Cat Got Your Arrest Record?

Happy Thursday, crime cluster-fuckers! You know what time it is? Three guesses. Time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your violent, hardboiled dreams of vengence come to life, right here, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In chapter 13 of THE HEISTERS, we flash forward to the aftermath of the heist, where the gang is each going door to door interviewing the girls Jackie Tempel dated to find the one who killed him and stole the loot. Wheelman Jefty Joes goes first, with disastrous results ...


EXT. SHITTY APARTMENT BUILDING - NIGHT
A plain, ordinary cement joint on the wrong end of Pico
on the outskirts of town brought to you by the color grey.

Jefty walks up the front walk.
Gets to the front door.

Searches the mailboxes for a name.
Finds it.

RINGS the bell.
Nervously fingers the clipboard he’s carrying.

KELSEY (V.O.)
The gag was taking a survey
about entertainment habits.
What were you doing last night?
Watching TV? A DVD?
Cruising the internet?
Social networking?
Playing a videogame?
(beat)
If they were quick to respond,
we knew they weren’t a suspect.
Anybody who had killed someone
that violently and robbed them
of two bags stuffed with cash
would react in some way that’d be noticeable.
(beat)
Simple. Easy.
Something anybody could do --

The door BUZZES.
Jefty walks in.

INT. CORRIDOR - NIGHT
Dimly lit. Shitty, stained carpet.

A door OPENS down the hall.
A tough-looking YOUNG CHICK (20’s),
tattooed and pierced leans out the doorway.
Rubs her black jeans.

TATTOOED CHICK
What do you want?

JEFTY
Are you the woman of the house?

TATTOOED CHICK
Who wants to know?

JEFTY
I’m with the Global Media Group.
We’re doing a survey about entertainment habits.

TATTOOED CHICK
'Entertainment habits?'

JEFTY
Yeah. You know,
do you watch TV or DVD’s,
do you go on the internet --
(big smile)
Can I come in?
It’ll just take a minute, I promise.

TATTOOED CHICK
What the fuck. C’mon in.

She ducks in. Jefty follows her.

INT. SHITTY APARTMENT - NIGHT
Jefty follows her into the threadbare living room --

JEFTY
Thanks for letting me --

Where he sees two
BIG PLAINCLOTHES DETECTIVES
in cheap suits and cheaper haircuts.
Standing in the middle of the room.

NASTY PLAINCLOTHES DICK
'Taking a survey,' huh?
Can we see some identification?

JEFTY
(starts to freak out)
I, uh -- uh --

UGLY PLAINCLOTHES DICK
What’s the matter, son --
cat got your arrest record?

JEFTY
Sorry -- I made a mistake --

He turns around
and RUNS for the door.

The cops WHIP OUT their guns.
DASH after him.

TATTOOED CHICK
GET the fucker!

IN THE CORRIDOR
Jefty RUNS. TOSSES the clipboard.
Pulls his gun out of his pocket.
Looks for a place to get rid of it.

The cops see the gun. SHOUT out --

UGLY PLAINCLOTHES DICK
STOP, POLICE --

NASTY PLAINCLOTHES DICK
Put the weapon DOWN or we’ll SHOOT --

But he keeps running.
Gets to the end.
Starts to open the door.

The cops OPEN FIRE.
BANG. BANG. BANG. BANG. BANG.

Jefty’s body JERKS like a puppet
in a dance of death.

SLAMS against the door.
Slides down, red smears on the glass.

NASTY PLAINCLOTHES DICK
Your show’s been CANCELLED.