Like Father, Like Gun

Happy Thursday, hardboiled crime slicksters. You say you're looking for some action? Cheap thrills? Some nasty kicks? Then you've come to the right place, where the chicks are smokin' hot, the drinks are ice-cold, and the violence CRUNCHING, right here, at That Killing Feeling.

Onto today's joint from LITTLE GIRL BLUE, where the action gets kicked up a notch ...

When we last left private eye Carrie Love, she, along with ex-partner homicide detective Bernie Keko, are protecting would-be stripper/college coed Blue Wonder from a pack of goons who are trying to invade her mother's house on Christmas Eve ... and the siege has begun, when a pair of thugs break into the house ... in Carrie's room ...

EXT. BEVERLY HILLS MANSION - BACK YARD - NIGHT

A ladder rests against the side of the house.

Reaches up to a second story window.

Tolly and Porkpie stand next to it, looking up.

Mick holds a PICK-AXE. Aldo, an oil lamp.

TOLLY

(to Mick and Aldo)

You go climb up, smash a window.

Go in. We’ll follow you.

MICK

Let’s do it.

ALDO

Yeah. Get inside and warm up.

(laughs)

Then get us some girlie.

TOLLY

There’s been a change of plan.

We’re gonna whack both of ‘em.

MICK

Both of ‘em? The stripper, too?

TOLLY

What, you got snow in your ears?

ALDO

What about the other people in the house?

TOLLY

What do you think.

ALDO

Good thing I brought a couple extra clips.

INT. MANSION - STUDY - AT THAT MOMENT

Seth paces back and forth in front of the fireplace.

Practices clicking the safety on and off.

Blue sits on the couch. Holds the rifle on her lap.

Margo sleeps peacefully. Layla stands near the door.

LAYLA

I need to use the ladies room.

SETH

Go down the hall to the foyer.

Second door on your right.

LAYLA

Thanks. I’ll be right back.

SETH

Be careful.

She tiptoes out.

BLUE

Your mother’s -- a character.

SETH

You can say that again.

He looks at her.

Comes over to the couch.

Sits next to her.

BLUE

Guess it runs in the family.

SETH

You mean my sister.

BLUE

Yeah. But she’s cool.

She’s helping me even though I can’t afford it.

SETH

Carrie’s cool.

(beat)

She and my Mom have a -- tricky relationship.

Blue puts the gun down next to her.

Scoots a little closer.

BLUE

You know what they say about mothers and daughters.

SETH

(touches her arm)

Kind of like -- like father, like son?

BLUE

(touches his leg)

We shouldn’t be doing this.

SETH

Not at a time like this.

And they kiss.

INT. MANSION - SECOND FLOOR HALLWAY - AT THAT MOMENT

Carrie, Bernie and Eva walk down the lushly furnished main hallway upstairs.

Guns at their sides.

BERNIE

Looks just the same.

(turns, to Carrie)

You remember that Thanksgiving weekend we stayed here,

and your mother made us sleep in separate rooms?

CARRIE

Well, we weren’t married yet.

And you know my mom.

BERNIE

I had to fucking sneak in your room like I was sixteen.

They both smile. Remembering.

EVA

Why couldn’t the two of you work it out?

It seems like there is still chemistry.

CARRIE

I had an itch -- and I scratched it.

BERNIE

An itch? That’s a good one.

(sings)

'The Days of Wine and Roses -- '

Carrie stops.

Gives Bernie a look that kills.

CARRIE

I think we should split up.

Check all the windows. They could be --

Glass SHATTERS. A big THUD.

CRASHING noises behind the door they’re standing in front of.

EVA

Oh my GOD.

BERNIE

It’s THEM.

CARRIE

And they’re in MY ROOM.

To Protect And Swerve

Happy Hump Day, crime humpsters. Lookin' to get your hardboiled-pulp rocks off? Feeling a little violent? Then you've come to the right place, where the chicks are hot, and the action hotter ... at That Killing Feeling.

Onto today's rip-roaring joint from LITTLE GIRL BLUE ...

It's Christmas Eve at private eye Carrie Love's mother's house in Beverly Hills. A freak snowstorm has just started, and the place is surrounded by white slave trafficker Tolly Chill and his goons. They're trying to break to get would-be stripper/college coed Blue Wonder ... but Carrie, Blue, her ex-partner/ex husband Bernie Keko, and Carrie's family are loading their weapons ... and getting ready to fight back ...

EXT. BEVERLY HILLS MANSION - BACK YARD - NIGHT

Aldo and Mick walk over to Tolly and Porkpie. Freezing cold.

ALDO

Power’s out.

MICK

So’s the phone.

TOLLY

Good work.

PORKPIE

I’m freezing my nuts off, boss.

TOLLY

You think I’M having fun, chuckle-head?

(looks around)

There’s a pool house over there.

Porkpie and I will go and look around

for stuff we can use to get in.

You two go check the garage,

see if there’s a ladder or something.

PORKPIE

Let’s do it.

TOLLY

Meet back here in five minutes. Got it?

They all nod. Cold. Miserable.

TOLLY (CONT'D)

Hey, cheer up. It’s fucking CHRISTMAS.

INT. MARGO’S MANSION - STUDY - AT THAT MOMENT

Carrie hands a rifle to Eva. The other to Blue.

CARRIE

You two take these.

They’re easy to shoot.

Just remember to hold it against your shoulder,

it’s got a kick.

Eva and Blue nod.

EVA

I was a marksman in college.

Won the blue ribbon in Berlin Technical Institute.

CARRIE

Excellent.

BLUE

I used to play Charlie’s Angels with my sister.

CARRIE

Good enough.

(to Bernie)

Why don’t you give the Baretta to Seth.

BERNIE

Okay.

(shows him)

This is an automatic weapon.

Has nine rounds in the clip, one in the chamber.

It has safety --

(slides it)

See?

(slides it back)

It’s off now, so you can’t hurt anyone.

Any shit goes down, slide it back like I just showed you.

Got it?

SETH

(takes it)

Got it.

BERNIE

I don’t have an extra clip for it,

cause it’s my back-up piece.

So use your bullets wisely.

Everyone looks around.

The reality of this is sinking in.

CARRIE

Okay, Bernie and I will patrol upstairs.

The rest of you stay here and sit tight.

SETH

Let me come with you.

EVA

No, you stay here, protect your mother

and the young lady. I go patrol with them.

(raises the rifle, takes aim)

I can hit a moving target at one hundred yards.

BERNIE

She’s got a point.

CARRIE

Okay. Let’s do it.

EXT. NEARBY SIDE STREET - AT THAT MOMENT

A PRIVATE SECURITY VEHICLE stops in front of

a giant wall of shrubbery hiding a large estate.

INT. PRIVATE SECURITY VEHICLE - CONTINUOUS

Private security guard TIP SNELLING (50) takes a sip from a flask.

Short and squat. Red-nosed. Grey-haired. No family.

An ordinary Joe drinking his life away in a safe, dull job.

TIP

Merry Christmas, you rich bastards.

(toasts)

To protect and --

(drinks)

Fuck yourself.

He picks up his walkie talkie.

CLICKS it on.

TIP (CONT’D)

(into the walkie)

Command to base. You read me?

BORED FEMALE VOICE (O.C.)

Base here. What’s up, Tip?

TIP

Not a hell of a lot. Quiet.

BORED FEMALE VOICE

Of course it’s fucking quiet. It’s Christmas.

TIP

You gonna go see family tonight?

BORED FEMALE VOICE

Yeah. Leaving in about fifteen minutes.

How about you?

TIP

Nah. Need the overtime.

BORED FEMALE VOICE

Well, stay warm.

Radio said this freak storm

is gonna get worse before it gets better.

TIP

Roger and out. Have a holly jolly.

He clicks off the walkie.

Takes another sip from his flask.

Closes his eyes

TIP

Best time of the year, my ass.

Reach Out And Fuck Someone

Happy Tuesday, crime hipsters. Are you ready for another heaping helping of hardboiled pulp, served by naughty, empowered vixens with guns? Ready for another slice of noir, served cold? Then get your asses over to the hippest joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

Onto today's joint from LITTLE GIRL BLUE, where our heroes are putting their wagons in a circle ...

See, private eye Carrie Love, along with would-be stripper/college coed Blue Wonder are holed up in Carrie's mother's house with her family, while white slave trafficker Tolly Chill and his goons are trying to break in ... so they're loading their guns, and getting ready to fight back ...

EXT. BEVERLY HILLS MANSION - FRONT STOOP - NIGHT

Tolly turns to Porkpie. Shivering in the cold.

TOLLY

They must be onto us.

(to Aldo and Mick)

Go find the phone box. Disable it.

Then get the fusebox. Hurry.

They nod. RACE OFF.

Porkpie pulls a high-tech device out of his pocket.

Looks like a remote.

TOLLY (CONT’D)

What the fuck is THAT?

PORKPIE

Cell phone scrambler.

Got it from that Mossad agent we whacked.

Thought it might come in handy.

TOLLY

Fucking genius.

Porkpie PRESSES a series of buttons.

PORKPIE

Reach out and FUCK someone.

IN THE HOUSE

Seth walks into the rec room.

Punches a number on his cell phone. Listens.

SETH

What the hell?

He walks over to a panel near the light switch.

FLICKS ON a series of buttons.

Enters a code.

Goes to a gun rack.

Grabs a pair of RIFLES.

Grabs a couple boxes of ammo.

DASHES off.

OUTSIDE THE HOUSE

A series of METAL SHUTTERS CLAMP down

over the first floor windows, one by one,

CLANK. CLANK. CLANK. CLANK. CLANK.

Tolly and Porkpie watch.

TOLLY

SHIT. God-DAMMIT.

PORKPIE

I’ll go make sure they kill the power.

He RUNS off.

INT. STUDY - AT THAT MOMENT

Carrie stands in the doorway.

CARRIE

Everybody, I’ve got something I need to tell you.

BLUE

Hey. He got the cuff off.

CARRIE

That’s -- great.

BERNIE

(reads her expression)

What’s wrong?

CARRIE

I need everyone to remain calm --

MARGO

What the FUCK is going on, Carrie?

Pause.

CARRIE

The people that were following us --

(beat)

Are outside.

And they’re trying to get in.

MARGO

How DARE you bring CRIMINALS to my HOME.

What were you THINKING?

CARRIE

SETH called me, said you had a STROKE.

I was THINKING of making sure my MOTHER was OKAY.

The power GOES OUT.

Seth rushes in, holding the rifles.

SETH

Not to worry,

emergency generator should kick in right away.

LAYLA

(crosses herself)

Dear Jesus, Mother Mary of God --

The lights COME BACK ON.

BERNIE

(to Carrie)

You just HAD to drag me out of the house.

CARRIE

Look, I realize you’re upset.

But if we all remain calm,

everything will be alright.

Seth goes to the phone on the desk.

Picks up the receiver.

SETH

The phone’s dead.

(looks at Carrie)

And my cell isn’t working.

Carrie whips out hers.

Punches a number. Listens.

CARRIE

Bastard’s have a scrambler. SHIT.

BLUE

I’m so sorry. It’s all my fault.

If I hadn’t asked you to help me --

CARRIE

Enough of that.

What’s done is done.

Everybody just relax.

There’s only four of them, and six of us.

(looks at Seth)

We’ve got two rifles --

(pulls out her Glock)

And I’ve got this.

Bernie pulls out his service revolver.

Then another piece from his ankle holster.

BERNIE

And I’ve got these.

CARRIE

Great. So that’s -- five guns.

Margo looks at Carrie. Quizzical.

She’s never seen this side of her daughter.

MARGO

Someone get me my handbag.

Seth does. Hands it to her.

Margo pulls out a STUN GUN.

MARGO (CONT’D)

And I’ve got 5000 volts of

'don’t mess with me, motherfucker.'

CARRIE

I’m not even gonna ask.

Do You Realize How Fucked Up This Is?

Happy Monday, hardboiled crime afficianados. Having a hard time getting the week started? Bored by your dull, 9-to-5 existience? Then welcome to hippest, hottest joint in cyberspace, where your darkest desires are served up fresh and cold ... at That Killing Feeling.

Before we get into today's installment from LITTLE GIRL BLUE, I'd like to fill you in a little bit of the history of this story.

As some of you have noticed, I specialize in hardboiled-pulp crime stories. Twisted, dark and DEPRAVED. I love to push the envelope, and try to take the viewer to places they haven't been before. And I'm making some headway. It looks like the Carrie Love story WILSHIRE BOULEVARD is about to be made into a minor motion picture.

But, about six months ago, before that got started, I decided to try something a little different, and decided to try my hand at something a little more 'commercial' ... and voila, we have LITTLE GIRL BLUE. At first I wasn't going to post this story here, because it's not as bloody, violent and evil as my usual work.

But then I thought, it DOES take place on Christmas Eve, and it IS that time of year, and perhaps some of my fans might get a kick out of seeing Carrie negotiate another mine field ...

Her family.

So, do not fear, dear reader, because after this story is done, we will return to the usual twisted, fucked up universe that you've come to know and love. And that's a promise.

So let's return to our story, where private eye Carrie Love has just rescued would-be stripper/college coed Blue Wonder from the evil clutches of white slave trafficker Tolly Chill and his goons, has escaped to her mother's house, and has enlisted the aid of her ex-partner/ex-husband Bernie Keko ... when to her horror, she discovers that Tolly and the gang have just arrived on her doorstep ...

INT. MARGO’S MANSION - STUDY - NIGHT

The gang’s all here. Margo lies in her hospital bed near the fireplace.

Seth and Blue sit on a love seat, making goo-goo eyes.

Carrie, Blue and Bernie sit on the couch.

MARGO

Well, if this isn’t the family reunion from hell.

CARRIE

Nice to see you, too Mom.

I don’t mean to be rude,

but we can only stay for a minute --

it’s kind on an emergency --

MARGO

(nods at Bernie)

Why is HE here?

I thought you gave him the heave-ho.

CARRIE

We’re still friends.

He’s -- helping me.

BERNIE

Nice to see you again, Mrs. Love.

MARGO

Call me Margo.

I haven’t been a 'Mrs. Love' in a long time.

(studies him)

Looks like you’ve put on some weight.

(looks at Blue)

Who’s the cupcake?

CARRIE

This is my client, Blue Wonder.

MARGO

'Blue Wonder?'

You gotta be fucking kidding me.

Sounds like a stripper.

(studies her)

But she looks -- too innocent.

BLUE

Thanks. I try.

Seth smiles at Blue.

She smiles back.

CARRIE

(to Bernie)

You bring your -- cutting thing?

BERNIE

(pulls them out of his pocket)

Tin snips.

MARGO

What the hell are THOSE for?

Blue puts her foot on the coffee table.

Flashes a long, lean leg.

Seth almost has a heart attack.

BLUE

Before Carrie rescued me --

the bad guys put this cuff on me.

Bernie’s gonna cut it off.

MARGO

Well, hurry it up, then.

Then we’ll have some egg nog.

BERNIE

Yes, Ma’am.

CARRIE

(to Margo)

We can’t stay, Mom.

Bernie leans over Blue’s ankle.

Starts cutting off the band around the cuff.

Carefully. Slowly.

BLUE

It -- tickles.

The doorbell RINGS.

MARGO

Who the hell could that be?

SETH

I’ll get it.

He starts for the door.

Carrie gets up.

CARRIE

Let me come with you.

(off his look)

Just in case.

EXT. MANSION - FRONT STEPS - NIGHT

Tolly and Porkpie stand in front of the door.

Mick and Aldo, behind them. Shivering in the cold.

INSIDE

Seth goes to the door.

Puts his hand on the knob.

CARRIE

Wait. Hold on a sec.

She goes to the peephole. Looks.

FISH EYE LENS POV

Tolly’s face. Distorted.

Grimacing from the cold.

CARRIE

Leaps back.

CARRIE (CONT’D)

Shit. It’s them.

SETH

Who’s 'them?'

Pause.

CARRIE

We were, uh -- followed.

SETH

Bad guys?

CARRIE

(sheepish)

Sorry.

SETH

Shit, Carrie -- how COULD you?

The doorbell RINGS again.

CARRIE

Look -- I was rescuing Blue, you called,

told me Mom had a stroke,

I needed to meet Bernie somewhere

where he could cut off the cuff --

(beat)

I’m SORRY.

I thought the snow would slow them down.

SETH

Do you realize how FUCKED UP this is?

CARRIE

YES. Calm down.

Bernie and I here.

It’s gonna be okay.

How’s the security system?

Mom still have what Dad installed?

SETH

Yeah. You know how paranoid she is.

It’s like Fort Knox. Ever since the riots --

CARRIE

Hold on a sec.

And DON’T open the door.

Carrie races over to the powder room.

Goes in.

IN THE POWDER ROOM

She looks out the window.

Sees Tolly and the gang.

IN THE FOYER

Carrie walks over to Seth.

CARRIE (CONT’D)

Okay, here’s the plan.

You call 911, I’ll go talk to the others.

It’s gonna be okay.

I’m gonna figure something out.

SETH

(scared)

You’re gonna 'figure something out?'

CARRIE

I’ll protect you, I promise.

Go to the rec room,

activate the fail safe, call 911,

get mom’s rifles,

then meet me back in the den, okay?

SETH

Okay.

CARRIE

It’s gonna be okay, I promise.

Have I ever steered you wrong?

SETH

You really want me to answer that?

Like White On Icicles

Happy Friday, crime junkies. You've slogged through the week, and now it's time to celebrate. Vent. Blow of some hardboiled steam. Time to clean your piece, strap on your shoulder holster, and head on over to the coolest joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

Onto today's joint from LITTLE GIRL BLUE ...

When we last left private eye Carrie Love, she had arrived at her mother's home in Beverly Hills on Christmas Eve, in the middle of a freak snowstorm. She's just saved would-be stripper/college coed Blue Wonder from the evil clutches of white slave trafficker Tolly Chill and his henchmen ...

Who are right nearby, and who have just killed an inquisitive motorcycle cop, and are now disposing of the body ...

EXT. SUNSET BOULEVARD - NIGHT

Tolly’s SUV travels slowly in the snow. It’s blinding now.

INT. TOLLY’S SUV - MOVING - CONTINUOUS

The windshield wipers are pumping furiously

as the snow gets heavier.

Tolly strains to see as he’s driving.

TOLLY

I love it.

It’s like we’re back in Jersey.

PORKPIE

Oh, yeah? I’m fucking freezing.

TOLLY

So turn up the fucking heat.

A siren WHOOP-WHOOPS behind them.

TOLLY (CONT’D)

(looks in the rearview mirror)

Shit, it’s a cop.

He pulls the car over. Stops. Shifts into ‘park.’

The COP appears in the window. Tolly rolls it down.

TOLLY (CONT’D)

Can I help you, officer?

ANGRY COP

License, registration, and proof of insurance.

And keep your hands where I can see ‘em.

TOLLY

Sure thing, sure thing.

(leans over to get them)

How about this weather, huh?

(hands them over)

What did I do wrong, officer?

ANGRY COP

(looking at documents)

You left the scene of an accident.

Please step out of the vehicle.

Porkpie pulls out a SIG SAUER and FIRES.

BANG. BANG. BANG.

The officer FLIES backwards into a snow bank, THWUMP.

TOLLY

Jesus FUCKING CHRIST.

What the FUCK did you do THAT for?

PORKPIE

I ain’t goin’ to jail on CHRISTMAS.

TOLLY

Goddammit.

Now we gotta get rid of the BODY,

and the fuckin’ BIKE.

Everybody OUTTA THE CAR.

ALDO

Ah, shit -- it’s snowing.

MICK

Yeah, boss, can’t we just --

TOLLY

I said OUTTA THE FUCKING CAR, NOW.

It’s a winter wonderland. Get used to it.

INT. MARGO’S MANSION - FOYER - AT THAT MOMENT

Carrie, Bernie and Blue stand in the doorway.

SETH

Carrie. Great to see you.

They hug.

CARRIE

Hey there, little brother.

(gestures)

You remember Bernie --

BERNIE

Hey. You sure got tall.

SETH

Nice to see you, too.

You look -- the same.

BERNIE

(to Carrie)

He lies as good as you do.

CARRIE

(to Seth)

And is this is Blue.

Blue Wonder.

Seth and Blue lock eyes.

Instant chemistry.

SETH

H-hi. Nice to -- meet you.

BLUE

Hey.

(staring)

You, too.

Pause.

CARRIE

Earth to Seth, Earth to Seth --

SETH

(staring)

Let’s -- go see Mom.

CARRIE

Cue the warm and fuzzy.

EXT. SUNSET BOULEVARD - SUV - AT THAT MOMENT

Tolly watches the boys drag the cop’s body in the woods.

Watches for oncoming traffic. Talks on his cell phone.

TOLLY

Hey, pop. We’re almost there.

(listens)

Because the GPS thing stopped moving.

They’re in one of these big joints on Sunset.

We’re right down the block.

INTERCUT WITH:

INT. GERO’S BEDROOM - CONTINUOUS

Gero lies in bed watching TV, eating a bowl of ice cream.

GERO

They’ve arrived at their destination?

TOLLY

No problem. Piece of cake.

I’m on it like white on icicles.

He watches the boys drag the motorcycle into the foliage.

GERO

Well, hurry it up.

TOLLY

No worries. I’ll call you when got her.

GERO

Okay. And just bring the girl.

(whispers)

Whack the detective.

She knows too much.

TOLLY

Don’t worry.

I’ll deck her fucking halls.

Cue The Fuzz

Happy Thursday, hardboiled crime motherfuckers. Are you ready to take a trip to the dark side? Ready for a rollercoast ride straight to hell? Then get your fat asses over to the coolest joint in cyberspace, where the chicks are hot, and the bullet wounds hotter ... at That Killing Feeling ...

Onto today's episode of LITTLE GIRL BLUE, where the plot thickens, when ...

White slave trafficker Tolly Chill and his cronies are hot on the trail of private eye Carrie Love and would-be stripper/college coed Blue Wonder ... but the problem is, it just started snowing ... in Beverly Hills?

EXT. BEVERLY HILLS - SUNSET BOULEVARD - NIGHT

Big, heavy snowflakes start falling. Making a real mess.

A black SUV travels down the thoroughfare in heavy traffic.

INT. SUV - CONTINUOUS

Tolly drives, while Porkpie watches the

hand-held GPS device in the passenger seat.

In the back sit Aldo and Mick.

PORKPIE

I can’t believe it’s fucking SNOWING.

Weather report said nothing about no SNOW.

TOLLY

Look at these idiots.

No one can drive in this shit.

(beat)

So what’s it say?

PORKPIE

They’re still moving. Going west on --

(squints)

Looks like -- they’re further east on Sunset.

TOLLY

Whaddaya mean looks like?

PORKPIE

Fuckin’ screen is so small.

It’s hard to tell.

TOLLY

(GRABS it)

Gimmee that fuckin’ thing.

He tries to read it as he’s driving.

Doesn’t see --

UP AHEAD

A car SCREECHES to a halt.

THE SUV

CRASHES into it. BANG.

TOLLY (CONT’D)

Shit.

PORKPIE

Nice one.

TOLLY

Shut the fuck up.

MICK

This car legal?

TOLLY

Hell, yeah.

ALDO

They gonna find anything

when they run your license?

TOLLY

What the fuck do YOU think?

OUTSIDE THE SUV

A grim-looking SUIT appears in Tolly’s window.

Knocks on it. Tolly rolls it down.

GRIM-LOOKING SUIT

You hit my car.

TOLLY

What are you gonna do about it?

GRIM-LOOKING SUIT

(holds up his cell phone)

I’ve called the police.

Now we need to exchange insurance information.

TOLLY

How ‘bout we exchange THIS?

He PUNCHES Grim-Looking in the face.

BANG, he goes down.

Tolly HITS the gas,

and they drive away.

EXT. MARGO’S MANSION - AT THAT MOMENT

The entire estate is now covered in a blanket of snow.

Carrie pulls her monster Olds convertible into the driveway.

CARRIE

I’ve never seen -- snow before. Amazing.

BLUE

Reminds me of home.

CARRIE

Looks like you got yourself a White Christmas.

(beat)

Listen, I gotta warn you.

My family is kinda -- strange.

BLUE

Who’s isn’t?

CARRIE

Point well taken.

They get out of the car.

SLAM the doors.

CARRIE (CONT’D)

We’re just gonna stay for a sec.

When Bernie gets here,

we’ll get that cuff off you, then we can --

BERNIE

Pulls up the driveway.

CARRIE (CONT'D)

(sees him)

Cue the fuzz.

Bernie gets out of his car.

Walks over. Huddles in his coat.

BERNIE

You owe me one, BIG TIME.

(looks up)

What’s up with the fucking SNOW?

(looks at Blue)

So this is -- ?

CARRIE

My CLIENT, Bernie.

Blue Wonder, Bernie Keko.

Bernie, Blue.

BERNIE

'Blue Wonder?' Sounds like --

CARRIE

CAN IT, Bernie.

BLUE

My parents were hippies.

CARRIE

And her sister was murdered.

So can we get this over with?

I’m fucking freezing.

BERNIE

Lead on, MacDuff.

Somebody Go Get My Rifle

Happy hump day, crime humpsters. Are you ready once again to visit the land that time forgot? A place where your darkest fantasies becomes sins of the flesh? Then pack up your favorite piece, and head over to the coolest joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

Onto today's episode of LITTLE GIRL BLUE, where we finally meet private eye Carrie Love's family ... her boozy, cranky mother Margo, her clean-cut brother Seth, and her 'evil stepmother,' Eva ... while Carrie races there with Blue Wonder safely under her wing, more than just the home fires are burning ...

INT. MARGO’S MANSION - LIVING ROOM - NIGHT

A hospital bed has been set up in a corner of the room.

Margo lies on it with an IV tube in her arm.

The private nurse, LAYLA (25),

a lovely HISPANIC GIRL, adjusts the dosage.

MARGO

Do I really have to wear this fucking thing in my arm?

LAYLA

It’s a sedative.

It’ll calm you down.

Most people like it.

MARGO

What about food? Nutrients?

LAYLA

You’re not a vegetable.

You can still eat.

MARGO

Seth, could you go make me a sandwich?

SETH

Leans against the fireplace.

Wearily looks at his mother.

SETH

When I had dinner an hour ago

you said you weren’t hungry.

MARGO

You know I hate pizza.

I’d like turkey on wheat with mustard.

And bring me a fresh cocktail.

LAYLA

I’m sorry -- no alcohol.

MARGO

Not even a beer?

LAYLA

NO ALCOHOL.

(adjusts the drip)

How about this?

Margo’s eyes glaze over.

MARGO

Oooh. That’s -- nice.

Seth rolls his eyes.

Starts off for the kitchen.

The doorbell RINGS.

MARGO

Shit. It’s Lady Macbeth.

Somebody go get my rifle.

The doorbell RINGS again.

LAYLA

I’ll get it.

MARGO

No. Don’t let her in.

LAYLA

But that’s rude.

MARGO

Now you’re catching on.

Seth comes back in from the kitchen.

Hands Margo a sandwich

on a plate and a glass of milk.

SETH

I’ll get it. Chew slowly, Mom.

(under his breath)

Wouldn’t want you to choke.

MARGO

(to Layla)

I assume MILK is okay?

Seth goes to the door. Opens it.

In walks EVA LOVE (40),

Carrie’s father’s second wife.

Blonde. Blue-eyed. Aryan. Curvy.

No-nonsense.

A bit formal in a designer suit.

With a clipped German accent to match.

She rolls in her suitcase.

Rushes to Margo’s bed.

EVA

Margo, how are you feeling?

Are you alright?

Seth called me at the airport.

My heavens, all this tragedy in one family.

Poor Tad. He was such a bright young man.

And on the holidays. Tsk-tsk.

MARGO

Get the fuck out of my face, you witch.

(looks at the bag)

Back from another trip, I see.

Must be nice to travel so much.

EVA

I was closing up my apartment in Berlin.

MARGO

Oh dear, then I guess you

had to let the stormtroopers go.

Pause.

EVA

Seth. It’s so good to see you again.

My, you’re looking more and more

like your father every day.

SETH

Hi, Eva. Thanks for coming.

We’re so glad you could make it.

MARGO

(to Layla)

Everyone says he looks more like me.

An uncomfortable silence.

SETH

So, uh -- Carrie should be here any minute.

EVA

Splendid. It will be nice to see her, too.

MARGO

You talked to CARRIE?

She didn’t return MY call.

SETH

She’s working on a case, Mom.

You can’t exactly check your messages

when you’re rescuing someone from the bad guys.

LAYLA

Is she -- a cop?

SETH

She used to be.

Now she’s a private detective.

MARGO

After she was kicked off the force.

Pause.

EVA

Perhaps I should make some coffee.

How about it? Maybe with some brandy in it?

SETH

Sure. Great.

LAYLA

I’ll come help.

PUSH IN ON Margo.

She raises her arm with the IV drip.

MARGO

I’ll stick with what I’m having.