

FBI techs starts searching
through the rubbish, looking for survivors.

The dumpster’s lid OPENS. Simon climbs out.
Bruised and battered, but okay.

He brushes himself off.
Fishes out his cell phone.
Dials a number. Puts it to his ear.

SIMON
April?

INTERCUT WITH:

INT. SERGE’S MOTOR HOME - BATHROOM - AT THAT MOMENT
April sits on the loo. Answers her cell.

APRIL
Simon. How’d it go?

SIMON
Great. Fuckers blew themselves up.
Saved us the trouble.
Speaking of trouble,
what the fuck have you gotten yourself into, April?

APRIL
They kidnapped my CHILDREN,
blew up my HOUSE, and then set us up --

SIMON
Holy shit. Are the kids okay?

APRIL
I DON’T KNOW.

SIMON
What’s your location?

APRIL
Venice.

SIMON
I’ll be there in fifteen.
(beat)
Be nice to see you again --

APRIL
Simon. I’m having a crisis here.
This is no time for flirting.

SIMON
Don’t get your g-string in a bind.
I’m on my way.

APRIL
HURRY.
(beat)
Thanks, bye.

She clicks her cell phone shut.
Simon closes his.
Puts it in his pocket. Smiles wistfully.

SIMON
Damn, she’s hot when she’s scared shitless --

Yippee-Kai-Kay, Tuna-Fuckers

Happy Tuesday, crime slicksters! It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side ... a place where your deviant, hardboiled dreams become sins of the flesh, here at ... That Killing Feeling.

In today's action-packed chapter from NOWHERE GIRLS, Homeland Security agents April Street and Cherry Nation are under attack by black ops spook The Bagger, and must fight for their lives ... !

INT. SERGE’S MOTOR HOME - MOVING - NIGHT
April CLICKS her phone shut. Stares at it.

CHERRY
(over her shoulder)
Any luck?

APRIL
He’s on an op. Said he’d call me back.

Just then, a metal cannister FLIES DOWN from the ceiling.
HITS the floor. A cloud of GREEN SMOKE starts BILLOWING.

APRIL
What the FUCK?

SERGE
(turns around)
What’s going on?

CHERRY
SMOKE BOMB.
We’re being ATTACKED.
PULL OVER.

The compartment has filled with GREEN SMOKE.
April and Cherry CHOKE on the fumes.
Serge holds a handkerchief to his mouth.

CHERRY
What the fuck IS THIS?

SERGE
It’s CHLORINE GAS.
It’ll KILL US.
Open THE WINDOWS.

GAGGING and CHOKING,
they go to the windows.

Serge YANKS one open.
The gas starts to escape as --

Lemon FLIES DOWN from the ceiling,
HITS the floor wearing a gas mask.

A BEAM OF LIGHT on her rifle
starts sweeping through the smoke.

LEMON
Yippee-kai-yay, tuna-FUCKERS.

April sees her, DUCKS.
ROLLS across the floor.
GRABS her by the ankles.

She FALLS OVER, THUD.
Starts FIRING blindly.

Bullets PING-PING-PING around the trailer.
POP. ZZZZZZT.
The plasma screen bites the dust.

Cherry RACES over.
PUNCHES her in the stomach, OOF.
RIPS the mask off her face.

LEMON
(choking)
GAAAAA -- NO!

The Bagger LEAPS through a open window,
also in a gas mask. He raises an Uzi --

BAGGER
Parting is such sweet sorrow, MOTHERFUCKERS.

And starts blindly SHOOTING through the fog
in a SPRAY OF BULLETS.

Serge RACES up behind him.
GRABS him a bear hug.

Cherry GRABS Lemon,
WHIRLS her around so she’s facing The Bagger.
Her body gets SPRAYED.
JERKING like a rag doll.

Serge HEAD-BUTTS The Bagger.
He TRIPS, falls over.

April RACES OVER.
GRABS his gun.
CRACKS him on the head with it.

But Bagger’s one vicious thug.
He tries to GRAB it from April.

They HIT the floor, roll around,
fighting for control.
PUNCHING, KICKING, HITTING each other.

Serge pulls out a Walther PPK 22 caliber pistol.
Tries to take aim at his head,
but can’t get clear a shot.

April and Bagger continue fighting.
Get near Cherry,
who’s got her Glock out,
also trying to get a shot.

Cherry STOMPS on the floor
with the heel of her boot.

A ten-inch steel blade FLIES out of the toe --
And she SHOVES it in his face
with a sickening CRUNCH.

He stops moving.
A pool of blood starts forming on the carpet.

APRIL
(wide-eyed)
Where did you get THAT?

CHERRY
(RIPS it out of his head)
Sorry. Forget to tell you --

She wipes the blood off on Bagger’s shirt.
KICKS the floor with the blade.
It SHOOTS back inside.

CHERRY
Beta test, from Apple.
(smiles)
The I-Blade.