Hold Onto Your Tits

Happy Tuesday, crime slicksters. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where the girls are hot, the drinks are cold, and the hardboiled-pulp-noir action is non-stop, right here, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 22 of GUN-WILD, just as trigger-happy runaway heiress Cam Clinch and her partner in crime Rod Funk start to dispose of the dead bodies in their RV, someone outside who heard the gunshots knocks on the door ...


INT. WINNEBAGO - DAY
Cam and Rod stand near the door.
Guns drawn.

Listening to the
POUNDING on the door.

ASIAN MALE VOICE (O.C.)
Hey! Are you alright in there?

ROD
Go get the door.
Tell him the engine backfired.

CAM
I got an idea.

She pulls off her T-shirt.
Big grin.

ROD
You’re a genius.

Cam goes to the door.
OPENS IT.

OUTSIDE THE WINNEBAGO
Stands an ASIAN ART VENDOR (30’s).
Small, squirrely. Glasses.

ASIAN ART VENDOR
(sees Cam, stares)
Oh. Hello.

CAM
(brightly)
Hey, there. What’s up?

ASIAN ART VENDOR
(eyes wide)
I heard -- gunshots.
Are you -- okay?

CAM
Gunshots?
Those weren’t gunshots.
The engine backfired.

ASIAN ART VENDOR
No -- I heard gunshots.
(staring)
I called -- 911.

Rod appears in the doorway.
With a sawed-off shotgun.

ROD
Get in the fucking BUS, NOW.

ASIAN ART VENDOR
(scared, confused, turned on)
But I don’t -- understand.

Cam reaches over.
GRABS his arm.
YANKS him inside.

CAM
Sorry -- no tickie.

INSIDE THE WINNEBAGO
Cam holds her gun
against Asian’s head.

CAM
(points to the dining nook)
Over there, SIT.

Asian does.
Scared shitless.

ASIAN ART VENDOR
Please, don’t hurt me.
I was only trying to HELP.

CAM
Shut the FUCK up.
(to Rod)
We gotta get the
fuck out of here, NOW.

ROD
What are we gonna
do about HIM?

CAM
We’ll figure that out later.
C’MON, we gotta get OUTTA HERE.

Rod DASHES OVER
to the driver’s seat.
GUNS the engine.

CAM
Go slow.
We’re just a couple of tourists,
leaving the beach after a nice day.

ROD
(turns the wheel, hits the gas)
Yeah. With two dead bodies,
a hostage, and a
bathtub full of bloody cash.

EXT. VENICE BEACH - PARKING LOT - CONTINUOUS
The behemoth slowly pulls out of the parking lot.

UP AHEAD
A POLICE CRUISER
comes roaring straight at them.

Cherry top FLASHING.
Siren SCREAMING.
WHOOP-WHOOP-WHOOP.

IN THE WINNEBAGO
Cam grips the back of the seat.

CAM
Fucking COPS!

Rod turns right,
onto the boardwalk.

ROD
Hold onto your tits --

CAM
Ohmigod, NO.
Not on the fucking BOARDWALK!

ROD
You wanna go to fucking JAIL?

And he PUNCHES the gas --