Gossip Girl

Happy Tuesday, crime slicksters. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where the girls are hot, the drinks are cold, and the hardboiled-pulp-noir action is non-stop, right here, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 14 of NOWHERE GIRL, CIA agent Shag Holliday races to rescue his ex, stripper with a suitcase nuke Cherry Nation. Meanwhile, one of black ops spook Sledge Crafton's asssassin Yuri Vlaovic, pretending to be Homeland Security, gets the cops to help him find Cherry ...


EXT. PACIFIC COAST HIGHWAY - NIGHT
A Corvette convertible RACES up the coastline.

INT. CORVETTE - MOVING - NIGHT
Shag’s behind the wheel.
Talking on his cell.

SHAG
Thanks again for watching the kids, mom.
(beat)
No, I told you -- she’s not in trouble.
She just -- needs some help.
(beat)
Love you, too.

He ends the call.
PUNCHES another number. Listens.

SHAG (CONT’D)
Hey there, Gossip Girl.
It’s your favorite rogue agent.

INTERCUT WITH:

INT. CIA HEADQUARTERS - CUBICLE - NIGHT
Lark sips a mug of coffee.
Smiles into her headset.

LARK
Hey, there.
Ready to rock and roll?

SHAG
Thanks for helping me.
You could lose your job.

LARK
I can always get another job.
(beat)
But I can’t get another you.

EXT. SUNSET BOULEVARD - NIGHT - AT THAT MOMENT
Cherry and Peeler run down the alley behind Jumbo’s.

CHERRY
We gotta get wheels, fast.

PEELER
Maybe we should --
I dunno, turn ourselves in.
I mean, she’s a FEDERAL AGENT.
We’re in serious shit.

CHERRY
We’re in this too far to quit now.
(beat)
And besides, I though you wanted to fuck me.

Peeler’s face turns RED. What the -- ?
Cherry pulls out a GUN. Evil smile.

CHERRY (CONT’D)
C’mon, let’s go get us a car.

INT. JUMBO’S CLOWN ROOM - NIGHT - AT THAT MOMENT
The Intruder lies on the floor.
He raises his head. OW, that HURTS.

He pushes himself up by his arms
into a sitting position. Looks around.
April is gone. This is NOT good.

Stripper Bartender STOMPS over to him.

STRIPPER BARTENDER
Get the FUCK outta my bar.
You scared away all the fucking CUSTOMERS.

A siren WHOOP-WHOOPS outside.
Intruder takes off the motorcycle helmet.
Pulls out his ID.

INTRUDER IN BLACK
I’m federal agent, Ma’am.
This is matter of national security.

STRIPPER BARTENDER
You mean --

INTRUDER IN BLACK
I’m one of good guys.

Meet YURI VLAOVIC (40), Croatian ex-pat.
Another agent under Sledge’s employ.
Expert assassin. Strictly old-school.

Two COPS come racing in.
Weapons drawn.

ANGRY COP
LAPD! Stay where YOU ARE!

UGLY COP
Don’t MOVE!

Yuri sighs. Shows them his ID.

YURI
Homeland Security.

Angry looks at his credentials.
Holy cow.

ANGRY COP
He’s Homeland Security.

UGLY COP
With that accent?

Yuri’s cell phone RINGS.
He gets up slowly. Answers it.

YURI
Gentlemen, if you’ll excuse me.
(into the phone)
Is Yuri --

INTERCUT WITH:

INT. INTELLIGENCE OFFICE - CONTINUOUS
Sledge sits in an easy chair
by the window sipping a scotch.

SLEDGE
You get her yet?

YURI
She, uh -- got away, sir.

SLEDGE
You let her GET AWAY?

YURI
Don’t worry, I get her.
She is driving car of employee of Avi.
I have license number.
Every cop in city will be
on her ass if I tell them
she is terrorist.

Pause.

SLEDGE
I knew there was a reason
we paid big bucks to get you on board.
Go get ‘em, and report to me
as soon as anything happens.
(beat)
This one’s personal.

YURI
Yes, sir. Over and under.

He clicks shut the phone.
Smiles strangely. Looks pensive.
Angry Cop stares at Yuri.

ANGRY COP
You’re chasing a TERRORIST?

YURI
Yes. She is very dangerous.
We have to apprehend her immediately.

UGLY COP
And you have her license number?
Give it me.

Yuri pulls a notebook
out of his pocket.

Scribbles on it.
Hands it to Ugly.

YURI
I believe term is APB?