The Days Of Wine And Lesbos

Hey there, crime kids. Happy fucking FRIDAY. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your most violent fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 21 of DAZED, BEAUTIFUL & BRUISED, disgraced homicide dick Carrie Love and porn star Laura Lang recover from their first tryst, and then have their first fight. Carrie then goes to her favorite dive bar to drown her sorrows, only to be confronted by her ex, detective Bernie Keko, who tells her about the latest murder victim ...


INT. CARRIE’S KITCHEN - BAR - DAWN
The lovers sit on bar stools.
Carrie feeds Laura a White Castle cheeseburger
with her fingers.

CARRIE
I think I hurt my back.

LAURA
I think I hurt my tongue.

Pause.

CARRIE
It feels like,
I don’t know anything anymore.
If I can orgasm --
without you even touching me --

LAURA
But I was.

CARRIE
Yeah.

They stare at each other.
Goofy. Lean in. Kiss.

LAURA
Mmm. That was good.

CARRIE
And you liked the burger?

LAURA
You taste better.
(beat)
Would you nuke a couple more?
Please?

CARRIE
For you, my love --
I’d nuke heaven and earth.

She goes to microwave, pops a few in.

CARRIE (CONT’D)
So what’s the name of the video?

LAURA
'Electro-Glide in Lube.'
It was supposed to be 'Blade-Fucker,'
but Klaus got scared that
Warner Brothers might give him a problem.

CARRIE
Aren’t you scared?
I’ve seen that gear.
Looks kinda dangerous to me.
All that voltage in your --

The microwave DINGS.

CARRIE (CONT'D)
You know.

LAURA
Don’t worry, love, I’ll be fine.
Klaus said I’d have the controls.
(beat)
Set phasers to ‘stun.’ So to speak.

Carrie comes in with an offering for her goddess.

CARRIE
I know. I’m sorry -- I -- that was stupid.

Pause.

LAURA
(very quiet)
Thanks.
(looks at the plate, then her)
You’re so good to me.

CARRIE
You’re so good to me.

Laura’s eyes are bright, liquid.
She looks small, fragile in her
big, white terrycloth robe.
Makeup long gone.

LAURA
Sometimes I -- don’t think
I deserve someone like you.

CARRIE
Hey, enough of that. Listen.
You deserve it. I deserve it.
We’re just people. Both of us.

Pause.

LAURA
Then -- why doesn’t it feel like it?

INT. THE CIRCLE BAR - MORNING
The Supremes’ STONE LOVE plays softly on the juke.
Bright. Cheerful. Full of soul.

Unlike the bar. Dark. Quiet.
Inhabited by drunks at 9AM.

Carrie pours herself into plush bar stool.
Orders her favorite poison.

Hears the music.
Takes off a combat boot --
And FLINGS IT at the music -- THWAP.

The record stops -- THWIK.

PABLO, the bartender,
Vin Diesel on sleep deprivation --
CRACKS his knuckles.

CARRIE
Sorry about that.
(beat)
Love songs make me wanna kill someone.
Put it on my tab.
(beat)
Better set up another.

BARTENDER
(pours)
Trouble with the ladies again?

CARRIE
Lady. A woman -- girl, really.
(beat)
Ladies. Sounds so --
(takes a big slug)
Demure. Pristine.

BARTENDER
Well, that's the idea, isn't it?
I mean, who doesn't want a lady?

Long pause.

CARRIE
My girlfriend, Pablo.
My fucking girlfriend.

AT THE FRONT
Bernie ambles in, spies his prey, grins.
Shakes his head.

KEKO
(sings)
'The days of wine and lesbos' --

CAMERA follows him to the bar, laughing.

CARRIE
Get the fuck out of my bar, detective.

KEKO
Oh, 'your bar?' This is 'your bar?'
I bet Donnie Dapello
would find that interesting.
Did you finally pay off the vig --
or did the old man finally die
and leave you his estate?

CARRIE
This isn’t some stupid movie, Bernie --
where the former lovers have to work together,
fight for awhile, confront each other, change --
patch up their differences -- a
nd end up back together, happily ever after.
This is my life. And I want you out of it.

KEKO
Ooh. That’s real hard-boiled
lady dick lingo, little girl.
You think I came here to do a little
Hepburn-Tracy dance with you?
Well, think again, miss carpet muncher.
I’m here because Lipshitz wants to see you.

Carrie grabs the bottle.
Pours a shot. Pounds it.

CARRIE
What. He’s gonna ask me to
turn in my swiss army knife
and my decoder ring?

KEKO
You know Double D-Girl --
the airbrushed filly you’ve been
two-timing Miss gang-bang with?

She stops cold.
Gives him a look that maims -- then kills.

CARRIE
What the fuck is it to you.

KEKO
She was found this morning in her apartment.
In about a hundred pieces.
Spread like chunky peanut butter --