Almost Wet My Panties

It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where the girls are hot, the drinks are cold, and the hardboiled-pulp-noir action is non-stop, right here, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 31 of FULL BODY, 'The International' security guard Rod Katz and evil criminal mastermind Hiroku Nakamura huddle after Rod's been cleared of the murder of undercover agent Reynolds Tan. But little do they know, they're being watched by Israeli cop Ben Fleck and Palestinian agent Ali Nassour ...


EXT. THE INTERNATIONAL - ACROSS THE STREET - NIGHT
The pitch-black, slit your wrist, stabbed in the heart
doom-pop of Joy Division’s LOVE WILL TEAR US APART over --

Rod, sitting on the passenger side
of Hiroku’s Hummer.

Hiroku grips the wheel tightly.
Face clenched with rage.

ROD
(sips coffee)
Nice wheels, Henry.
What’s the mileage on this fucker,
six miles to the gallon?

HIROKU
(pulls gun on him)
It’s Hiroku, shit-head.

ROD
Okay, okay, put the gat away,
Hi-ro-ku. We be cool.
(weird smile)
Hi-ro-ku. We be cool. Ha.

HIROKU
We not be cool.
Let me do the talking,
you ignorant fuck.
Do the cops know anything?
Do they have any suspects?

INT. VAN - AT THAT MOMENT
ALI NASSOUR and BEN FLECK sit in the back
listening on headphones.

Staring at a chessboard.
Deep in thought.

NASSOUR
That’s it, baby. Sing to mamma.
(moves a piece)
I’ve got you now, Mossad wannabe.

FLECK
Pure genius.
Bugging his fucking Starbucks.
I gotta hand it -- to me.
(looks at the board)
That’s your move?
You play like Golda Meyer
strapped with dynamite at a pre-school.

IN THE HUMMER
Rod fiddles with his coffee lid.

ROD
No, I told you. We’re cool.
I’m clean. They let me go.

HIROKU
I find it hard to believe
that a complete idiot
could get over on them so easily.

ROD
Excuse me?

HIROKU
You heard me.
How do you know
they’re not following you?

ROD
Following me?
Why would they follow me?

HIROKU
Because you KILLED THE FUCKING GIRL.

ROD
But they DON’T KNOW
I killed the fucking girl.

IN THE VAN
Nassour’s and Fleck’s eyes LIGHT UP.

They JUMP OUT of the van.
RACE toward the Hummer.

IN THE HUMMER

ROD
Hey, c’mon, now.
Put the gun down.
It might go off.

HIROKU
(screws on a silencer)
Oh, it’s gonna go off.
(CLICK)
I’ve decided you’re a
liability to my operation.
Get ready to go down
on cold, blue steel.

ROD
Wait! Let’s talk about this --
c’mon, Hi-ro-ku, I’m beggin’ you --

Hiroku flips open his cell phone.
Points it.

HIROKU
Smile for the camera, asshole --
time to meet your maker.
Think they’ll like it on YouTube?

Rod LUNGES for the gun --

ROD
NOOOOOOO --

BANG. Hiroku shoots him between the eyes.
Blood SMEARS the window. Rod slumps. Gone.

Hiroku smiles.
CLICKS the phone shut.

Nassour and Fleck POUND on the windows.

NASSOUR
POLICE, OPEN UP!

FLECK
FEDERAL AGENT!
STEP OUT OF THE VEHICLE!

Hiroku rolls down his window.
Smiles.

HIROKU
Hey, Ali. Scary.
Almost wet my panties.

NASSOUR
Hey. We gotta make it look good.

HIROKU
You get it all?

NASSOUR
Like Tricky Dick.
Good job, kid.
We manipulate the guard
into killing the bitch,
and then faster than
you can say ‘rogue operation,’
get his confession on tape.
God, I love this country.

Smiles all around.

HIROKU
What do you say we get a pitcher
and watch the Patriots game?

NASSOUR
Thanks, but we have --
our own game.

FLECK
First annual Israeli-Palestinian
grand master.

HIROKU
Huh?

NASSOUR
The sport of KINGS.

HIROKU
What?

NASSOUR AND FLECK
Chess!

Hiroku rubs his chin. Thinks.

HIROKU
A little heavy-handed --
but still, an effective metaphor.