Say Hello To My Little Fren

Hey there, crime kids. Happy Friday. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your most violent fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 9 of LEGS, Episode Two, private eye Carrie Love and officer Meg Paul are being held hostage by Nuri Hardar and his Israeli crime family. Meanwhile, Carrie's ex, homicide detective Bernie arrives on the scene to try and rescue them ...


INT. DETECTIVE’S SQUAD ROOM - DAY
The joint is deserted. Everybody’s at lunch,
except for BERNIE, at his desk,
looking at his computer screen.

BERNIE
(reading)
Extortion, racketeering, money laundering --
importing ecstacy --
(reading)
Suspected of murder --
(beat)
Shit.
(picks up the phone, dials)
Hey, Roscoe. I need the address and phone number
of Nuri Hadar in Marina Del Rey.
(listens)
Yeah, the mob guy.
(listens)
Sure. I’ll hold.

INT. NURI’S CONDO - GUEST BEDROOM - CLOSET - DAY
Carrie and Meg sit on the floor of the closet,
bound and gagged, facing away from each other.

Carrie chews at the stocking across her mouth.
It RIPS apart. She SPITS it out.

CARRIE
Thanks fucking god.

MEGAN
(mumbles through the gag)
Mhow yuh duh dat?

CARRIE
I broke a tooth a couple days ago.
My being too cheap to go to the dentist
just saved our asses.
(works her wrists)
Now if I can just get this off my wrists -
(keeps trying, then)
I’ve got an idea.

MEGAN
Greah.

CARRIE
On the count of three, let’s stand up.

MEGAN
Cahn duh ih.

CARRIE
Yes, you can.
Press your back against mine,
then slowly stand up.
C’mon. One. Two. Three --

And they slowly start rising up.

EXT. SPEEDWAY STREET - DAY
A one-way street that runs north
behind the beachfront properties.

Bernie’s unmarked Crown Vic cruises slowly south,
going the other way.

An OLD, HOMELESS HIPPIE cruises by
on a bicycle festooned with d
ozens of bags of crap tied to it.

OLD, HOMELESS HIPPIE
You’re going the wrong way, asshole.

BERNIE
(yells out the window)
I’m a fucking COP, asshole.

EXT. VOYAGE STREET - CONTINUOUS
We see Carrie’s car, parked near the sand.
Bernie’s car pulls up behind it.
He gets out. Looks around at the opulence.

BERNIE
I’m in the wrong business.

INT. NURI’S CONDO - GUEST BEDROOM - CLOSET - DAY
Carrie and Meg are now standing,
leaning against the wall,
tied together at the waist.

Carrie’s arms are raised.
She’s rubbing her wrists
on a nail sticking out of the ceiling.

MEGAN
Huhree. Theh mih cuh bah.

CARRIE
I’m doing the best I can.
(keeps sawing)
I don’t know what’s scarier,
being held hostage,
or understanding what you’re saying --

EXT. NURI’S CONDO - BALCONY - AT THAT MOMENT
Nuri lies on a lounge chair, smoking a cigar,
looking out at the ocean.
Zivah sits on his lap.

ZIVAH
I’m cold. I want to go back inside.

NURI
But I need comforting.
My little baklava has gone astray.

ZIVAH
'Gone astray?'
You fucking scared her off.

Nuri SLAPS Zivah on the cheek.
SHOVES her off him. Stands up.

NURI
How DARE you speak to me like that.

ZIVAH
How dare you fucking HIT me,
you crusty, old FUCK.

Nuri pulls out a GUN WITH A SILENCER.
SHOOTS her. THWIP.

NURI
Say hello to my little fren.

Tal and Leron come out onto the balcony.

LERON
Everything okay, pop?
(sees the body)
Aw, jeez.
That’s the third one this year.

NURI
Women.
Can’t live with them,
can’t shoot ‘em.
(beat)
You get ahold of Marnie yet?

TAL
(shakes his head)
Keep getting voice mail.

LERON
I couldn’t get ahold of Itzak.
His wife says he’s out of town
at Holocaust reenactment.

NURI
'Holocaust reenactment?'
(gets up)
All this tsuris has made me hungry.
Do we have any more of Rachel’s perogis?

LERON
I think so.
(gesture at the body)
But what about --

NURI
We take care of later.
Come. We nosh --