Tequila, Cigarettes and Chanel No. 5

Hey there, crime kids. Happy Friday. Are you ready for the weak-end? It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your most violent fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 2 of LEGS, we meet dominatrix Felina Bella Donna and German snuff filmmaker Klaus Speer, each plying their 'trade.' Meanwhile, private eye Carrie Love grieves the brutal murder of Laura Lang with another ex-lover, patrolwoman Megan Paul ...


INT. MERCEDES SUV - DAY
A beefy BLACK MAN viciously pokes
the DRIVER in the arm.

BLACK MAN
I don't care, stop the fucking car!
I'm gonna be --

He throws open the door and pukes.
The brakes slam.

DRIVER
Must have been a good party.
How come I wasn't invited?

A PARTY INVITATION
proclaims the "15th Annual Fetish Ball."
"Dress to Thrill," the embossed script dares.

INT. KITCHEN - DAY
A perverted, undulating kink-groove.

FELINA BELLA DONNA (29), lithe,
cat-like, opens her mail.

Her chiseled, pale beauty
a sharp contrast with her black vinyl dress --
a glossy outrage on the domestic landscape.

A MALE SLAVE eats from a
dog food bowl on the floor.
She SNAPS his leash.

FELINA
That's a good boy.
Lick it clean.

The brunette bombshell
touches her ear, listens.

FELINA
(whispers)
Stop it. You’re gonna make me laugh.
(listens)
Hey, it’s a kinky job --
but someone’s gotta groove it.

EXT. HOLLYWOOD HILLS - ROADSIDE - MORNING
A sign reads "Danger. Road Closed.”

The Mercedes SUV enters the frame,
pulls over. Parks.

KLAUS SPEER (50), the driver,
a charming, face-lifted Jeremy Irons type --
Eurotrashy-elegant in leather and Gucci shades,
gets out of the vehicle.

He pulls CHICK (18) by the hand.
Blindfolded and gagged.

Pale flesh goose-pimpled
in a bikini and rollerblades.

JOREL AMIN, (35),
the big black guy we saw vomit,
totes a DV camera.

Massive, a tree trunk.
And dark as night.

JOREL
You trying say no
to Miss Nude America.

KLAUS
Enough about the bimbo.
Time to make movie magic.

CHICK
(through her gag)
M-mmm -- mmm --

JOREL
Such a lovely day.
God, I love my craft.

KLAUS
Ready for a little cinema verite?

EXT. ROAD - CONTINUOUS
The trio stand at the crest of the hill.
The newly paved steep downward incline
beckons ominously.

Jorel sets up the camera.
Klaus slips on a Bozo mask.

KLAUS
Don't start yet. When I say action.
(takes off the gag, to Chick)
Enough clowning around. It’s show-time.

CHICK
Klaus, please, I don't want to die!
I won't tell anyone, I swear!
Please don't kill me!

KLAUS
Shut the fuck up.
You're a cheap little piece of trash.
And you know too much.
You shouldn't have fucked her, baby.
That’s a Bozo no-no.
(beat)
I trust you know how to skate.

JOREL
holds the camera on a tripod.

JOREL
Ready to roll, Herr director.

KLAUS
ties her hands. Takes off the blindfold.

KLAUS
Boogie night-night, Roller Girl.
(beat)
Ready -- speed -- and action!

And shoves her down the hill.
Chick SCREAMS an ungodly howl.

EXT. CARRIE'S PATIO - AT THE SAME TIME
The crime scene hums with POLICE, TECHNICIANS.

MEGAN PAUL, (25), cute, curvy
and freckled in uniform,
sits astride a blonde stallion
like the archetype she is.

Carrie, eye makeup smeared,
pets the horse, in a trance.

MEGAN
I totally freaked out
when they said it was your address.
(trying not to lose it)
So -- are you okay?

CARRIE
I guess I'm in shock.
I don't feel a fucking thing.
You'd think I'd be a mess.
(trails off, on overload)
She's the love of my life.
(pulls away)
Was the love of my life.

Megan dismounts.
Puts her arms around Carrie.

CARRIE
(trying not to cry)
Someone cut off her fucking head.

MEGAN
Come on, let it out.
You'll feel better.

CARRIE
(tears coming)
You're such a good friend, Meg.
I love you so much.

MEGAN
(surprised, hugs tight)
Hey, c’mon -- what else are ex's for?

Carrie lifts her head.
A glimmer of a smile.

MEGAN
Still the bad girl.
You smell like tequila,
cigarettes and Chanel Number Five.

CARRIE
My religion, death and taxes.

MEGAN
C'mon, I'll make us some coffee.

CARRIE
Make it Irish.
(beat)
And hold the coffee --