Hey there, crime kids. Happy Monday. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your most violent fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.
In Episode 15 of LEGS, Episode 2, Carrie's brother Nate and Todd meet with their attorneys to try and screw her out of her inheritance. Meanwhile, at the crime scene, Carrie gets into a fight with her ex-husband Bernie Keko ... and her ex-girlfriend Megan Paul ...
INT. LAW OFFICES - CONFERENCE ROOM - DAY
A burnished, glossy, airbrushed joint
where Glenn Close would feel right at home.
Todd and Nate sit in giant chairs
on one side of the table with their
ATTORNEYS (50’s), a pair of stone-faced,
smooth-looking hawks.
CARRIE’S ATTORNEY, a big, jovial-looking fellow
sits on the other side.
TODD
Where the hell is she?
I told her the meeting was at one.
CARRIE’S ATTORNEY
When did you tell her?
TODD
This morning.
CARRIE’S ATTORNEY
So she said she’d be here?
Pause.
TODD
I sent her an email.
NATE
I told you to call her.
CARRIE’S ATTORNEY
You sent an email the same day as the meeting?
Didn’t it occur to you that she might be busy?
TODD
Oh, I’m sure she’s 'busy' --
CARRIE’S ATTORNEY
Your mother told me she’s a private detective.
I would imagine that sometimes involves
long hours on a stakeout?
TODD
Maybe. I guess.
CARRIE’S ATTORNEY
'You guess?'
From what I gather,
you don’t have a very close relationship,
possibly even a hostile one.
It would seem to me that you
avoided informing her of the meeting
until the last minute
for your own personal gain.
HAWK-NOSED ATTORNEY
What’s that supposed to mean?
CARRIE’S ATTORNEY
Her not showing up makes her
look bad in your eyes,
gives you more ammunition
for making your case --
that’s she’s immature, irresponsible --
when in fact, she’s a hard-working woman
attending to her business.
TODD
That’s a good one.
She wouldn’t know the meaning of
'hard work' if it bit her on --
HAWK-NOSED ATTORNEY
Todd.
CARRIE’S ATTORNEY
That’s right. How could I forget.
You mother tells me you’re a --
(looks at his notes, smiles)
‘Wedding videographer.’
I’m sure that’s even harder work
than chasing dangerous criminals.
TODD
HEY.
HAWK-NOSED ATTORNEY
Todd. Calm down.
TODD
But he --
HAWK-NOSED ATTORNEY
(to Carrie’s attorney)
We’ll reschedule the meeting,
without prejudice.
CARRIE’S ATTORNEY
(stands)
Have your office do it through mine.
(smiles)
And Nate?
NATE
Yeah?
CARRIE’S ATTORNEY
Can I give you a little unsolicited advice?
NATE
What’s that?
CARRIE’S ATTORNEY
You might want to consider the possibility
that you’re siding with the wrong sibling.
Do you really think you can deny
what’s due to your older sister?
(nods)
Gentlemen.
And he leaves.
NATE
Wow.
TODD
What do you mean, wow?
NATE
Maybe he’s right.
I mean, dad did change his mind
about leaving her something.
He just couldn’t do anything about it
because of the irrevocable trust.
(off Todd’s look)
But if he intentionally destroyed
the original signed copy of the will --
Their attorneys exchange glances.
INT. NURI’S CONDO - LIVING ROOM - DAY
Carrie stands in the middle of the room
with Bernie and Megan.
She CLICKS her cell phone shut.
Looks at them.
BERNIE
Where are they?
CARRIE
Not far. Safe house is up in Venice,
right off Speedway. Take five minutes.
MEGAN
Hot sox. Let’s go.
The two Uniform Cops walk into the room.
MIKE HUNT (30’s), a giant,
hyper-masculine hulk shrugs.
MIKE
Place is clean.
The other uniform cop, CLIFFORD SIM (20’s),
tall, thin, great-looking
and totally metrosexual chimes in.
CLIFFORD
Yeah. They have horrible taste,
but nothing we can bust them for --
(beat)
Although the sculpture of an
eagle killing a rodent
SHOULD be against the law.
MIKE
You get their location?
BERNIE
Yep. Carrie will take the lead,
I’ll follow her, and you two follow me.
CARRIE
Hey. Who’s the giving orders around here?
This is my case.
BERNIE
Be my guest --
CARRIE
Meg and I will go in my car,
and you all follow me in yours.
MEGAN
Isn’t that what Bernie just said?
CLIFFORD
Oh, wow. Now I get it.
I thought there was
major tension in the room --
(off their looks, to Megan)
You’re the girl Carrie shacked up with
after she left Bernie.
MEGAN
How did you --
CARRIE
Jesus Christ.
Does the whole force know?
MIKE
Are you kidding?
You’re a legend.
The whole department wanted
to take a crack at her.
MEGAN
They did?
BERNIE
So if Carrie’s a legend,
what does that make me?
CLIFFORD
You don’t want to know.
CARRIE
C’mon, kids.
What is this, high school?
Let’s get a move on.
Carrie’s cell phone RINGS.
She fishes it out. Answers it.
CARRIE (CONT’D)
This is Carrie --
INTERCUT WITH:
INT. LAW OFFICES - CONFERENCE ROOM - DAY
Todd stands near the window
away from the conference table
talking on his cell phone.
TODD
Where the hell ARE you.
We have a MEETING.
CARRIE
Oh, yeah.
Mom told me about that.
TODD
I sent you an EMAIL.
CARRIE
Yeah, same day as the meeting.
I’m in the middle of a case right now,
little brother, so you’re
gonna have to reschedule.
And this time, give me more notice,
you fucking control freak.
TODD
How DARE you --
CARRIE
How dare YOU.
Have your people call my people,
THEN you can shove it up your ASS.
(CLICKS the phone shut)
Fuck-tard.
BERNIE
Your brother?
CARRIE
Ten points for the cuckold.
How did you guess.
MEGAN
Easy. You always invent new swear words
when it’s about your family.
BERNIE
'Cuckold?' What’s a cuckold?
CLIFFORD
I told you didn’t want to know --
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