Have Robbery, Will Travel

Happy Thursday, crime slicksters. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where the girls are hot, the drinks are cold, and the hardboiled-pulp-noir action is non-stop, right here, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 4 of BABY HEISTER, Kelsey Hazard tries to convince her grandfather Doc to teach her how to rob banks, but he refuses. She storms off into the night and goes to the local dive bar ... where she runs into Ray Stark, who says he's 'worked with' her heister parents, and offers to 'show her the ropes' ...


INT. DOC'S FARMHOUSE - LIVING ROOM - NIGHT
Doc sits in ‘his chair.’
Kelsey sits on the couch, next to Jo, asleep.
They’re watching a movie on TV, eating popcorn.

ON THE SCREEN
We see a scene from Stanley Kubrick’s THE KILLING.
A gang of MASKED THUGS are robbing a race track.

Then, a station break.
Some LOCAL CAR SALESMAN comes on,
hawking 'prices nobody can beat.'

KELSEY
Looks at Doc.

KELSEY
So how come you don’t want me
to be in 'the family business?'

DOC
It’s a hard life, Kelsey.
It’s no place for a young woman.

KELSEY
But what if it’s what I wanna DO?
(off his look)
Nothing you can say is
gonna make me change my mind.

DOC
Oh, is that right?
What about what happened to your parents?

KELSEY
They were careless. I’ll be smart.
It’s in my blood, Doc. My DNA.
If I had to be cooped up in an office
doing some meaningless shit,
I’d fucking shoot myself.

DOC
You think it’s noble, cool --
like in those books you read.
But it’s not. It’s a living hell.
I still have to watch my back.
Even though I'm retired,
there's always a chance that someone
will turn up from the past and cause trouble.
Someone who thinks they got a raw deal --
or wants to steal my stake.
And then there's the law.
Any day now some cop
could come snooping around --
and I’ve gotta live with
that the rest of my life,
always looking over my shoulder.

KELSEY
But if you did it
and my PARENTS did it, why can’t --

DOC
Because I’m your legal guardian now,
and while you’re living in MY HOUSE,
you’re gonna go back to school and get your degree.
Tomorrow morning Jo is taking you
to school and get you registered.
I want you to have the chance
that none of us had. GOT it?

KELSEY
But I don’t wanna DO that.
It’s not FAIR.

DOC
FAIR? LIFE isn’t fair.
Griff and Chelle are DEAD. Is THAT fair?
(looks at the TV)
Now hush up. Movie’s coming back on.

Kelsey scowls. Face a dark cloud.

EXT. DOC'S FARMHOUSE - NIGHT
The house and the yard look spooky.
Ethereal in the moonlight.
A harsh desert wind whips through the yard.

The front door OPENS. Out comes Kelsey.
Rakish in her usual uniform.

This time with a slash of red on her mouth.
She walks over to Doc’s pickup truck.
Gets in. Drives off.

EXT. DIVE BAR - NIGHT
The kinda joint only the locals hang out at.

A row of motorcycles gleam ominously
under the dirty, old neon sign that reads LOUNGE.
Faint music bleeds out from within.

Doc’s pickup pulls in.
Finds a space. Kelsey gets out.

SLAMS the door.
Saunters toward the entrance.

INT. DIVE BAR - NIGHT
Dark and smoky.
The kinda place your momma warned you about.

BLUE COLLAR WORKERS, BIKERS
and other assorted riffraff.
A pair of BRUISERS play pool.
Kinda quiet on a Sunday night.

Kelsey sidles up to the bar.
Slides onto a stool.

The FREAKISHLY LARGE BARTENDER spies her.
Comes over. Smiles. Not a pretty sight.

FREAKISHLY LARGE BARTENDER
Whataya have?

KELSEY
Double shot of Kessler’s. Heinekin back.

He nods. Turns to get her poison.

MALE VOICE (O.C.)
I figured you’d be more of a
Jack and Bud kinda gal.

Kelsey, turns, sees --

RAY STARK
Sitting on the stool next to her.
Nursing a tumbler of scotch.

Eyes twinkling with mischief.
Or danger. Maybe both.

KELSEY
You’re the guy from the wake.

Freakishly Large serves her drink.
She slide over a bill.

He SNAPS it up in a meaty paw.
Lumbers over to the register.

RAY
'The guy from the wake.' Wow.
Nice to know I’m that memorable.

KELSEY
So I forgot your name.
Well, I’m SORRY, but when you just
went to your parents’ FUNERAL,
sometimes your MEMORY’S not so GOOD.

She grabs her shot glass.
POUNDS it. Grabs her beer.

Takes a big gulp. Turns around,
facing the other direction.

RAY
Hey, I’m sorry.
I was just busting your chops.
You had a stressful day.
Probably met a lot of corny,
old colorful criminal types.
I’d be cranky, too.

Kelsey turns back.
Narrows her eyes.
Is this guy for real?

RAY (CONT’D)
Let me buy you a round.
Make it up to you. No hard feelings?
(raises his drink, low)
One heister to another --

Her eyes flicker.

KELSEY
Okay.
(trying to be casual)
So you used to work with my parents?

Ray motions to the bartender for another round.
Pulls out a pack of smokes.
Lights one up with a CLICK of his Zippo.

RAY
Long time ago.
When they were first starting out.
Did a couple jobs with them.

KELSEY
Wow. Cool.

RAY
First and only time I worked
with a married couple --

KELSEY
What were they like to work with?

RAY
Total pros. Cool as cucumbers.
(sips his drink)
Is it true they never got caught --
until the last job?

KELSEY
Yeah. My grandfather, too.
(sips her beer)
He’s retired now.
But I guess you knew that.

RAY
(nods)
So I guess you’re now living with him --

KELSEY
Yeah. And it fucking sucks.
I asked him to teach me, but he refused.
He’s making me finish school.
I’d rather fucking DIE.

Ray’s eyes flicker.
He takes a long sip of his cocktail.

Takes a drag of his cigarette.
Squints through the smoke.

RAY
Maybe one of these days
I could show you a thing or two.

KELSEY
You mean it?

RAY
From where I sit, it looks like
you’ve already got your mind made up --
and nothing’s gonna stop you.

Kelsey smiles.
It lights up her face
like we haven’t seen.

KELSEY
Damn straight.
(beat)
Thanks, uh --

RAY
Ray Stark, at your service.
(beat)
Have robbery, will travel.