You Are What You Eat

Happy Friday, crime-stoppers. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where the girls are hot, the drinks are cold, and the hardboiled-pulp-noir action is non-stop, right here, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 25 of WILSHIRE BOULEVARD, the shit hits the fan when the cops run a ballistic test on the gun that killed TV movie producer Roland Yavo, and the evidence points right in the direction of ... a certain private eye we know and love ...


INT. SANTA MONICA POLICE HEADQUARTERS - DAY
Bernie and Aya sit at their desks.
Facing each other.

Aya is eating a vegetarian wrap.
Sips from a bottle of water.

Bernie, a cheeseburger and fries.
And a super-sized coke.

AYA
(looks at his food)
They say you
are what you eat --

BERNIE
Then what are you,
a vegetable?
That’s funny,
you can move.

AYA
THIS is healthy --
(points)
THAT is dead animal flesh,
served with sugar
and salt and grease.

Bernie takes a big bite.
Smiles wolfishly.

BERNIE
I know.
And it’s so fucking GOOD.
GRRRRRR.

MALE VOICE (O.C.)
I’m glad to see
you two are playing nicely.

In walks Lipshitz.
Scratching his belly.

LIPSHITZ
What’s the scoop?
Did you talk
to Flender’s widow?

BERNIE
Yeah.
Cold fish, that one.
Said she’d already
given her statement.

LIPSHITZ
Do you think the
murders are connected?

BERNIE
I’m not sure. Maybe.

AYA
Definitely not.

Bernie and Lipshitz
exchange glances.

LIPSHITZ
(to Bernie)
You have anything new?

BERNIE
Thought you’d never ask.
We’ve placed Carrie Love
at the scene of Yavo’s murder
at the time of death.

LIPSHITZ
But do you really think --

BERNIE
I don’t know what to think.
Maybe, if she was on a tear --

AYA
You’re being ridiculous.
There’s no way
Carrie Love killed Yavo.
It doesn’t make any sense.

BERNIE
Murder NEVER makes sense, doll.
(to Lipshitz)
There’s some connection though --
she’s hired by one guy’s wife
to find him, and then is
seen where the other guy gets it.
Too big of a coincidence.

AYA
She’s a DETECTIVE.
She was following LEADS.

RASPY MALE VOICE (O.C.)
With a rather exotic
form of ammunition,
it would appear.

Muller appears.
Holding a ballistics report.
He reads --

MULLER
Flender was shot with
45-caliber dum-dum
hollow points --

He smiles. Preening.
In the spotlight.

LIPSHITZ
Come on, Muller --
out with it.

MULLER
Fired from a gun
registered to --

Muller looks up
from the report.
Smiles grimly.

LIPSHITZ
MULLER.

MULLER
Ms. -- Carrie Love.

BERNIE
Shit.

LIPSHITZ
Fuck.

AYA
No.

They exchange glances.
Realizing the implications.

LIPSHITZ
Guess you're gonna
have to bring her in.

BERNIE
Let me call her first.
I know how to handle her.

AYA
Oh, yeah.
That's obvious.
(beat)
Get divorced much?