Magic Fingers

Happy Tuesday, crime slicksters. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where the girls are hot, the drinks are cold, and the hardboiled-pulp-noir action is non-stop, right here, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 27 of GUN-WILD, robbery-homicide detectives Bobby Teen and Taya Ralls discover that the cops have traced the bank robbers' luxury RV to trigger-happy heiress Cam Clinch's father, media mogul Geffin Clinch. Meanwhile, Cam and Rod return to their stolen van after knocking off the dive bar, only to discover that the loot from the bank job has been stolen ...


INT. UNMARKED POLICE CAR - NIGHT
Bobby and Taya sit in their car
parked in the alley behind the Winnebago.
Sipping coffee.

TAYA
So fucking unprofessional.

BOBBY
So you screamed. Big deal.
(looks at her)
Your first -- stiffs?

TAYA
Yeah. I mean, up close.
Back in my neighborhood, s
omeone was always -- getting shot.

She trails off.
Eyes full of tears.

BOBBY
Tell you what.
Why don’t we call it a night.
We can go grab a bite, see a flick.
Take your mind offa things.

TAYA
You mean -- like a date?

BOBBY
No, no -- not a date --
more like a, a --

His cell phone RINGS.

BOBBY
Hold that thought.

Taya looks at him. Amused.

BOBBY
This is Teen --
(listens)
It belongs to WHO?
(listens)
Of course I know who he is.
(listens)
Yeah. We’re on our way. Thanks.
(listens)
Holy shit is right. Bye.

He hangs up. Looks at Taya.

TAYA
So?

BOBBY
The luxury RV.
It belongs to GEFFIN CLINCH.

TAYA
The media mogul?

BOBBY
The one and only.

TAYA
I’ve seen his compound on TV.
It’s like a fortress.
NOBODY can get in there.

BOBBY
You know what that means.

TAYA
One of our heisters
either works for him -

BOBBY
Or is related to him.
(starts the engine)
Wanna earn a little overtime?

TAYA
(stares out the window)
Yeah, sure. It’s a -- big lead.

Bobby pulls the car out,
starts driving down the alley.

BOBBY
Tell you what.
Why don’t we pick up some
Fatburger on the way,
and bottle of something for afterward.

TAYA
(looks at him, a half-smile)
That would be -- nice.

BOBBY
Hey. I might be an asshole sometimes.
But I gotta heart.

TAYA
Not to mention a big dick.

BOBBY
(looks at her, turns red)
I, uh --

TAYA
Shut up and drive.

EXT. VENICE PIER - PARKING LOT - AT THAT MOMENT
Rod and Cam RUN to the VW van.
JUMP in. SLAM the doors.

He rubs the wires together.
They SPARK. The engine ROARS.

ROD
Let’s get the fuck OUTTA HERE.

Cam turns, looks in the back.

CAM
The MONEY, it’s GONE!

ROD
(SLAMS on the brakes)
What THE FUCK?

He looks.

THE BACK OF THE VAN
Is empty.

ROD
POUNDS on the steering wheel.

ROD
God-DAMMIT!
That was TWO-HUNDRED GRAND.

CAM
We should’ve taken it with us,
LIKE I SAID.

ROD
Shut the fuck up and let me think.

CAM
Think while you’re driving.
We gotta get THE FUCK OUTTA HERE.

Rod puts the van into gear,
and ROARS out the parking lot.

ROD
We gotta find a place
to hole up for a bit.
Then make a new score.

CAM
How much did we get from the bar?

ROD
About five-hundred.
That should keep us going
for a little while.

CAM
Rod, we gotta blow town.
The cops are gonna trace
the RV back to my parents.
(beat)
If they already haven’t.

ROD
Shit. Fuck me in the ass. FUCK ME.
(thinks)
Okay. Here’s what we do.
We hole up in a fleabag motel,
the kind where they don’t give a fuck.
Then, tomorrow -- we change our appearance,
so we look different,
and then go knock off another bank.

CAM
NOW you’re talking.

ROD
(looks up ahead)
As a matter of fact,
there’s a nice little
‘adult motel’ coming up.

The van drives through an intersection.

CAM
You mean the kind with
the 'magic fingers' bed?

ROD
Give you any ideas?

CAM
How can you think of sex
at a time like this?

ROD
I’m a guy.

CAM
That’s all you guys think about.
You think with your dick.

ROD
Hey. At least I don’t think with my gun --