Shut Up And Kiss Me

Hey there, crime kids. Happy Friday. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your most violent fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In the final chapter of BABY HEISTER, teenage heister Kelsey Hazard and the gang have a final showdown with the cops ... and then she makes a stunning, surprise announcement ...


EXT. MARINA PIER - DAY
A row of boats
gently bob in the water.

A SHERIFF’S BOAT slowly cruises by
at the end of the pier.

Across the way,
we see a PATROL CAR
slowly cruising the waterfront.

EXT. HOUSEBOAT - DAY
A pair of COPS
walk up the gangplank.

One of them KNOCK-KNOCK-KNOCKS
on the front door. Sighs.

TIRED COP
I can’t believe we gotta check
EVERY single fucking boat.

BLASE COP
I say they’re long gone.

Tired Cop KNOCK-KNOCKS again.

TIRED COP
Anyone home? It’s the police.

The door FLIES OPEN.

Jo appears, wearing a sexy bathrobe,
holding a tray of freshly-baked cookies.
The cops stare.

JO
Hello, officer.
Sorry it took me a moment.
I was just taking these
cookies out of the oven.
Would you like one?
They’re chocolate chip --
(big smile)
And still warm.

TIRED COP
(takes a couple)
Yeah, sure. Thanks.

BLASE COP
(takes one, bites into it)
You seen anybody suspicious-looking
hangin’ around?

JO
You mean like those bank robbers?

BLASE COP
Yeah.

JO
No, I’m sorry.
I was sure hoping to, though.
(winks)
Gets kinda lonely
all alone here on the boat.
(nudges him)
If you know what I mean.

The cops exchange looks.

BLASE COP
Would you mind if we
came in and took a look around?

Jo reaches down.
Unties her robe.
It falls open.

JO
C’mon in, the water’s wet.

TIRED COP
(to Blase)
On second thought --

BLASE COP
(looks away)
Sorry we bothered you, Ma’am.
Have a good day.

They turn.
Start walking away.

JO
Hey, wait a minute.
I’ve got a full liquor cabinet --
(watches them go)
Don’tcha wanna PARTY?

INT. HOUSEBOAT - LIVING ROOM - DAY
Jo puts the plate of cookies
on the coffee table
in front of the couch.

Walks over to a fake Persian rug
on the floor.

Pulls it aside. Reaches down.
Opens a trap door. Looks down.

JO
They’re gone.

Doc climbs up.
Then Kelsey. Then Simon.

DOC
Thank god.
Kinda cramped down there.

KELSEY
You baked cookies --

SIMON
(takes one)
Smells great.

Kelsey takes one.
Bites into it. Looks at them.

DOC
So are you -- okay?
I understand if you’re -- upset.

JO
You probably --
have a lot of questions.
Want to -- talk about it.

She takes another bite. Thinking.

KELSEY
Can we talk later?
Right now I just
wanna sleep for a year.
(takes another cookie)
After I have a bunch of these.

DOC
We thought we were
doing the right thing, Kelsey.

JO
We’re really sorry.

KELSEY
(softly)
I know.

DOC
We were hoping maybe
we could start over again.

KELSEY
I’d like that.

She chews some more.
Then, the barest hint of a smile.

KELSEY
So what do think about
me and Simon getting married?
(beat)
Mom? Dad?

Doc and Jo exchange glances.
Then look at her.

SIMON
Kelsey?

KELSEY
C’mon. We’d make a great team.
And we’d all be a family.

He looks at Doc. Speechless.

DOC
You’re on your own, kid.

She finishes her cookie.
Rubs her hands on her hips.

Goes to him.
Puts them on his.

KELSEY
You need to THINK about it?

SIMON
No, no -- I, I -- uh --

KELSEY
Then shut up
and kiss me, wheelman.


She leans into him.
He drops his cookie.

They kiss. Softly. Tenderly.
Then more passionately.

Start to go at it, hot and heavy.
No one else in the world.

Doc and Jo watch. Big smiles.
She taps him on the shoulder.
He nods. They start to leave, as we --

FADE TO BLACK