The Gift That Keeps Killing

Happy Thursday, crime slicksters. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where the girls are hot, the drinks are cold, and the hardboiled-pulp-noir action is non-stop, right here, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 16 of NOWHERE GIRL, the owner of the Bel Air mansion being held hostage by the terrorist sleeper cell secretly calls for help on his phone. Meanwhile, CIA agent Shag Holiday traces the location of stripper with a suitcase nuke Cherry Nation's location ... while she tries to make her getaway in a stolen car ...


INT. HOLLYWOOD HILLS MANSION - NIGHT
Hamad and Kamal watch a cheesy reality show
on the plasma TV.

HAMAD
Now this is television program.
The man gets to choose
from all these women.
And he doesn’t have to wait
for the afterlife.
(beat)
Check out the blonde.
I'm going to buy one of those.

KAMAL
But the woman are all -- so stupid.

ACROSS THE ROOM

The RICH HOMEOWNER sits with his wife
while the guards’ attention is on the TV.

Rich puts his hand
in his jacket pocket.

IN HIS POCKET
We see a CELL PHONE.

His fingers feel the buttons by touch.
He types in a number.

THE PHONE LCD
Reads ‘Bell Air Security.’

INT. CORVETTE - MOVING - NIGHT
Shag drives East on Sunset,
through the winding curves
near the approach to Beverly Hills.

SHAG
You say she’s at the corner
of Sunset and Orange?

INTERCUT WITH:

INT. CIA HEADQUARTERS - CUBICLE - CONTINUOUS
Lark looks at a computer screen.
Stares at a circular mass of
orange and yellow smears
on a green background.

LARK
Plutonium never lies.
The gift that keeps killing.

SHAG
I want to call her,
find out if she’s okay.

LARK
Be careful.
Don’t let your personal feelings
cloud your judgement.
(beat)
She’s really that unstable?

SHAG
She’s a great gal.
It’s just that she has these --
mood swings.

LARK
And she’s got a nuke.

SHAG
Exactly.

LARK
Call her.
But be careful.
Explosions are forever.

SHAG
Hey.
Scared shitless in my middle name.

INT. TOYOTA CELICA - MOVING - NIGHT
Cherry drives. Peeler rides shotgun.
Stan sits in the back.

Peeler looks at his I-Phone.
Wipes the screen with a finger.

PEELER
It’s coming up soon, slow down --

CHERRY
Queen’s Boulevard?

PEELER
Yeah. This corner coming up.

EXT. SUNSET BOULEVARD - CONTINUOUS
The car turns right,
starts climbing the hill.

IN THE CAR

STAN
I know I’m supposed to be quiet,
but you need to know something
about the car.

CHERRY
What?

STAN
It gets kinda funky --
going up hills.

CHERRY
Funky how?

STAN
It strains the engine.
Sometimes it --

The engine COUGHS, SPUTTERS --
and DIES.

STAN (CONT’D)
Stalls out.

PEELER
Shit.

Cherry pulls over.
YANKS on the parking brake.

CHERRY
Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, FUCK.

PEELER
(to Stan)
What do you do when it stalls?

STAN
Uh -- call Triple A.

CHERRY
Then let’s call Triple A.

STAN
My, uh -- membership expired.
I’ve been meaning to renew it,
but it’s fifty bucks, and --

CHERRY
Jesus fucking Christ on a STICK.
We’re gonna have to walk.
Everybody out of the car.

She opens her door.
Peeler sighs, opens his.

STAN
Can I stay with the car?

CHERRY
So you can tell the cops
we stole it and kidnapped you?
Hell, NO. Outta the car,
Napoleon Dynamite, NOW.

STAN
Okay, okay.
(beat)
Jeez.
(giggles)
Vote for Pablo!