Smash And Grab

Happy Thursday, crime slicksters. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where the girls are hot, the drinks are cold, and the hardboiled-pulp-noir action is non-stop, right here, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 4 of GUN-WILD, trigger-happy teenage heiress Cam Clinch and ex-cop Rod Funk hook up with career criminals Hondo Ruff and Net Cargo, who've just finished a job, covered in blood ... and when Hondo announces they need a help with their next job, Cam wants in ...


EXT. MALIBU BEACH - ROD'S JOINT - NIGHT
Rod looks at Cam. Nods. Takes a swig of Jack.

MALE VOICE (O.C.)
ROD. Where the fuck ARE you?

FEMALE VOICE (O.C.)
Little dark for surfing, isn’t it?

LAUGHTER. Two FIGURES
appear on top of the rocks.

MALE FIGURE
THERE he is! Hey, Rod.
Where’s the party?

ROD
(looks)
HONDO.

Meet HONDO RUFF (29),
biker-suave in leathers and denim.

Giant black pompadour. Red lizard boots.
Pretty, like a young Chris Walken.
With a menacing gleam in his eye.

Right now he’s carrying
a sawed-off shotgun in one hand,
and a bottle of champagne in the other.

HONDO
What the fuck you doing out here?
And who’s the frill?
(to Cam)
Better watch out for this one, doll --
the notches on his belt have notches.

ROD
What are you trying to do?
Scare off the catch of the day?

Hondo and the girl walk over to them.

HONDO
Not possible, brother.
(nods at the girl)
This here’s Net.

NET
Pleasure’s all yours.

Meet ANNETTE CARGO (25).
Six-feet of toned muscle
poured into an hourglass of leather.

Red lips curled in a brutal sneer.
She’s also got a bottle of Dom. Takes a swig.

We now notice that they both
have blood on their clothes.
Quite a lot of it, in fact.

ROD
What did you kids do?
Slaughter a chicken?

HONDO
Asshole wouldn’t give me the combination.

NET
It was my fault.
(giggles)
Finger slipped.

Cam stares. Entranced.

NET
And who’s the little fishie?

CAM
I’m Cam.

HONDO
Grrrrr. Twin-cam engine.

NET
Get your motor running.

INT. ROD’S JOINT - A LITTLE LATER
The filthy, perverted pyschobilly of
The Cramps’ GOO-GOO MUCK plays on the hi-fi.

A big living room. Full Tiki bar.
Roaring fireplace.

With a fireman’s pole coming down
through the bedroom above.

Hondo’s changed into fresh leathers.
Net’s in a vinyl halter and miniskirt.

Everyone has cocktails.
And at this point,
is more than a little fucked up.

Net GRABS the brass pole.
Cam eyes her.

NET
Daddy warned me to stay off the pole.
(swings a leg around it)
Sorry, Pop.

HONDO
That’s not a stripper pole.

ROD
Previous owner was a fireman.

NET
Well, it’s a stripper pole NOW.

They watch Net dance to the music,
working the pole.

She slides, bumps and grinds like a pro.
Which she was.

ROD
Think she’s got a point.
(big hit of his drink)
So what went down tonight?

Hondo starts rolling a joint.

HONDO
We jacked the Thrif-T Mart
on the coast highway.
(licks the paper)
Kid said he couldn’t open the safe,
didn’t know the combination.
(lights up)
Then Miss Bada-Bing here got itchy.
Blew his fucking head clean off.

He inhales a big hit.
Passes it to Rod. He takes a toke.

CAM
Holy shit.

NET
Don’t worry, honey.
We took out the security camera.
It’s between us and God.

HONDO
(to Rod)
We just needed a safe place
to change, crash for the night.

NET
Don’t forget the other thing.

HONDO
Oh, yeah.
(evil grin)
And we need a wheelman.

ROD
(another hit, passes it to Cam)
What’s the job?

He EXHALES.

HONDO
Cute little joint on Main Street.
The Fisherman’s First National Bank.
Cute, huh?

CAM
You’re going to rob a bank?

NET
Hell, yeah.
Only got a couple hundred
from the Bozo Mart.

HONDO
It’s either that -- or get a job.

Hondo and Net exchange glances,
then EXPLODE with LAUGHTER.

ROD
You’ve cased it?

HONDO
Hell, yeah.
It’s a little mom-and-pop fuck.
Two tellers. ONE camera. Piece of cake.

NET
Smash and grab, baby.

She WHIRLS around, does a split.
And finishes her drink.

CAM
You need a fourth?

HONDO
YOU?

CAM
Yeah. Why not?

HONDO
Not sure I’m into
splitting the take four ways.

CAM
So I’ll do it for free.

HONDO
Well, now -- that’s quite an offer.
(beat)
Let me think about it.

He takes out a small leather bag from his pocket.
Pulls out tin foil and a little paper triangle.

Dumps some white powder on the foil.
Inserts a glass tube in his mouth.

NET
(comes over)
Oooh, goody -- Puff the Magic Dragon.

Hondo flicks his lighter under the foil.
The powder starts bubbling,
giving off white smoke. He INHALES.

Net takes the tube. Does a hit.
They both close their eyes.
Rocket off to another planet.


Rod goes over to Cam,
sits next to her on the couch.

ROD
So you wanna be a heister, huh?

CAM
Yeah.
(beat)
Think I’m crazy?

He leans over,
softly kisses her on the mouth.
Pulls back.

ROD
Nah. I’m kinda crazy, too --