As Jim Rockford Is My Witness

Hey there, crime kids. Happy Monday. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your most violent fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 5 of LEGS, Episode Two, private eye Carrie Love meets with her new client, Marnie Hadar, wannabe actress and the daugher of an Israelli crime boss, who has a most unusual request for her ...


INT. CARRIE’S BUNGALOW - LIVING ROOM - DAY
Carrie and Marnie sit on the giant
sectional couch facing each other
across the coffee table.

Marnie sips a Diet Coke.
Stares at the ‘Bondage Barbie’ on the table.

MARNIE
Thanks.

CARRIE
Wait until you get my bill.
(beat)
So what’s going on with your father?

MARNIE
You’ll keep this confidential?

CARRIE
As Jim Rockford is my witness.

MARNIE
(looks at her quizzically)
My father is -- in organized crime.
He doesn’t know that I know.

CARRIE
Italian?

MARNIE
Jewish.

CARRIE
Your father’s in the Israeli mob?

MARNIE
If you want to call it that, yes.

CARRIE
What’s his name?

MARNIE
Nuri. Nuri Hadar.

CARRIE
I read about him.
He’s a crime boss, on trial
for racketeering, arms dealing,
and importing a shitload of Ecstasy.

MARNIE
That may be, but he loves me.
(beat)
A little too much.

CARRIE
How so?

MARNIE
Well, I met this producer
at a party a couple of days ago,
and he invited me
to have dinner with him
to discuss a film
he’s about to make.
I’m an actress --

CARRIE
I think I see where this is going --

MARNIE
I know.
I wasn’t sure if he
just wanted to bang me,
but you never know, right?
And besides, I’ll take
any excuse I can get
to get out of the house.
It’s like a fortress.

CARRIE
So what happened?

MARNIE
So I have dinner with him,
and we had a great time.
He’s a really nice guy, very funny,
and really into helping out
someone who’s just getting started.
He even said I could
audition for the lead.

CARRIE
Wow.

MARNIE
I’m not stupid.
I knew I’d never get it,
but there’s other parts, right?
I’m a good actress.
I just need a break.

CARRIE
So what happened?

MARNIE
Well, I’m driving home afterwards,
all excited, and then a friend calls
and tells me someone
beat the crap out of him.
I mean, so bad that
he’s in the hospital --

CARRIE
And you think your father’s responsible?

MARNIE
Haven’t you seen The Godfather?

CARRIE
Right. The horse’s head --

MARNIE
Exactly. It’s happened before,
but I was too stupid to see it.
I got in trouble at school with the principal,
and the next day he was gone.
They said it was 'a skiing accident.'

CARRIE
Well, things like that do happen.

MARNIE
But he was old and fat.
And he didn’t ski.

CARRIE
So what do you want from me?

MARNIE
I want to be emancipated
from my family.

CARRIE
What about your mother?

MARNIE
She died when I was young
in a boating accident.

CARRIE
I detect a pattern here.
(beat)
So what do you want from me?
You can file emancipation papers in court.

MARNIE
If I do that, he’ll go ballistic.
I was thinking you could
ask him really nicely.

CARRIE
You want me to tell a mob boss
to stay away from his daughter?
Do you realize how DANGEROUS that is?
It’s a suicide mission.

MARNIE
Please, I need your help.
If word gets out that my father
will beat the shit out of anyone
who doesn’t hire me,
my acting career is over
before it even starts.

Carrie reaches for her Diet Coke.
Takes a sip. Thinking.

MARNIE
I’ll pay double your normal rate.

CARRIE
I charge two-hundred bucks a day.
Plus expenses.

MARNIE
Not a problem.

CARRIE
Yeah, but if I’m dead --

MARNIE
You know anyone who could help you?

CARRIE
You mean like a cop?

MARNIE
Yeah.

CARRIE
Actually, I do.
My ex-husband.

MARNIE
Perfect.

CARRIE
You haven’t met Bernie --