Pretend We're Dead

Hey there, crime kids. Happy Monday. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your most violent fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

Welcome to the working week. Thought you'd all like an update on what's going on. Have just finished the first rewrite of FILLMORE SLIM with the director, Hawthorne James (most well-known from SPEED and THE FIVE HEARTBEATS), and am very pleased with where we are. Because it's an independent film, we're still waiting for the financing to come in, and when it does we'll start preproduction for a month or two and then we start shooting -- hopefully sometime in May. I'm told that the money will be in place before the end of the month, and since it's a contractual obligation, I'm not worried.

As I'm sure you know, the development process takes a long time. My TV series LEGS, which has been in the works for more time than I'd like to admit, is now in the hands of Glen Larson, the creator of classic shows like THE ROCKFORD FILES, MAGNUM PI and THE FALL GUY. We have a meeting ready for us when we want it at Showtime, and if Glen comes on board, it should be a slam dunk. IF. There's also other movement with a couple of actors, but I don't want to mention who they are because I don't want to jinx it.

In last couple of years I've been told by various film producers that I write like a writer/director, which is part of the reason it's been so hard to get my feature projects made -- my voice is so specific -- so my plan after FILLMORE SLIM is to direct one of my screenplays. It needs to be low-budget, totally cool, and a recognizable genre.

So, I'd like to share with you the film I plan to direct later this year, GUN-WILD. Inspired by films like GUN-CRAZY and BONNIE & CLYDE, it's the story of a young girl who is sexual dysnfunctional ... until she gets her hands on a gun and shoots it. Most people don't know that in the original BONNIE & CLYDE screenplay, there was a bisexual love affair subplot involving Ned Beatty and Warren Beatty's characters. Ned and Warren were into it, but the studio freaked out and pulled the plug.

So guess who's 'gonna go there.'

In Chapter 1 of GUN-WILD, trust fund heiress Cameron Clinch walks into a Beverly Hills jewelry store, and is suddenly thrust into a violent world that changes her life forever ...


EXT. RODEO DRIVE - UPSCALE BOUTIQUE - DUSK
A 1996 LAND ROVER parks in front of a trendy boutique.

A blight on the landscape.
Sign reads LOADING ONLY.

A YOUNG WOMAN (25) gets out of the car,
SLAMS the door.

Heads inside, on a mission.

Tall and taught, with reckless curves.
Long blonde hair to her ass.
Even in this nabe, people stare.

Meet CAMERON CLINCH.
Former trust fund heiress.
Tres biker chic.

She checks her watch.
We see its CRACKED.

She TOSSES her cigarette in the gutter.
PUSHES OPEN the door into --

INT. UPSCALE BOUTIQUE - CONTINUOUS
Haughty Euro-pop plays on the sound system.

The ANOREXIC, MULTIRACIAL SALESGIRL
approaches Cam.

ANOREXIC, MULTIRACIAL SALESGIRL
We’re closing in a few minutes.
Can I help you find something?

Cam fingers a display of $50,000 watches.
Holds one up.

We now see she’s wearing
a hospital ID bracelet.

CAM
Does this come in black?

ANOREXIC, MULTIRACIAL SALESGIRL
That watch is VERY expensive.
(condescending)
Let me show you something
that’s more -- in your price range.

She bends down,
looks on a shelf below the display case.

THE FRONT DOOR
FLIES open.

A LARGE, BEEFY GUY
wearing a ski mask CHARGES in.

Points a 357 Magnum at Anorexic.
RUSHES over to the counter.
PUSHES Cameron to the side.

BEEFY MASKED GUNMAN
Hands where I CAN SEE ‘EM.
This is ROBBERY.

THE GUARD
Rushes him.

Beefy PISTOL-WHIPS him.
BANG, he goes down.

ANOREXIC
Swings a BASEBALL BAT.
CRACKS Beefy on the head.

He goes down
like a sack of rocks, THWUMP.

CAM
LEAPS at Beefy.
GRABS his gun.

Points it at Anorexic.
She DROPS the bat. CLANG.

CAM
Gimme that fucking watch, BITCH.

Shaking, Anorexic hands Cam
the watch she was looking at.

Cam smiles, turns,
and RACES out the door.

EXT. UPSCALE BOUTIQUE - CONTINUOUS
Cam RUNS to her car.
OPENS the door.

ANOREXIC, MULTIRACIAL
Stands in the doorway.

ANOREXIC, MULTIRACIAL SALESGIRL
HELP! ROBBERY!
Somebody STOP THAT WOMAN!

CAM
Turns. Smiles.

Raises the gun.
Points it at Anorexic.

ANOREXIC
HITS the ground.

CAM
Takes aim.

CAM
Ask yourself, punk.
Do you feel LUCKY?

She SHOOTS. BANG.

The window SPRAYS
broken glass in the air.

Cam’s body RECOILS
from the force of the blast,
REELS back.

She rubs her hand. Ow.
She JUMPS in the car --

CAM
That’ll teach you to be RUDE.

And PEELS OFF in screech of rubber.

INT. LAND ROVER - MOVING - DUSK
On the car stereo, the sludgy,
buzzsaw riot gurl snarl of L7’S
PRETEND WE’RE DEAD thuds ominously.

Cam CRANKS IT UP.

CAM
Holy fucking SHIT.

Cam stops at a light.
Looks in the rearview. No one.

She looks down at her crotch.
Wiggles in her seat to the music.

CAM
Better than -- riding horses.

The light changes.
She PUNCHES the gas --