Nice Cock Ring

Happy Tuesday, crime motherfuckers! Are you ready to get completely sleazy? Looking for a good time? Like your hardboiled noir shaken, not slurred? Then you've come to the right place, where the chicks are hot, and the action hotter, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

Our next story has an interesting history. A producer in Australia that I met working on a TV movie a few years ago read some of my stuff, and asked me to write a TV pilot for her. Her idea was a story that took place in a high-end massage parlor. I jumped on board, and you know me, I had to add a crime element to it. I decided that 'The International' spa in Washington DC would be run by the Croatian mob, and it would service the movers and shakers in our nation's capitol. There would be four girls from four corners of the globe working their magic, and we go along on the story with Aussie spitfire Summer Donovan as she starts her first day on the job. The pitch was SEX & THE CITY meets THE SOPRANOS.

Ladies and Gentlemen, get ready for FULL BODY ...


INT. BATHROOM - MORNING
The silky, supple breathy-femme trip-hop
of Hooverphonic’s CLUB MONTEPULCIANO over --

Clouds of steam.
Streaked mirror.
Fluffy white towels.

A FEMALE FIGURE
showers behind rippled glass. Singing.
You’d sing too, if you had a bod like that.

FEMALE FIGURE
'Fiona said something nice to me,
green velvet jacket sets you free --
Club Montepulciano is what you need -- '
(beat)
'Blue Hawaii, Picadilly whore --
a cocktail is what I’m hoping for -- '

IN THE SHOWER
she shaves her legs.
Razor glides up a curvy calf.
Reaches the corner,
back of the knee.
NICKS the skin.

FEMALE
Ow!

She turns.
We see the face of an angel.
Shower cap, a halo.
No make up.
Peachy skin glistening.

Meet SUMMER DONOVAN (24).
It was worth the wait.

THE CUT
on her leg bleeds.
A red rivulet trickles down.

SUMMER
Shit.

MOMENTS LATER
wrapped in a towel.
Sleek black hair down her back.
Presses a corner of tissue on the wound.
It soaks up the blood.
Becomes a large red dot.

She WHIPS it off.
Places a new piece.

SUMMER
Work. Come on --

INT. UPSCALE SPA - AT THE SAME TIME
The blissed-out, spooky, spy-theme beats of Thunderball’s
TO SIR WITH DUB over --

A DIRTY BLONDE (25)
and a GREY-HAIRED GENT
sit in a large, lux Jacuzzi.
Water rushing.
Soothing sore muscles.

And other things.

Meet LINDSEY LETTE, (25).
Taught, toned, freckled Aussie spitfire.
5’2,” lithe, cat-like.
What some call a ‘spinner.’

But this time, she’s doing the spinning.

LINDSEY
What do you say we get you on the table,
Mr. big, bad Speaker of the House?

GREY-HAIRED GENT
Capital idea. But please, call me Dookie.

LINDSEY
Dookie?

GREY-HAIRED GENT
Nickname. From my prep school days.

LINDSEY
Good thing I wore my plaid skirt today --

INT. SUMMER’S PLACE - BEDROOM
Summer sits at her vanity.
Lethal in a skintight suit.

Toned shiny legs in shiny black pumps.
Fixing her face.
Not that it needs any fixing.

DING.

IN THE KITCHEN
Summer goes to the toaster.
Two slices of black. Burned.

SUMMER
It’s an omen.

She opens the fridge.
Takes out a yogurt.
Spoons a mouthful.

Holds up another.
Lets it slide back into the cup.

SUMMER
Yuck.

CAMERA PUSHES IN
on the piece of tissue behind her knee.

INT. UPSCALE SPA - BLUE MASSAGE SUITE - AT THAT MOMENT
TO SIR WITH DUB continues over --

VERY fancy.
Some kinda opulent vision outta Versailles.
Love Shack, a’la Verscace.
Hot and cold running pleasure.

Dookie lies on his back.
A small blue towel covers his private area.
Lindsey works on his thigh.
Smoothing oil.

DOOKIE
I have this little getaway
in the Cayman Islands --

LINDSEY
You know we’re not allowed
to date the guests -- Dookie.

DOOKIE
Guest? I’m a payin’ customer --
and the customer is always right.

LINDSEY
Except when he’s wrong.

DOOKIE
Now listen here, lil’ lady,
stop actin’ like a lobbyist,
I’m prepared to give --

CLOSE ON LINDSEY’S FACE

LINDSEY
Dismissed. Motion overruled.
And there is no debate
at 'The International,' Congressman.

She holds up the red towel.

LINDSEY
Especially when it’s time for your filibuster.
(notices)
Nice cock ring. Tiffany’s?