I Love The Smell Of Napalm On A Stripper Pole

It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where the girls are hot, the drinks are cold, and the hardboiled-pulp-noir action is non-stop, right here, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 11 of NOWHERE GIRL, Homeland Security agent April Street follows stripper-with-a-suitcase-nuke Cherry Nation and Silverlake hipster Peeler Mardo to Jumbo's Clown Room strip club, where she's attacked by a mysterious stranger in black, which allows Cherry and Peeler to escape ...


INT. SUV - MOVING - NIGHT
April drives the car slowly on the right-hand side,
checks the hand-held PDA.

APRIL
They’re right near here --

INT. JUMBO’S CLOWN ROOM - NIGHT - AT THAT MOMENT
Cherry pays the BARTENDER (40), an ex-stripper.

CHERRY
Keep the change.

STRIPPER BARTENDER
Thanks, doll.

Stripper Bartender ambles away, goes behind the bar.

PEELER
What now?

CHERRY
I’m gonna call the guy.
Then we’re gonna see the guy.
Get the money.
(looks down)
And then I can finally
get this thing off my wrist.
It’s fucking killing me.

She pulls out a piece of paper.
Her cell. PUNCHES a number.

CHERRY (CONT’D)
Wish me luck.

PEELER
Luck.

CHERRY
(into the phone)
Hello?

INTERCUT WITH:

INT. HOLLYWOOD HILLS MANSION - NIGHT - AT THAT MOMENT
Hamad, Kamal and the rest sit and watch
DEAL OR NO DEAL on a huge plasma-screen.

KAMAL
It’s ridiculous. Greedy Americans. There is no GAME.

HAMAD
Look at number twenty-seven. She looks Persian.

Kamal’s phone RINGS. He gets it. Listens.

KAMAL
Hello, Avi?

CHERRY
No, this is Cherry Nation. Who’s Avi?

KAMAL
What is Cherry -- Nation?

CHERRY
I’M Cherry Nation. And I have your briefcase.

KAMAL
(to Hamad)
It’s the girl with the package.
(to Cherry)
Where are you?

CHERRY
I’m on my way to see you. You have the money?

KAMAL
Of course.
(to Hamad)
She doesn’t know who Avi is.
This smells funny. I don’t like it.

HAMAD
(eyes on the TV)
Not to worry. If it goes wrong, we kill her.
Then we go visit Avi.

CHERRY
You still there?

KAMAL
You have the address?

CHERRY
Yeah, I’m on my way.

She hangs up. The reality of all of this
is finally sinking in. Freak-out time.
Peeler puts his hand on top of Cherry’s.

PEELER
You okay? You look -- scared to death.

CHERRY
Of course I’m fucking scared to death.
Aren’t you?

PEELER
Shit, yeah.

CHERRY
Thanks for doing this with me.
You know, you’re not such a --

The front door BANGS OPEN. In walks April.

APRIL
Everybody FREEZE. I’m a FEDERAL OFFICER.

April sees Cherry. Starts walking toward her.

APRIL (CONT'D)
You gave me quite the little goose-chase, girlie.
You’re under arrest, both of you.

A FIGURE IN BLACK appears in the doorway
wearing a motorcycle helmet.
He raises a sawed-off SHOTGUN.

STRIPPER BARTENDER
HEY. NO GUNS ALLOWED!

April WHIPS her head around. Sees the intruder.

APRIL
Shit, DUCK!

Cherry and Peeler HIT the floor.
April FLIPS over the table,
and they all get behind it.

APRIL (CONT’D)
Don’t fucking MOVE. Stay here.

The shotgun BLASTS.
The table top SPLINTERS.

April ROLLS across the floor.
Gets behind the bar, where
Stripper Bartender trembles on the floor.

She pulls out her Sig Sauer,
FIRES a hail of BULLETS.
They BOUNCE off his kevlar vest.

THE FIGURE
BLASTS again at the bar.
Bottles SMASH. Glass goes FLYING.

APRIL
Returns fire. Aims for his head.
BANG-BANG-BANG-BANG-BANG!
But the bullets BOUNCE off the helmet.

BEHIND THE TABLE
Cherry whispers to Peeler.

CHERRY
Let’s get the fuck out of here.

PEELER
I’m right with you.

They scuttle across the floor
to the back door. Push it open.

The shotgun BLASTS.

BEHIND THE BAR
Bottles and glass are FLYING.
Booze is pouring everywhere.

April finds an intact bottle.
Opens it. Pours it on a cleaning rag.
Stuffs it in the bottle.
Pulls out a lighter.

APRIL
I love the smell of napalm on a stripper pole.

And LIGHTS IT.
A ROAR of flames WHOOSHES straight up.

She HEAVES IT at the figure.
He CATCHES IT in a gloved hand.

INTRUDER IN BLACK
Sorry, baby. Fire-resistant.

He TOSSES it out the front door,
where it EXPLODES, taking out a parked car
in a BALL OF FLAME.

APRIL
Who THE FUCK are you?!

INTRUDER IN BLACK
I’m from human resources.
And this is your severance package.

He PUMPS the gun. FIRES.
April DUCKS behind the bar.

INTRUDER IN BLACK (CONT’D)
Come out, come out, whereever you are.

Another BLAST. It hits a tap.
A geyser of beer WHOOSHES up.

BEHIND THE BAR
April looks around.
Sees an aluminum baseball bat. GRABS it.

APRIL
Deja vu all over again.

THE INTRUDER
Walks toward the bar. PUMPS the gun. FIRES.
And, as he reaches it,
he leans over, pushes the shotgun down --

And April FLIES UP, SWINGS the bat,
and SMASHES it into his head with a CRACK.
He weaves a little. Stunned.

April JUMPS OVER the bar.
CRACKS him in the crotch.

He goes down, reeling in pain.
She GRABS his gun.

KICKS him in the stomach. The HEAD.
He goes out like a light.

APRIL (CONT'D)
I’m filing a claim for HARASSMENT.

She GRABS him by the leg.
DRAGS him over to the stripper pole.
Pulls out handcuffs.
CLICKS him to the brass rail.

She looks around.
Sees that Cherry and Peeler are gone. Shit.

APRIL (CONT’D)
Fuck.

A SIREN wails outside.
She dashes toward the back.

STRIPPER BARTENDER
HEY. Who’s gonna pay for this MESS?

She stops. Turns.

APRIL
Write your congressman.