Fast Cars And Big Guns

Happy Thursday, crime slicksters. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where the girls are hot, the drinks are cold, and the hardboiled-pulp-noir action is non-stop, right here, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 9 of BABY HEISTER, retired bank robber Doc Hazard starts training his teenage granddaughter Kelsey on how to be a heister, first with grueling workout, then a lecture on the basics of putting together a team ... and then a little target practice.


EXT. RANCH - DIRT ROAD - DAY
The chainsaw-psychobilly zombie-foot-stomp
of Horrorpops’ THELMA AND LOUISE over --

Kelsey. Listening to the song on her I-pod.
RUNNING on the side of the road.

Pumping like a demon in the blistering heat.
Shorts and T-shirt soaked in sweat.
Fierce. Determined.

She passes a row of crops.
A big, old barn. Runs past a pond.

A guy on a tractor, who HONKS.
Hits the front drive. Runs up to Doc.

Standing on the front porch,
holding a stop watch.

She stops. Tries to catch her breath.
He hands her a canteen. Drinks greedily.
Then pours it over her head.

DOC
Not bad. Five minutes.
Pretty soon we’ll get it down to four.

KELSEY
You trying to kill me?

DOC
When the shit comes down,
you gotta be able to MOVE.
Heisting isn’t just fast cars
and big guns, girlie-girl.

KELSEY
Speaking of guns, when do I get to --

DOC
After breakfast. C’mon.
Let’s go chow down.

INT. DOC'S FARMHOUSE - KITCHEN - DAY
Kelsey and Doc sit at the rustic, wooden table.
Jo serves them a big meal of flapjacks,
eggs, toast, bacon and sausage.

Then sits and joins them.
Kelsey starts wolfing it down.

DOC
This looks great, Jo.

KELSEY
(mouth full)
Yeah, Jo --

JO
Don’t talk with your mouth full, Kelsey.
It’s not ladylike.

KELSEY
(swallows)
Sorry.

DOC
Okay. First lesson. Planning the heist.

(off Kelsey’s look)
Planning the job is the most important part.
If it smells bad, you walk away.
If it looks good, then you plan it out
to the smallest detail.
(beat)
Then you assemble your team -- the string.
You only work with people you’ve worked with before,
or people your colleagues can vouch for
cause they’ve worked with ‘em.
You NEVER work with someone
nobody knows. Ever.

JO
Except for 'the inside man', of course.

DOC
I was gettin’ to that.
(to Kelsey)
The inside man is someone who works
at the joint you’re gonna to knock over.
They usually come to you with the job.
Once in a blue moon you approach them,
if you’ve got something on ‘em.
(smiles)
I met Jo when she was the inside man on a job.

KELSEY
I didn’t know that. What was the job?

JO
Coin convention.
I was the roper on a long con
involving one of the dealers,
and then realized you could
take the whole shebang.

DOC
She noticed I was casing the joint --

PUSH IN ON Jo’s face.
Eyes dancing with delight.

JO
And the rest is history.

EXT. RANCH - FIELD - DAY
Kelsey and Doc stand about fifty feet away
from a wooden fence.

A row of empty beer bottles
have been placed on top of it.

Kelsey holds a Glock
in her right hand. Takes aim.

DOC
Move your feet.
They should be shoulder-width apart.

KELSEY
Okay --

She makes the adjustment.

DOC
Now put your right foot out a little bit.
(off her look)
You’re right-handed.

Kelsey nods. Moves it.

DOC
When you take aim,
close your left eye a little bit.

KELSEY
Okay.

DOC
And make sure your arm
is almost completely straight.
(watches her do it)
Now lean forward a little bit.

She does. Doc nods.

DOC (CONT’D)
Let ‘er rip.

Kelsey FIRES, BANG.
The bullet goes WHIZZING above the bottle. THWIP.
It FLIES through foliage behind the fence.

The recoil makes her JUMP.
She rubs her wrist.

KELSEY
Ow.

DOC
Got quite a kick, huh?
Better use a two-handed grip
until you get used to it.

Kelsey puts her left hand
around her right. Grips it tightly.

DOC (CONT’D)
That’s right. Just like in the movies.
(watches)
Make sure both thumbs point forward.
(beat)
Yeah. Like that. And hold it tight.

She takes aim. FIRES. BANG.
The bullet WHIZZES into the air.

KELSEY
Damn.

DOC
Relax. Take a deep breath.
Don’t pull the trigger. Squeeze it.
Think of it like an extension of your hand.
Squeeze it so slowly that you’re
surprised when it goes off.
(off her nod)
Take your time. Deep breath.

Kelsey takes a deep breath. Exhales.
Aims at a bottle. FIRES. BANG.
It HITS the fence. PING. Wood FLIES OFF.

KELSEY
SHIT.

DOC
No, you’re doin’ good --
(beat)
Make sure the front sight
is aligned in the notch of the back sight --
so that the top of the front is
level with the top of the back. Got it?
(off her nod)
Now focus on the front sight
and aim at the target.

Kelsey concentrates.
Moves the gun slightly.

DOC (CONT’D)
Take a deep breath --
and when you exhale, squeeze.

She takes a bead on a bottle.
Her body relaxes.

Takes a deep breath -- and FIRES. BANG.
The bottle EXPLODES. Glass goes FLYING.

KELSEY
God-DAMMIT.

DOC
How does it feel?

KELSEY
Like coming home.

EXT. COUNTRY ROAD - DAY
A black SUV is parked on the shoulder.

INT. SUV - DAY
Seated behind the wheel is Ray Stark.
Looking through a pair of binoculars.
He puts them down. Smiles.

RAY
Looks like the little girl can shoot --