It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where the girls are hot, the drinks are cold, and the hardboiled-pulp-noir action is non-stop, right here, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.
In Chapter 16 of NOWHERE GIRL, 'stripper with a suitcase nuke' Cherry Nation and the gang interrupt a Death Metal band rehearsing in the Hollywood Hills to ask directions on how to get to the terrorists' hideout. Meanwhile, Homeland Security agent April Street is abducted by black ops spook Yuri Vlaovic, with deadly results ...
EXT. RANCH HOUSE GARAGE - NIGHT
Cherry, Peeler and Stan walk up to the door.
The music grows LOUDER.
Big, thick slabs of heavy metal.
PEELER
Decent band.
STAN
Sounds kinda like Sabbath.
CHERRY
Let me do the talking.
INT. GARAGE - CONTINUOUS
Small and dark, with soundproofing
on the walls and ceiling.
Four HAIRY MUSICIANS, all early 20’s,
are rocking out at a DEAFENING VOLUME.
Meet SKULL BONG.
The LEAD SINGER faces a mirror,
singing to his own image. Practicing his moves.
LEAD SINGER
'And when Satan sings, the blood will flow,
and the HELL-MOUTH will open for YOU' --
The side door OPENS.
In walks Cherry, Peeler and Stan.
The band doesn’t notice,
lost in it’s dark reverie.
Cherry walks over to the circuit breaker.
SHUTS OFF the power.
The music DIES. Lights go OFF.
LEAD SINGER (V.O.)
DUDE. What the FUCK.
BASS PLAYER (V.O.)
I told you not to turn
the Marshall all the way up.
DRUMMER (V.O.)
It’s Satan, dude. And he’s PISSED.
The lights SNAP back on.
Cherry points her gun at the band.
LEAD SINGER
(sees her)
Whoah. BABE alert.
CHERRY
Sorry to interrupt the concert, boys --
but I’ve been cuffed to a suitcase nuke,
my car just died, my ex-lover, the CIA
and Homeland security are hot on my trail,
and I gotta go visit some
Middle-Eastern terrorists up the hill.
(CLICKS the hammer)
So which one of you Ozzy-wanabes
is gonna be my tour guide?
EXT. SUNSET BOULEVARD - NIGHT - AT THAT MOMENT
Yuri chats with the cops.
April leans against the SUV,
her wrists tied in front
with one of those twist-ties.
Cheap. Light. Easy. Effective. And PAINFUL.
YURI
Thanks for help, fellas.
CRAZED COP
You want us to escort you?
That bitch is dangerous.
YURI
I’ve got it, thanks.
The cops shrug,
go back to their car and get in.
Yuri GRABS April by the wrists.
Points his gun at her.
Opens the door. SHOVES her in.
Slides her over to the front passenger seat.
YURI
(gets in)
Sit tight. No talking.
APRIL
Can you loosen it a bit?
It’s cutting off my circulation.
YURI
I said NO TALKING.
Yuri starts the engine.
Pulls out, enters traffic.
Driving one-handed,
the other pointing his gun at April.
APRIL
Where are you taking me?
He CRACKS her in the head with his piece.
April REELS back.
YURI
You American broads WON’T LISTEN.
I said SHUT THE FUCK UP.
They drive down the strip.
Pass by shops and restaurants.
YURI
Look at all this fucking tourist crap.
(beat)
Crafton wanted me to bring you in.
(turns, smiles)
But I told him I have better idea.
We get to play game.
APRIL
What kind of --
She shuts up.
Doesn’t want to get hit again.
YURI
Ah, you want to know what kind of game?
Well, you see, back in Russia
we have special method to get information.
Way that make Gitmo look like Camp David.
(hisses)
Waterboarding. For BABIES.
(beat)
I pride myself in being able
to keep detainee alive for WEEKS,
sometimes MONTHS.
(nasty laugh)
We’re going to have lot of fun, babushka.
The car stops at a light.
Yuri turns his head. Sees --
EXT. CRAZY HORSE STRIP CLUB - CONTINUOUS
A trio of HOT, FLASHY STRIPPERS
come out of the club, laughing.
All hair, legs and boobs.
IN THE CAR
Yuri watches them.
Puts his tongue between two fingers,
wriggles it like a snake.
ON THE SIDEWALK
Tall, curvy does a take.
TALL, CURVY BLOND STRIPPER
EW. Did you see what that guy just DID?
HOT HISPANIC STRIPPER
(walks over, SLAPS handbag against the window)
Mother-FUCKER.
HOT ASIAN STRIPPER
Me love you NO-TIME.
IN THE CAR
April takes advantage of the distraction.
PIVOTS in her seat, curls into a ball,
raises her boots, pulls them back, and --
SLAMS them into Yuri’s head,
CRACKING it into the window.
APRIL
Take THAT, motherfucker!
She KICKS again, HARDER, BANG --
squishing his head like a grape.
Blood SPRAYS. The window CRACKS.
ON THE SIDEWALK
The strippers FREAK.
TALL, CURVY BLOND STRIPPER
Holy fucking SHIT!
HOT HISPANIC STRIPPER
OhmiGOD!
HOT ASIAN STRIPPER
Let’s get the fuck OUTTA HERE.
And they TAKE OFF, high-heels
CLATTERING on the pavement.
IN THE CAR
April surveys the damage. Sniffs.
APRIL
Fucker smells like cabbage.
Ah yes... the neighborhood garage band... haha! Parents hate them... teens love them...! In high school, there were these four boys from our neigborhood... had a garage band... they called themselves "Sevil Natas". They did covers of Nailed, Edge of Sanity, Shadows Fall... some others... it all sounded the same to me... Talia, my BFF, and I didn't really care for it, but... you know... anything your parents don't like.... you embrace, right? Haha! Anyway...
ReplyDeleteYou know... I like Cherry more and more with each chapter... that girl is my hero! Well, after Carrie Love and Kelsey Hazard, of course! LOL!! Hey... who could say no to her after that little speech... haha! I would take her anywhere she wanted - "danger is my middle name"... well, okay, actually, Marie is, but I can dream, huh? :)
I can't wait to see what Cherry does to Shag... I bet he walks funny for a week, huh?
So, Carole.. get this... Talia and I had matching t-shirts that said "Babe Alert" - we made them in art class! Had to hide from Mama, though! LOL!!
YES!!! I knew April wasn't just going to roll over and take it!! Yuri, my man... you should have drugged her... R.I.P. dude... I'd tell you to say hi to Mama for me, but you are going the other way, aren't you?
Mmmm... strippers!!! Yummy!! I met this really cute little stripper at a party last year...her name is Miranda and she has a tattoo of herself on her thigh - AMAZING likeness of her! It is very cool.... so is Miranda... she has the cutest little boobies... Hmmm, now that Alice is 21, I should call up Miranda and see where she is and performing and take Alice to see her... better wait until Tina goes out of town.. hehe!!
Okay... so, another "notch" for April... haha... too funny... "smells like cabbage!" haha!!
So... all April has to do is get out of those ties.. she has a ride... and head up in the hills....
Shag ought to be catching up with everyone... god, I can feel the tension building... Yes! Lets go, people!! Woo Hoo!!
I am glad you are enjoying my comments, Carole... a little something for your enjoyment!
I so LOVE your stories... they are high point of my day! Love you, sweetie! XOXOXO <3 <3