The Fly In The Ointment

Happy Thursday, crime slicksters. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where the girls are hot, the drinks are cold, and the hardboiled-pulp-noir action is non-stop, right here, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 19 of WILSHIRE BOULEVARD, homicide detective Bernie Keko is assigned a new female partner, Israeli minx Aya Meir, and he's NOT happy about it. Meanwhile, private eye Carrie Love arrives at the Hotel California to grill TV-movie producer Roland Yavo ...


INT. POLICE STATION - CAPTAIN’S OFFICE - NIGHT
A small, cramped, stuffy office.
Plaques, citations, photos of cops line the walls.

A small fan pushes around the stale air.
Tiny transistor radio plays Coltrane.

Captain LARRY LIPSHITZ (50’s)
sits behind his desk,
unlit cigar in his mouth.

A bit flabby, but still solid.
Right now his eyes are burning.
He POUNDS the desk with a fist. Spits --

LIPSHITZ
You went on a FUCKING CALL with no BACK-UP.
I should fucking SUSPEND you.

Bernie Keko sits across from
Lipshitz in a ratty chair.

BERNIE
Look, Elroy disappeared.
That’s not my fault.
He went off on another bender -
-
LIPSHITZ
Then you CALL for fucking BACK-UP.
What THE FUCK were you thinking?

BERNIE
The address was --
next door to Carrie’s place.

LIPSHITZ
What, you still carrying a torch
for that nutty broad?

BERNIE
No, I was --
alright, I panicked, okay?
When I heard the address,
I took the call.
I was right nearby.

Lipshitz stares at Bernie. Scowls.

LIPSHITZ
If you weren’t the best
homicide detective we have --
(flicks on the intercom)
Send her in, McBain.
(to Bernie)
Gotta little surprise for you.

In walks AYA MEIR (30),
Israeli plainclothes detective
deluxe in sharkskin.

Six-feet of gleaming, curvy muscle.
Long, thick black hair.
Dark eyes glint like cold steel.

Helen of Tel Aviv.

LIPSHITZ
Bernie, I’d like you to meet
your new partner, Aya Meir.

BERNIE
(chuckles)
Any relation to Golda?

AYA
(curt)
My grandmother.
Pleased to meet you, detective Keko.

She puts out a hand to shake.
Bernie refuses. Folds his arms.

BERNIE
(to Lipshitz)
I’m not working with another broad.

LIPSHITZ
Yes, you are. And that’s an ORDER.

Bernie gives Aya the once-over.

BERNIE
Alright.
(beat)
Godammit.

PUSH IN ON Aya’s face.
Slightest flicker of a smile.

AYA
Gee. Thanks for
making a gal feel welcome.

EXT. HOTEL CALIFORNIA - NIGHT
The double-shot heartbreak swing
of Bryan Setzer’s
SINCE I DON’T HAVE YOU over --

The parking lot.
Splashy, flashy cars abound.

Carrie maneuvers the whale into a space.
The fly in the ointment.

INT. CARRIE’S CAR - CONTINUOUS
Carrie finishes an In-N’-Out burger.
Jenny munches on fries.

CARRIE
Just wait here.
I’ll be right back.

JENNY
Okay. Be careful --

Carrie gets out.
Leans into the window.

CARRIE
Thanks for hanging out with me.
It’s weird. It feels like
I’ve known you a long time.

JENNY
Is that -- good?

CARRIE
You tell me.

INT. HOTEL CALIFORNIA - FRONT DESK - NIGHT
Carrie stands at the counter. No one.
She sees a bronze bell.

BANG-BANG-BANGS it --
BRING, BRING, BRING.

FEMALE VOICE (O.C.)
Hold on, I’m coming, I’m coming!

A FAT, GROTESQUE WOMAN
emerges from the back room. Repulsive.
Layers of fat ooze out
from under her belly top.
Her three chins.

Greasy grey hair in bangs,
clipped up on the sides
for that ‘teenage look.’

Her stained T-shirt reads
'Livin’ La Vida Loca.'

CARRIE
(pulls out a badge)
Homicide, fourth Precinct.
I’m looking for a Roland Yavo.
He’s staying here.
Or so I’m told.

GROTESQUE CLERK
Haven’t had the law around in a while.
(eyes flickering)
What he do?

CARRIE
Nothing.
I just want to talk to him.

She pulls out a ten spot.
Slides it over.

GROTESQUE CLERK
(pockets it)
He’s in 24. Second floor --