Never A Dull Moment

Happy Tuesday, crime slicksters. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where the girls are hot, the drinks are cold, and the hardboiled-pulp-noir action is non-stop, right here, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 16 of LEGS, Episode Two, Israeli Mobster Nuri Hadar eagerly awaits provisions from his ne'er do well son Yago, who, little does he know is right now getting 'up close and personal' with his sister Marnie. Meanwhile, porn star Laura Lang calls private eye Carrie Love from jail, after being picked up for prostitution at the Ritz Carlton ...


INT. NURI’S SAFE HOUSE - LIVING ROOM - DAY
Tal sits on the couch,
texting on his smart phone.

Leron fools around with Yago’s laptop.
Nuri paces back and forth.

LERON
Is still working --
(moves the mouse)
But is fucking SLOW.

NURI
Where the fuck IS he?
I’m STARVING.

TAL
I’ll give him call.

He dials a number. Listens.

INTERCUT WITH:

INT. MARNIE’S MOTEL ROOM - DAY
Marnie and Yago sit on the bed.
The groceries he bought
are spread out like a big picnic.

Marnie sips from a bottle of wine.
Yago drinks from a bottle of vodka.

MARNIE
I can’t believe you came over.

YAGO
I can’t believe you invited me.

Yago’s phone RINGS.
He picks it up. Looks at it.

YAGO
Shit. It’s Tal. What should I do?

MARNIE
Answer it.

YAGO
What should I tell him?

MARNIE
Tell him -- the store’s crowded,
there’s a long line.

YAGO
(nods, answer it)
Tal. What’s up?

TAL
What the fuck’s taking so long?

YAGO
The store is crowded, man.
There’s a long line. Sorry.

TAL
Well, hurry it the fuck up.

YAGO
Okay, okay.
I’ll call you when I’m leaving, okay?

TAL
Okay.

They both hang up.

MARNIE
See? That wasn’t so bad.

He smiles. Leans over. Kisses her.

YAGO
But that was better --

INT. CARRIE’S VINTAGE PORSCHE - MOVING - DAY
Carrie drives. Meg rides shotgun.
They both look tense.

Carrie’s phone RINGS.
She grabs it. Looks at it.

CARRIE
Laura, nine-one-one.

MEGAN
Never a dull moment.

CARRIE
(gives her a look, answers it)
Laura? What’s wrong? You okay?

INTERCUT WITH:

INT. POLICE PRECINCT - CORRIDOR - DAY
Laura stands in the corridor near
a row of cells talking on a pay phone,
eyes red from crying.

LAURA
Carrie, thank god --
(beat)
Ohmigod.

CARRIE
What’s wrong? What happened?

LAURA
I’m -- in jail.

CARRIE
In JAIL? What for?

A cop walks by,
eyes her appreciatively.

LAURA
Prostitution, but I wasn’t DOING THAT.

I went to the The Ritz Carlton
to meet that director, Nick Orleans,
but he didn’t show,
so I had a couple of cocktails,
and these assholes were in my face
propositioning me --

CARRIE
And you made them an offer
they refused.

LAURA
Yeah. The cops picked me up
as soon as I left the joint.
(gasps)
Can you come bail me out?

CARRIE
Of course -- but right now
I’m in the middle of a case.
I’m sorry, but you’re gonna
have to wait a little bit --

LAURA
You mean to tell me you’re
TOO BUSY?

Another cop walks by.
Raises his eyebrows. Chuckles.

CARRIE
I’m in the car on my way
to tangle with some Israeli mobsters
who tried to kidnap me.
Trust me, I’d much rather
come pick you up.

LAURA
Oh.
(beat)
Israeli mobsters? Really?

CARRIE
Really.

LAURA
Alright, but just hurry it the fuck up.
They body cavity searched me twice
after recognizing me from my pornos,
and I’m afraid they’re gonna do it again.

CARRIE
Twice? Really?

LAURA
Really.

CARRIE
I’ll get there as fast as I can.
Promise.
(looks out the window)
I’m sorry, but I gotta go.
We’re here.

LAURA
Okay. Hurry.

CARRIE
I will. Bye.

She hangs up. Pulls over.
Kills the engine. Looks at Meg.
Eyes bright with tears.

CARRIE
Please. No jokes.
I’m not in the mood.

MEGAN
It’s okay.
I know she’s really special to you.

CARRIE
Yeah.

MEGAN
(grabs the door handle)
So let’s go bust
Moe, Larry and Curly
so you can go rescue
your damsel in distress.

Carrie tries to smile. Touched.
Grabs her door handle.

CARRIE
Thanks, Meg.
You’re a good friend.

MEGAN
Hey. I’ll take what I can get --