Hold Onto Your Mammary Glands

Happy Hump Day, crime humpsters! It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your kinkiest fantasies become crimes of the flesh, right here, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace, where the chicks are hot, the drinks are cold, and the hardboiled action non-stop ... at that Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 2 of FULL BODY, Aussie spinner Summer Donovan drives over to her big job interview at the exclusive gentlemen's spa The International. Meanwhile, we meet the owners of the club, Croatian crime boss Yuri Vlaovic, and his lesbian daughter, Etya ...


INT./EXT. SUMMER’S CAR - MOVING - DAY
The childlike whipped-trance femme-pop of
Groove Coverage’s GOD IS A GIRL on the car stereo.
Summer shimmies in her seat.

SUMMER
(sings)
'God is a girl,
wherever you are,
do you believe it,
can you receive it -- '

Reaches over.
Pulls a greasy cheeseburger out of a bag.
Takes a big bite. Savors it.

SUMMER
Ummmm --

Another, bigger bite.
But it’s too much.

A wedge of meat, sauce
and sloppy bun PLOPS on her lap.

She looks --

SUMMER
Oh, no!

She SWERVES the car to the curb.
A car HONKS.

FEMALE VOICE (O.C.)
Stupid CUNT!

SUMMER
(out the window)
Georgetown WHORE!

Summer gingerly pulls the food
off her suede skirt.

FLIPS it out the window.
Surveys the damage.

SUMMER
What am I going to do?

INT. THE INTERNATIONAL - FRONT OFFICE - AT THAT MOMENT
The liquid, bubbling dub beats of Thievery Corporation’s
2001 SPLIFF ODYSSEY over --

Very uptown.
Tres Trump-gaudy.
Is that a real Picasso?

The door OPENS. In walks --

YURI VLAOVIC (50’s),
a squat tree-trunk of Croatian muscle.
Top of the organized crime food chain.

Tries for cultured.
But still street.
Cobblestone.

YURI
And this is inner sanctum --

Following behind him is his daughter,
ETYA (late 20’s).

Raven-tressed.
Skintight Gautier.
Lean. Lithe. Luscious.

And lesbian.

ETYA
Is nice. Wery nice.

She walks over to a bank of video monitors.
Watches a session in progress.
We see Lindsey start to work on Dookie’s dookie.

YURI
You have security on call,
twenty-four-seven.
You have problem,
you call them.
No funny business.
I don’t want repeat of thing in Zagreb.

ETYA
Hey. The deal vent bad.
I’m supposed to walk away empty-handed?

YURI
You cut off his fucking hand!
If this going to work,
you gotta play by rules.
After shit that went down
with last cooze,
I can’t trust nobody.

ETYA
You can trust me, Poppa.
I make you proud.
Come. Give me hug.

She raises her arms.
A flash of chrome in her waistband.

YURI
You’re becoming too Americanized.
A Vlaovic DOES NOT HUG.
And gimmee your piece.
We got all kindsa government people
that come here,
and I don’t need illegal weapons beef.

ETYA
But Momma’s gun is legal. No?

YURI
You have my WIFE’S GUN?
What the fuck?
I thought she was buried with that --

ETYA
Open-casket ceremony,
I was emotional, I, I --
couldn’t help myself --

BUZZ.

FEMALE VOICE (O.C.)
Yuri, Etya. Your nine-o’clock is here.

YURI
Okay, okay -- give us a sec.
Hold onto mammary glands.
(to Etya)
Okay. Now.
You’re gonna interview girl.
And no funny business, got it?
No sniffin’ round merchandise.

ETYA
(Cheshire grin)
Of course.
I am professional, Poppa.
I use -- restraint.

YURI
That’s what I’m afraid of.