You Had Me At 'I'm Coming'

It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where the girls are hot, the drinks are cold, and the hardboiled-pulp-noir action is non-stop, right here, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.


In Chapter 34 of FULL BODY, we reach the exciting, violent, touching, heartbreaking conclusion of our story. (And that's all I'm gonna say because I don't want to give away anything ... )


EXT. PARKING GARAGE - NIGHT
Lindsey walks toward her car.

A big, black HUMMER pulls into a space nearby.
A TALL, STRANGE-LOOKING WOMAN gets out.
Walks hurriedly to the stairs.
Heels CLICK-CLICKING.

LINDSEY
(opens car door)
She’s built like a football player.

MALE VOICE (O.C.)
Lindsey.

LINDSEY
Huh?
(looks)
Gus? What are you doing here?
You’re not -- stalking me, are you?

Gus appears. Disheveled. Wild-eyed.

GUS
I need to talk to you.

Lindsey gets in.
SLAMS the door.
Lowers the window a crack.

LINDSEY
I have mace.

GUS
I’m -- not married.

LINDSEY
What? Why did you lie?

GUS
This is gonna sound like a --
Cameron Crowe movie.

LINDSEY
(rolls window down)
Ooh. I like Cameron Crowe movies.
You had me at ‘I’m coming.’

GUS
The thing is, I --
can’t stop thinking about you,
and I -- see, when you say you’re married,
there’s no commitment,
it’s wham-bang-fuck-you-very-much, Ma’am.
But with you, I --

LINDSEY
DON’T say it.

GUS
No, no, no ---
I was going to ask if we could --
start over again. We went too fast.
I really like you, and I don’t want it to be --
just about sex.

LINDSEY
Oh, God. Not another one.
(beat)
I’m not -- emotionally available.

Gus deflates. Balloon punctured.

LINDSEY
It’s not you -- it’s me.

GUS
Well, there’s always -- sex?

LINDSEY
Sex is good --
(frowns)
But if I catch you in my driveway at 3AM
holding a goddamn boombox over your head
playing Peter Gabriel’s ‘In Your Eyes,’
no nookie for G.I. Joe, comprende?

GUS
Absolutement.

LINDSEY
You speak French?

GUS
Oui, mon amour --

LINDSEY
Okay, get in.
But I’m driving you straight home.
I’ve had a long-ass fucked-up day.

GUS
(as he gets in)
Hey, wanna pick up
a Capitol-Burger on the way?
I’m fucking starving.

Lindsey’s stomach GROWLS.
Looks at Gus. Starts the engine.

LINDSEY
Good idea.
Let’s go stuff down our feelings.

INT. THE INTERNATIONAL - YURI’S OFICE - AT THAT MOMENT
Martin Frye of ABC’s swingin’ cover of THUNDERBALL over --

Yuri and Mavra dance a twisted tango.
Yuri’s tie in her mouth.
Her black stocking in Yuri’s.

YURI
(sings)
'He looks at this world, and wants it all' --

Etya watches from the doorway.
Delighted. Drinking vodka.

They turn. Stomp.
Dance toward the CAMERA --

YURI
So he strikes, like Thunderball --

THE TALL, STRANGE WOMAN
walks in. Big, bug-like shades.
Cruel red lipstick sneer.

TALL, STRANGE WOMAN
Yuri Vlaovic!

Yuri and Mavra stop. Startled.
He goes to the stereo.
Shuts it off. Grabs his chest.

YURI
Jesus fucking Christ on pointed stick.
You scared fucking shit out of me.

MAVRA
We’re closed.

ETYA
You are interrupting family reunion.

Tall WHIPS OFF her shades.

TALL, STRANGE WOMAN
(strangled, high-pitched)
It’s me, Hassig -- MS. Hassig, to you.

YURI
You are -- cross-dressing City Councilman?

MAVRA
City Councilwoman more like it.

ETYA
Ugly City Councilwoman.

HASSIG
Shut the fuck up.
I’ve come to tell you that
your precious little ordinance passed,
and that your lurid den of depravity is safe.

YURI
Proslava! We drink toast!

HASSIG
No! No toast!
And I’m not paying you another red cent!
I’ve resigned my post,
and I’m moving to San Francisco.
And I want your assurance
that our deal is done.

YURI
Deal? We had no -- deal.

Hassig pulls out a small derringer.

HASSIG
We do now.

Fast as lightning,
Yuri WHIPS out a Glock.
BANG. BANG. BANG.

Hassig, in shock. Looks down.
Big, red stain on his crotch.

YURI
Stupid bitch. Now you have TWAT!

BANG. Hassig hits the floor, THWUMP.

YURI
I find this -- bit of turn-on.

A bulge grows in his crotch.

MAVRA
Yuri, look. You have woody again.

YURI
(twirls gun)
Looks like I have answer for --
erectile dysfunction.

ETYA
Great. Another body.
And I suppose I have to get rid of?

MAVRA
Etya, take body to basement.
We’ll deal with it later.

ETYA
But, Mo-om --

YURI
Do what your mother says.
(to Mavra)
We need to -- dance.

Etya drags away Hassig’s body.
Mutters to herself.

ETYA
This family is running with blowtorch.

Yuri goes to the stereo.
Smiles wolfishly at Mavra.

YURI
I take you back to gimnazija dance.

He pops in a new CD.
Presses play. Turns it up.

The bizarre, ridiculously catchy Austrian
80’S cold war power-pop of Falco’s
DER KOMMISSAR goose-steps over ---

MAVRA
Yuri. Is our song --

YURI
May I -- have this dance?

He takes her hand. Twirls her.
Stops. And they dance.
Cheek to cheek.

It’s one of those perfect movie moments.
Like Fred and Ginger.
Travolta and Thurman.
Ledger and Gyllenhaal.

INT. CATALINA’S HOUSE - NIGHT
The gazelle tip-toes into the living room.
TV on softly. Some old black-and-white war movie.
Husband asleep in his chair.

IN THE KIDS ROOM
Catalina looks in.
TWIN GIRLS (4) sleep the deep,
peaceful dreams that only children have.
She smiles. Kisses goodnight.

INT. CHICK’S LIMO - MOVING - AT THAT MOMENT
Chick, sound asleep. Mouth open.
Ayanna’s head on his lap.
Out like a light.

If you didn’t know better,
you’d think it was adorable.
Well, maybe --

INT. LINDSEY’S APARTMENT - AT THAT MOMENT
Lindsey sits in her bedroom at her desk.
Looking out the window at the moon.
She sighs. Opens a fast-food bag.

Pulls out a Capitol-Burger. Smiles.
And takes a bite.

INT. SUMMER’S APARTMENT - AT THAT MOMENT
Summer gets into bed. Still dressed.
Exhausted. Shuts off the light.
Burrows into the covers. Closes her eyes.

INT. GROOVY NIGHTCLUB - NIGHT
Hooverphonic’s breathy trip-hopped dreamsicle, MAD ABOUT YOU.
A glitterball throws a meteor shower of colored lights over --

Summer, onstage with a power-pop trio.
Cheesy Farfisa organ.
Tremolo surf guitar.

Gorgeous in an outer-space minidress.
Platform boots. Waterfall of hair.
She shakes, undulates.

SUMMER
(sings)
'Feel the vibe, feel the terror,
feel the pain -- it’s driving me insane --

She GRABS the mike off the stand.
Starts doing a nasty twist.

SUMMER
Trouble is my midd-le name,
but in the end I’m not too bad,
can someone tell me if it’s wrong
to be so mad -- about you?

PUSH IN ON Summer’s face.
Finding release.

FADE TO BLACK